Three little Robins Chapter 10, a robin fanfic

X.- When I look through a window, I don't see myself.

Robin entered the batcave, blood beating madly in his temples, his heart racing and his breath deep and hot. He descended the stairs, slowly mixing with the all welcoming shadows, darkness sorrounding him like a cloak or a mantle. It felt sad, for it felt good. After all this infinite white, were everything was scary and unsettling, this deep darkness was like home.

He didn't need to see to know the way, but he adjusted the nightvision of his mask's lens nontheless.

And there he was. The Batman.

Not Bruce Wayne in diguise, but the myth itself. That only thing greater than any of them, greater even than Gotham.

"You took your time." He said.

No greetings. Not even a "hi". Right down to work, as if he were another tool in one of his belt pouches.

"It's not been an easy walk." He answered, matter-of-factly.

"But you did it. You made it to the heart."

"Yes, I did it." Robin shrugged tired but not ready to give up yet. "Now what? Do I have to fight you or something?"

A thin grimace crossed Batman's lips.

"Do you want to do so?"

"Perhaps. Give me a reason not to."

Robin thought he saw doubt crossing the dark knight's sturdy expression.

"I am the Batman."

"Yes, and you are not invincible. I've seen you defeated too many times, Batman. I've asked reasons not to fight you and you give me that?" Robin faced him, feet firm on the ground, hands on his hips. "I should not only fight you, but end you. For everybody's sake, Batman... included yours."

"I may not be invincible, but you are aware you don't have a chance."

"Do you think I care? Yes, you can crip me for life... so what? You've already done so."

"You are not even talking about you." Said Batman, disdain in his voice.

Robin smirked.

"No... I'm talking about Dick. Loyal to the bone, devoted to you and your quest... And you pushed him away when you got scared, not even caring if he understood. You taugh him to hide behind a mask and fight as an only answer to a broken heart, but you forgot not to break his further. And even then you were unable to understand... breaking it once and again."

"And it's also my fault he is now jumping roofs with Deathstroke and Ravager? It's my fault he let this woman kill Blockbuster?"

Robin set his jaw.

"Whose fault is but yours, Batman? You ignored his pain, ignored his needs... As you did with Jason. Again, a lost child who thought that maybe you could be by his side. And of course he had issues! And again, your only answer to all problems... You robbed him the only thing you have really given him. You robbed him not only the costume, but your trust. For all your talk about consecuences, you never really seem to learn. Same mistakes once and again..."

"She volunteered, just like Tim."

"Don't try to fool me, Batman. You did it again. You gave her a world full of purpose and a resemblance of a parental figure that will substitute his criminal and dead father... And instead of teaching her how to do it better, you just kicked her out. Your great, only fucking solution to all your trust issues. Push the mislead Robin away. I will find another sooner or later."

"You don't understand. They were not fit."

"Fit? That's why Tim is the only one you have not fired yet? Because he is fit were the others weren't?" Robin felt white anger burn his stomach and he clenched his fists. "Fit for what? Not for being Robin, mind you, because all of them had all that was needed to be Robin. All of them were bold, brave and smart."

"They were not fit to fullfill the whole task. They lacked discipline and second thoughts."

"Yes, I know. They were not fit to be you."

Batman nodded.

"But Tim is. You are."

Robin laughed bitterly.

"Go fuck yourself, Batman." The teen nearly spat the word. "Ok, you never fired Tim. How nice of you! But still you wronged him, time and again. You treat him just like you treat everybody. You only take when you feel like taking, only give when you feel like giving, you reject what gets in the way of your mighty quest, never really trusting anyone even if you ask them to trust you, no matter what." Robin clenched and unclenched his fists a few times, the urge of fighting, of kicking and beating so intense it was burning in the tip of his fingers. "You don't see people, you see allies, you see potential and you sploit it, until nothing is left. Damned selfish son of a bitch! You don't give a damn as long as those around you fulfil the rol you designed for them! But tell me, oh, all-mighty-flying-rat, do you ever tell them what their rol really is? Or they have to know? Let serendipity be their guide! Of course, because you have this extraordinary aura... this magnificent something hanging all over you... And then you talk about your quest and people, mesmerized by your sheer confidence, follow. But you only ask, and ask, and ask... never realizing that they have a different purpose. They fight because they belive in you, their faith gives them strenght..." His voice lowered while he relaxed his shoulders. Fire was putting on, and ice, cold and hard, was replacing it. "But with you lines get blurry very quickly, and love alone cannot fill the void when there's no hope left." Robin swallowed hard, his mouth dry not only because of the speech. "And then, ultimately, people gets sick. The lucky ones just fly away, like Barbara, like Jim... others get killed, not so lucky ones... And that leaves you alone with the task of dealing with those who, confused, scared and sickened, loose all sense of good and evil, just to bring you back to them. Like Dick... like Leslie..."

Robin closed his eyes, trying to focuss. One hatred at a time.

"You also fled."

"Not really. I'm in between. Blüdhaven, Gotham little sister... Nightwing's turf, now Robin's turf... Still the Bat Brat."

"You can quit anytime, but you just won't."

"No, can't quit right now. I don't have a girlfriend you could give the cape to while you waited for me to return."

Batman glowered, the low punch hurting even for him.

"Do you hate me?"

The question hang there for a seconds while Robin pondered it.

"Of course. I hate you with a passion you would never understand, Batman. I hate you and the sacrifices that have to be done in your name."

The Batman shifted from foot to foot, raising his arms defensively. His stance claimed he was ready to defend himself, wich probably meant he could hit him in five different and known ways depending on his attack... and also meant he had at least two unknown ways. It could also mean, of course, he had a complete list of movements to knock him unconscious before even starting the fight.

"You are going to fight me."

Not a question.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Robin laughed again. "I still belive in you."

This could probably count as the first time that Robin saw the Batman blink, confused.

"I belive in your quest, and I belive in the job you are doing. I despise your ways, and I really think you should go to a shrink before judging anyone's issues. But I belive in the R. I have absolute faith this will make a difference. This is right, even if you are not." The Boy Wonder smiled, taking off his mask, letting darkness eat the fire and the ice away. "And, besides, I still remember what it felt to put the costume and think: Man, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me."

There was a silence in the darkness surrounding him and finally, Batman spoke.

"If you are not going to fight me, what are you going to do?"

In the distance, Robin heard an alarm rise.

"I'm going to wake up."

---warning---