Title: How do You Know?

Author: Evie

Chapter 15

Disclaimer: If they were honestly mine, do you think that Harry would have asked Cho to that damn Yule Ball? That's what I thought, it's not like I have anything you would want anyways.

Rating: I'm going to go T, PG-13, whichever thing you go by…

A/N: Holy Shit I got reviews! OMG! I was so excited! SO to those of you who reviewed you are my muses and I love you! Just as a heads up, there will probably only be 5 chapters left, God I am good the way I broke this down, a nice even 20 chapters, then I will be able to write complete! Hopefully maybe I will get this finished by the end of the year! I would be so proud of myself then! So review please! I don't think it would be unreasonable of me to ask for 100 reviews for a 20 chapter story, right?Especially since I have 2106 hits! Can you believe that? And a pidly 26 reviews, what is wrong with you people? Just review! Please, I'm not below begging now that an end is within sight, Review! Thanks again to those that did review! I love you guys, seriously! And anyone needs a good Harry/Draco fix check out my favorite stories, there are tons, literally, of excellent writers here on ffnet, so check'em out and review them as well it takes like an extra 5 seconds! Now on with chapter 15!

H

How can you love such a loathsome creature as me?

I am doing this to you because I am selfish…I want you for me,

But you deserve so much better!

Why can't we live "Happily Ever After"?

"Everything will be okay."

D

Draco had been out of the hospital for a couple of weeks now and he and Harry were still trying to get themselves back into any semblance of a routine. Draco was still scared to be left alone at their flat and so spent an enormous amount of time at the Weasley house playing with little Genevieve. Genny loved playing with her uncle Draco and Hermione welcomed Draco's presence so that she could continue her studies without feeling like she was neglecting her daughter. Draco even learned to change nappies, though he usually brought Genny right to Hermione if she stunk. Draco was taking his medicine as prescribed, but both the muggle doctors and the healers at Saint Mungo's agreed that Draco should not get pregnant, as it would be a danger to the child. This broke Draco's heart as he always wanted a child of his own, and he knew that Harry wanted his own futbol team. He didn't know what he was going to do. He was contemplating this the one afternoon while rocking Genny to sleep and he began to cry. Hermione had been walking back the hall and heard him sniffling. She looked at the way Draco had dressed Genny in another new outfit he had bought for her, he had insisted that she always had to look her best when playing with her uncle Draco, and he was cradling her in his right arm with the sun light coming softly through the sheers enveloping them in an angelic glow. Hermione just stood in the doorway a few minutes watching them. Draco was humming and would run his hands through her hair and down her little arms and hold her little hands and kiss each little finger. Hermione stood there with tears in her eyes; she couldn't believe everything that had happened to Harry and Draco in the past year and all that they had overcome together. It wasn't fair. Why did some people have to suffer so much? She remembered her mother talking about Mother Teresa, a muggle nun the one time that had said "God does not burden us with more than we can carry; I just wish he didn't trust me so much." Hermione had believed in God as a child, but it was times like this that she wondered if there even was a God and if so why did he let things like this happen. She wiped her eyes and walked up behind Draco and placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and clutched at Genny all the tighter.

"I'm so sorry Draco, I didn't mean to frighten you, but I didn't want to awaken Genny."

"No it's quite all right, she's asleep, I was just…thinking…that's all." He said as he let go of the little girls hand and touched his eyes. Hermione pretended that she didn't notice.

"Umm… Draco did you guys ever figure out what happened to your money so that you can go to school?"

"It's pretty pointless going to school when you're dying isn't it? And no they think that whoever is behind everything else is holding my inheritance as well."

"Well that part makes sense, but why not go to school? Did they tell you when you were going to die? Are you going to die in the next 6 months? This year? When?"

Draco stood up and gently placed Genevieve in her crib and walked out of the nursery, down the hall and into the living room. There he spun around and waited for Hermione to join him.

"Do not presume to know what I am going through right now. I am not going to school because I do not see the point in getting a college degree when I could very well be dead before I finish it and then that is using up money that could be better used elsewhere. Harry already offered since we are married, and made a big deal out of what is his is mine and vice versa, but I can not see spending money on something that I won't be able to use. We have to pay for these muggle drugs that I take everyday and they are the equivalent of a galleon a day, which may not seem like a lot, but we are going to go through what money we have fast enough paying for my medicine let alone anything else."

