"AHHHH!" A piercing shriek cut through the air.
Temari woke abruptly and scrambled out of the tangled covers, stumbling through her room to throw on her robe and run to the source. Gaara practically fell off the roof of the apartment complex and hurried down the side of the building and into a window to find out what was going on - maybe someone who had a grudge against him had come after his siblings? Odd time for it, though - early morning.
Temari banged on the bathroom door - it was definitely Kankurou, and definitely coming from there. "Kankurou, what's going on, what's wrong!" she called.
"It's awful, Temari! Go away! And buy some zit cream!" Kankurou called through the door.
"Na-? NANI?" Temari gasped.
"What's wrong?" Gaara said as he entered and calmed down upon seeing no great danger.
"You mean that horrible scream which probably woke up the whole building was because of a BREAKOUT?" Temari demanded, pounding on the door.
"You'd scream too if you got up to take a leak and happened to look in the mirror and see a monster staring at you while you've got a hand on your penis! God that hurt like a bitch!" Kankurou practically screeched. He'd jumped at the sight and accidentally squeezed himself - hard.
"It can't be that bad," Temari growled, "Now open the damn door!"
"Nuuuu!" Kankurou moaned. "Oh god, it was bad enough being confined in this apartment, now I'm going to be stuck in a bathroom!" he whined.
"OPEN IT!" Temari demanded.
"NO!"
"Gaara, get that door open, onegai!" Temari said, turning and looking at her little brother, who appeared baffled by the exchange.
"Okay..." he said, summoning his sand and slipping it through the crack to unlock the door from the other side.
"No, you don't! Get your damn sand out of here, Gaara!" Kankurou yelled, grabbing a hold of the doorknob to keep Gaara from getting at it. Not that stopped him. Gaara pushed more sand through to pry Kankurou's hands away and a moment later the door swung open.
Kankurou had just enough time to tug his boxers closed and try to hide his face. Temari stormed over and pulled Kankurou's hands away (though she was observant enough to grab at the wrist, not the hand!).
"Oh... my..." Temari snorted, "GOD!" she pulled away, laughing harder than she had ever before. Gaara peeped in.
"Wow... that explains the make up..." Gaara said.
"Baka! I'm not NORMALLY like this!" Kankurou yelled.
"It... you... no one has problems with zits in the Suna village... 'cause it's too dry! But... But!" Temari could barely speak through the laughter, "You're skin... is naturally oily! And - And! you always put on all that greasy make up! And never clean it off right!" Temari was doubled over. "So - So now that we're in Konoha's moist climate... The dry heat from Suna isn't present... so you broke out!" she choked out, clutching her gut as she explained.
"Yeah, yeah, I noticed! Go buy me some zit cream, damnit! I'm not leaving till this is cleared up! No amount of make up can cover this!" Kankurou moaned, trying to push Temari out.
"Sure! But... But you owe me!" Temari said, in hysterics as she went to change and go buy some (very strong!) zit cream for Kankurou, whose face resembled nothing so much as a small pox case in her expert opinion.
Gaara walked quietly down the apartment hall and used his sand to place the key in the door and open it, as his hands were full, and he didn't want to risk breaking the fragile ceramic vase.
He pushed his way in and closed the door, seeing his siblings in the kitchen, eating. Or rather, they were eating until they'd seen Gaara come in.
Temari swallowed. "Gaara... what's with the flowers...?" she asked, gesturing with the chopsticks at the rather large arrangement Gaara was carrying.
"I thought you said you wanted some for your room... So I had the lady at the flower store help me pick out these," he explained.
Temari smiled. "They're perfect - arigatou!" she said, standing up and meeting Gaara half way to take the flowers - they were white and yellow lillies. "I know just the place!" she murmured, admiring them happily as she walked back to her room to put them away. She liked Gaara like this! She'd never go back to Suna!
