Of Confessions, Revelations, & Former Gods
"…I'd give anything to have this Goku's life."
Gojyo feels a sudden constriction in his heart, as if he just dropped one of his own cigarettes into his chest cavity. Damn, he could really use a cigarette now, especially with Gonou and the other Gojyo enjoying some just behind him.
Hakkai forgets to breathe at all as he stares at Goku, barely believing the boy has the guts or gall to say what has just left his lips. But Hakkai and Gojyo both have suspected for sometime the many little desires their monkey has, whether he shares them all or not. Oh, Goku's taste for food is no secret, and his hatred for secrets is no secret either, but as with all truly worthy hypocrites, Goku does have a few secrets of his own, much as he might despise them. But to so openly allude to them…
Sanzo is sheer white, fists tight, eyes searing. He did NOT just hear Goku say that.
"Yeah, this place is a little weird, and some of it…hurts. But…I've never seen any of us as happy as these guys are." Goku finishes with only the faintest traces of a tremor in his ending words. He feels the shock, the horror, the anger boring into him from his companions, and he is looking right back, almost daring emerald, crimson, and violet to try and prove him wrong.
Violet, naturally, is always up to the challenge. "Idiot." Sanzo says with a disgusted grimace, his words spitting from his mouth like burning oil. "Don't you even start. Don't you even think of getting sucked into all this nonsense." the blonde commands, lifting a steady hand to point at Goku with an air of accusation the monk hopes his charge can feel like weight added to his shoulders.
Goku refuses to look as stung as he feels, turning his own accusing looks on Gojyo and Hakkai who are still silent. He had thought one or both of them might back him up, but there they stand, saying nothing. With a sad shake of his head, Goku looks over his shoulder at Gonou and Gojyo at the table. Kanan has joined them now, while Jien places the last few items into the fridge.
The group is laughing, talking so casually and easily, because there is no mission west, no mad youkai, and no evil secrets between them. For them, they really are living life merely as it is, in a way the Sanzo-ikkou has never truly done.
"I don't know why I'm older here. I don't know why Hakkai's human, or why Gojyo youkai. I don't know why your mother found you, Sanzo, or why your master is still alive. But I do know…that the way they live here makes them happy. And I'm going to keep watching…until I figure out…just how the hell they can do that."
As Goku walks around Gojyo and Hakkai to keep a closer look on those at the table, leaving Sanzo still back by that far wall, the three older members of their group remain silent.
Silent…until Sanzo huffs--loudly.
Hakkai quickly fixes the monk with a glare that always has more fierce, raw power than any of the monk's own. But when Hakkai's gaze moves back to meet Gojyo's, both instantly look away again, still too unsure how to address the things Goku seems to accept so easily.
The monkey didn't even outright say the simple truth of it all…but certainly Sanzo realizes the boy meant more than the pleasures of a more normal life when he said he would give anything to trade places with the Goku of this world.
He's breaking rules they have never even had the courage to iterate aloud.
"All right, people, I have to go to work." Jien says, his voice seeming so loud suddenly with the watchers so deadly silent. The youkai stands next to the table, a hand comfortably resting on Gojyo's shoulder. "Some of us care about the bar, ya know, even if it is Saturday."
The youkai Gojyo waves his hand dismissively. "The rookies are doing fine, bro. You worry to much. The great thing about being owners is we don't have to go in everyday."
The redheaded Gojyo gladly switches his mind's focus from the recent chaos to this new information. He owns a bar? With his brother? He…rather likes the sound of that.
Jien laughs, lifting his hand from Gojyo's shoulder just enough to come back down with a firm pat. "When we do go into work, and the first thing out of Sae's mouth isn't, 'uhh, sir, we need a new order of…' whatever thing they've managed to break or ruin for the day, then I'll agree with you. I'll be back before five."
"A pleasure, as always." Gonou says in way of goodbye, nodding his head at the youkai so that the smoke trailing from his cigarette dips and curves.
Moving from his place beside Gojyo to lean down by Kanan's chair now, Jien's smile takes a suddenly different turn. She offers a chillingly similar look, and suddenly, their lips meet soft and slow. Easy. Familiar. "Have a good day, beautiful. Don't let them run you ragged now, setting up for the party."
"Haha." Kanan laughs. "No worries there, sweetheart. I always keep them in line."
