Chapter Five

"Well, can I join you?" She questioned as I stood up and dug through my pockets in search of my pack of cigarettes. It was funny how women always seemed to cause me to need one. I contemplated her request for a moment, then shrugged. "Second hand smoke kills." I offered and felt the corners of my lips twitch as I made for the door.

When she followed, I paused at the door, and pulled it open for her. "After you." I nodded my head slightly as she walked past, a smile on her face. Her face proved to be more and more beautiful to me every time I saw her smile. It was as if I were intoxicated by even the smallest movement she made, and that was why we couldn't be together.

I had longed to feel as I did last night for a very long time. Despite what everyone thought of me, I enjoyed having someone close to me, being daring enough to share my body heat. When I held Hermione in my arms last night, while we both fell asleep, Dare I say I felt like we were one person, and that was dangerous. She was so much younger than I, but intellectually, I felt nearly matched. I had to stop thinking on it and do what I knew what was best for me.

But when was the last time I even thought to put someone before myself?

I watched as she walked out the door and stood outside, waiting for me to follow. She had a hopeful, anxious look on her face. She was such a wonderful blend of a girl and a young woman, it was intriguing. I snapped out of my momentary trance and exited, letting the door swing closed behind me. Cigarettes in hand, I retrieved my near empty matchbook.

As I lit up, I found a comfortable looking dirt path through the woods to travel a bit out of town on. I began down it, Hermione following beside me, and took a long drag, stuffing the half empty pack into my pocket."I suspect you've been doing some thinking this morning." I commented, glancing up to the sky as I exhaled and then back down to her

She nodded. "Too much of it I think..I have come to a conclusion though." She looked at me, waiting.

I sighed. "The same one, I imagine?" She nodded again. When I looked into her eyes, I was trapped. I couldn't break her heart."You always have been very hardheaded, Miss Granger..." I was defeated.

"No less then yourself, Professor." She gave a smug smile. "I wish you would just call me Hermione. Why must we always be so formal?"

"The forest has many ears, Hermione." I looked around ,almost wary. I felt as if sometimes, all eyes were on us. "But if you prefer to be called Hermione when it is seemingly the two of us, I can oblige." I exhaled a breath of smoke and flicked some ashes off the end of the cigarette resting between my index and middle fingers. "I have come to a conclusion." I stated.

Her head snapped up, un-expectant to my statement. She looked at me for a few moments, I could tell she was thinking hard. Preparing herself for the worst. Then she finally spoke up. "..And?"

I sighed. "It's a terrible idea Hermione. You know that? Horrible. The both of us could find ourselves in a very large predicament if we were to be found out. Have you thought about that?"

"I have." She replied. Of course she had thought of it. She thought about every aspect of a subject. I admired her for that, as I did the same.

"You're good record would be..demolished.." I took another quick drag, though I felt less tense as I got everything out and on the table. "Why would you want to risk that?"

"I have never felt the way I did when we were together last night. I felt like you respected me. You touched me and held me like I meant something to you. Like you cared. I felt like I was finally able to be on the same page as someone. I just felt like I belonged." She bit her lip and tried to shrug off what she had just said. "I don't know..I don't know..Just say it if you want out." She looked up to me, and I saw her eyes become glazed with wetness. "Just don't toy with me. I can't take that. It'd be better if you just flat out said it and didn't avoid..." She sighed. "We can both move on from last night and forget about it."

"Hermione...I.." My head was rushing. Did I love her? I did, I did, I did. But it was wrong and that was the bottom line. "Don't want to let you go.." I guess that was it. I had just written my fate in blood and signed it. I shook my head and tossed my cigarette butt onto the ground and put it out with the heel of my shoe. I met her eyes again, speaking wholeheartedly."I just don't want you do anything you will regret later on."

"Look." She said sharply. "I'm not stupid. I know this is wrong, Professor, I've thought of every repercussion, but I've also thought of every good thing I felt when I was with you last night. I can make my own decisions. I don't need you to protect me from myself." She was almost bitter in her tone. "I know what I want."

"I am..most certain that you do.." She was right. She didn't need me to sway her into any decision that she didn't want to make.

