Title: How do You Know?
Author: Evie
Chapter 16
Disclaimer: If these characters were honestly mine, do you think that Harry would have asked Cho to that damn Yule Ball while Draco went with Pansy? That's what I thought, it's not like I have anything you would want anyways. We have the wonderful JKR for all things heterosexual in this as well as the wonderful characters we all know to be gay thank you very much. SO yes this is slash, if you've gotten this far and haven't figured that out, just keep reading, and maybe you'll realize that is what you have been reading the entire time!
Rating: I'm going to go R/M for language
A/N: I got some really cool reviews for which I am so happy about! One was an actual review, where they broke down the story and told me what they like, and that I write a lot of run-ons, and that I should break some of them up, instead of trying to convey a whole idea in one sentence. Kind of like that, yeah! So thank you! I kept that in mind while writing this, and every time the damn grammar check wanted me to change a period to a comma for more complex sentences I laughed, and said "Not this time you piece of crap!" Mental, I know, hopefully this will be better, and everyone else please review because I can't change anything if I don't know it's wrong. But I also don't want to change something that you may like because I think there's something wrong. The only solution…Review. And upon re-reading my last chapter, there are an awful lot of errors that no one told me about and the little after the little kids name Drake, that Harry wanted to adopt, well because all information on him is real. I am in the process of adoption as well, and when my husband and I came across him…he is just perfect! I can't wait until I get to meet him. SO now on with this, and I Watch for Drake, I am sure he will make a real reappearance! Love ya'll Evie!
H
I wish I had your faith,
I sometimes want to give in and set you free…
You don't deserve this shame…
You don't deserve dirt like me…
You deserve better than what I could ever be.
D
'Why do I always feel like this? I need to get up and clean the flat, and do up the dishes, and get showered and dressed and good Merlin, it's nearly 4 now. Harry is going to kill me if he comes home and sees me still in my pajamas again today with nothing done.' Draco's thought were running through his head a thousand times faster than the usual persons. He had felt like this everyday for awhile now. He wanted to change. He wanted to feel better for Harry. He wanted to be able to wake up with Harry and go running again, and come home and get the house work all done and run errands like he used to, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Today was going to be a start. He gingerly rolled out of bed, 'Merlin why does everything have to hurt?' he thought. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and poured it full of wine. He flicked his wand and got the dishes started, he stepped back and cast a quick scourgify over the counters. He walked through the rest of the flat flicking his wand tidying up a bit and sipping on his wine. He walked into the kitchen and decided that they would have chicken and turned the oven on and throwing on a few spices he set it in the oven. He would do the mash after he showered. He truly felt disgusting, he couldn't bring himself to even bath everyday, for some reason he felt like he should just be dirty. It's not like it mattered anyways. He refilled his wine glass and took a long steamy shower. It helped ease some of his aches, but honestly he just hurt so much anymore. When he got out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked back over to his and Harry's room. He had planned on making the bed he had just rolled out of a half an hour earlier after his shower, but when he got to his room Harry was there laying across the bed staring at the picture of Drake that Harry had placed on their wardrobe. He rolled over when he saw Draco walk into the room.
"Take another nap today?"
"Yeah, I've just been really tired lately." Draco lied; he didn't want Harry to know that he never got out of bed until after 4.
"Well what time was your nap?" It was an innocent enough of a question, but that made Draco nervous.
"Umm, well I don't really recall. It was sometime this afternoon though because I was tired after tidying up." Not a complete lie, he was tired again and their bed was right there, he could easily just lay there for the rest of the day.
"Well you see that's funny, because I've tried flooing twice today, and so did the people from the Magical Care of Children's office. They flooed you this morning and the house had looked a bit unkempt, and they checked with me to make sure that they had the right address, and to make sure that we were indeed connected to the floo network, and I assured them that all our information was correct. So I tried around 10 and you were nowhere in sight, and the house was still messed up and nothing had changed since I had left for school. They tried again and after lunch and the house was in the same order as before and they were concerned for you, so I checked again around 2 and nothing had changed. They need to set up a date to interview us and look around our flat to make sure that everything in the house is in order. So I set us for the interview for about a week, it's a surprise inspection so that they get a better picture of what we are like on a day to day basis. They were worried because I told them that you would be home, and no one answered. So either you cleaned the living room last, or you didn't get out of until later this afternoon again."
