Title of Chapter: Can't be Perfect
Author's note: Ok, so sue me. It's several weeks into February, but see, I um… had this thing and err… I ah… um… yeah, moving on.
Author's note part deux: I've been watching way too much VH1 'I love the 90's' of late, so my apologies. Anywhos, see the title of the chapter above? Well, just for an FYI, if any were interested, though I doubt, but whatever… the title comes from this song that I'm currently listening to on the radio. Don't judge me my 'hood' friends, but the station I'm listening to now is z100. I don't know how it wound up there, but there it found itself. It's going back to hot97 in a bit, so be patient. Anyhows, this song is alternative-ish. Damn if I know the title or the name of the band, but I'm presently bopping my noggin to its groovacious beat. Oh, here comes the chorus-
"We lost it all, nothing last forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late and we can't go back, I'm sorry, I can't be perfect"
sniff Kinda makes ya want to tear up don't it? Hey, if any of you know of the title or the band, holla at a sista and let her know won't you
-
"So what's it gonna be?" Buffy repeated arms still folded at her chest.
It seemed as if time crept by in those few seconds to Buffy as she stood there waiting for the woman in front of her to speak. To say the words that would fill her with joy or break her heart completely.
"Ok, look, I'm sorry I lied to you before, but you don't understand. There are people in this town that don't want you to know, people who can make my life not so good and I for one don't want to upset these people, and if that bothers you, then I'm sorry, but I have a family of my own to think about."
Buffy eyes widen in shock. 'People in town' she thought confused. "What do you mean people in this town don't want me to know? Why would anyone care about me finding out who my parents are? That's really making the kinda sense that doesn't."
"You know, just pretend none of that came out of my mouth", Valrose said, before turning around to walk away
Grabbing onto her arm, Buffy impeded the midwife's escape. "Where do you think you're going? You can't just drop something like that on me, then walk away. An explanation would be really good right about now"
Annoyance overtook any sympathy Valrose previously had towards the blonde. "There is no explanation. I'm ending this conversation, so do me a favor and get your hands off me, so I can return to work", she spitted out as politely as she could.
Buffy removed her hand quickly "I'm sorry", she apologized. "I'm just… I just want to know what's going on. From what little information I have, and I'm rolling my eyes saying this right now cause it's so 'Lifetime movie of the week – esque' but for whatever reason, people in this town are conspiring against me", she said pausing. "Wow, forget Lifetime, that sounded straight from the pages of a Danielle Steel novel, grant it, most of her books end up as a movie on Lifetime, but I'm just saying".
A tiny smile crept its way onto Valrose's face.
Buffy took notice and tried once again to probe for more information. "It's just that all my life basically, I've dreamt about finding my real parents. Seeing the person who gave birth to me. Knowing who she is. You know, I've just been really curious about the little things. Does she have my color eyes, my same color hair tone, my smile, my laugh even. Small stuff like that". Buffy took a deep inhale, looked at Valrose with intense and continued. "And I understand if you're worried about telling me who my mother is in fear of it getting back to whomever, but you can trust me. I won't say a word", she went on, performing the 'scout honors' gesture. "Just a name is all I'm asking for. That's it, nothing else"
Valrose thought for a minute. "God Buffy, I do really want to help you, but I just can't'. I'm really very sorry", she said, turning and walking away leaving Buffy behind in the lobby, unbeknownst to her, Angel watching on from the doorway he had so recently entered. Her hand flew to her face and tears began to fall as she stood there, crying silently. A hand touched her shoulder, gently turned her around, and took her in an embrace in which she freely welcomed. She rested her head into the broad shoulders that comforted her and continued to cry. "Shhh, it's ok", she heard the voice of whose silk shirt her tears and to her embarrassment, nostril juices were soaking up. Angel laid a kiss upon her head and continued to comfort her, and then suddenly she became very aware of his voice, realizing who he was and quickly after, became very mindful of his closeness.
Pushing away from him, wiping her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, Buffy looked up, and as if on queue, she saw Angel and the way he looked at her then, the intensity, the caring, the worry that seeped through his eyes, made Buffy want to wrap herself back into his embrace and take comfort there. Instead, she said "Angel, what are you doing here?"
Angel hid his hurt well. Did she really dislike him that much, even in her obvious pain, to be so quick to get as far away from him as she could? Was she that repulsed by that night they shared, that she couldn't stand the sight of him? When he had left her hotel room that day, he'd left a note, telling her to call, but she never did. He'd seen her walking along Merrick Street, offered her a ride home and it took him some convincing to get her to accede. He'd thought about a myriad of explanations for Buffy's behavior towards him, but none of them ever put his mind at ease. "I work here".
"Yeah, of course. I forgot", she said looking everywhere else except at him. Keeping up this same routine, she went on. "Um, I have to get going, so…"
"Wait", he grabbed onto her arm. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's been a really long day, one that I would really like to forget, so I'm not up to really talking about it ok"
Angel watched as Buffy walked away and disappeared out the exit doors of the hospital. He stood there for a bit contemplating, then began to walk. He slowed when he got to a pair of swinging doors, pushed them open and entered.