"I am sorry Draco. I just thought that if you were in school you might feel better about yourself. You always seemed to excel in school and I know you enjoyed learning, especially potions class. I didn't know that this was such a touchy subject for you. I just can't help but…"

"But what…do you feel sorry for me? Oh Poor Draco. Not only is he dying from a damn muggle disease he can't go to school because half the wizarding world still thinks he is a death eater and what money he does have is all being spent to prolong his meager life. Well I don't need your pity Hermione. I thought that you of all people would understand that, well I guess that I was wrong." With that he disapparated back to his and Harry's flat and threw distraction and imperturbable spells all over every door into the place and then put the fire out in the floo so that no one could come through either.

Hermione was so upset she didn't know what to do. She had thought that by not bringing up his crying and she thought that bringing up a safe subject like school, which apparently was not a safe subject…God she couldn't take walking on eggshells around that man anymore. She grabbed a handful of floo powder and stuck her head inside the floo and shouted out the Burrow. Molly had been in the kitchen cooking something or another and Mione had apparently scared her. She asked Molly to come over to watch Genny. As soon as Molly came through Hermione told her that Genny had just been put down for a nap and there was a bottle in the fridge, she didn't know what time she would get back. She apparated away to the alley behind Draco and Harry's building. She walked in and greeted the muggle doorman and took the elevator up to the 4th floor. She made a right and was thinking of flat 420, flat 420. The door came into view and she remembered that she had left her homework undone sitting on their dining room table. She apparated back to her house and took her jacket and scarf off and sat down at the dining room table. Molly stuck her head in and was startled.

"Hermione, why are you back so soon? I thought that you had to go talk to Draco?"

"I did, but I got to their flat and ….that stupid prat, he put a distraction charm on his door. Ooh I will get him." With that she stood and put her jacket and scarf back on and thought very heavily about Harry and Draco's kitchen and apparated away. She fell on the floor outside their door. He put up the imperturbable charms up as well! Well she can outdo him! She held out her hand,

"Accio Draco's wand!" The wand came flying out from under the doorway and soon she heard Draco's yelling and he threw open his front door.

"Damn it Granger give me back my bloody wand before I come over there and take it back!"

"No! Aren't you going to invite me in so that we can finish our little chat?"

"No! It's my flat and I was finished with your piteous words. Now give me my wand and let me alone!" Hermione walked right past him into Harry and Draco's flat and took off her coat and scarf and hung them on a hook behind the door and made herself at home. Draco stood there his mouth wide open and slammed the door shut with curse words flying out of his mouth.

"I said that I was done with this conversation. Now give me my wand."

"Or you will do what Draco? I am so sick of this don't pity me shite. I have known you too long to"

"You have never known me."

"I have known you for awhile now. I saw you. The real you right after you saved Harry. I saw you watch every move he made for years before that though. I watched you silently obsess about him for so long, and the night you nearly gave your life for him, I was sure that I had been wrong about you, that we all had been wrong. But still I didn't trust you. You and Harry sort of got together for awhile after that. When you approached us to ask what Harry wanted for graduation I knew I had been right. You did love him, but still I didn't trust you. You gave him more than a moving speech the day of graduation. Your got closer to his best friends trust, but still I did not trust you. You went to our wedding and I saw in the video the way you looked at Harry and Ginny walking down the aisle, I know that you knew their history, and instead of looking jealous you looked so sad. Because you didn't think that you would ever have that with Harry. You left that night in tears, and as Ron and I watched Harry whisk you off to propose to you I prayed not only that you would say yes, but that Harry would help you. It finally took you delivering Genevieve for me to realize that I didn't only trust you; I loved you like I do Harry. I had added you into my heart. That is why when you left Harry after he caught you asking Snape for help instead of him, who did I help clean up? It was you was it not? I yelled at both of you for being so bull-headed not to see the truth, and you guys got married. So when all of this happens to my best friends, yes friends Draco, not friend. I love Harry, but I love you as well, and you will listen to me. I was devastated. How could this happen to you guys. Not just you, but to both of you. Yes Harry is physically healthy, but he is the one that has to deal with the knowledge that the love of his life isn't going to get the chance to grow old with him. So do I pity you, no I pity your situation. I feel sorry for both of you having to be in this place. No one should have to go through half of the things that the two of you have already overcome. You have through so much more than people twice your age, and yet here you are still standing. It's not a weakness to lean on people every once in awhile, Draco. It's part of life. I am sorry that you feel that I was pitying you, however just so you know, I don't. Now if you will excuse me I do need to go home and feed my daughter." With that she walked back over to the coat rack and put on her jacket and her scarf as she turned the door knob she heard a silent voice.

