Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.
Secret Sorrow
Loving him was such a pointless thing. Pointless yet so incredibly painful that she felt like her insides were lit on fire. When she was young she believed love to be a wondrous feeling that would always give you a sense of warmth and happiness. How wrong she was. It was nothing more than a childish fantasy because unfortunately, for her she had picked the wrong person to fall in love with. Uchiha Sasuke, what girl isn't in love with him? Sure he was beautiful, but his personality wasn't exactly the greatest. After all she would know since she had first hand experience of receiving his harsh treatment.
His words would cut through her like a hot whip but even than she led herself to believe that she would be the one to melt Sasuke's icy heart because in her mind Sasuke was a cold-hearted prince and she was the princess destined to crumble his icy façade. She would be the one he would fall in love with, but than again she was wrong because how could he when he was already in love with someone else?
Too bad she realized all this a little too late. No, she already knew but she chose to ignore it hoping that it was just her imagination playing tricks on her. It was stupid of her to think that way. A blind man could see how much the ebony-haired boy was in love with Naruto no matter how much he pretended to hate him. Why did it have to be him?
She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was a terrible mess. Her soft pink hair was tied in a messy ponytail. Her usual bright jade eyes were dull and lifeless all the while red and puffy from crying all night. Her pale face was tear stained. No matter how much she tried to stop from crying, fresh tears would start pouring out again. It was an endless cycle.
She wandered sometimes if she changed, would Sasuke have fallen in love with her?
If she was prettier?
If she was stronger?
If she was enigmatic?
If she had blonde hair and blue eyes?
No because I'm not Naruto. She thought bitterly. She felt another wave of tears come as the particular scene kept replaying in her head. It was of Sasuke kissing Naruto in pure desperation like Naruto was going to disappear if he didn't hold on to him. If she didn't like, no, love Sasuke she would have found it sweet, but considering she did love him it was utterly heartbreaking. She felt like someone was stabbing her over and over again as she watched them kiss until she was completely numb towards the pain. She wanted to yell, to scream for them to stop it but more than anything she couldn't bare to look at the way Sasuke gazed so gently at Naruto as he caressed his cheek. She couldn't do anything except run away and lock herself in her room, which is exactly what she did. Surprisingly, they were so lost inside of each other that they didn't even realize that she had been there to witness such an affectionate moment between them. Yesterday, she had left in the middle of training after she had found the two kissing and today she hadn't even bothered going because she couldn't face them. She felt like if she saw those two she would literally break down and start screaming obscenely hateful things at them.
She didn't want them to know how ugly she was.
She didn't want them to know how much this effected her.
She didn't want them to know how vulnerable and disgustingly weak she was.
Most of all she didn't want them to know how much she hated them for this.
How could they do this to her? It just wasn't fair.
Knock. Knock.
Her head snapped in surprise as she realized someone was at the door. She quickly wiped her tears away hoping it didn't look like she had been crying; though she highly doubted it would work. She could hear two voices arguing and the third voice telling them to stop behind the door. She had a good guess who was at the opposite end of the door and she was highly tempted not to open the door but if she didn't it would become an even bigger mess. She opened the door to find herself face to face with Kakashi-sensei, Naruto and Sasuke.
"Kakashi-sensei, What are you guys doing?" She asked instinctively, letting them in and motioning them to sit down. She gave Sasuke and Naruto a fleeting glance as they sat next to each other but than she focused herself on Kakashi-sensei sitting next to him. She couldn't stand looking at them.
Why did you have to come?"What do you expect, Sakura? We were worried about you. Yesterday you left in the middle of training without telling me and today you didn't even come." There was no humor or the usual playfulness present in Kakashi's uncovered eye. Obviously, he had been really worried about her. Suddenly, she felt guilty for making Kakashi worry. It wasn't his fault for what happened but she had a sneaking suspicion that he knew they were together.
"I'm sorry, Sensei. It won't happen again." She bowed in apology.
"But Sakura-chan I was so worried about you. I thought someone had hurt you or worse yet kidnapped you." Naruto's concerned voice reached her ears.
Worried, my ass. How could you be worried about me when Sasuke's tongue was shoved half way down your throat.
"You guys shouldn't have been so concerned about me. I was just feeling a bit under the weather," Sakura said that pointedly ignoring Naruto, trying to fake a smile, which ended up looking, like a grimace.
