CHAPTER 12

Trust. It was something that was found at the foundation of any kind of relationship. A relationship between siblings. A child and their parents. Between two friends. Between lovers.

Trust was something that was always needed. You had to be on some level of trust with all of them or the relationship would not work. If the trust was betrayed the relationship became strained till there was nothing to do but watch it slowly fall apart unable to do a thing to stop it.

Kate felt as if the same was happening to her. She could see her bond with Sawyer crumbling in front of her. Reaching blindly she tried desperately to grab the pieces and hold them to her, but they slipped through her fingers like water. Slamming into the ground with a loud crash they shattered.

Sweating Kate jerked out of her sleep breathing heavily. The darkness slowly started to recede away and she looked around her, taking in her surroundings with confusion. Things slowly started to come back to her as she realized where she was.

She was still in Sawyer's tent. Sand shifted beneath her as she moved to get up. It was all over her clothes and in her hair. She'd cried herself to sleep the night before.

Sawyer wasn't anywhere in the tent she noted. She couldn't help but wonder where he'd spent the night. If he had come back before she doubted he'd have just allowed her to continue to sleep.

As her thoughts turned to Sawyer his face came unbidden to her mind. The look on it made Kate wince visibly. He'd been hurt. Hurt enough to let it show. Even if it had only been for a few seconds it had still been there. Until his defense mechanism had come back. Then the hurt was gone. Replaced by nothing, nothing at all.

Kate picked up the airplane that lay beside her on the ground. He'd given it up. Just like she'd want him too. But now she couldn't even remember why she'd wanted it so much. All it did was bring back bad memories. And even though she hadn't physically hurt anyone this time to get the plane she couldn't help but think that this time had been worse. She didn't even want the plane now. It was just the cause of more pain.

Reaching behind her Kate pulled off the band that held her hair up and let it pour out and fall down around her shoulders. Some sand fell on the ground. She ran her hand threw knocking the rest out.

It was strange how much guilt she'd been feeling lately. But this time the old defensive Kate had disappeared to let this new Kate deal with it. And she wasn't exactly equipped to do that. She could feel it like a heavy burden on her. Weighing her down.

She wanted to make things right. But she had no idea how. She had destroyed something important between Sawyer and her. And she didn't think a simple, I didn't mean too was going to fix everything.

Light was playing over the ground and Kate could hear people beginning to awaken and move around. Slowly she got to her feet. Her eyes were drawn to the entrance of the tent and her heart almost stopped when she saw Sawyer standing there.

Her eyes traveled over him. He looked the same as always. Except for his face. It looked the same as she remembered it from last night. Closed off. She moved till she was standing in front of him. "Sawyer," She started hesitantly, "I…"

"Don't. Just go." His voice was flat, unemotional.

She couldn't say she was surprised to hear him say that. She knew he wasn't going to just pretend last night hadn't happened. He may not ever mention it directly, but his attitude towards her had definitely changed. And even though she knew it was her fault, she still felt hurt.

She opened her mouth to say something, what she couldn't say, but then she closed it again. She was pretty sure it was her, who started it, but suddenly she leaned up and their lips were meeting in a kiss that was both soft and hard at the same time.

She hadn't exactly planned this as a way to say she was sorry, but she poured her emotions into none the less. The fact that she was sorry for what she'd done to him. That she hoped he could forgive her for it. And that one day she wanted to be able to tell him the truth.

He remained unresponsive for a moment before sliding his arm around her and drawing her against his body. Her mouth opened slightly allowing his tongue to slide inside.

Her arms snuck up to wrap around his neck as their kiss grew more passionate. Hungry and searching. They'd both been starving for something they hadn't known about for so long; they were now desperate to satiate it.

They broke apart breathing heavily. Their breaths came out hard and fast mixing with each others at their close proximity. Kate stared down at his chest as it rose and fell in time with hers. She looked up at him to find him staring off over her shoulder. Not looking at her.

Finally he spoke. His voice slightly out of breath. "I think you should leave, Freckles." His hands dropped from her waist to his sides.

Kate flinched. She couldn't help it. She felt as if he'd just punched her. She knew that it was stupid to feel like that. It wasn't as if she was going to be able to kiss him and everything would be better. But that still didn't make the sick feeling in her stomach go away.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I should go." She fought to keep her voice strong as she looked down at the ground and moved around him. She stopped a few feet away though. When she spoke there was a slight catch in her voice. "I guess we both got what we wanted, huh? I got the airplane. You got your kiss. Guess we should be happy with what we got."

Her last words echoed in both their minds as she left. Along with the thought that neither one of them felt happy. Not even close to it.