Unexpected Welcome Guests
Lying on the ground still outside, though perhaps in the town now with the sounds of city life buzzing more loudly around them, Hakkai decides he doesn't want to get up presently, but would prefer to remain right where he is. This is all so very tiring. His body does not feel much effect, despite the moments of pain as they switch scenes, but his mind…his heart…everything beyond his own skin…aches a little more than seems fair.
Hakkai could never have the decency to feel this ache only for his own sake. Oh no. He feels it for his companions too, for how Goku is so abused by Sanzo's wrath, how Sanzo is so enraged by truths he will not face, how Gojyo had to look upon his own full youkai self and…see that self and…Gonou of all people…kissing, fondling, loving. And how…Hakkai's own doubts on the sanctity of his relationship with Kanan had been brought to such terrible light. His sister…acting as a sister would. Could it have been like that for them had they not sought such desperate love in one another, due to lack of love as childhood orphans? Had he and Gojyo met under different circumstances, could they have actually…
No. Never. Of course not, Hakkai thinks with pounding, driving conviction. Perhaps he and Kanan could have been normal siblings had they been raised together, but…he and Gojyo? Gojyo would never desire such a thing. He loves his cigarettes, and booze, but especially his women. And Hakkai does not wish for romantic love to ever touch his life again, and certainly not with a male companion. This whole world is filled with such…nonsense.
Isn't it?
Being the only one still sprawled comfortably in the dirt, Hakkai knows he must get up now or risk bringing on the concerns of the others. As he tiresomely gets to his feet he does not miss that Gojyo's concerns are already rising. He flashes the redhead one of his infamous smiles, stating in the look so easily that yes, he is just fine, only weary as all of them are. Gojyo isn't buying it, but Hakkai is thankful for the hanyou's restraint in not bringing that to attention.
Goku opens his mouth to speak, but a quick look at Sanzo has him thinking differently. Is he allowed to speak, or will Sanzo glare and yell at him again?
Noticing this reaction in the younger man, Hakkai nearly scowls and loses his smile, deciding it would be best if Sanzo came down a few notches. "I wonder where we have come to now." the youkai says loud and clearly to their surroundings. Sanzo may or may not have sent him a glare for ignoring the threat of speaking, but he chooses to ignore the monk completely. "Does anyone see any of…well…us?"
It surprises none of them that Sanzo's threat has proven to be talk only; how often they have suffered his death threats, after all. But the monk will surely not be addressed directly for sometime if only to allow him to cool.
The prospect of Sanzo calming seems rather unlikely, however, as the blonde is the first to notice who they will be observing next. Three sets of eyes follow that gaze of violet and discover their next focal point. A few yards ahead of them, working outside in the steadily scorching sun, is the slightly older version of Goku they met this morning.
Whatever his job is, it appears to be made up largely of heavy lifting, which suits Goku well considering his usual attention span and his overabundance of strength. But their attentions keep them silent as they watch him, truly struck by how much older he really appears. A couple years only is probably what separates this Goku from their own, but the morning's sights--even with Goku being very naked at one point--had been overlooked, shied away from, and not given nearly the attention they are being granted now.
Shirt discarded somewhere unseen in the midst of the morning heat, Goku glistens in the light of the sun, sweat clinging to his shoulders, chest, and stomach, and slipping down the sides of his finely tanned face. As they watch, he reaches a hand to wipe his brow and stretches back. He is taller, they realize, and larger, more grown into his limbs as their own Goku will surely be after his final growth spurt kicks in. And though the older Goku's golden eyes remain round and youthful, his face betrays the features…of a man. How had they not noticed? In only a few short years, the 'baby' of the group will be all grown up.
The silence knows not what to do, so it remains.
Goku and Sanzo do not look at one another.
Hakkai allows the real smile pulling at his lips, realizing how his pseudo-son will one day be this brilliant creature, the same and yet so different.
Gojyo half wants to shout out something teasing, just to rile Goku up as he so often does, but his other half is so struck, he can't seem to get the words past his lips.
The older Goku disappears for a moment inside the half-built structure so near him, returning shortly with a huge load of wooden planks over his shoulder. Whatever he is building, he knows exactly what he is doing. He is not at all lost…by being left alone. Not to say their Goku could not handle being alone for a time, but the ease with which this Goku is doing it is certainly new.