Draco turned to walk back out of their bedroom when Harry came up and put his hand on Draco's shoulder.
"Please Draco, don't shut me out. Just talk to me. I'm your husband; I'm here to help you."
"But you can't, and neither can I." Draco replied in a dead voice and shrugged Harry's hand off his shoulder and walked back out to the kitchen. He refilled his wine glass yet again and then sat on a stool at their breakfast nook and found an interesting spot in the corner, preparing mentally for what he new was coming.
Harry huffed and followed Draco, he has always been a difficult person to live with but it seems that ever since he was diagnosed he had become more and more remote. Harry was nearly at his wits end, he loved Draco but he didn't know what to do to help him get through this rough time. Neville had told him that a positive attitude makes a big difference. He knew that people that want to live and strive for it will live longer than someone who gives up. Harry was afraid that Draco had already given up. Neville and Augustus both said that as long as Draco keeps up his physical activity and takes all his meds as directed, he should live a full life for the next couple of years. There have even been some muggles who have lived with the disease for 15-20 years. Harry walked into the kitchen and saw Draco sitting there with nothing but his towel on and another glass of wine in his hand, staring at another damn corner in the ceiling.
"Do you think that maybe we need to redecorate the ceilings? Maybe paint them a better color than that stupid white or maybe texturize it? What do you think Draco?"
Harry was grasping at straws here, he didn't want to bring up Draco's sleeping habits again, and he knew his answer. Draco never blinked but in the same dead voice as before,
"You can do whatever you want to, dear."
"Why not help me out. You know that I have horrid taste and no sense of style either, so why don't we play around with it for a bit after dinner?"
No answer from Draco, other than a shrug of his shoulders. He drained his glass of wine and picked up his wand and levitated some potatoes out of the cupboard and put them into the sink and with another flick of his wand they were clean, and he put them on the board and flicked his wand again and set the knives to peeling and cutting up the potatoes so that he could make Harry's mash. Harry picked up the potatoes and put them in a pan of water and set them to boil.
"You know I don't care if you are tired and want to sleep the day away, I do care that you don't tell me about what's going on. I married you for better or worse, and I meant that. If you are waiting for me to leave you Draco you can forget about it, because it will never happen."
Draco didn't answer anything he walked over to refill his wine glass, and walked back towards their bedroom.
"Where are you going now? You can't still be tired after sleeping all day!" Harry accused his thinning husband.
"I'm going to get some clothes on if that is alright with you." Draco said in an even tone and didn't wait for an answer; he just turned back around and continued to their bedroom. Once there he shut the door and let out a breath that he wasn't aware that he had been holding. He just wanted to cry, but knew if he did Harry would know something was wrong. Draco was doing this for Harry's sake. 'He will be a lot better off without me around' Draco thought. 'I'm doing this so that when I die he will already be detached, and it will be easier for him to move on. With any luck he will leave me before then, and he won't have to go through with me withering away to nothing.' He kept running the reasoning through his head. He mumbled to himself while throwing on a pair of black slacks and a comfy sweater that would keep him warm. He had been really cold for a long time, he had originally he thought that it was just a curse for living in the dungeons for most of his life, damn muggles and their stupid diseases.
Harry had followed Draco back the hall, he and Mione had been worried about him for quite some time now. They didn't think that he's kill himself, but he was drowning all the same. He never went over to Hermione's any more. He didn't want to see let alone hold Genevieve, and didn't even want to talk to Snape if he flooed him. Harry stopped at the doorway and watched Draco's mannerisms and listened to him mumble to himself as he got dressed. Harry noticed that Draco had even tried to coordinate anything he put on. Normally the slytherin would match his underwear and shirt, and then match his shirt to whatever trousers and socks he was going to wear. But Draco haphazardly threw on a white pair of socks, a green pair of bikini's and black pants with a grey sweater. To the average person this all matched just fine, however, Draco would never be caught dead wearing white socks with black pants let alone the green underwear with a grey sweater? No he had a pair of bikinis for every shirt as well as a pair of socks for every pair of trousers. Harry turned around before he would be spotted and walked back out and sat at the table. With a few flicks of his wand the mash was made and the food placed on the table and it was all set. So he let his head drop onto his arms while he waited for Draco.