"Don't you think I'd of kept walking last night if I didn't want to find out what would happen if I hadn't of stopped?" She paused in her walking and looked at me. I stopped too. "I knew that there was something there and I felt that I needed to find out what it was." She smiled at me. "Or maybe from the moment you told me I was adorable, you had me wrapped around your finger."

"Wrapped around my finger, Miss Granger" I mused. "You seem to be the one that has caused me to risk my job, my freedom, not to mention my sanity."

"I held no gun to your head." She smiled again and broke my heart in two with her beauty. This girl had cast a spell over me. "So we're going to do this, then?"

"I usually don't say something I don't mean..." I looked at the position of the sun and determined that maybe our walk had lasted longer than I'd thought.. "Maybe we should be getting back...Its nearly four thirty, I believe...We'll be leaving in-" I felt her slide her arms around my waist and I froze, looking down to her. "Hermione.." I said weakly.

"Don't worry so much.." She reached a hand up and put it atop my jaw. She stood on tip toe, tilting her head slightly to the right, and our lips met, softly, but surely.

I bent slightly, easing my arms about her as I deepened the kiss. She made a quiet noise, one unmistakenably of pleasure, running a finger along my jaw line. I parted from her, though barely, and slowly in took my breath. I put my forehead to hers."We should..go back."

She nodded. "Right..right.." She drew her arms back, as did I, and we both regained our composure. I looked at her for a moment as she gathered herself, and wondered how many boys she'd kissed before. Maybe it was just my age, my experience over her. She was still young and unskilled. Not that she was bad, but...well, she'd learn with time.

We began back, much like we walked out in the first place, side by side. I felt her slide her hand into mine, and I didn't reject it, nor did I look at her, I just simply laced my fingers with hers until we arrived back in the village.

I cleared my throat and put my hands behind my back. "I will see you in detention." And that was the thought I left her on. I smiled to myself as I walked away, contemplating exactly what I was getting myself into.

I sat at the high table later that night, prodding at my dinner with my fork, not very hungry at all. I was anxious to see Hermione. She was all that had been on my mind since our meeting at Hogsmede. I leaned my head onto my free hand as I gazed to the Gryffindor table, watching Hermione speak with her friends but not with the usual interest in which she usually did. I gave a breathy sigh and put a piece of grilled chicken in my mouth.

A slight nudge alerted me, and I sat up straight, looking to my left, seeing Minerva McGonagall, her head tilted curiously in concern. "Severus, dear. I haven't heard any of your usual complaining...Are you alright?"

I chuckled slightly. My colleagues knew me well. "I'm fine, Minerva...I'm just feeling a bit under the weather. I may be catching a cold." It was a lie, but the truth was unacceptable. Heartsickness over a student was not acceptable as an excuse for lack of enthusiasm.

"You should go and see Poppy, Severus...I'm sure she has the right antidote.." She offered a mother hen tone apparent in her voice.

I grinned, turning to my dinner. "Don't make it sound like I'm on my death bed Minerva..."

She put a hand to my shoulder. "Surely, thats not what I meant. You're a very healthy young man. We all catch our colds, and its better to deal with them sooner than later." She said, nodding in assurance. She took her hand back. "How are your detentions with Hermione Granger coming?"

Was she implying something? I coughed. "As well as they can be..."

"That girls got a very good head on her shoulders. She knows exactly what she wants." It seemed as knew something. That or I was just paranoid. I hoped it was the latter.

"Indeed." I sighed. "Well, If you'll excuse me, I think I may go and...lie down before tonights detention.." I pushed my chair out and saw Hermione's eyes find her way over to me. I looked at her for a moment, then away.

"Go and see Poppy, Severus.." She said, sternly. "Before it gets too bad.."

"Right...Good night, Minerva." I excused myself, walking out of the Great Hall and to opposite side of the entrance hall to a door that led to the dungeons where both the potions room and my quarters were.

Despite Minerva's warnings and suggestions, I knew that no potion that Poppy Pomphrey held in her cabinet could make me feel any better when I was without Hermione.