"Goku-chan!"
Glomp. For a moment, the onlookers wonder if they are back at the temple watching Kami tackle Koryuu, but this scene is quite a bit different. The attacker, for instance, is not a blonde young man, but a sunset-haired little demon who has somehow managed to pounce her way onto Goku's shoulders, as if it is the easiest thing in the world.
To be honest, those watching are not nearly as surprised as they might have been had they not heard the girl's name mentioned earlier.
"Ack! Lirin! Get off me, already! I'm at work!"
"Whatcha doin'?"
"Working."
"Don't we have the party tonight?"
"That doesn't mean the world stops, Lirin. I still have to work. I'm off at four, so I won't even be late for dinner, just…can you get off my shoulders?"
Lirin tilts her head, debating this request. She looks just as the watchers know her to look, not at all older or changed. The sight actually looks more reminiscent, however, of all the times Lirin has ended up on Sanzo's shoulders. "I like it up here." Lirin says thoughtfully, wrapping her arms around Goku's neck. "I can see everything! Kory's shoulders are better though." she adds as an afterthought.
Sanzo twitches, which is almost a good sign since that is his usual response to Lirin.
The watching Goku does not seem to mind Lirin's presence at all, though he had been the one most surprised at her being mentioned as part of their 'extended family.' Of course, he has never really minded Lirin, but…it was just such a shock. He always wondered what it would be like if the Kougaiji-tachi and them…were friends.
"Gee, I wonder why you like Kory's shoulders better, you little brat." the older Goku says with a roll of gold eyes, before suddenly relaxing his shoulders back, which causes Lirin to lose her balance and fall off into the dirt.
The younger Goku lets out a small laugh. Though he feels the eyes of the others turn to him at the sound, he meets the gaze of none. Why should it be a big deal if he laughs? Can't they just enjoy some of this instead of getting upset over everything? Other than Sanzo's cruel looks, the monkey is having a pretty good time.
Picking herself up from the ground, Lirin promptly sticks her tongue out at Goku, but is up on her feet and clutching at his arm a moment later, unfazed. It is this action that truly shows this other Goku's increased height. He is not level with Lirin, but a few inches taller. Why they had not noticed this with Koryuu, they cannot guess, other than that they had been in a state of too much shock.
"Goku!" Lirin cries, not looking anywhere near being ready to release Goku or leave him alone. "Kory's coming tonight, right?"
The grimace on Goku's face quickly turns into something quite a bit sinister. "Actually…he's not."
"What!"
"Well…ya see…we sorta…broke up."
Hakkai's eyes dart to Gojyo's and they share a look. They have a pretty good idea what this Goku is doing.
Lirin's eyes go wide, disbelieving.
"It's true." Goku supplies sadly, shaking his head and allowing the girl's grip to tighten on his arm. "He probably won't come to the party now. I don't think he wants to see me."
Eyes sparkling with shock and a disgraceful amount of…hope…Lirin lifts up on her toes to look Goku square in the eyes. "Really…?"
A firm bop on the head successfully frees Goku's arm from her clutches. "No, baka, of course not. Quit trying to steal my boyfriend."
When the younger Goku laughs this time, he is all too quickly silenced by the heat of fierce violet. The L-word being used so cavalierly is one thing, but for Sanzo to be referred to as a 'boyfriend' is just…irritating.
Watching as Goku and Lirin talk a bit more casually now, both having laughed at the older Goku's joke, Sanzo finds himself feeling strangely constricted. Everything in this place suffocates him, even though they are once again outside. Pulling at his robes, the monk allows the fabric to fall about his hips, revealing the black silk of his undershirt. He would take that off too if it weren't for the others all watching him so closely. The heat of the sun and their often indirect gazes…burns.
Why do they have to keep looking at him, gauging his reactions? Never a moment's peace, he supposes. Being in this strange world, Sanzo wonders if he will ever have a moment's peace again.
"Lirin's not so bad, huh?" Goku says softly, a little smile playing on his lips as he watches the young youkai fluttering about his older self. They really do seem like…friends.