"Not only them." Jien offers with a wink. He smiles at the collective table. "Later."
Gonou, Gojyo, and Kanan give their own varied goodbyes as Jien leaves.
Hakkai and Gojyo…both feel very much like falling to the kitchen floor again.
Sanzo and Goku don't look at each other or either of their companions. But when Gojyo speaks up, they are not at all surprised.
"What the fuck."
Hakkai chuckles darkly. At this point, he knows he has no other choice but to accept what is thrown in their path. "Again, Gojyo…no one could say it better."
-----
The small exchange between Kanan and the 'couple' after Jien's departure was barely acknowledged as Gojyo and Hakkai both silently tried to work out the complexities of the displayed relationships, and with Sanzo and Goku both silently avoiding any and all contact with one another--vocally, through eye contact, anything. But even with all that silence, no one heard a word that was spoken at the table. Only when they were once again whisked away by a few stabs of pain and that familiar darkness did any of them come out of their stupor.
This time Goku recognized with sudden awareness the complete lack of pain the shift brought him, though he could tell his companions were still feeling the ill effects. Goku still slipped into forced slumber, but almost…peacefully.
Now, once again outside by the older Goku's work, the younger heretic decides NOT to tell the others of this strange turn of events. The few gears able to turn in his head while so much of his mind is focused elsewhere recognizes that a relief from the pain should be something the others come to on their own. Whatever the reason for it happening may be.
"Back with the monkey, huh?" Gojyo states the obvious.
For any of them to speak at this point is more than a bit straining. Every step of ground tread is a step closer to another fight, they figure, but to go about this in complete silence would be even more unbearable.
Gojyo gives an appraising look over the area. "Looks like Lirin's gone."
Indeed, the older Goku, alone once more, is busy at work, now with hammer and nails as he works on the boards they had seen him carry out earlier. This time they see an older gentleman come out of the half-built structure to talk to Goku about his part of the construction. Although the man is relatively friendly, Goku seems somewhat annoyed with the man, giving the impression he does not enjoy working for him. Perhaps…he simply doesn't like taking orders.
The younger Goku thinks with something near a Sanzo-like grimace that he doesn't like taking orders, either. Which is why it is so remarkable how--at least when it comes to Sanzo--he so willingly and often does.
"Well, it seems Goku is about to have another visitor."
The others turn to where Hakkai is looking down the road and see that Koryuu is only a short ways down the path, heading straight for Goku's post.
The older monkey, busily back at work now that his boss has disappeared again, does not see the man coming. Deciding to take advantage of this, Koryuu slows his pace, stills his breath, does everything he can to sneak quickly and quietly over to Goku's place by the building.
"Don't even try it. I can smell you, ya know."
Koryuu stops in his tracks, and then…huffs in mock aggravation as he crosses his arms in front of him. He is only a few yards away from Goku now. "Smell? I vaguely recall taking a shower this morning, despite someone using up all the hot water before I could get in there."
Gold and violet meet and the pair is instantly sharing a smile.
The other sets of gold and violet are looking anywhere but at one another. Sanzo is finding fascination in any part of their surroundings he can so he doesn't have to look at his companions or their likenesses, while Goku is looking fixedly at Koryuu and Goku. He is looking at them almost defiantly, because he knows Sanzo is uncomfortable with the whole thing, and he plans to push that as much as he can, knowing it might be the only way to get Sanzo to break.
Goku realizes quite suddenly that this is the first time he has ever purposefully thought to chip away at Sanzo's veneer. He has done so from time to time without meaning to, sometimes catching the moments when Sanzo looks at him almost fondly and sometimes missing the moments entirely. But here and now…he feels bold. He feels…justified. And he plans to do as much as he can with that feeling while it is still with him.
Watching on silently--something they do too often now because none of them know quite what to say anymore--the onlookers follow Koryuu as he walks right up to Goku's table, leans over to match Goku's lessened height be being seated, and kisses the monkey firmly. Goku eagerly returns the kiss for a good many moments before he suddenly pushes the blonde away, gesturing with his head towards the building as if to say, 'hello, at work here, do you want to get me in trouble?'
Koryuu only laughs lightly and runs his hand over the top of Goku's head, messing with the sweat-dampened locks uncaringly for the feel of their wetness.
