Family or Fallacy
No one breathes, too tense, too disbelieving, not only at how this…figure is standing before them, but that the blonde is hugging a certain other blonde who does not seem to mind. Koryuu grimaces slightly upon impact, being tackled by a man the very same size and body-type as himself, but the strain turns quickly into an exasperated but happy smile.
"Itouto-chan?" Koryuu groans, a touch of playfulness in his voice, however, as he hooks his attacker into a headlock-like version of their former hug. "I'm barely a month younger than you, baka."
The lighter-haired blonde smiles within the headlock, barely struggling, his arms remaining tight around Koryuu's slender waist. "Still counts!" he shouts gleefully, pulling free finally and twisting at just the right angle to capture Koryuu with a true, full-on hug, his arms wrapping up around the other blonde's neck.
Kami sighs in content.
Koryuu smiles warmly, returning the embrace.
Sanzo is sure his heart has stopped beating, and Goku, Hakkai, and especially Gojyo are feeling affects so similar it is a wonder they haven't all dropped to the ground--dead.
"I missed you." Kami says into Koryuu's shoulder, snuggled deep and comfortable. "You've been gone ages. Why haven't you visited? It must have been over a month since you last came to the temple."
A small huff, though not at all in surprise, responds. "Don't be so melodramatic." Koryuu chides. "It wasn't that long. Barely over two weeks."
"But you never stay away so long! It felt much longer. I get so bored without you around, Koryuu. No one but you and Master understands me. The other monks are so…so…"
"Fucking clueless. About everything. I know."
"Mmm." Kami agrees, burrowing his head the tiniest bit more before at last pulling away. His smile is bright as he looks at his…friend. The sun illuminating the puppy-like patch over his right eye somehow adds to his demeanor of the grown-up child, even more so than how the watching group remembers him appearing to them. This Kami is also stuck somewhere between man and child, but the road there must have been far less painful.
Watching the exchange between the two, since doing anything but accepting each new impossibility as it comes would be wholly pointless, Sanzo and the others internally tell themselves that as strange as this is, things are as they are because something, somewhere in the timeline…is different here, for whatever reason. With Kami brought in, it makes them wonder what all the differences really are that has brought them each to such different ends. Could it have been so easy and…happy…in their real lives too?
Koryuu flashes Kami a smile, but it is not hard to catch the slight discomfort clouding his usually clear eyes, as if he is about to bring up something Kami may not respond well to. "Ano…Kami…you say you're bored when I'm not here? Maybe…it's time…we found some place else for you to be then…and got you out of the temple."
The onlookers take a moment to register that the man's name is indeed Kami, and though the name is not overly common as a given name, it is not unheard of, and they take it as fitting, since Kami-sama had been the only name they knew for this man in their world.
True to Koryuu's anxiety, Kami does not take this subject very well, his blue eyes widening and then narrowing, his shoulders suddenly hunched as if…the very idea of…leaving…sets him on edge. It is then that Sanzo takes note of Kami's attire. The other blonde is not in monk's robes, but in a simple dressing much like Sanzo himself had worn when at this temple. But Kami is Sanzo's age--23--old to be just an apprentice, if he is even one at all.
"Look…I know what you're thinking, Kami, but you know as well as I do that the temple doesn't suit you. It never has." Koryuu starts in, quick to intercept Kami's discomfort. "You had no other place to go then, but now…you know you'll never be a monk, and you don't want that anyway. I can help you get a job, find a place of your own, whatever you need. All of us are willing to help…get you out of here."
Kami looks away, his eyes downcast and shimmering with what appears to be freshly surfacing tears. He really does appear like some lost child. "I…know. Master says so too. I don't want to be a monk, and I wouldn't be good at it. But…this is the only…home I know. The world is scary, Kory. Last time I was in it…is when…he…"
Those watching take a step back as Koryuu swoops in, gathering Kami quickly in his arms again with such desperate need to…soothe-protect-calm-comfort…that the emotion itself pushes them back. The pair really is…like true brothers.
Sanzo swallows back the bile in his throat, certain the taste on his tongue is some foreign ash that is nothing like the pleasing bitterness of his cigarettes.
Goku's head tilts just so, watching the new embrace with a certain fascination, wondering how Koryuu can touch so easily, being touched, being held, and not…start screaming to be left alone. It really is a mystery, and Koryuu just keeps doing it with everyone. Touching. Being. Living. Like a real person.
Hakkai, however...Hakkai's eyes find themselves darting again and again…to the side. To Gojyo.