"Angel" came a feminine voice behind the front desk. "What brings you to my neck of the woods", she asked, eyeing him as if he were dinner, or brunch, taking into account the time of day.
"Hey Britney. Ah, is Rose busy"?
"Why?" She lowered her voice. "You here about that little incident earlier?" she asked intrusively.
"No", Angel responded a bit annoyed but didn't show. "I just need to speak to Rose for a bit. Can you get her please"?
Britney turned her tiny form around and walked teasingly away. A minute later, she returned with Rose in toe. Angel gestured for Rose to follow him over to a private corner.
"Is something wrong with Dru?" she asked worried. Rose had been the one to deliver Dru, and when her mother died a few years after, she had quickly jumped into the role of surrogate mother, so when she saw Angel standing there, panic took over, which led to her initial question. Her mind was quickly put to ease with Angel's response.
"No, no, Dru is fine", he said. "She's home with Dawn. I wanted to talk to you about what took place out in the lobby a few minutes ago, with Buffy".
It seemed as if time dragged interminably by, and she quickly searched her brain for an explanation as far away from the truth as she could come up with on such short notice. She hated having to lie to Angel, but did she really have a choice? "What do you mean?" she spilled out stalling some.
Angel has known Rose basically all of his life and he could tell quite simply when she was trying to keep something from him. He remembered one particular day he had come home from school earlier than normal. That particular day now etched deep in his memories. He knew something was wrong, asked her what it was, but she pretended not to know what he was talking about. It wasn't until the next day that he was told about his mother's death.
"Rose", he stressed
"Angel really. Why do you want to know"?
"Because I need to know"
"I would like to tell you, but I can't, so let's drop it ok"
"Rose please. Just tell me. This girl Buffy. She's important to me and for me to get closer to her and help her out, I need to know, so please tell me", he finished off.
"Angel, tell me you aren't involved with this gal. Believe me when I tell you this, but that's not a good idea".
"Why?" Angel asked confused. "What are you not telling me"?
"Angel please. Just listen to me and just take my advice. Don't get involved with that girl"
"It's too late for that. I'm already involved. I care for her and if you really want me to take your advice, you're going to have to trust me and tell me what you know".
Valrose stood there for quite some time. Her heart began to beat rapidly and her thoughts went into a state of fluctuation. She weighed the options. The pros to telling him the truth, all of it infact. Then she weighed the cons. They were pretty equally matched until you included the aftermath and devastation if Buffy and Angel did indeed get together romantically. With that last thought in mind, she came to a conclusion. "Can we go some place private"?
"Angel raised his head to look about the infant ward and noticed several eyes fixated on where he stood with Valrose. Redirecting his attention to Valrose, he led her out of the infant ward, and toward the elevators. They entered and the ride to the 15th floor was made in complete silence. Once in his office, he closed the door and turned to her. "So…"
"Now, I'm only telling you all this because I love you like a son and I don't want you to get hurt", she paused. "Buffy came to me today… she came to this town actually for a purpose. She's looking for her biological parents."
"What…" Angel said dazed "I don't understand. She never mentioned any of this to me"
"Maybe she didn't want you to know. I have no idea how that girl mind works, but that's the reason she's here."
It took him a while to take that in. "Ok, so she's looking for her birth parents. What does that have to do with your adamant pleas for me to refrain from engaging romantically with her?"
"She could be using you Angel. Maybe to get what she wants. Get close to me and get the answers she's been looking for". Valrose knew all that to be a complete fallacy, but it didn't hurt to try. Maybe she didn't have to tell him the truth after all, and still persuade him to stay away from Buffy at the same time.
"What? Rose, that makes absolutely no sense. First off, Buffy knows nothing of our relationship. And secondly, she wouldn't do that. She's not that type of girl".
"Angel sweetie. How would you know what kind of girl she is? How long have you known her? A few days? That's not enough time to get to know anyone."
"It's enough time for me. She's not using me."
Sighing, Valrose gave up the charade and thought it time to come clean. "Fine, she's not using you, but you can't continue any romantic relationship you may or may not have with her."
"Why"?
"Because…" She began to pace. "Because I know who her mother is. Buffy's mother is Jillian McKay. Now that name may or may not sound familiar to you. Lord knows how many arguments just the mention of that name created between your mother and father.
Angel watched her as she paced, not knowing if he wanted her to continue. In his head, he could tell where this was all going, but he was hoping against all odds that he was wrong. Praying to God that he was wrong.
Valrose stopped pacing and turned to look at Angel. "I promised your mother I would never tell you this, but I really don't have any choice right now do I?" She took a deep breath. "Angel, your father and Buffy's mother had an affair"
"No, No, No", Angel repeated over and over again. "That's not true. You're lying. My father would never… I… It's not true. It can't be true". Angel stood there, his head in his hands. So many years, he'd thought his parents were the perfect husband and wife and now to find out that it was all a lie was a heavy weight to hold. His thoughts suddenly turned it' attention to something far more disturbing. "Oh My God", he breathed out barely audible. "What exactly are you trying to tell me Rose"?
To be Continued…