Kankurou shrugged as he went back to eating the cheap stove-top ramen. It was easy to make, so they had quite a lot of it. None of them were good cooks.
Gaara dug around in the messenger bag slung over his shoulder and retrieved a book bound western-style. He held it out practically underneath Kankurou's nose. "I found this for you, too. It described some techniques I didn't recognize, so I thought you might want to take a look…" he explained briefly.
Kankurou bit off the noodles hanging out of his mouth rather than slurping them and possibly splashing the book, and took it, flipping casually through the pages. The cover said it was a book on marionette-ninjutsu. At first it seemed to go over basics and the 'noble history' of puppeteering, blah, blah, blah, but about midway through the heavy volume there were many more advanced techniques, some of which Kankurou had (unsuccessfully) been trying to figure out on his own, and some he didn't even recognize, but definitely was interested in. As he flipped, he became more and more excited, grinning sloppily. "Arigatou, Gaara…!" he said, still looking at the book. Abruptly, he snapped it shut and looked up into Gaara's eyes. "Oi, oi, what the hell is going on, anyhow?" he asked.
Gaara looked away – which Kankurou found slightly disconcerting because before he'd always been the one to back down, never Gaara. "Well?" he asked, setting the book down.
Gaara shifted his weight to his back foot, looking as though he was preparing to turn and run, if necessary. He thought a few moments. "You and Temari are my older siblings. We're not supposed to be… like this – like what we were before. We're supposed to be family," he said. Family is just hunks of meat connected by hate and murderous intent! Shukaku roared. Gaara clasped a hand over his head, over the 'tattoo' and winced. Shut up. He growled back.
Kankurou looked wary and stood, ready to defend himself or run if Gaara got out of control. Gaara was getting harder and harder to read these days – signs that once meant flee or die didn't always mean trouble… And Gaara seemed to be generally acting different, strange. These days, Kankurou was unsure of his standing with his now flighty brother. Which just sickened him, almost more than his fear did.
"Why do you care now? Why be family now? With Kaa-san and Kazekage dead, away from home and amongst strangers? Why do you give a shit all of a sudden? And what's with this," Kankurou said, holding up the book, "And the flowers? Are you trying to buy Temari and me off? You think you can threaten me and scare the shit out of me for six years and then you can give me a book about puppeteering and suddenly everything will be all better and we can play house? WELL FUCK THAT!" He yelled, slamming the book down. He hadn't meant to yell and suddenly the gravity of what he'd just done hit him. His eyes widened and he took a step back, positive Gaara would be calling his sand any moment now and that he would finally really kill him.
"Ga-Gaara, I…" he muttered, wondering if he should apologize or just shut up and run.
"Gomen nasai, Kankurou…" Gaara murmured, wiping at his eyes – was he crying? Kankurou didn't see any tears… "I just… am tired of being a monster!" he said, turning and heading for the window, apparently to leave.
Kankurou glared at his back and muttered, "You'll always be the monster of the Sand."
Gaara stiffened and resolutely continued. "I know this doesn't fix anything… just please, give me a chance!" he pleaded, sliding the windowsill up.
"Gaara! Wait a second!"
Gaara turned. "Doshite?"
Temari stormed out into the room. She looked pained. "Gaara… Don't listen to him! Do you really want to be family now, Gaara?" she asked.
Slowly, Gaara nodded, unable to speak. He'd never had much talent at revealing himself.
"You said yourself you never thought of us as siblings! You've said before that family means nothing to you but a bloodline of hate and murder!" Kankurou huffed.
"Damare!" Temari screeched at Kankurou. "Or I'll kill you myself!" she said, stealing Gaara's threat. While they argued, Gaara slipped away. He looked for Lee.
"Damn it, Kankurou! Why do you have to be such a SHIT-HEAD sometimes! I think the fumes from all your face paint are killing off what precious few brain cells you have! If Gaara wants to be like a normal little brother, what the Hell could you possibly have against it! YOU'VE certainly griped enough times about him not listening to you!" Temari yelled, whacking Kankurou over the head.