After Draco got dressed he sat on the edge of their bed and stared at the wardrobe at the picture of the little boy. This is what he had done most of the day, but he wasn't going to tell Harry that. The little boy looked sort of shy at first glance, but when you really looked at him, and studied the picture you could see this mischievous little glint to his eyes. It was so like Potter it was beyond belief. He half wondered if perhaps Potter had sex with some girl in school and knocked her up without her ever telling him. He quickly put the thought out of his head and remembered that Harry had been a virgin their first time. God a bloody virgin! Who would have guessed, the famous Harry Potter, quidditch star, the boy who lived, the golden child, the promised one... a virgin! Hehehehe…God he had been so naïve and Draco damn near hurt him. Not really, but it had scared Draco. Harry caught on fast though, and was insatiable when it came to sex. All the times that they had made love, and each time Draco brought Harry closer to signing his own death certificate. Moody was right…every time he fucked Harry it was like every one he had ever fucked right there fucking him…Draco was just the carrier. He looked back up at the picture again and smiled. He just wanted a forever family to love hi forever. If anyone could promise that it would be Harry. God everyone else will die and Harry will still be there holding someone's hand trying to help them, damn goody little Gryffindor.
Draco walked out to the kitchen and refilled his wine again, and this time poured Harry one as well. He walked into the dining room and found Harry there asleep with his head on his arms, and the table set. He had even remembered to light the candles that Draco loved. Draco didn't think that he had been gone all that long so he put Harry's glass down in front of his plate and tapped Harry's shoulder. Harry sputtered something about worried about Draco, but he couldn't quite hear right. Harry looked up into Draco's grey eyes and smiled.
"Thank you for joining me, I thought that I was going to have to eat alone."
Draco just shrugged his shoulders and set to dish out both of their servings when Harry caught his hand and kissed it. Draco pulled it back like it had been burnt.
"Potter please, it's dinner time."
"Well, Mr. Potter, I am sorry that I offended you, I merely wanted to kiss my husband."
Draco feigned indifference, while Harry was getting upset. He wasn't one that had to have sex all the time, nor was he one to push the subject. He told Draco that he would never do that to him, but they had still not had sex since before he was raped, and Harry knew that was a difficult enough thing to overcome, but Draco barely let Harry touch him let alone anything else. The closest he got is when Draco would fall asleep at night he would curl into Harry and hold him so tight that he thought that he wouldn't be able to breathe, so he knew this was all an act. He knew what Draco was trying to do, but he wasn't going to fall to that bait. He was going to keep loving Draco despite everything.
They ate together in amiable silence and together cleaned up the dishes and made sure everything was put away. Harry poured himself another glass of wine and offered some to Draco. Draco accepted, he always slept better when he was intoxicated. Harry filled their glasses and asked Draco to sit with him in their living room. He sat on the couch and motioned for Draco to join him. He cautiously sat down on the other end of the sofa and glanced at Harry before taking a big swig of his drink before setting it down. Harry leaned across the couch then and laid his head in Draco's lap. Draco was startled, Harry had been giving him his space, but this was nice. Draco sat there with his hands running through Harry's nested hair. He was again surprised that Harry's hair was not tangled in knots, but was silky smooth and glided through Draco's fingers. He didn't know how hair could look so messy, but feel so nice and smooth. As Draco ran his fingers over Harry's scalp he couldn't help but feel turned on. It's not something they had done before, but Merlin what that man could do with his hands. Harry let a small moan escape his lips. Draco was startled out of his mindless playing by Harry's moan, and didn't know what to do. He hadn't expected this. He chanced a glance down over Harry's body only to see that Harry had on a pair of very tight jeans, that were becoming tighter by the minute, and a green shirt that Draco had picked up for him from the muggle mall they had been too. The outfit left nothing to Draco's imagination and to his chagrin his body was responding as well. He wanted to make love to Harry again but was scared of what would happen or possibly infecting Harry. Come on, one person can only be so lucky right? Draco shifted to try and move his groin away from Harry's head in his lap, but that only caused Harry to roll closer to Draco and come face to face with Draco's, err…problem.
"Hello, I haven't seen you for awhile. Mind if I come in for a visit?" Harry was talking to Draco's pants, and the evil, disobedient body that he had was twitching in response.