Sanzo…turns away. "That's it. I refuse to watch this anymore." And he suddenly starts heading down the path, away from the construction site towards what he must assume is Kinzan Temple since it is the direction Koryuu just came from.
"Sanzo!" Goku yells, not even trying to hide his exasperation.
"Oi, bouzu, where do you think you're going!"
"Sanzo, we really should stay together, for the good of the group. There is no telling what this place may yet have in store for us."
Sanzo does not turn back to face them. "Fuck off! All of you! I don't have to sit through this shit!"
And all the anger in Goku boils up suddenly, for he had suspected this would happen when the other Goku and Koryuu came back into the scenes. It is the sight of them that truly makes Sanzo bristle, and that angers Goku now more than it had originally stung.
However, despite Sanzo's steadfast steps and determination to march his own path, the monk does not get very far down the road before he suddenly stops, pushed back slightly, as if having run into a large wall even though nothing is in his path. The others look on as he tries to step forward again, met by that same invisible wall each time.
Sanzo goes so far as to start pounding on the apparent shield with both fists, yelling. "Fucking…! Stupid…! Let me go, damn you!"
With more defiance than ever now, Goku heartily releases a laugh.
Sanzo spins around to glare daggers, for the first time truly looking at Goku since the monkey's outburst earlier.
But then, Gojyo starts in as well, laughing only too easily at the monk's expense when this whole day has been one heart-wrench after another and he is sick of it. He laughs, and laughs, and looks at Goku--still laughing himself--only to laugh some more.
Even Hakkai breaks into a genuine grin, and for all of Sanzo's fueled anger, the monk says nothing when he storms his way back to them. He finds the furthest spot he can and sits down in the dirt, refusing to look at any of them or at the scene. Try as he may, however, being forced to remain close to what is happening he can still hear what is passing between Koryuu and Goku as the pair speaks.
"Wait, hang on. What?" the older Goku asks his companion, hammer and plank forgotten as he stares up in disbelief at the blonde standing over him.
"You heard me." Koryuu says with a broad smile. "I said, get your ass in there and quit. We're going home."
The onlookers start a little at this, not any more sure than the other Goku is whether or not Koryuu is being serious.
Gold eyes blink up at Koryuu, dumbfounded.
Koryuu sighs. "You're going to quit because you don't like this job. Because you love building things but not without purpose. Because it's the weekend and I want to be at home wasting the day together. Because…Koumyo wants you to build a new addition for the temple."
Gold eyes, having been bugged out enough already, nearly fall out of their sockets, and in a moment the older Goku has sprang to his feet. "Wha-! Seriously! Me? At the temple? Really?"
"Unless you know some other Goku whose good with his hands." These words illicit a sudden lusty gloss to Koryuu's expression and he leans over Goku's table again, bringing them very close now that their heights are more similar with Goku standing. "Personally, I only know one such Goku, and he is very good with his hands."
Sanzo fights back the bile in his throat, quite satisfied that he cannot see what is happening.
Goku…allows his smile, his blush, and his longing. Even when Hakkai and Gojyo both turn to look at him and he knows they are both wondering just how far he meant his wanting of this other Goku's life. Well, Goku meant he would take everything that this Goku has, and he said as much. 'Taking everything that goes with it.' If Hakkai and Gojyo are weirded out by that, they can go ahead and be weirded out.
"Hey, boss!" the older Goku yells suddenly, already slipping his shirt back over his head. "I quit! Good luck on the job!"
A muffled reply responds, but Goku does not wait around to hear. He and Koryuu head off down the path, with the blonde's arm resting over the only slightly shorter man's shoulders---and finally the watchers can get another look at just how close in height the pair is with Goku's added inches.
When Koryuu and Goku have gotten a good ways away and the group realizes they are not being visited by another round of nausea, they decide they had better follow. Though Sanzo reluctantly complies, he remains at the back of the group, not speaking or looking at any of them. Once they have caught up to Goku and Koryuu, they realize they are deeper into the town and take the opportunity to look around.
The city is like many cities. Not too large. Shops and markets. Children playing in the weekend sunshine. Youkai and human alike enjoying the warm, pleasant day.
Oh wait. That…is not like many cities. That is not like any cities the ikkou remembers passing for almost a year now. The sight is sobering. And it reminds them just a bit more how every youkai they have had to kill on this journey had at one point lived a very normal, peaceful life. That…is more than sobering. That stings.
