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Get Ready

an SSBM fanfic by Xysti

Disclaimer: no, I do not own SSBM or any of its characters. I will add some of my own, though. I don't own eBay® either.

Funky catch phrases and disturbing song lyrics © me. Don't copy them.

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Warning: this chapter contains n00bish. If you do not understand this language, it sucks to be you. Hire a translator.

Hyrule Castle Roof

Mewtwo was levitating off the floor with his eyes closed and his legs in a meditation pose. Everyone was looking at him, wondering how he could do that without hurting himself. Then he opened his eyes wide and shouted, "I HAVE NEWS FROM THE GREAT BEYOND! OH, IT IS HORRIBLE!"

Everybody gathered around to hear the it. After a large silence, Kirby asked, "Well? What is the horrible news?

"POSER MOBILE SAYS YOU OUTTA PRE-PAID MINUTES, YO!"

"AAH! AAH! AA- What?"

"DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT... OH MY GOD! THE AWESOMENESS! SOMEONE IS SELLING A PICKLED OTTER ON eBAY!"

Nana looked hopeful. "For how much?"

"THREE DOLLARS AND FORTY-SEVEN CENTS!"

All the Smashers looked doubtful.

"'BUY IT NOW' PRICE!"

They all gasped. Nana was thinking. There was no way... she had always wanted one of those... and for so cheap... there had to be a catch...

"What's the catch? And how are you able to know what's on eBay if we don't have Internet here?

"THE SHIPPING IS SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS. I SEE THE INTERNET WITH THESE AWESOME VIDEO FEED CONTACT LENSES. AND I USE MY TAIL AS AN INTERNET RECEIVER ANTENNA THINGY. OF DOOM. Hey! Uh, I mean, HEY! TWENTY-EIGHT MATTRESSES! FOR CHEAP! I'M ORDERING THEM!"

He telekinetinetically clicked the mouse. His tail exploded.

Meanwhile...

n00bland

The n00bs were all running around the factory. There was an alarm going off. One n00b ran over to several other n00bs talking hurriedly about the events. This was their conversation:

"Wut!1/11?1 Sum 1 ordured ar metrusses!1/11/1/1/1"

"Et's troo!1!1!1!1111! Tha ordurd 28!1!1111!1!11!"

"Ull 28?1?1?"

"Ull 28!11!1!111!1!111!"

"Wut wel wi du/1?1?"

"Shud wu..."

"Wu shud!11!11!1!111!"

"CUM UN, N00BS!11!111!1! WU MEST COL KEPTIN PLENIT!1!11!111"

"URTH!1!11!1!111!"

"WEND!1!11!1!11"

"FIYUR!1!11111!1!"

"WOTUR!11!111!11"

Captain Planet burst through the window. All the n00bs started to sing the Captain Planet theme song. When they were done, Captain Planet spoketh in n00bish:

"Wut es thu prublem!1?1?"

"Sum 1 ordurd metrusses!1!1111"

"Hou meny?1/1/1!"

"Ull uf thum!1!11!1! Wu ned u... 2 DULIVUR!111!11!11!1!"

"I wun't fale u!1!1!111!1!"

He took the two boxes of mattresses in his arms and flew away, while the n00bs yelled,

"THENK U, KEPTIN PLENIT!11!11!"

Hyrule Castle Roof

Roy was pacing on the roof, alone. When were the mattresses coming? He was tired of sleeping on the metal slab that was the only bed left in the castle. He suddenly fell into a shadow, looked up, and was squashed by a box of mattresses. Link came bursting up through the trapdoor and pushed the boxes off Roy. When he came out, Roy was acting strange. His voice was quiet and he was hunched over as he pulled his cape around his shoulders.

"Ouch... so painful... yet so comfy..."

"Roy! Are you okay?"

"As only the bloodied assassin knows..."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I am the pumpkin king. You shall bow before me... MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Young Link jumped out of the trapdoor, just to be flattened by another box of mattresses. Link pushed them off and asked,

"Are you okay, or are you like Roy?"

"SLICED BOLOGNA! Uh oh..."

"What?"

"ANCHOVY PIZZA! Sorry, I couldn't help it!"

"Okay. Now help me figure out what's with this guy"

"Impetuous mortals. You shall face my WRATH!"

"Neato. What do you think is wrong with him, YL?

"CHEESE NIBBLETS! Sorry! That just... happens! Every time you ask a question!"

"Heh. Your doom is my reward..."

"Sorry? What was that?" Link asked.

"MICE CHOPS!"

"Uh... I said your shroom is my reward. You owe me a mushroom for helping you carry the mattresses..."

"Oh. Whatever." was Links response before he and YL both grabbed the ends of a mattress and hauling it through the trapdoor. When they were gone, Roy followed as he muttered,

"Fool. Your shroom awaits..."

What is wrong with YL and Roy? What happened to PY, the poo-cannon, and the potatoes? Tune in later to find out!