I wasn't going to write a beginning message for any of my stories but I wanted to warn you guys that this chapter isn't very good. I actually kind of lost my inspiration after the first one but I really wanted to continue this story because I have a whole idea in my head for it. Review lots and I'll try to find my muse. If you don't I probably won't even keep this up cause I'm writing it for you guys. Sooo review! Any type is welcome cause criticism makes me better.
God. Stupid whore is making me write another entry. What else is there to say? Didn't she have enough information to "understand" me? This is bullshit. She says I need to write about everything I did before I came here… I don't know what she wants of me. She says to write down everything that pops into my head. Guess I'll try that.
Everything started the day Mrs. Caldwell and Cecile came over to talk to me about Manchester. When Sebastian refused to help me destroy Cecile. When we made The Bet… I got his car if I won and if I lost… I had to fuck Sebastian. I would have lost my hold over him even if he didn't fall in love with blondie. I knew the only reason he still pursued me was because I'd never given in. But I thought he at least felt something for me… God it hurts so much going back and looking at it. Why is that stupid cunt making me write this Goddamn journal? If anything this is stressing me out even more. Having to re-live everything.
I can't keep going. It just hurts too damn much. God why did he have to go and fall in love with the hick Annette? Why did I have to make that stupid bet? Maybe he wouldn't have been so insistent if I hadn't. Maybe he would have given up when she left. Maybe not. He never did love me in the first place so maybe he wasn't just trying to win the bet when he chased her. Maybe he already loved her. Maybe no one will ever love me. It wouldn't surprise me. No one has yet.
God damnitt. I hate him! I hate him and Annette and Cecile and Ronald and Court and my mother and Edward and every fucking last one of them. I don't need any single fucking one of them. God why am I crying! I DON"T CARE! I hate them all!
God why can't I stop crying? Why did you do this to me Sebastian? Didn't you ever love me? No! No he didn't and I don't care. I don't care because I don't feel. I feel nothing for Sebastian. He's dead to me. He's dead…. O God Sebastian why did you do this to me? Why did you leave me? Why didn't you love me? I loved you.
NO! I feel nothing for him! He doesn't matter to me! No one does. I care about no one. I hate them all!
When I get out of here I'm getting revenge. I'll hurt everyone who had a part in this. They'll all pay for doing this to me. How dare they try to mess with me? I'm the best. They're all going to pay for messing with Kathryn Merteuil.