"Sakura-chan, don't say that. How can I not worry about you after all I love you." Naruto said with a goofy grin glomping Sakura.
Liar, Liar, Liar.
"Don't say you love me so easily when you already have someone. You don't want him to get jealous now do you?" Sakura snapped icily, shoving Naruto away harshly. There was no hint of teasing in her beautiful green jaded eyes. All he could see was hurt, the sense of betrayal and hopelessness as he staggered back in shock. She had found out about them. He had been meaning to tell her from the start but he was scared. Scared to gaze into those faded green eyes of hers filled with pain and utter depression. He had never meant to hurt her, but unfortunately, he had fallen in love with the stoic bastard himself. He was willing to give him up to her but, when Sasuke had confessed to him he just couldn't.
"Sakura-chan, I can explain." He attempted to explain, reaching a hand towards her, which was instantly slapped away like it had burned her. Now both of them were on their feet while Sasuke and Kakashi watched the events unfold.
Now you remember to explain when you're done playing me like a fool.
"I don't need your explanations. I'm not stupid that I can't figure out what's happening when I see two of my teammates kissing," she lashed out.
"Sakura—" Before he could even finish saying her name she had already cut him off.
"If you're going to say sorry then don't bother. I've heard enough of your lies. You played me for a fool, Naruto. You knew I loved him, hell everyone knew that. Yet you never told me you were with him instead you spouted all that bullshit about loving me and hating him. Everyday you lied to me. I bet all of you had a good laugh about what a pathetic fool I'm considering even Kakashi-sensei knew about you guys. I was the only one left in dark." At this point she was yelling. She wanted to stop she really did but she had no control over herself. It was like inner Sakura had took over.
"You know it's not true. I never wanted to hurt you but I just couldn't find the courage to tell you," Naruto pleaded, his ocean blue eyes filled with sorrow and regret.
Don't looking at me like that because when you do I can truly see what an ugly jealous monster I'm.
"Stop lying. If you wanted to tell me you would have told me sooner but I guess it was really amusing to watch me get rejected everyday by Sasuke while you knew I could never have him," She spoke sardonically.
"I really hate you," She uttered out of pure bitterness.
"Sakura, That's enough," Sasuke commanded frigidly. His deep voice bringing her back to her senses. She had forgotten Sasuke and Kakashi were still there.
Look even he is defending you now. Isn't that sweet? I must really be horrible.
Sakura breathed heavily looking at Naruto's guilt stricken face who was now standing next to Sasuke. She couldn't believe she had lost herself like that. She had done exactly what didn't want to do. She had been hoping to try to act normal but it was harder than it looked. Instead she had gone off and screamed horrible things at Naruto some of which she didn't even mean especially the last bit.
" I think you should leave." She drew in a shaky breath. Her pink hair spilled on her petite shoulders having come undone when she was screaming.
"But," Naruto tried one more time.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
"Please leave. Just get out." She turned her back towards them so they couldn't see her tear filled eyes.
"Naruto, Lets go," Sasuke said softly yet sternly dragging him towards the door, leaving with the slam of the door. As soon as they left she let the tears flood out.
"I'm such a hateful person aren't I?" She whispered to Kakashi who had stayed silent through the whole incident, tears blurring her vision. He hadn't bothered stopping her because he knew it would be better if she let it all out on Naruto. Even if Naruto was a bit hurt he would get over it eventually with Sasuke's help, but Sakura, she had no one. Of course he would have stopped them if things had gotten violent.
"No, absolutely not." He made his way to Sakura's side and gently wrapped his arms around her trembling form. She clutched his shirt and broke into heart wrenching sobs.
"Sakura, It's okay to hate them now. It's only natural but no matter which way you look at it they are still your best friends. They would never intentionally try to hurt you, especially Naruto." He assured soothingly stroking her hair.
"I know but still it hurts so much."
"I know it does but sooner or later you'll get over it. There will be a time when you'll be able to look at those memories and not cry or feel any remorse. Just give it time," He spoke softly. You'll heal just like I did. He thought wistfully as he remembered Obito's and his Sensei's death.
"Eventually, You'll heal till there is no more pain left but right now its okay to cry"
Like alwayshe was right, she would heal someday, just not today.