Kankurou winced and thwacked her a good one back. "NO! I'm sick of doing everything that little shit wants me to! I'm the puppeteer, not him, and I won't be his puppet! And I'm not going to be bought off so easily! You got me to come to this stupid, weak village, but that doesn't mean I have to be gracious and accept that little demon sin-against-nature as my brother!" he growled back.
"Don't call him that!" Temari commanded, glaring death.
"What? A demon sin-against-nature?" He said, taunting. "Because that's exactly what the crazy shit is! Father was insane to mess with Shukaku and it seems the insanity bloomed in Gaara all too well!"
"You're insane not to be grateful that he's trying to be a better person!" She said.
"Well it must run in the family because you're insane to just go along with this! You've always laid down on your back for him and done whatever he wanted!" Kankurou said accusingly, knowing very well how true his words were.
Temari snapped and punched him so hard he stumbled back into the wall. She was crying. "Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! That wasn't his fault! And besides, you did the same thing for Father! So you've got no room to talk!" Temari turned heel and went to find Gaara, wiping at her eyes and trying to keep from crying any more.
Kankurou glared death in her wake and slammed the wall he leaned against. Damn her. Damn her and Gaara and his crazy, desperate, fuckin' father. "I hate this family… Gaara's right – family is just so many people connected by hate and murder," he growled. He grabbed the book and went back to his room to start practicing the new jutsu. He hated to admit it, but he thought he was going to really like the book the little shit had found him. Shit. Did that make him indebted? No – no, it was just the first in a long run of payback.
Predictable as always, Lee was training in the forest, in his usual spot. He was alone this time – it was the weekend, and his partners were relaxing, and Gai was out, probably challenging Kakashi. Gaara had learned about the ritual from Lee at some point. He supported Kakashi in most cases.
"Lee," Gaara said simply, landing neatly in the clearing a short distance from Lee, who was doing a series of kicks against a log.
Lee smiled, used to Gaara showing up unexpectedly, and quietly. "Hey Gaara!" Lee said with a brief salute before returning to his training. "How are you?"
Gaara sighed, leaning casually against a tree. "I've been better…"
Lee looked mildly surprised. "Really? What's the matter?"
"Remember when you suggested I buy my brother and sister some gifts?" Gaara asked quietly, so Lee had to struggle to hear him over the 'thud' of his kicks landing on the log.
"Yeah, I remember. Did something go wrong…?" Lee asked, looking concerned and wondering what could have.
"Kankurou got mad. He thought I was trying to buy them off. I suppose that's what it amounts to. I can't really blame him. I've… not been the best brother to Temari or Kankurou…" Gaara seemed somewhat uncomfortable…
"Oh… well, he'll cool down, and you can talk to him later. Apologize, explain things. Whatever. He can't stay mad forever – you're family."
Gaara looked up abruptly. "Just what does that mean?" He asked, almost snapped, really.
Lee was surprised by the sharpness of Gaara's tone. "Well… It's blood, and it's people connected by-"
Shukaku muttered into Gaara's thoughts, hate and murderous intent, hate, hate, hate and murderous intent! Kankurou will never forgive you, and neither will Temari! Gaara's hand snapped to his forehead, he groaned in pain.
"Are you all right!" Lee asked, stopping his training and stepping forward to help.
Gaara nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine… Just – Just continue!" He grunted, rubbing at his head painfully. With his free hand, he dug into his pouch – Gai-sensei had hooked him up with some strong headache pills from Godaime-sama. He swallowed one and washed it down with some water from a flask he now carried at all times. A few moments later he relaxed.
Lee looked at him with concern and continued hesitantly, "Family is… is having people you know will be there for you when you need them, when you're alone or in need of help, and knowing that you would do the same for them." Lee put a hand on Gaara's shoulder. "Are you all right."
