Title: How do You Know?

Author: Evie

Chapter 14

Disclaimer: If they were honestly mine, do you think that Harry would have asked Cho to that damn Yule Ball? That's what I thought, it's not like I have anything you would want anyways.

Rating: I'm going to go T, PG-13, whichever thing you go by…

H

I still can't grasp how you can look at me,

With love in your eyes knowing what you do…

I wouldn't be able to…

But you always were the better person.

"I don't deserve you"

You hushed me and said that you would take care of me.

God! I can't even stand to look at myself with anything but

Disgust, Annoyance, Self Pity and Hatred!

D

Harry awoke the next morning to Neville gently prodding his back.

"I didn't want to wake you Harry earlier, but my shift is over, and I wanted to let you know that you are fine. You are going to need to take extra precautions from now on when you have sex, and you will need to be tested again in 6 months, then again in a year, because the disease can hide for awhile, but this is an encouraging sign."

"Thank you Neville, I don't know how I could ever repay you for all of this. And I know it's all part of the job, but all the same, thank you for going out of your way for Draco. He means everything to me."

Neville blushed and said his goodbyes, and said that Draco could go home today, as long as he was still feeling fairly normal. Harry chuckled, normal for Draco, which could be scary. Then Neville left and Harry snuggled back into Draco only to find his pale grey eyes watching him. Draco was always amazed at how much Harry loved him, he knew he said it all the time, but he could feel it every time he looked at him, and to hear him tell Longbottom that he was everything to him. It still amazed him, especially after the past few days. Harry noticed the look in Draco's eyes and blushed. He always did when Draco looked at him like that.

"So how long were you awake?" Harry whispered into his husband's ear.

"Long enough to hear that I can get out of this place today."

Harry nodded, and then lowered his lips to Draco's. He gently kissed him then pulled back and looked at him. Draco rolled over then, he couldn't take that look in his eyes. Harry is healthy, why is he doing this? Luckily he was saved from his musings by Tonks tripping over something and landing sprawled out on the floor, Charlie right behind her laughing. Harry jumped off the bed laughing and offered a hand to his friend to help her up. She was laughing as well and sat down on Draco's bed.

"How's my little cousin?" She asked in a mock baby-tone.

"Brilliant now that my fluorescent haired older cousin is here to cheer me up with her outstanding coordination skills!"

Nymphadora swatted his arm playfully.

"Anything to help my scrawny little lad!"

It was Draco's turn to swat her, but as she moved away she fell off the bed. They all laughed for awhile before Draco had to ask.

"So any particular reason you guys are here? Or was the clown act it?" His perfect smirk graced his face briefly before Charlie answered.

"No we umm, we came to talk to you and Harry and put our heads together and fill each other in on everything we know, maybe I can fill in some of Harry's blanks or vice-versa."

"Draco's smile had fallen and he went back to staring at his spot for awhile. Harry was sitting in bed with him, his hand on Draco's, but Draco didn't even clutch it back…he just lie there, and listen to them talk. Tonks started.

"Well I talked to Kingsley, and he added me to his case on Draco he seems to think that all of these happenings have to be related. It would be too coincidental for all of this to happen independently. We are not going to look at it that way. We think that if we map it all out together we will find a common value in each." Harry nodded and Charlie continued.

"I started to tell you the other day that we went to Azkaban the day Draco was raped. Some of those pictures that Moody had in that scrapbook looked too odd, and I knew that Draco hadn't taken them, and there were so many, someone had to have been stalking him. I remembered the one time Draco and I were having sex that he had said he had saw someone, but disregarded it as someone else out getting some in the middle of the night. But then I also recalled him saying something about Blaise giving him a hard time that night as he left the common room. So I thought that maybe if Blaise had been the one to take that picture he would know who had taken the others. So I approached Tonks about it, and she agreed to go with to Azkaban to talk to him. He admitted to stalking Draco throughout his years at Hogwarts, and that he was obsessed with him, and had taken all of those pictures, but after he learned the truth about Draco saving you he had mailed the pictures in scrapbook to Draco at Malfoy Manor, kind of a present to remember him by."

Recognition crossed Harry's face and he looked at Draco, no wonder he blamed Moody for everything….but…

"Well Kingsley should have had the standard spells and enchantments on the Manor and would know about the package, how would anyone have gotten it?"