Hakkai smiles a small but wholly genuine smile in their younger Goku's direction, glancing then back to Lirin who is the epitome of energy and exuberance. "Yes, not bad at all. Young and excitable, to be sure, but…certainly nothing to make an enemy out of." A corner of Hakkai's smile loses its edge, turning somber. "It's a shame sometimes…the roles we are dealt in one another's lives."
It is not missed that all three of Hakkai's companion's turn steady gazes his way after those words, each wondering to what extent exactly the brunette means his statement.
Gojyo's brow forms a prominent crease. Oh, he agrees that it is a shame he must be on the opposing side of his brother, along with a group of others he rather likes--Kougaiji, Yaone, and Lirin all. But Gojyo highly doubts Hakkai's words are meant as simply as stated; the turned youkai is always working on a deeper level.
Opening his mouth to say…something…even if it ends up being the first words to pass his lips, Gojyo is thankfully silenced before he can begin when the older Goku suddenly sprays Lirin with his water bottle, catching the girl completely off guard and open for attack. Gojyo feels his lips twitching up then; really, why is it so hard to enjoy this when nothing they have been shown has been honestly…bad, just…complicated, different, and very much not how their lives really are.
Oh right, that is where the bad comes in.
"Goku!" Lirin laughs, darting around the site as Goku offers splash after splash from his bottle, laughing the entire time while chasing her.
When Goku and Lirin are out of breath and through teasing and chasing one another--something engaged in despite Goku having so strongly expressed that he is at work and cannot mess around--the pair pass one another equally luminous grins. Goku downs the last of the water in his bottle and once again wipes the bit of sweat from his forehead. Lirin bounces around Goku somewhat, stopping only when a tan hand comes to rest on top of her head and rustles her orange hair affectionately.
Lirin smiles, but turns the expression quickly into a pout should she seem too acquiescent. "Na, Goku, you're so mean sometimes, chasing a girl around." she says through her pout. "Didn't your mother teach you anything?"
A flicker of something nearly undetectable passes over the older Goku's face, and Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo do not miss how it seems to pass over their Goku's face as well. To the older Goku's credit, he masks that wave of…something…with a grand smile. "Silly." he says. "I was already old and set in my ways by the time Koryuu's Mom got a hold of me. So ha. I don't know any better."
Lirin, not having noticed that something is amiss, looks up at Goku curiously, her hands curled behind her back now as she shifts on her feet. "Yeah, yeah. But what about your real Mom?"
The flicker is so much more than a flicker now, it is a flash--a flash that blinds and stays--and both Gokus look a little paler than they should have to. "…Lirin." the older Goku says evenly, not knowing how to say anything more than that, and hoping he won't have to. The sudden hopelessness in his eyes tells of too much unfairness--500 years to be exact.
Large eyes widening even more than their usually youthful shape, Lirin takes a step back, the hands clenched behind her tightening of their own accord. How could she be so thoughtless? "Ano…Goku…gomen. I didn't…I…just forget sometimes…that…you don't…have…I…I'm sorry."
The role reversal of the next few moments catch all the onlookers by surprise. Something in the older Goku becomes so much like…well…Hakkai is the closest mother-figure they can imagine, and Goku very much seems that figure as he places his hand back on Lirin's head, smiles in sympathy, and begins to soothe the flustered girl. "Lirin, don't be sorry. It's not like it's normal to be…found in a cave, and…not even know why you were there. Don't be sad for me or anything. Koryuu's Mom is more of a mother than I could ever ask for. I mean…you don't think less of Rasetsunyo-san because she's not really your mother?"
"Course not!" Lirin states proudly, almost shocked that Goku would even suggest such a thing until realizing he had only said it to make a point. "Oh. I get it. Yeah, she's my Haha-ue even if she's not really my mother. My real mother…she…I wouldn't…want her around. Maybe you're lucky, Goku, that you don't know you're mother. Sometimes…I wish I'd never known mine."
The sad smile that graces Goku's features as he continues to play mature older brother fixes his face with a look far too old, his ageless eyes betraying as they almost never do the centuries he has lived through. "Maybe. But maybe…I don't have a mother at all…"
Lirin's face scrunches up like a true child who is beyond the edge of confusion. "That's silly. Where'd you come from then?"