"I'm sorry too Mione, I'm sorry too." She turned and smiled and ran over and hugged the man for all that he was worth. She pulled back and told him that she really did need to get back, and made sure he was coming over the following day and Draco assured her that he would and she left. Draco grabbed his glass of wine and sat on his stool in the kitchen, and stared. He just stared in a corner for awhile. When their clock chimed 4 pm Draco shook himself back to reality and ran around and tidied up a bit. He ran into the kitchen and tried to think of what to make for dinner. He decided a nice roast and some vegetables would be safe and set about getting it ready. He put them all in the oven and sat back to enjoy another glass of wine. He got the dishes out and set the table. He decided to light some candles; he liked the way they sparkled off their dishes. He got another bottle of wine out of their wine closet and set it on the table. He heard the door open and close and tensed. He hadn't been home alone at all since the incident. Harry came into the kitchen and smiled.

"Hello there! What have we here?" He smiled as he opened the oven door and smelled the cooking roast and vegetables. Draco poured Harry some wine and handed him the glass.

"Thank you! Where's the mash?" Draco rolled his eyes; he forgot that Harry liked mash with everything.

"I was just getting to that, I like them fresh, and so I wanted to do them last." He bent over and got a handful of potatoes out of the bottom of a cupboard and tossed them in the sink. He waved his wand and cleaned them then flicked his wand again and they were on a cutting board being skinned and chopped up and he picked them up and tossed them in a pan and added some water and salt and put it on to boil. Harry stood there sipping his wine.

"You forgot didn't you?" Draco blushed.

"Okay yes I did, I was sort of dazed a bit after fighting with Hermione and I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing, sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? And why did you fight with Mione? Did you buy Genevieve another outfit?"

"Well, yes, but it was so cute Harry you should have seen it! It looked like it was made to fit her, even Madame Malkin said so. But no, Hermione didn't mind that, Ron is the one that has a fit over that, you would think that he would be happy that Genny has 2 rich good looking uncles willing to spoil her properly." Harry rolled his eyes, "Anyways, Mione got on my case about school and you know how she is, and I was just having a bad day at that time and was already a little punchy, and so I sort of lost my temper with her and left. Don't worry she got someone to watch the baby and she came over, reamed me out and set me back in my place, and I apologized, so all is better." Harry shook his head and was still trying to wrap his mind around what Draco had said, and then he remembered what he had done today. Harry checked their potatoes and they were done and motioned for Draco to stay sitting and he strained the potatoes, dumped them in the mixer and grabbed some milk to pour in and threw in some butter.

"So Draco did you have a chance to think about what we had talked about the other day?"

"What, the whole adoption thing? Harry I don't know. I want a family, but how are we supposed to go about the whole thing. Everything I have ever heard about the process is so hard and grueling and a lot of paper work, and I just don't know. Why do you ask?" Harry who had thought for sure this would cheer Draco up, now didn't know if he should even tell him. Well I guess it's too late for that.

"Well while I was out at lunch I went up to the 7th floor to speak to someone at the Magical Care of Children office."

"You did what? Harry James Potter how could you do this without me?"

"Look Draco, all I did was get some information and talked to the lady for a little bit. They have this excellent program for kids that are over 5 years old that their adoption is free because not too many people want older children; they all want to adopt babies. But Draco before you say no you have to see this kid's picture!" Harry reached into his pocket and pulled something out and upon enlarging it; Draco saw that it was a large brown envelope. Harry pulled out the papers and then turned the top one around so that Draco could see it. His breathe hitched a bit as he grabbed the paper. He looked at the picture and couldn't help but smile. It was a little boy with Blonder than blonde hair, just like Draco's but it was helplessly messy, and the boy had the softest porcelain skin that he had ever seen. He had vibrantly green eyes partly covered by black wire rimmed glasses perched on his perfect little nose. Draco looked back up at Harry and he nodded, pleased that Draco was taking this so well. Draco scanned down the page and saw that the boys name was Drake? How weird is that? He was 5 years old and had been living in foster care since his parents were killed by Voldemort. They had a little section at the bottom of the page that was like the kids part to write what they liked and what they wanted in a family. Draco couldn't help but smile. Little Drake loved riding his toy broom and playing with his potions set that his foster parents had gotten him, but most of all he just wanted a forever family to love him forever. Draco couldn't help the tears that welled in his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He had been crying enough damn it, he wasn't going to start again. But rereading that last line he swore that he could almost hear this perfect little voice in his head saying that same thing. He handed the picture back to Harry.