"Oh for Merlin's sake, Harry!" Draco said exasperated.
"What I thought that I was only being polite, asking if I can come visit or not." Harry had such an innocent look on his face. If he hadn't known better he would have looked like a kid had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner. Draco couldn't help but laugh. Harry finally had the leverage that he had wanted and took this time to jump up and sit on Draco's lap. Draco stopped laughing and looked up into those vibrant green eyes that were begging for him to let him in. Malfoy continued his gaze,
"Harry, you know that we can't do this. I can't take the chance that I'll infect you."
"Draco, you won't infect me with anything but love I promise."
"Harry, how do you know? We know that I have it, and it's advanced enough that I don't know how much time I have left. I could have a week or another 5 years…I don't know, and I don't want to spend that time worrying about whether I infected you or not. That is why I have been avoiding this." He said as he motioned down to their raging hard-ons begging to be let loose.
"Draco, didn't you listen to Neville or Augustus? We can still have sex we just have to be careful, meaning we need to use contraception now. That's all!"
"I thought they meant we could wank each other off and stuff like that, but I didn't know anything about that whole contraception thing. What is that?" Draco asked quite honestly. Harry tried not to laugh, not wanting to hurt Draco's already touchy sense of humor.
"It's a muggle idea to prevent pregnancies and diseases." Harry reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, and in the one pocket where he had an ID card he reached behind it and pulled out a packaged condom.
"What are you supposed to do with that?" Draco asked.
Harry opened the package and looked at Draco.
"You roll this down over your prick and it acts like a rain coat, so that no diseases or anything can go through it."
"Well who wears one? And what do you do with them afterwards? Do you just keep using the same one then?"
Harry couldn't help it, he did let out a little giggle, but he quickly covered it.
"No, we never re-use them, okay? They are contaminated once they are used and so you need to throw them away. Okay?"
"Okay, but who wears them? Do you honestly want me to put my prick in that slimy thing?"
"Whoever is going to be doing the buggering wears it okay? You don't need to wear one if you are bottom, and they are slimy because they come with lubricant already on them."
Harry didn't know what else to say, so he just sat on Draco's lap rocking back and forth until finally Draco said…
"Okay love; show me how these damn things work."
Harry smiled and grabbed Draco's hand and led him back into their bedroom. He carefully stripped Draco of his clothes and quickly discarded his own, before looking at Draco.
"What do you want to be?" Harry asked. Draco thought for a second and said that he wanted to be bottom. Harry had sort of expected this, but he still had his hope. "Okay"
Harry laid Draco down on the bed and slowly started prepping him. He lay beside Draco kissing him with such a fever that Draco was begging him to fuck him before too long. Harry was beyond ready himself with pre-cum already dripping from his tip. Draco watched as Harry slid the condom down a little bit then pinched the tip and continued unrolling it down the length of his shaft. Harry then placed himself right outside Draco's entrance and looked into Draco's face as he entered. 'Merlin it feels so good to have Harry in me again' Draco thought. It was a little different feeling with the condom, but not bad. They quickly worked themselves into a long forgotten frenzy of withheld sexual tension. It didn't take Harry long before he was taking short rapid thrusts into Draco and then collapsed. He blinked back tears as he hugged Draco and whispered that he loved him and he always would. Draco lay still, his mind obviously thinking of something. Harry finally asked.
"Would you like to try?" Harry asked with a smirk on his face.
"You have more?" Draco asked incredulous.
"I bought a box of 24 the night after we got home, and they've been waiting ever since." He replied, rolling over and reaching into the bedside drawer and pulling out a long roll of them. Draco rolled on top of Harry and started grinding into his ass cheeks. When Harry started flailing Draco reached out and grabbed the condoms out of Harry's hand. He ripped one off and tore a corner and pulled it out. He was unrolling it down over his own shaft when he discovered something odd.
"Why are there ripples on these?" he asked innocently, thinking maybe he had put it on wrong.
Harry laughed with a big smirk on his face. "They are ribbed for her pleasure!"
"What? Where is there a woman? And what pleasure is she going to get out of this thing?"
"The one I used is a freebie I had picked up at a muggle store somewhere and then I bought that box at the drug store down the road when I went in to fill your prescriptions. Ribbed for her pleasure simply means that it's ribbed to make it feel better. They just put for her pleasure on them since mostly straight men use them in the muggle world."