Pausing only for a moment at one of the stands to buy Goku a meat bun, something Koryuu does only too eagerly, the following group stops dead just before reaching the pair completely when a deep, velvety and eerily familiar voice breaks into the city bustling.
"Hisashiburi da na…Son Goku."
Goku swallows. They are doomed to be haunted by ghosts of the past as well as impossible futures it seems.
No one says a word. They do not need to turn to know who the owner of that voice is, especially once he has come from around them to approach Goku and Koryuu fully.
"Homura!" the older Goku calls--delighted. "Shit, man, it has been a long time. How ya doin'?"
Something in Koryuu's vastly changed expression is comforting to the watchers for it has become just as wary and irritated by Homura's presence as Sanzo's expression. Koryuu looks Homura over with a barely concealed sneer as the ebony-haired man stops just in front of them, making a point to stand as close as can be comfortable to Goku.
Even though the onlookers now have a view of Homura's back, they can tell he is not overly changed from what they remember of him, for his hair seems the same, his body similar, even though the man is wearing normal slacks and what appears to be a dark blue, button-down shirt.
Wait. Man? Can they call Homura that?
"Tell me, Goku…" Homura starts, the grin on his lips coming through in his lilting tone all too easily. He leans forward, speaking slow and evocatively into Goku's now much closer face. "…when are you going to leave this poor excuse for a man…and come home with me?"
Koryuu and Sanzo both clench their fists, albeit for decidedly different reasons. Koryuu's are self-evident. Sanzo…simply cannot believe the god is saying such words so openly without trying to veil them as he had in their reality. Oh, Sanzo always knew Homura's propositioning of Goku went beyond merely using the boy for his schemes. Homura had made that clear enough without ever having to say so flat out.
This Homura is speaking directly.
While Koryuu is close to fuming, the older Goku blushes only the slightest bit, grinning madly. "Na, Homura…" he says chidingly. "…I'm already sleeping with you. What more do you want?" Goku's last words barely pass his lips since Koryuu has gripped his arm rather harshly and pulled him away from Homura with a sudden tug.
Koryuu's eyes never leave Homura's face as he leans to whisper darkly beside Goku's ear, soft but loud enough for all those watching to hear him. "Goku. Not. Funny."
The older Goku laughs, apparently unfazed by this otherwise unseen side of Koryuu.
The watching Goku has to bite down on a few chuckles of his own, and, being highly intrigued by this whole development, he runs around the group, standing side by side with his other self for a moment in order to get a clear look of Homura's face.
If Sanzo had it in him to take such a bold action, he would stomp over to Goku and pull him away from the god just as his likeness did. But he is not about to do anything so telling. Not that he has anything to tell, he thinks with a sudden surge of desperate conviction.
Goku's eyes widen into saucer's before his companions, he being the only one who can see Homura's face now. "No chakra!" the boy calls, not sure if he means to sound excited or simply surprised. "He's…he's…" Goku has to pause to take a breath, it having been thoroughly stolen. "…he's human."
If only to get a good look themselves, Hakkai and Gojyo walk around the man as well and peer into his face. Indeed, no chakra, just as Koryuu is without one. Homura's duel-colored eyes are still quite prominent, one being a brilliant gold to match Goku's, the other pure and true blue, and Homura's smirk is also as they remember it. In fact, the lack of that telling red dot is the only true difference.
That…and the chains.
Goku decides with a firm nod to himself that he likes Homura better without the chains and without the chakra. In all honesty, he would like anything about Homura as long as it meant the god…or man…or whatever…was still alive.
"Goku! Koryuu!"
Before the others have a chance to offer comment, or before Koryuu and Homura can act on the fueling fire ignited in their met gazes, this new voice calls over to the group and a woman the onlookers are fairly certain they have never seen is suddenly at Homura's side, holding tight to his arm.
"Hisashiburi!" she calls happily, a blinding presence of sweet, feminine charm, with her sandy hair tied up neatly in two loops like new-age pigtails. Her smile is infectious, her face quite lovely, and when Homura looks down at her as she clings to him so easily, the dangerously flirtatious look he had been wearing slips into one of pure, honest…love. The woman is bouncing happily, but notices the frown still settled on Koryuu's face. She looks up to meet Homura's eyes and shakes her head. "Were you two teasing poor Kory again?" she asks knowingly.