While Hakkai never had a personal vendetta against Kami-sama as Sanzo and Gojyo did--other than possibly blaming the madman for being the reason Gojyo left them--Gojyo…Gojyo's vendetta had been powerful. The look on the kappa's face now as Kami stands so near them, huddled like the very children they remember the blonde killing without mercy, tells of a war raging just beyond crimson eyes. After all, when the battle with Kami-sama ended, Gojyo had hoisted their enemy up himself, ready to haul the man out of the crumbling building and help him, so unwilling to let anyone die for the sake of something pointless. Just as Gojyo had almost allowed himself to do…for his mother. But there had still been those children--Ginkaku and Kinkaku--for whom Gojyo still mourns.
To be perfectly honest, even amidst his mind's war, Gojyo can feel his own outcome already. He feels…pity for this Kami. Instant pity. And that overshadows any lingering feelings of anger that might have called for vengeance.
"Koryuu…Master saved me…Master saved you…and…you helped save me too." Kami whimpers into Koryuu's shoulder now. "Are we…" he sniffles, "…like a real family…?"
Sanzo's breath hitches.
But Koryuu pulls Kami just enough out of his hold to look the other blonde square in the face, which is easy since they are practically the same height. "Of course we're a family." Koryuu says without an ounce of hesitation. "I'm your itouto-chan, ne?" he adds with a crooked grin.
And as is the desired effect, Kami laughs. "Hai. And…even if I…leave the temple…nothing will ever change that…right?"
"Right."
"Nothing?
"Nothing."
"Ever?"
"Ever."
Kami nods, as if all the secrets of the world have been explained, confirmed, and made right. "Okay. We can talk then…about me leaving. When you come again…this week? Tomorrow or…Monday?"
The relief that floods Koryuu's eyes is matched only by the blonde's strong smile. "Monday. Mom demands brunch tomorrow, and you know how she hates talk of anything too serious at brunch. Which includes the whole immediate family, of course. Me. Goku. Master. And you."
Sanzo glares at the light and happy look beaming from Kami's face now, not understanding and not wanting to understand…how these two are so close. He does not need to guess at what their relationship is--their…brotherly love is clear--but he wants to know how. Why. Why?
The sound of Kami's hands clapping in glee startles Sanzo back to the scene before him. The lighter blonde nearly giggles, the sounds bringing all of them back a few weeks earlier to when they heard that laughter…mocking them.
"You're mother is so nice, Koryuu. She always lets me come. And her cooking is so good!"
"So everyone seems to think." Koryuu supplies with a short, teasing laugh.
"It's true! The best ever!"
"Hahahaha…"
Sanzo's veins run cold. That is not his own laughter. That is not Kami's, for all the unsettling memories the other blonde's voice brings them back to. This laugh…this laugh…
"Now Koryuu…" the new voice speaks, light and smooth and so like a bird's soothing call. "…you do your mother a disservice to think otherwise. Her cooking is splendid."
Not a one of Sanzo's companions would dare speak or even breathe as the voice gives way to a body, a person, who comes around one of the courtyard's low walls, following the path with grace and ease. The man wears the familiar robes of a high ranking monk. A Sanzo. No crown tops his NOT bald head, but the chakra is prominent on his brow. His light brown hair, touched in some places with gold and others with grey, is to his chin in front but falls long and low down his back in a loose braid. His eyes exude kindness and a sense that he would listen and understand you no matter what you were speaking to him about.
Though copies and illusions have presented themselves many times along the journey, this at last is the real thing. A man Sanzo has not seen for over ten years. His master. His father. His…everything.
Koumyo Sanzo.
Sanzo does not realize he has fallen to his knees until the dirt stirred by the impact of him hitting the ground wafts up around him and nearly causes him to choke. Though in truth…there is reason enough to choke on his own breath at this point.
"Koryuu…hisashiburi."
Swallowing hard in the midst of this, Sanzo honestly forgets for a moment that Koumyo is not speaking to him.
Goku twitches almost spastically, hand reaching out and retracting again and again as he shuffles closer to Sanzo's sunken form and debates whether or not he thinks he can get away with placing a hand on Sanzo's shoulder. He knows with certainty that he can NOT get away with it, much as he would like to offer support, hence the twitching that does not show signs of stopping.
"Not you too, Master." Koryuu replies with an almost bashful smile. Sanzo hates his likeness with more fury than ever with the sound of Koryuu speaking to a man…he can never again speak to himself. "Is two weeks really that long? I've just been so busy at work--"
"Hahaha…" Koumyo laughs again, successfully cutting Koryuu off. The older priest waves his hand in dismissal as he comes up close enough now for Sanzo to see every familiar detail--and every new one, seeing as how Koumyo is ten years older than when Sanzo last saw him. "There is no need for hasty apologies. I am only teasing you."