Draco nodded and then got a mischievous glint to his eyes. He plundered Harry's' mouth and started biting and licking and teasing and pinching his way down the brunettes body. Draco paused to peel the offending left over condom off and fling it into the bin. He licked and tasted and swirled his tongue around and around until Harry was panting and begging for Draco to finish it. Draco smiled and looked into Harry's eyes. Then he pushed his way slowly into Harry, the whole way until he nudged his prostate, making Harry scream in anticipation of what he knew was coming. Draco pulled slowly, oh so slowly back out the entire way and repeated himself. He did this 3 more times before Harry was begging him just to fuck him. Draco was relishing his moment though, and was enjoying making love to his husband without hearing voices or seeing other people there fucking him. He continued this agonizingly slow pace until he couldn't take it anymore himself and he began to ravage Harry's ass. He pumped into him faster and faster, and let out all the anger, all the tension, all the times he wanted to cry, all because he would not live to see Happily Ever After. He came inside, and it was a weird feeling, then he remembered the condom. He collapsed on top of Harry and just wanted to breathe, nothing more…just to breathe. Harry wrapped his arms around his husband and whispered sweet nothings into Draco's ear as they both drifted off to sleep still entwined in their love.
Harry&DracoHarry&Draco
Harry awoke with the sun pouring in the windows. He snuggled into Draco before he heard what had awoken him. Draco was still out, but he heard the floo firing up. He grabbed his robe and ran out into the living room.
"Ah! Good day Mr. Potter. My name is Margaret Ebling and I am a social witch for the Care of Magical Children Department. Is the other Mr. Potter home as well?"
Harry shook his head, trying to think fast.
"Umm, yes, err, of course Ms. Eblong."
"Ebling dear, Miss Ebling. I will be through in about 5 minutes for your interview and a tour of your flat. I will see you then." And before Harry could say anything she was gone. Great! He could handle being late for school, but how in the world was he going to get Draco up and dressed in 5 minutes. He ran back into the bedroom and saw Draco laying there with his eyes wide open.
"Draco honey that was Miss umm…Ebling I think she said, from the Care of Magical Children. They are going to do the interview today!"
Harry was trying not to jump around with the excitement that was surging through his veins. Draco rolled out of bed and stood up bare naked to stretch. He walked over to their wardrobe where Harry was picking out his clothes. Draco bent over and placed a few kisses down the back of Harry's neck.
"Good morning to you too love." Smirk firmly in place.
"I said good morning, didn't I?" Harry asked, not really sure if he mentioned that in all of the excitement or not. Draco laid out a pair of black trousers and black socks, a silver pair of bikini's and a silver grey turtleneck sweater. He got dressed effortlessly and carefully tied his black shoes. Harry had just thrown on a pair of jeans and a navy long sleeve tee-shirt and a pair of trainers. Draco laughed as he combed his hair and Harry stood there brushing his teeth while his hair was stuck in every direction.
"Honestly Harry your entire ensemble is screaming I've just spent the entire night shagging my husband and I'm much too tired to try and look decent. Is that what you want the adoption official to get as a first impression?"
Harry swatted Draco's arse, and stuck his tongue out.
"Well she already had her first impression of me in my robe running into the living room before the floo flickered out. So she probably already knows that I was going to have to hurry and get dressed."
"While she will look at me, and think that I have been up since the crack of dawn."
Harry again made to swat Draco but his hand was caught in mid-swing by Draco himself. But e didn't do anything but look into Harry's eyes.
"Is this what you want Harry? Do you honestly want to adopt a child knowing that I could die tomorrow? Do you want the child to look like me, and have that staring you in the face everyday, forever reminding you of me? Is that what you want?"
Harry smiled and tried to blink back his tears. Now it all made sense…
"Of course I do. Any of us can die at anytime anyways. I could get killed going to school tomorrow. Does that mean that I shouldn't enjoy today? I want Drake for a number of reasons, but of course I want someone to remind me of how much I love you. A little slytherin boy who is as smart as Hermione, and has your hair and facial features and my eyes, and loves to ride a broom like the both of us, he is perfect. He loves brewing his own potions, just like you, and I want to have him forever remind me of the love that I found in you, of the love that you have given to me." They heard the floo flare and a whoosh of air. Draco smiled and kissed Harry chastely on his lips before pushing him out of the bathroom and shutting the door. Draco again leaned up against the wooden door and appreciated the coolness of it. 'I will do this for you Harry…I will go through with this, so that you can have a child that will keep you happy, even after I am long gone.' Draco looked into the mirror and took his concealment charm off his face and he saw how sickly he truly did look. He noticed another lesion as well on his forehead. He wouldn't worry Harry about this. So he again cast his concealment charm over his face the same as he had been doing since he came home from the hospital.