Gaara nodded jerkily. Tsunade's pills worked fast. "Hai. Arigatou, Lee-san."
"Not at all, Gaara-kun."
"Temari?" Gaara asked, breathing heavy, his hands on his knees. His sand hovered about him protectively.
"Yeah, Gaara-kun?" she asked, wiping sweat off her brow as she used her fan for support. The two were sparring. Gaara had never really 'sparred' before. Not only did he have little need of such practice but no one would willingly step into a fight against the sabaku no bakemono. It was suicide. At least, until Gaara met Naruto. Now, he didn't want to kill, the Shukaku still bothered him and tried to get Gaara to kill using every trick he knew from threats to mimicing a matron voice and telling Gaara what to do. Right now, Shukaku screamed at Gaara to kill Temari but he shoved the voice away with a firm 'no'. But he couldn't do it alone. Temari had to help - it hurt too much to fight alone.
Gaara winced as Shukaku's screech pierced the walls of his mind. "Am I an important person to you?" he asked, a hand going to his head. Go away! he told Shukaku.
Of course you're not - you've tried to kill her and Kankurou too many times! She's too scared of you! She hates you! You're just a crazy monster! The tanuki yelled.
Temari looked a bit surprised. "Well... yeah. You're my little brother. Of course you're an important person."
You don't believe those lies, do you? What an arbitrary reason, anyhow. Remember Yashamaru - he said he loved you! He tried to kill you! This wench is just looking for an oppurtunity to bury a knife in your back!
Gaara grunted as Shukaku awakened the memory of Yashamaru's betrayal in gross detail. "Gaara! Are you all right?" Temari exclaimed, letting her heavy fan fall and walking over to her psychotic brother, wary of him but knowing he needed help. It was just that... when he started getting headaches, he became very unpredictable. It was the worst time to be around him.
"Besides being your brother! Why am I important? Am I really important?" he pleaded, his eyes squinting open through pain, begging for help.
Temari was terrified. She'd never seen Gaara like this - never. But he looked so miserable... she couldn't run because she was afraid - that would only make him worse. She steeled herself and laid a gentle hand on his head, raking her fingers through his hair in a show of affection. "You are important, Gaara." she said, looking him straight in the eyes and trying to make it so even Gaara's pain and psychosis blurred eyes could see.
"Why, though? Why? I don't understand, Temari! And he's fighting me! I need to know why!" he begged, breaking down into sobs. She's so full of lies - you can't trust a woman. They're all full of hate, just like your mother. Your own mother damned you to being a monster all your life - gave you your prophetic name. Gaara - you are a demon who loves only himself! You love slaughter! Don't let this lying wench hurt you! Shukaku struck a nerve in bringing up Gaara's mother and he knew it. He grinned smugly in Gaara's mind as Gaara tried to tell himself Temari wasn't full of hate. If she wanted to hurt me, she would have done so by now! I'm weak enough! She has the oppurtunity, but I'm still alive and unharmed! he yelled at Shukaku.
"I... I don't know how to explain it to you, Gaara-kun!" Temari said, wishing she were better with words, that she were a poet or some such thing. "You're... family!" she told him, knowing he wouldn't understand that.
"Family is just lumps of meat connected by hate and murderous intent!" Shukaku yelled so forcefully Gaara echoed him aloud as he grabbed Temari's bicep fiercely, his only anchor to his god-forsaken reality.
"Not blood family, Gaara! Family connected by love and experience, not hate or intent!" Temari told him, wincing as he grabbed her. Taijutsu wasn't any of the Suna-nin's specialty and none of the three were particularly physically strong when compared to other shinobi, but Gaara's grip still hurt - it had Shukaku's ferocity in it. Gaara wanted an anchor but Shukaku wanted to make the girl scream and bleed.
Gaara nodded. He could believe that - he could try. "You're not lying to me?" he pleaded. "I swear if you're lying to me..." he broke down and clung closer to Temari.