A moment's silence. "I don't know…"
The small voice to utter that is not the older Goku, and the older onlookers turn to their Goku upon hearing his softly spoken words that had held more than a touch of sorrow.
More than any of them Goku is something that does not quite fit in the world. As far as he is concerned the only thing that has ever given him a place in this world at all…is Sanzo. And it is hard to find bearings in that when half the time Goku isn't even sure whether or not Sanzo cares he is around.
"No more of this, Lirin." the older Goku says suddenly, standing up taller with a more firm pat on her head as he plasters on a smile that does Hakkai's justice. "Koumyo-sama handled the whole mess with your mother anyway. He saved the whole thing. Your mother wanted to bring Gyumaou back, but he stopped it. It's all over, and now you have Rasetsunyo, Kougaiji, the whole gang…and that includes me. I don't have to think about…real family…when what I have is so much better than blood could ever make it. You should feel the same…ne?"
Digesting this new information needs far more time than the watchers know they are going to be allowed. The mission is over? Koumyo solved it? Gyokumen Koushu was defeated, the resurrection stopped, and now…the Kougaiji-tachi and them are friends? How? How did Koumyo do it? Can they even hope…to one day do the same?
Sanzo nearly snarls, furious with himself for even thinking such thoughts. As if this world has any foundation in their own reality. Whatever was done to stop Gyumaou's resurrection here might have nothing to do with the way things work in their world. After all, if Sanzo starts finding some traces of truth in this place, he might have to start admitting…
"Anybody else starting to feel like this place is a lot more sinister than it's trying to look?"
A bitter smile crosses Hakkai's face at Gojyo's words; at least the hanyou has found something to say. "If you mean how it is making us all seem like right fools, and showing us how much more easily things could have been handled if not for certain…unpleasant events…then yes, Gojyo, I think I agree."
Gojyo's face is tense and drawn tight even as he nods. "If it's trying to show us what we can do, it's doing one piss poor job, coz half this shit we can't even change."
"Yes, these things are rather out of our sphere of control."
A grunt signals Gojyo's agreement before he turns a quick and careful gaze on the blonde a few feet to his left. "Don't kill me for saying it, Sanzo…but…that master of yours sure isn't coming to our rescue when we get to Gyumaou."
Sanzo glares but does not respond.
"And I don't think I can close my eyes, say please make me a real youkai, and have it come true." Gojyo continues, fists clenching tightly as he stares at the other Goku and Lirin, who are once again talking amiably in softer, friendlier tones. "Wishing like that sure as hell didn't work when I was a kid." he whispers.
Silence.
"And you're sure as hell not getting Kanan or your humanity back any time soon, right?" the redhead turns on Hakkai, not meaning his words to be biting or cruel, though the content makes them seem so much like that anyway.
Hakkai's eyes soften, focusing only on the growing sympathy he feels for Gojyo's declining control.
"And Kougaiji and his gang…they're not coming after us next time to say, hey, let's be pals. And you know why? Because we're enemies, on two different fucking sides of the same fucking, pointless battle. We can't change this shit." Gojyo kicks at the ground suddenly, swirling up a small storm of sandy dirt in Goku and Lirin's direction.
They, of course, take no notice.
Sanzo scowls, and would yell and berate the half-breed if his mind wasn't almost completely still back at Kinzan Temple.
Goku looks hurt, for the first time having been enjoying himself while watching the pair play around, and not having been too heartbroken when things focused on his rather large lack of family, either, seeing as how he--the other Goku, anyway--had handled things so well. Why does Gojyo have to overreact now when Sanzo has been doing that enough for all of them? Just because the battle's over in this world and the Kougaiji-tachi…
A sudden flash of Dokugakuji flashes through Goku's mind, and a quick look to Sanzo and Hakkai seems to show that both of them have had the very same flash.
Oh.
Sanzo says nothing.
Hakkai's nails are digging into his own palms, feeling so helpless suddenly. He doesn't know where to place his anger, and if he can't even help his companions through their pain…how can he possibly face the ache in his own heart? He has always been better at dealing outward, never in. It's why Ki manipulation comes so naturally to him.