Yes, Koumyo often found ways to tease Sanzo when he was young, always so playfully and innocent, like a cherished friend. And then Koumyo could change like Proteus and become the wise teacher and father, giving Sanzo the sound advice that proved to shape his life.
Bound by nothing, live your life simply as it is.
Sanzo picks himself up from the ground, his averted gaze just daring any of the others to make comment on how he had sunk down. He is angry, so angry now. Irate does not begin to express it. Furious. Incensed. No words could name his anger justly. The trouble is…he doesn't know with what or whom he is angry. He doesn't know why. He just is…for all of it and nothing. And the same question keeps chanting in his head. Why. Why. Why?
"I have to get back to my chores. I know you two want to talk alone, since it's…that day." Kami speaks softly, in gentle reverence and understanding of the comfortable silence passing between Koryuu and Koumyo's gazes. Suddenly, the lighter-haired blonde latches on to Koryuu's arm, eyes pleading again like the little boy he still is. "Ne, Koryuu, don't you dare leave without saying goodbye, even if I get to see you again tomorrow. Okay?"
The smile on Koryuu's face is blinding, more so than ever before. Almost like…the face of the sun. His eyes leave Koumyo's face only a moment in order to look down at Kami, take the other man's hand from his shirt to hold firmly in his own, and nod. "What kind of brother do you take me for? I'll find you."
Something in that phrase brings a brief smile to Goku's face, even as his attention is so rapt up in Sanzo. Yeah, the monkey thinks. Sanzo's good at finding things.
Content to head off at last, Kami waves even as he is heading back inside the temple's doors. The moment he is gone, Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku all take a quick breath, for they know they cannot dare to breathe again once Koryuu and Koumyo start speaking. Surely, Sanzo would kill them for it. Sanzo might kill them anyway, simply for existing and being the only living things he is capable of killing in this world.
If he had his gun, Gojyo muses, though he isn't about to bring that up again. Not right now, anyway.
"A lovely day, isn't it?"
"Yes, Master."
"You look well."
"Thank you, Master."
"But there is something somewhat troubling."
"Troubling, Master?"
"Aa."
"What is it?"
Koumyo's eyes close, his mouth turning up into an even broader smile that lights his barely aged face and for a moment increases the depth of all those added lines. "Why…that you are still standing there."
Hakkai is the one to foolishly let slip a gasp when Koryuu grins…and then bounds forward, looking as if he has merely sighed and ended up sighing right into Koumyo's arms. But Sanzo is too entranced to have murder on the mind for Hakkai. He is still thinking his mantra of Whys, increased feverishly now as he looks on…at Koryuu and Koumyo in a familial embrace.
Not fair. Too cruel. Never once had Sanzo ever…dared. Surely, Koumyo would have welcomed a hug from his charge, but Sanzo had never once…thought. He hated touch, standing it only when it came from his Master, usually in the form of fingers through his hair as a warm hand rested on his head. But an embrace…he had never even…tried.
And now Koumyo's hand does loose itself amongst golden locks, holding Koryuu's head at the crook of his shoulder. It looks so natural for them. So simple…and yet…meaningful and binding in a way that Sanzo feels he missed. How dare this…impersonation of him have everything Sanzo knows…he can never have.
As Koryuu pulls himself free, the pair looks at one another fondly, still closely met. But Koumyo stares out past his former charge then, as if looking for something not there.
Seeing as how Sanzo is right in the monk's current line of sight, it makes the blonde highly uncomfortable and almost…hopeful…in thinking Koumyo might actually be looking at him.
"No Goku?" Koumyo says instead, his attention back on Koryuu too soon and yet not soon enough for Sanzo's liking.
"He had to work. He sends his love, of course. He hates that these past few times I've been able to come up here he hasn't been with me."
"I dare say I am not too fond of that myself." Koumyo says with a short, ironic-sounding laugh. "He is such a joy. Always. And it serves the other monks well I think to have their feathers ruffled a bit. Goku is quite good at that." he laughs again, true fondness speaking through his tone.
Despite the danger in it should Sanzo turn and look at him, Goku feels a smile creeping. This is Sanzo's Koumyo. Sanzo's master and so much more. And he likes Goku. He likes Goku so much he is sad Goku has not come along. The thought is more than enough to have Goku happily forgetting most of his anxieties from this morning. If Sanzo's master likes him, that has to mean something, right?