Temari shook her head and drew Gaara into a cautious but no less warm hug. "No, I'm not lying, Gaara. You're important. Tell me what's wrong, Gaara. What's going on; how can I help you? Don't you make me helpless again, Gaara!" she yelled at him, holding him tight. She was so sick of seeing Gaara in pain and being unable to help, so sick of seeing Gaara lose control and not be able to to anything but cajole and hope, so sick of her brother's damnation! She barely controlled the urge to slap some sense into him.
"It's him! Shukaku! He's... He's angry because I won't kill anymore! Temari! Help me!" he begged. He was shaking - Shukaku and his memory had never attacked him like they had since moving to Konoha and trying to change himself. It was an all out war for control; it was a battle for his insanity. Go to sleep! It's easier that way! Relax and take a break! Forget about these people! Shukaku commanded, trying to seduce Gaara with the idea of rest. And it was working. It was so tempting, to let Shukaku take over and never have to deal with the world or change again...
NO! I'm in control here! I finally have found people who don't hate me! People who don't fear me! Why would I want to forget them? You've had six years being in control, six years I did practically everything you asked, now it's MY time! I AM IN CONTROL! I AM GAARA! He screamed and screamed in his mind, trying to stay focused on the present, on reality, and keep from drifting into his memories, but he still couldn't be sure when or where he was. Was he with Temari? Was that a memory? Was he still in Suna? Back in Suna?
"How, Gaara? What can I do!" Temari cried, rubbing her brother's head and back, knowing he needed help to stay focused, knowing his grasp on reality was frail. Whatever she could do, she would. She had to!
"Tell me! Tell me, tell me! Tell me I'm important, you don't hate me, don't hate me, please don't hate me!" he said, not sure and not caring if he was pleading with reality or a memory. You never slept! Only once or twice, and never long! You're tired, go to sleep! "Temari, I'm so tired! Don't let me fall asleep or I'll never wake-up again!" he said, choking back a yawn as the tanuki persauded him, reminded him of twelve years with virtually no sleep and little enough rest.
"Oh, Gaara-kun! Of course you're important! I don't hate you! I've been afraid of you, and I guess I still am, but I don't hate you! You are important to me so don't let him win! Don't sleep!" she told him, shaking him roughly and clutching him tight by turns.
"Where am I? When am I?" he asked, knowing the answers would tell him nothing real but needing to ask anyway.
"You're here! In Konoha! You're now and I love you!" She yelled, pushing him back to look him in the eyes that widened in shock at those words. Somehow hearing he was here and now comforted him, but alone they would have been only scraps of comfort, like sheets in the arctic. But...
"Love? You love me, Temari?" he asked in a quiet, shy voice and for a moment Temari could swear he was six again and striving for acceptance.
"Yeah... Yeah, I do. I really do, Gaara-kun. Can you fight him now?" she asked, her own eyes brimming with tears by now.
Gaara nodded. Those words had steeled him, he'd shut Shukaku away again, for the time. There'd be another battle yet, perhaps for the rest of his life, but for now he was safe, and so was his sister. "Domo arigatou gozaimasu..." he said, releasing her arm and hugging her gently, savoring the warmth of another human being's presence. It was so unusual to touch someone else, to be in contact with anyone without the medium of sand. Gaara sighed gratefully - it was so nice though. Gentle touches were foreign but felt right, and more instinctive than Gaara had ever imagined they could feel. Temari hugged him back and for a long time they just stood there, a real brother and sister for the first time in their lives.
"It was nothing... I'm just glad... I'm glad your all right," Temari finally murmured. "Come on. Let's go eat. Anything you want."
"Okay..." Maybe he was damned, but maybe he had more blessings than he'd thought. So many people had saved him from so much lately. Naruto, and Lee, and now Temari... they kept saving him from himself, and from Shukaku. Maybe he was damned, but maybe he'd overlooked his blessings...