Harry&DracoHarry&Draco
"Well Messer's Potter, your home is quite inviting and is up to all the standard codes, and everything is in order for that, so now I need to do a brief physical history on the two of you." Margaret Ebling made herself at home and sat on their settee and pullout some parchment and a quill. Harry glance quickly at Draco before sitting down together. He didn't think they would ask anything about their health. But he guessed it did sort of make sense.
"Now Mr. Potter, you are the Harry Potter, correct?"
"Umm…Yes. Is that one of the questions?"
"No, I just wanted to put down that you are resilient, and have lived through a killing curse. Now, do you have any physical problems? Do you have bad knees or a stiff back that prevent you from any daily activities? Do you have any diseases? Do you have any mental health problems or have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder?"
Harry couldn't believe this woman. He just kept shaking his head no. He wasn't looking forward to when she turned to Draco.
"Thank you Mr. Potter, now Mr. Malfoy-Potter I believe?"
"Yes, my name is Draco Malfoy-Potter."
"How about you? Do you have any lasting physical problems? Do you have any ailments that prevent you from everyday living or any diseases or mental disorders?"
"I have A.I.D.S., and with that I am a lot more tired than I used to be, and I ache a lot more than I used to, but that happens with age anyways, but other than that I am healthy."
"I see, and when did you contract this disease?"
"I contracted the disease during my last year of schooling, so about 2 years ago."
"I see, and Mr. Potter, "she asked as she looked back at Harry, "Have you been tested as well?"
"Yes I have and I have not contracted it Miss Ebling. I will get you copies of the necessary documentation if you require it."
"No your word is good enough for me Mr. Potter." She smiled again. This woman, though brisk, seemed genuinely nice.
"Now Mr. Malfoy-Potter, would you be able to tell me how you contracted this disease? "
"Call me Draco please." Draco insisted, it would take forever if she kept addressing him as that. "I contracted it through intercourse with another student."
"I see, and is this the way you plan on raising your children Messer's Potter?"
Draco wasn't offended, he knew that was coming, but he didn't expect Harry to fly off the handle.
"Now wait a minute! What does Draco having AIDS have anything to do with how we raise our children? This is discrimination and don't think that I won't call every paper I can find and the Minister of Magic himself."
"Mr. Potter please, if you will allow me to explain the question I had asked. I am merely trying to find out where your morals lie. Would you be bringing up the child thinking that sex is just a part of the school life?"
Draco answered after placing his hand on Harry's.
"Miss Ebling, I am no saint, of that you can be sure. But I have changed a lot since school to win over Harry's heart, and even though I do not deserve it he loves me, and he has accepted all of my shortcomings and we are growing together as a couple. I now know that the way I was raised was not necessarily the best way, and while Harry didn't have an ideal childhood either, we are trying to make our own way in this. No parent is perfect, and we won't pretend that we will be. But we will be the best parents that a child could have. They might be a bit spoiled, they might let a word slip that should probably not be said once in awhile, but we will never hurt a child, or try to intimidate them. We won't force anything on our child, and we most certainly will love this child more than he has ever been loved before."
Miss Ebling smiled. "Well, thank you for your time gentlemen. I am sure that we will be getting back to you." With that she was gone. Leaving Harry and Draco to wonder what happened.
"I'm so sorry Harry. I should have kept my mouth shut. I never should have married you. You would have been able to adopt any child in the world without me."
"Draco, everything will be fine. I'm sure of it, and Miss Ebling probably loved your answer. I did. Thank you for saying all of that. I love you so much."
"Anything to make you happy Harry," Draco just wished that he could have some of Harry's faith. How he continued to think that everything would be fine. Honestly he didn't know which one was having the mental breakdown here. He just hoped that in the end Harry would be happy, even if he was being selfish keeping him all to himself.