"So…you have something for me? Or is that a pointless question after 20 years."
Koryuu smiles--quite pointless, he thinks--as he pulls the card out of his pocket and hands it over to his master's waiting hands. The routine does not dull the day, but makes it that much more comfortable. Twenty years worth of comfort. "At least the meal Mom makes varies from year to year. The card, however…"
"Hahaha…I will cherish it well." Koumyo says, and one can only wonder at his honesty as he tucks it safely into his robes to disappear and be opened more privately later. Seeing a look of anxiety--if only small--pass over Koryuu's violets, Koumyo's face turns almost serious, though his smile never seems to fade. "You have something on your mind, Koryuu? And please do not try to deny it." he says upon the blonde's instant move to speak in dissent. "As always, I prefer your honesty to your protection. I can handle anything you might throw my way, so do speak, and I will listen."
The fire fades from Sanzo's eyes a moment, remembering how that very phrase had been spoken to him more than once all those years ago. I prefer your honesty to your protection? Oh, but why then did Koumyo have to choose to protect when Sanzo would have preferred honesty; his own honest life being taken rather than Koumyo's.
Koryuu smiles shyly, embarrassed that what he had decided to very surely not bring up is being forced from him anyway. But he could never refuse his master's wishes.
"I've just been thinking lately…about…" Better to just say it than have it forced out at length. "…about you choosing Dougan as your successor soon, when…sometimes…I think…maybe you wished that I--"
"Do you remember the first time I showed you one of these…Koryuu?"
Sanzo and Koryuu both look to Koumyo, startled. There in the monk's hand suddenly has been produced an orange paper airplane. Both likenesses of the blonde nod. Oh yes, how they do remember.
"And…do you remember the lesson I taught you that day? It was the most important lesson I ever gave you."
Sanzo's eyes clench tight. Of course he remembers; he has lived it.
But it is Koryuu who speaks it.
"Yes, Master." he says and then lifts his head to begin quoting. "Hold nothing. If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Free of all, bound by nothing, live your life simply as it is."
Recited so well, it is a wonder that it is met…only by laughter.
"Master?"
"Did you think that was the important lesson? It is true that we should not allow life itself to prevent us from living, but that is not the lesson I wished you would take to heart the most."
"What?" Sanzo says aloud, more shocked than even Koryuu's blank stare is revealing. Sanzo nearly stumbles over his own feet as he takes a step closer, addressing his master as if the man might turn and face him to explain. "Of course it was. That lesson…it was one of the last things you told me. It had to be…"
"No, Koryuu." Koumyo says, almost as if answering Sanzo's voiced desperation, though his eyes remain on Koryuu.
Seeing it all happening this way, the other three watchers feel like invaders, like they don't belong and shouldn't be here. Goku still has to keep himself in check and stop his feet from rushing him forward to Sanzo's side, and Gojyo and Hakkai keep looking to each other, wondering when or how they are going to move past this. Will it be possible for Sanzo to ever move past this if things continue? This is not like when Dougan used a doll of Koumyo to trigger Sanzo's pain. This is not like Sanzo's dreams. This is…real.
Stepping out further into the center of the courtyard, airplane still in hand, Koumyo walks past Koryuu, past Sanzo, and stops, looking skyward. He waits, silent, until what he seeks at last appears in the sky. "Ah, see there, a bird. Fascinating creatures. Do you remember, Koryuu, the other thing I told you that day?"
Something clicks in both blonde's minds then, but again, it is Koryuu who speaks. "The bird. You said…how…you often envied them for their wings because it seemed like such freedom. But…those wings could easily take freedom if the bird didn't have anywhere to land."
"And then the bird would curse its own existence for having wings at all." Koumyo continues, eyes still on the bright blue above even as Koryuu comes to stand next to him. "Yes, the only true freedom…is having a place to set ones feet…and call home. Koryuu…have you found that yet?"
With a wrenching ache, Sanzo realizes that the answer to that question is n--
"Yes." Koryuu speaks with shocking confidence, eyes alight and seeing so clearly suddenly. He smiles, his mind forming an image he is blessed to see everyday. "Home…is wherever Goku is."
Nobody dares move. Nobody dares breathe.
Sanzo snarls.
A trick. All of it. It must be. A lie. A damn, evil lie by whomever made this place and has put them here to suffer with these visions.
Focusing all of his anger and renewed suspicions for this place, Sanzo whirls on Goku, glaring at the boy just behind him as if in challenge. Beneath that withering look Goku feels so utterly lost, abandoned, broken. How can Sanzo still hurt him so readily when the monk's own master, when a version of Sanzo himself is saying so much the opposite?
