It all started about a week ago. I was walking down the street in Hartford, Connecticut thinking about how horrible it place was. It's hell. Why would anyone choose to live here? I couldn't believe this is where they sent her. Why would Tiffany and Edward send her to a place they knew she would hate? A place that is the exact polar opposite of everything Kathryn. I guess that's what they wanted. Maybe they thought it would change her. They should know better. Kathryn will never change. So I guess she deserves this. She deserves everything she gets. It's funny; even as I thought it I couldn't help feeling bad for her. She must be miserable. I thought back to everything she's done to me. She'll get over it.
You see, when I woke up after being hit by that cab and was told I would live I vowed to wash my hands of Kathryn. I knew Annette and I would never be happy together if she was around, it turns out we wouldn't be happy together even hundreds of miles away from her. But, alas, I was pissed at Kathryn when I woke up. No, I was more than pissed… I was livid. I wanted revenge. As I had expected, Annette didn't want to go along with my plan at first. She thought maybe, if we just left, Kathryn would give up and leave us be. I knew her though. Kathryn wouldn't stop until we were miserable. After Kathryn and everyone outside my family were convinced I was dead we set our plan in motion. I wish I could have been there when Kathryn realized it was over. Her entire Mary Sunshine act was through. Annette said she cried, I don't believe that. After it was done, I left New York for good, I was done with Kathryn, or so I thought.
It seems now that everything was a waste. You see, maybe 3 months after Annette and I left New York our relationship started falling apart. It turns out we didn't need Kathryn around to ruin our relationship; we could do that on our own. She was right… we were just too different. After Annette and I were officially done I returned to New York and found out what had happened to Kathryn. At first, I was happy. I thought she had gotten what she deserved. I tried to carry on with my life but things just weren't the same without Kathryn. I couldn't stop thinking about her. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I had to see her.
I finally reached my destination. I tried to see her. Instead I met with her psychiatrist. She said it would be too traumatic for Kathryn to see me so soon. I told her I didn't care; I needed to know what she was thinking. She replied, "I believe it would be harmful to Kathryn's acceptance process if she were to see you but if you are indeed insistent on communicating with her in some way this is what I can offer you. Kathryn often talks about a journal you once kept. She said it was the cause of her downfall. I think the only real way to understand her is for her to do the same thing and then to go back and read it. I have already asked her to begin and I believe starting tonight she will be making an entry every night. I can allow you to read it on the condition that you will not try to see her until I have told you she is stable enough." I, of course, agreed.
Kathryn's first entry shocked me beyond belief. At first I thought it was forged by Kathryn's psychiatrist to hurt me but I realized it couldn't be. She couldn't know about what Kathryn's mother did to her, I doubted Kathryn has told her that much. I'm the only person she ever told… well as far as I know. God… I can't believe it even as I sit reading it. I've probably read it ten times by now. How is this possible? Kathryn is too strong to even think these things, let alone write them. Jesus she almost sounds suicidal. I can't believe I did this to her. She calls it the end of her life… it sounds too melodramatic to be Kathryn. How could finding out I was in love with Annette be the end of her life? I didn't think Kathryn felt that much for anyone, looks like she did… she just hid it well.
I can't believe the person I was in love with for so long was just as in love with me but was too afraid to show it. I have to see her. I have to talk to her.
Three hours after reading Kathryn's journal I was on my way to her rehab center. I ran inside and demanded to see her. Once again I saw her psychiatrist instead of her. God damn bitch told me she thought I should just leave Kathryn alone because she obviously didn't want to see me. I wanted to hit her. What journal has she been reading? The bitch had the nerve to say she obviously didn't want to see me because she had stated several times in her journal that she hated me. I tried to explain to her that it was all a misunderstanding but she refused to listen. She said I couldn't see Kathryn but if I still wanted to know what she was thinking I could keep reading her journal. I grudgingly accepted.