"See that's just it." Tonks chimed in, "Kingsley did have all the standards of protocol in place, but the package arrived minutes before the daily briefings, so he decided to wait until after the briefings to check on it. I remember that day's briefings, and Moody was there." At this point she made sure to look at Draco, and joined Harry in sitting down with Him on Draco's bed. "There were no aurors missing that morning, I even went back and checked the log books to make sure everyone was signed in for the meeting. But the package was gone before he got there, and he left right from the briefings to go to the manor."

"Don't forget that the Manor is unplottable as well." Draco dropped as he stared at his spot in the ceiling.

"That's right," Harry said. "So only people who knew where the Manor was would be able to get into it." He looked back at Harry imploring him.

"Well let's see, there were death eater meetings, so it could have been any of them, or there were the social parties, so anyone of an upper class or public official would fit, would you like me to continue?" Draco had already started making a list in his head, but Nymphadora had pulled something out of her pocket and began scratching things off a list.

"What are you doing there?" He asked his older cousin.

"Well, Charlie and I compiled a list of people who could have a possible motive for doing this: we included all of the known death eaters at large, anyone Charlie remembered from your past, anyone that would benefit from you being out of the equation, and anyone that might actually be trying to hurt Harry."

There it was again, he was hurting Harry. No matter what he did, he would hurt the people he loved. He was a poison waiting in your system; it was only a matter of time. All he ever wanted to be was happy and normal, well okay, not necessarily normal, but a little better than normal, he was a Malfoy, but he didn't deserve that. He wasted his chances, and now he was hurting the one person he ever loved more than himself. He was hurting Harry, he was hurting the savior of the bloody wizarding world! Maybe his father would be proud of him and think that this was just some Slytherin grand plan or something…how he wished it was so that he could make it all stop. He just wanted the world to stop. Every one noticed Draco's dark musings, and Harry dared to disturb them.

"Draco, what's going on? Did you think of something that would help?"

"Yes," Draco replied, a stony look on his face, "I have. If I leave all this madness stops, and you can all go on with your lives and be happy; I am the source of all this pain and suffering, if I leave, everyone would be better off." Harry jumped up, completely enraged.

"Except me! Did you ever once stop and think of anyone but yourself Draco? This is bigger than just you, it involves all of us. And do you ever think before you talk? You think that you are the one that caused all this pain and suffering? How do you think that I've felt my entire life? My parents died to save me! My aunt and uncle were made completely miserable by my mere presence! My God-Father, the only link to my parents, died because of me! He wouldn't have gone to the Department of Mysteries that night if I hadn't gone off half cocked! Dumbledore, the only man that ever tried to protect me! Gone! Hagrid my very first friend, or did you forget about him too, because he died beside me as well! Everyone I've ever loved has died and left me behind to be this hero, but I'm not. I'm a fucking disease! I kill everyone, and now you're dying as well and there is nothing that I can bloody do about it! I can't even die beside you because for some weird twist of fate, I'm as immune to AIDS as I am to Avada Kedavra! I love you! Does that mean nothing to you? I love you, and I don't care about any of this…When I married you it was for better or for worse! For richer or for poorer…remember that? I'm not a fair-weather husband; I didn't marry you for the good times, just to leave you when something happened. That's not how it's supposed to be. Now stop pitying yourself and fucking help us catch who is behind this so we can move on with our lives!"

Charlie and Tonks looked at their shoes, and seemed to be fascinated by them. Draco sat there, mouth agape. What was he supposed to say after that?

"I love you too Harry, and you are my everything…it's just that every time I turn around something else happens, and you have been through so much…You deserve"

Harry interrupted Draco before he could finish…

"Why don't you let me decide what I want and deserve? Okay? And I want you, so let's keep going. So what happened the day of our wedding? I thought our wedding was perfect, you've never said otherwise, until you told Kingsley that Mad-Eye ruined it. How? What happened?"

"He put a curse on me."

"How do you know it's him?" Harry asked. Charlie and Nymphadora looked intrigued at this new piece of information.

"I know it's him because I hear his voice, and before you say anything, I know it's not a mimic voice, because he's said the same things to me in person the night of Ron and Hermione's wedding. He said them to me at the Ministry of Magic before we got married…the night I came home drunk…That was the night Harry."

"What has he said to you? Why didn't you tell me before all of this?"

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to get thrown out of auror training because I couldn't take some twisted old fucker telling me the truth."