Goku looks over at his likeness, still carrying on with Lirin even while he is continuing his work. He wishes he could talk to Gojyo the way the older Goku talked to Lirin just now. Smooth, confident, simple, but…able to make everything better anyway. Goku has often wished for such power…when looking at Sanzo.
Maybe he can be like this older Goku. "Ano…Gojyo?"
Gojyo stumbles, clenching his stomach, and Hakkai and Sanzo mimic, falling to their knees instinctively now to better prepare themselves for what they know must follow. Goku closes his eyes as the same overtakes him, his anguish over being so helpless keeping him from realizing how the pain of switching scenes…isn't quite as bad this time.
-----
The group is silent as they wait in the living room of Gonou and Gojyo's house. The occasional noise from the bedroom tells them they do not want to go in there any time soon, so they merely sit about on the couch or in chairs--Sanzo against the wall--and pretend that what they know must be happening between Gonou and Gojyo is NOT happening at all.
Anger is still very present in Sanzo and Gojyo, leaving Hakkai and Goku to feel very useless and overcome, even though the high emotions seem to have cooled to a dull ache. The stifling feel of all this quiet makes Goku almost wish for someone to start freaking out again. Luckily--or not--he may not have to wait long.
"I'm just offering it as a suggestion." Kanan's voice rings out clearly as she comes through the front door with a few bags in her arms.
She is not alone, and the youkai with her shakes his head with a short laugh. "Sometimes I wonder about you, K. I really do." he says, humor present in the deep blue of his eyes, and an easy smile gracing his handsome face. He too is loaded with bags as he follows her into the house. To be honest, he doesn't look all that different from the youaki they all know, but the sight of him now earns a major double-take.
Gojyo swallows back his anger, pushed down in lieu of his shock. "Jien…" he breathes, standing on shaky legs from his previous seat next to Hakkai on the couch.
Sha Jien--not Dokugakuji in any way, shape, or form--resembles Gojyo quite remarkably. At least he resembles the youkai Gojyo in the other room, both with dark hair, blue eyes, and youkai features. Gojyo is more than ready now to curse whomever brought them here for taking his heart's fondest dream and placing it right in front of him like this…when he knows it can never be real.
No one says anything as the pair crosses the living room. Looking around, Jien begins to slow his pace, stopping before reaching the kitchen door. "Should we call out?" he asks, taking quick survey over the living room, and naturally not noticing the four watchers watching him. "I don't want to walk in on anything."
Kanan stops as well, her hand suspended as she had just been about to push through the kitchen door. The smile on her face turns a little wicked. "Speak for yourself." she says with a coy wink, making her meaning more than clear.
The onlookers say nothing.
Jien decides Kanan's line of thought is just a tad too dangerous.
"Gojyo!" the youkai calls, giving Kanan a triumphant look.
"Gonou!" Kanan mimics, even while she is playing off a rather believable pout.
Still loaded down with his bags, Jien turns his shouting in the direction of the bedroom. "Yo! Pull your pants up, bro, there's company in the house!"
Try as he might, Gojyo can't help smiling, even knowing that the person his other self has his pants down for…isn't someone he would normally imagine. But Gojyo never got to experience grown-up or even adolescent teasing from his brother; he had been eight-years-old when Jien left. The scene before him deserves the smile it has stirred, if only for a little while.
A few seconds pass of Kanan and Jien waiting in the living room for some signs of life, when finally the sliding door of the bedroom is pushed half-way aside by a finely tanned hand. The youkai Gojyo stands in the opening, a cigarrette dangling from his rosier-than-normal lips. He is clad only in his pants, having only just zipped them up as he opened the bedroom door.
Jien laughs loudly and shakes his head at his brother's tell-tale appearance. "Do you two ever stop?"
Gojyo shrugs. "Talk to the other guy." he says.
On cue, the sliding door slides the rest of the way open revealing Gonou in the other half of the doorway, looking quite disheveled with his longer hair, and like Gojyo having only his pants on, which are not zipped or buttoned, and he makes no move to amend this. "Perfect timing, actually." the brunette says as he tosses back the few tangles in his hair. "You should give Koryuu lessons."