Only so strong when it comes to facing Sanzo, Goku is forced to turn away, gold eyes looking to the golden earth in hopes of finding reprieve from that gaze.
In front of them, Koumyo and Koryuu are still smiling.
"Aa. Then you understand." Koumyo says simply, looking down from the sky at last to pin Koryuu with an easy but captivating look. "That freedom, Koryuu, is all I would ever wish for you. All…I would ever ask of you." A pause, waiting to be sure the deeper meaning has settled into Koryuu's heart. "Now…does that soothe your concerns?"
Oh, so much more than even Gonou's kind and reassuring words. "Yes, Master."
And Koumyo releases yet another laugh. "Amazing, isn't it? How much our lives become blessed simply because…"
And as Koumyo says the next few words, Koryuu says them with him.
"…we heard a voice."
Though Sanzo has since turned his harsh look from Goku to once again watch the scene, he is enraged beyond reason at their shared line. No, it isn't like that. It isn't that simple. It isn't that easy! Koumyo heard Sanzo's voice and knew to find and raise him. Sanzo heard Goku's voice, just as Koumyo predicted, and knew to find and free him. But…that doesn't mean…it has nothing to do with…it…it doesn't…it…doesn't…
"Sanzo?"
Shut up.
"Sanzo…are you…okay?"
I don't want to hear your voice, monkey.
"Sanzo…please…don't…be mad at me. I haven't even done anything."
I never asked to hear your voice.
"Please, Sanzo…"
I never wanted any of this.
"Say something, Sanzo."
Shut up!
"Sanzo…"
And Sanzo whirls again, unable to stand another minute of hearing that same pleading voice, asking of him more than he ever wanted to give anyone. "Shut up! Just…shut up, you fucking monkey! I don't want to hear another word from you, do you understand! That goes for all of you!" he yells, turning on Gojyo and Hakkai now, who could not be more lost with how to handle this. "If even one of you breathes at me wrong, you're dead."
Gojyo manages to resist the urge to point out the missing gun again, but Sanzo sees his slipped smirk.
"With my bare fucking hands if I have to!" the monk confirms, eyes so sparked and dangerous, ever more so than they had been when he first lashed out at Koryuu in a failed attack.
Frantically, Sanzo whips back to the scene, angry, so angry that this perversion is being displayed to them, but as he turns back he sees that Koryuu and Koumyo have started to move away, walking the grounds of the temple. Distantly, he can hear Koumyo speaking.
"There is also the lesson of the plane itself. Orange against blue--complementary colors. But then…that only proves the point more…that Goku is home for you. Because you compliment each other so well…"
Neck muscles tensing, shoulders tight, Sanzo pretends he never heard that and decides firmly that the others didn't hear it either.
He takes a step forward to follow the fading pair, if only to hear every lie and corruption for himself, but after only a few paces he nearly falls to the ground from pain.
"No…" Sanzo hisses at the now familiar nausea in his stomach moving quickly throughout his entire body. He isn't ready to leave this place yet. "You bastards, whoever you are!" he screams at the sky above as he clutches his midsection and collapses to the ground, faintly hearing the groans and thuds of his companions in so much the same situation. "I'll kill you…! I'll…kill…" But the void swallows them again, bringing them once more to a new place from which to watch the show.
As the blackness overtakes Sanzo's vision, the sight of Koryuu and Koumyo's fading backs drifting out of view, he refuses to admit that the last thing he sees before being completely engulfed is in his mind's eye. And that, something he can see all too clearly, is pained, seeking, needy…gold.
tbc...
A/N: I had meant to get to Goku at work in this part too, but since it is longer than I imagined, I thought I better post. Next will be Goku at work with a surprise guest to drop in on him, and hopefully I'll get back to Gonou and Gojyo too.
Miss Anonymous hp: What canI say? Darker thread? Well. But have them all thinking why couldn't this, this, and this have been like this? Hmmm. The scenes they are being shown are indeed a lesson, but their reactions might be more destructive than feeling sorry for themselves. I just hope you continue reading, because I don't think you will be disappointed with where I take this.
Diva Urd: Yes, I love being original, and thought this idea could really be interesting. You know...you worded it so well, I'm going to use you description in my summary of this story. "An AU with the characters from "normal" Saiyuki-verse looking in on it as invisible observers and commenting on it." Perfect. :-)
Okay, off I go, and I will have the next part up soon. Just...don't neglect that review button and don't go forgetting about this story, ne? There is so much more in store for you all.
Crim