Homura shrugs, feigning innocence quite unconvincingly. "I don't know what you mean, dear."
"Yeah, Rinrei, we were just joking around. Kory knows we're not serious." Goku puts in, nudging Koryuu with his elbow despite the blonde's growl of disapproval.
Watching with his gaze shifting quickly between the two couples, Sanzo blinks repeatedly. He isn't entirely sure if this turn of events should please him or not.
Goku is positively beaming, having enjoyed watching Homura's attention on his older self, but also happy to know it is merely in jest and that Homura has someone of his own to be content with. He vaguely remembers Homura mentioning this…woman. If it is indeed the same woman the god had spoken of.
"You guys are coming to the party tonight, right?" the older Goku asks, up on his toes in wonder and exuberant anticipation.
Rinrei's smile sinks slightly and she shakes her head. "So sorry. We can't. My mother has a dinner planned and she'd be so disappointed if we canceled. Next time, though. Promise. After all, it's our turn to host."
For the sake of Rinrei--and only Rinrei--Koryuu banishes his sneer just long enough to offer her a friendly smile. "You are still the best hostess of the group, Rin. I look forward to it."
A smug little half-noise emits from Homura's throat. When Koryuu looks up to meet the clear challenge in it, mismatched eyes focus on him steadily. Daring him somehow. "We may or may not invite you…Koryuu-kun."
Though Rinrei laugh lightly, Koryuu's glare flares to life again. "If you do, Homura-san…I may or may not come."
"Oh? Do you often have that problem?"
Twitch.
"Ahaha…ha…" the older Goku laughs ineffectually, gripping Koryuu's arm tightly now as he begins to pull the blonde away--just in case. "Weeeell…ahhh…we better…go. Right, Kory? Lots to…do."
Koryuu and Homura's eyes are still locked and there is little wonder whether or not they would have fallen to blows by now if not for Goku and Rinrei on their arms.
Sanzo takes the smallest bit of comfort in the fact that he is at least not friends with the man, since he had to endure such…brotherly affection with his likeness and Kami-sama. But that solace does little to ease his anger when everything said to Koryuu feels like a blow to himself. Much as he hates to admit any connections to the other blonde.
Hakkai and Gojyo share amused smiles, Gojyo still being in a slightly lifted mood after he and Goku had so enjoyably laughed at Sanzo's expense. Strangely enough, they realize that this is the most at ease they have been in the presence of such scenes, despite Sanzo's anger at Homura's impudence. Funny that it must come to them when the people they are watching are in much darker moods.
"See you boys later then!" Rinrei calls as Goku successfully manages to pull Koryuu away before the blonde can throttle Homura as his glare suggests he would like to. She elbows Homura hard in the side, who only smiles wickedly.
"A true pleasure as always, Goku!" the dark-haired man calls in kind, adding a wink only after he is sure Koryuu is looking back to see it.
Surging forward to follow the leaving pair, Sanzo does not wait around to listen to anything else that pass between Homura and Rinrei, thoroughly sick of having to see the man's face again when he had been rather happy believing he never would. Hakkai and Gojyo follow without question, allowing the little smiles playing on both their faces.
Only Goku lingers back a little, his shuffling feet leaving him to fall behind somewhat as he stares after Homura and Rinrei, who--as he has noticed with so many of the others--looks so very happy. And handsome. But Goku figures he should probably keep that comment to himself. After all, he had managed to do it all through their ordeals with the god, and that had been easy enough. At least it had been easy when there were moments back then when Sanzo actually showed…affection. In Sanzo's own way.
Goku sighs, running ahead to catch up and leaving Homura and Rinrei behind. He wonders what he would do now if the god were still alive. If Homura came up to him this very moment and asked for him to join the god's group again, would he still choose Sanzo? The sun hasn't been very warming to him lately.
With a sudden 'ouff,' Goku plows right into Hakkai's back, his thoughts having distracted him so completely, he had utterly forgotten to look where he was going.
"Sorry." Goku mumbles, rubbing his slightly injured nose.