As the group is watching all of this play out, still vainly trying to dismiss the relationship between Gonou and Gojyo--and the very prominent lack of a scar on Gonou's bare stomach now--the renewed little smirk on Goku's face does not go unnoticed this time. Emerald and gold eyes meet suddenly and Goku's smirk falls. The boy has no excuses; he likes watching Gonou and Gojyo. But he certainly doesn't want Hakkai or any of the others knowing that and thinking less of him, or thinking him…
What? Sick? Perverted? Wrong? He just thinks they look right together. Why should that be wrong?
Hakkai looks away from Goku with some hesitation, not quite understanding the smirk he had caught, but his mind quickly forgets the incident when he sees what his likeness is doing. Gonou, so fully and completely a different man in every way compared to Hakkai, is reaching over the small distance between himself and Gojyo, plucking the cigarette from between the youkai's lips, and taking a long, sensuous drag.
The redheaded Gojyo and Hakkai look to one another, fully certain now that this world has nothing whatsoever to do with reality.
Once Gonou has replaced Gojyo's cigarette, Kanan takes a few steps forward, shifting her bags in her arms so that she has a free hand with which to better copy her brother. She takes the cigarette from between Gojyo's lips, inhales deeply, and then replaces it before finally heading towards the kitchen with a laughing Jien and Gonou following her.
While the onlookers stare, the youkai Gojyo shakes his head with a lopsided grin. "I swear…sometimes it scares me how much you two are alike." he says with a laugh, quick to follow his companions into the kitchen.
Pulled by the show now as if it truly is a play and they cannot afford to miss a single scene, the watching group follows.
Kanan is setting her bags down on the counter once everyone is in the now seemingly cramped kitchen, and the lovely brunette woman looks over her shoulder at Gojyo slyly. "Gonou and I alike, hmm? You should see how else we're alike." she says in a voice more husky and suggesting than Hakkai especially would ever expect or want to hear from her.
Lighting up a cigarette of his own now as he sits at the table, still shirtless and with his pants undone, Gonou shoots his sister a swift glare. "Stop giving him ideas, Kanan. I told you…I don't share."
"Oh? I seem to recall sharing someone once."
Sanzo falls back against the far wall and crosses his arms, disinterested and irritable to the nth degree.
Goku stays right in the middle of it all, looking back and forth amongst the paired siblings.
Gojyo keeps looking from his own image to his brother's, marveling at their similarities with both being full youkai. But it does not keep him from catching the phrase Kanan has just spoken.
Fully focused on Kanan's recent words as well, Hakkai's mouth is near to the floor.
With his cigarette just at the corner of his oh so deceptive mouth, Gonou coughs, as if choking on the smoke. "That…was an entirely different matter."
"Whoa, wait a sec here." the youkai Gojyo breaks in, leaving his brother to finish putting away the items in the bags as he sits down next to Gonou at the table. "I wanna hear this."
"I'll second that." Jien says, turning from the bags as well.
Kanan feigns innocence. "I am sworn to secrecy."
Upon having two sets of intense blue eyes suddenly on him, Gonou chooses to address Gojyo. He kicks the youkai from under the table. "Not at the same time." he scolds. "Get your head out of the gutter."
The redheaded Gojyo nearly allows another smile.
The youkai Gojyo does smile, and laugh, and offers his brunette lover a teasing wink as he leans over the table. "Who do you think puts it there…?" he purrs, reaching out with his recently assaulted leg to rub his foot against Gonou's beneath the table.
"Gods, their disgusting." breaks Sanzo's voice over the others' suddenly, drowning out the successive responses from Kanan and Jien. The monk turns his sneer from the couple at the table to look pointedly into the corner. "I don't care about any of this. Why are we here? For what purpose? For whose pleasure?" Bang. He slams his fist back into the wall, successfully causing all of his companions to jump slightly from the suddenness of the act. "None of this has anything to do with us."
Goku's fists clench. He would hit Sanzo if he had the nerve.
Gojyo looks down at his feet, deciding suddenly that they are just as interesting as the corner is to Sanzo, and feeling too foolish for having been caught up for a moment in Gonou and Gojyo's exchange. Caught up…in the whole thing.
Hakkai, desperate to ease the nerves of everyone as they become more and more frayed, takes a step towards Sanzo, putting the scene at his back. He speaks loud enough to overpower the voices behind him, and he knows that the others are focused only on him, which he may or may not be grateful for.