"He's cute, but I don't think that I can do this right now." Harry looked incredulous. "Are you kidding me? We had both talked about wanting kids ever since we got together. We both wanted kids, but we are both guys so how did you think we were going to do this?"

"Well there is this potion; it will turn the person into a female, well as long as it takes."

"You want me to take a bloody woman?"

"No not you! I wanted to take it. I just always had this thing about having my own child, you know what I mean?"

"No, not exactly, you would give up certain parts, just to have a child?"

"Well not just any child Harry, but our child…and yes I would, it's not like the affects are permanent, and everything goes back to normal when I stop taking the potion."

"Well how will that work with…?"

"It won't Harry, I already asked Neville, I can't do it because I could give it to the child then, and you can't take it either because I could still give it to the child through my DNA anyways, so that option is out. I just…need time to get a hold of this."

"Well why don't we fill out the paper work since the process is fairly long anyways, and see where it goes from there? We can back out at anytime, just say the word if you get uncomfortable and we will back off and talk about things, okay?"

"Okay Harry." Harry ran over and hugged him. He really loved Draco, and he was glad that he got Draco's mind on something else than what had happened. Harry didn't let on nearly as much about how he spent all afternoon looking at that little boys picture, and didn't even pay attention in classes because he couldn't get over the coincidence in finding this little boy; this perfect little boy who looked like the perfect combination of himself and Draco. He had obsessed over that picture, and in truth was glad when Draco finally agreed because he couldn't wait to meet the little man. They sat down and ate dinner and Harry thanked Draco for the marvelous meal and then they sat at the table and filled out the preliminary paperwork. Harry kept telling Draco how lucky he was to have a husband like him. Draco kept shoving it all aside, he knew that Harry deserved better, and truth be told, he wouldn't want Harry to adopt a little boy that looked like him, because then he would have a constant reminder of the mistake he made marrying Draco every day still staring him in the face even after Draco died. Harry got up to put the paperwork up so that he wouldn't forget it, and saw the album that Mad-Eye had given them laying open. Harry flinched as he saw Draco having sex with Cormac MacLaggen in what looked like the Quidditch locker rooms. Draco was driving into Cormac and not even looking at him, he had his eyes closed. He wondered who he was thinking of when he did that. Harry turned around to see Draco looking over his shoulder and then walking into their bedroom before he slammed the door.

Harry put the book back and put all the paperwork except Drake's picture away and walked into their bedroom. Draco lay on his stomach staring into the corner of the ceiling. Harry came in and sat beside Draco on the edge of the bed. Draco flinched, but didn't take his eyes off the corner. He knew that if he looked at Harry he would start crying, and he had decided that he had done more than enough of that. Harry put his hand on Draco's lower back and started rubbing small circles. Draco moved farther away.

"Draco you can't keep doing this. We need to talk about what happened. I knew you were not a virgin, hell far from it. But you have to realize that knowing something and seeing it are two very different things. I know you saw me when I first came in the door. I was scared. You were so much more experienced than me, that maybe I wasn't satisfying you the way you needed to be, and that's what I thought I walked in on. My heart fell into the deepest pit of hell, and then I heard you yelling and screaming and I just…I just snapped. My heart was in my throat, not only had I misjudged you I had stood there and watched it all happen. It was then that I realized that I can not live without you Draco, no matter what. I love you. And it kills me that you are dying and there is nothing I can do to stop it. But that's not it. Everything has changed Draco, everything. We wanted a family and we wanted to watch our kids grow up happier than we did and see them get married and have kids of their own, and I wanted to tend a garden and watch you brew potions when we get old and need rheumatism potions daily. But we can't have that now." Draco let a single tear leak down his cheek.

"Why can't we just live Happily Ever After, Harry?"

Harry lay beside Draco and enveloped him in a crushing hug,

"Everything will be okay Draco, I promise, everything will be okay."

Draco didn't know how Harry could possibly think that everything would be okay, but he lay there and let his tears silently roll down his cheeks, splashing the blue sheets that Charlie had given them, Molly had cleaned them so well, no one, but Draco himself, would know that they were the ones Harry had carried him to the hospital in. You can try to remove stains from the past, but if you aren't careful, the edges of the stain become more pronounced as they get older. You might never see the whole stain again, but those who remember it will see it just as clearly as the day it happened.