Emeralds smile back at the boy and Hakkai allows his pace to slow to match Goku, leaving them to take up the rear as Sanzo and Gojyo travel on ahead of them. "Goku…" the turned youkai begins carefully, his words slow on purpose, to be certain he chooses them just right. "…you know, of course, that you can always tell me the truth. I would never…think ill of you, even if you surprised me. At this point, I think 'surprised' has a very new meaning." he chuckles. "But…if there is something…"
Goku almost groans. Hakkai is a good man and a good friend, but sometimes his kindness gets in the way of just spitting things out. "Look, Hakkai, I don't have anything to say I haven't said already, or that you guys don't already know. Sounds like you have something to say. You wanna ask me, is that it? You wanna ask…what I want from this Goku's life? Then ask."
Such bold honesty Hakkai is used to from Goku, but in this manner, on this particular subject it takes a little getting used to. Hakkai smiles, knowing the expression is weaker than he would usually allow. "All right. Goku--"
"I want Sanzo."
Hakkai nearly trips, his steps halting on themselves so suddenly. Goku stops beside him, the others momentarily forgotten. Hakkai cannot believe Goku is actually…finally…saying it.
"I'm 18, Hakkai, much as you guys like to pretend I'm still a kid." Goku says with a slight frown. Gold eyes flick ahead at the path leading onwards through town and to the back of the blonde--of Sanzo--who is still walking. "Girls are nice. I've liked a few. But they're no Sanzo. Truth? Yeah, even if you don't wanna hear me say it, I think about sex probably almost as much as Gojyo does. Don't tell him that." Goku says quickly, turning back to Hakkai with a little pout on his lips for only a moment, which for that moment eases Hakkai's on edge nerves being it resembles more the Goku he is used to. "But…thinking about that…that's not what this is about. It's more than that."
Hard as this already half-known truth is to swallow, Hakkai knows just what Goku means, and is brave enough to say it himself. "You love him."
It isn't a question, so Goku doesn't have to say yes or no. He wouldn't have to say anyway.
With his smile returning suddenly, if perhaps a little wicked now, Goku looks up at Hakkai, lifting on tiptoe to get as close to the green-eyed youkai's face as he can. "Good, Hakkai, you can say it. Next time…why don't you try saying it for yourself."
Hakkai's head snaps up from looking down. "Goku! I can assure you I harbor no such feelings for Sanzo in any--"
"Idiot." Goku says with a roll of his eyes, and Hakkai is rightly taken aback. Rarely is such an insult directed at him, and never once has it been said by those lips. Goku does not stick around to explain himself, either, suddenly starting again along the path since Gojyo has turned back to look at them curiously and Sanzo is becoming smaller and smaller as he walks on.
Though Hakkai quickly moves to catch up with Goku and the others, his confusion does not last nearly as long…as he wishes it would. One look into crimson eyes and the feeling that has been growing in the pit of his stomach suddenly leaps up into his throat.
Hakkai plasters on his best smile when Gojyo cocks an eyebrow at him, meaning Hakkai had most likely been staring a little too long while Goku's words came back again and again through his head. Inside, Hakkai's pulse is racing.
Impossible. Impossible. Could it really be…as easy as Goku seems to think?
tbc...
A/N: Ooo, okay I was feeling all inadequate with the last part, but you all sure helped me over that, and now this part is one I am really happy with. I loved putting Homura in there. Hee. I wasn't sure whether to keep his eyes the same or not, but (and I'm telling you this because I'm pretty sure he will not show up in the story again, though the beginning of the next part will have Kory and Goku talking about him a bit) what I imagine for Homura is that he was allowed a choice between serving as the God of War and being reincarnated with Rinrei, which (even though it made him human) he agreed. Now, Obviously the gods would never be so nice, but this world is supposed to be unbelievably different in some aspects. Anyway, I figured Homura would still have his eyes.
Diva Urd: No, no, don't feel bad for pointing out that gross example of editing laziness. I should know better. Grrr. That is one of the mistakes I make too often. Please, tell me when such mistakes are there so I can fix them and know to be more vigilent in the future. And Man, you're good thinking about Nii already. He's not the only difference, though, because...why would a difference with him affect whether or not Gojyo's full youkai, etc., but he is a main factor and I will get to the specifics on that.
You guys really are the best, you know, and I am so sorry so many of you are wasting away between updates. :-) I will continue to be fast, and to give you little tidbits so that your ignorance of the details (Whisper) does not kill you so. :-) Love!
Crim