"We must keep calm until we can be certain of the true nature of all this. I know that none of the things we have seen have been easy on any of us, but…is it really any more than bringing up our pasts, our wishes, and the occasional bruise to our egos?"
Without looking from the corner, Sanzo huffs, his eyes glaring as if they are indeed glaring back at Hakkai. "Maybe fucking the kappa is a wish of yours, but this place has nothing I want to see."
Hakkai steps back, stung, appalled that Sanzo could say such a thing so boldly. "Sanzo…"
"What the fuck's the matter with you, ya damn shitty monk!" Gojyo yells, a blur as he flies past Hakkai to come up right in Sanzo's face. The kappa almost reaches out and grips black silk in his fists, but as angry as he is, he does not take it quite that far. A foot separates them as he continues. "Don't project your own fantasies onto us. Course Hakkai'd never want to…be like that with me. So mind your own fucking business. Just coz you're too sore about seeing your other self with the monkey doesn't mean you have to be a prick over Goku not doing the same for you!"
"Gojyo!" Hakkai shouts, pulling the hanyou away from Sanzo just in time. The monk had been all too ready to take a swing, and if the blonde had his gun there is no doubt as to whether or not he would have hit his desired mark.
"You say that to me again, half-breed, and I'll rip your worthless throat out!" Sanzo yells.
Gojyo growls, struggling against Hakkai's hold. "Then fucking hit me, why doncha! Or are you just a damn coward without your gun to hide behind!"
"I wouldn't even waste a bullet on a waste of skin like you!"
"Oh yeah, prick-lick, well at least I'm not lusting after a kid whose half my--!"
"Shut up! Just shut up!"
The roar of heightened anger holds suspended, all eyes looking to Goku who has called out so desperately, pressing his hands to his ears to block out the falling insults and accusations. His eyes are wide with ready tears and the look is more pitying than any of the others can admit.
Pulling his hands away only now that he is certain he has gotten Sanzo and Gojyo to stop, Goku shakes his head, back and forth, the entire time he is speaking, as if he cannot believe any of this is really happening. "Why?" he asks. "Why do we have to fight over this? Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it have to be bad? You're all so worried that the rest of us are going to think you want what this world is showing us, so you…blame it all on each other instead."
Hakkai opens his mouth to speak, but Goku's head shakes more furiously, silencing the man before he can even begin.
"No, you do it too Hakkai. You don't bitch and yell like they do, but…you're thinking the same things. You're thinking, well…maybe Sanzo or Goku or Gojyo feel like this, but I don't, and they better not think I do, either. But…why? They're so…happy…" he says, gesturing back to the couple at the table, while Kana and Jien are still happily putting away the contents of the bags. Goku turns back to look at each of his companions, more than a little hurt that Sanzo has already returned his attentions to the corner. "I just…don't get what's so scary for you guys. This stuff hurts, but…" he trails off, debating how much he is willing to reveal. In the end, with all his recent failures, he decides he would rather take a cue from Gojyo…and gamble.
Gold eyes banish all traces of tears as Goku steadies his gaze on emerald, crimson, and what small bit of violet he can catch. He tightens his fists. He breathes. He prays…
"You can all keep denying everything. Go ahead." he says, keeping his voice as steady as it is allowing him. "But me…I know how I feel. And…I just…I'm not going to lie to myself. Taking everything that might go with it…" Breathe. Breathe.
Look at me, Sanzo.
"…I'd give anything to have this Goku's life."
tbc...
A/N: Still good? Still enjoying things? I hope so, and I am sorry this part took a little longer. Next part will finish up this scene of course and then when we get back to Koryuu...we will eventually meet yet another familiar face. Hehe. I know some of the pieces aren't entirely together yet, as far as the whole what happened with Koumyo beating the Gyumaou crisis, but hopefully all will be revealed. I couldn't possibly not mention Nii at some point, after all, being the true instigated of the entire series.
Can't remember if there were any questions and I am too lazy and tired to check right now, so if there is something you are desperate to know, just ask again. I really do appreciate the continued support. Don't feel bad if you don't review every chapter, but please don't neglect the button too much. :-) See you soon!
Crim