"What truth? If he only told you the truth then what's wrong? Am I missing something here? Just tell me what he said." Harry looked at Tonks who smiled at him encouragingly and Charlie who was looking at him with a surprised look.

"He told me that I was trash. That I am a filthy whore and nothing but some stupid sluts sloppy seconds, and that I wasn't fit to lick your boots. That I don't deserve you, Harry, and it's the truth, all of it. Look at me Harry, just let me finish, I'm not playing poor Draco here, and I'm being realistic. I may have been rich, but I slept with everyone I'd wanted to. I didn't love them; I didn't do anything noble, I was just coasting along enjoying myself, and look where it's landed me Harry. Dying of a muggle disease and I could have given it to hundreds of people. Literally. But I didn't care about anyone except you and Charlie. I'm selfish Harry, and I'm a prat. I know that you've known that longer than I would care to admit, but face the music Harry. I am worth nothing. That's the gist of what he has been telling me, and he repeats it. This curse he put on me Harry, forces me to see every person I have ever slept with every time I fuck you. But I'm detached. I'm the one you are actually having sex with, I know that, but I feel like I am sitting feet away watching you fuck them…with every thrust it changes, and I'm someone else. Then when we are done, I can hear him cackling madly, reminding me of everything that he's said…I know it's him Harry, no one else would be able to do that, and it didn't start until our wedding night. That is where it all started. And even if I didn't have sex with you that day, I would have nightmares every night of the same thing. I would be sitting there watching all those people fucking you, and I would yell and scream, but you just looked at them…you looked at them the way you look at me. I just couldn't take it Harry."

Harry looked thoughtful a moment…"That's what happened when you collapsed?"

"Yes."

"That's why you avoided being top? And why you couldn't look at me afterwards? And why you looked so disgusted?"

"Yes, Harry I'm sorry, I "

"No. It's alright. That actually explains a lot…Did you tell anyone about this?"

"Yes, Severus, the day I was raped. I had been to see Severus to try and find out what spell he had cast, and we couldn't find one. He covered me with anti-jinxes, counter-curses, and revealing charms, but I don't know if any of them worked. It didn't happen with Blaise though, but I don't know if it was person specific or not."

"Okay, " Tonks interrupted, "So you went to Hogwarts the day of the attack? How did you get there?"

"Well, I flooed into the Three Broomsticks, had a few fire whiskey's then walked up."

"I see, and did you return the same way?"

"Well yeah, I was still kind of aching after Snape was done with me, so I had another fire whiskey before I flooed back."

"Did you see anyone there; anyone that might be capable of this?"

"I didn't see anyone really, I was half dazed, and I think that I gave Rosmerta a galleon for that one fire-whiskey."

"Great, well anyone could have been in that tavern that afternoon." Charlie sighed.

"Well yes, but you're forgetting something. Our flat is under the fidelus, so even if someone heard Draco call out our address, they would walk around the building and never find out door!"

"We need that list from Ron and Mione. We'll floo you guys as soon as we know anything." Tonks said as she rose from her seat. Charlie got up to leave as well before Draco stopped them.

"I'll be going back home today, so you can just floo us there, I don't think we'll be going out anytime soon." They nodded and left. Harry moved closer to Draco and put his arms around him embracing him. Draco tried to pull away, but Harry wouldn't let go. Finally Draco broke free.

"I don't deserve you." He slid out of bed, and tried to find some clothes to wear in the dresser, but remembered that he came wrapped in a sheet. Harry saw what he was looking for and walked over to the door. He flicked his wand and a bag came soaring into his hand. He walked to Draco.

"I figured you might need something to cheer you up, so I stopped at Madame Malkin's and got you some new clothes to go home in." He smiled at Draco…he did love him. Draco didn't understand how or why. But he knew it all the same.

"I deserve this either…" Harry kissed him to shut him up. God he missed that. But Draco pulled back again.

"Don't Harry, I don't want you to"

"Don't want me to what Draco? You are my life, and if loving you and kissing you is going to kill me, so be it. At least I will die happy. Besides, you heard Neville this morning. I'm healthy, and pardon me for thinking, but if shagging this much hasn't given me the disease, then I don't see it happening." Draco just shrugged, but Harry kissed him again, and this time Draco didn't pull back. When they finally did break their kiss Harry held the bag up to Draco.

"Go take a shower and get dressed. We're going home." As Draco shut the bathroom door he saw all the love Harry had glistening in his eyes. He just didn't understand it.