Over the Edge

"Good thing Sanzo doesn't have his gun, or I wouldn't expect Gojyo to come back alive."

Hakkai can only chuckle at his younger companion's comment, much as he knows it to be a truthful statement. He turns green eyes from remaining trained on the door Gojyo has just gone through to regard the smaller brunette beside him. "Goku, though I do not really know what to expect out of Gojyo's venture, I am happy to have you alone again. I must ask. Are you certain that you are honestly--"

"In love him him? You shouldn't have to ask that."

"No." Hakkai admits. "But what I mean to ask, Goku, is…are you sure you are going about this the right way?"

Moving closer to Hakkai along the wall, Goku's brow furrows as he ponders this. But in the end he can only nod; second guessing himself will only make this harder, and the last time he started doing that the shift caused him even more pain than originally. "I know it's kinda…stupid to push Sanzo like this," he says, gold eyes focused only too intensely at his own feet. "But…what else is gonna get through that thick head of his? I mean…you know Sanzo even better than I do in some things, Hakkai. Being subtle won't accomplish jack shit." Goku bites his lip, looking up a little sheepishly. He always hates swearing around Hakkai when it is just the two of them. "Sorry."

Hakkai shakes his head, dismissing it and finding it rather sweet that Goku feels the need to apologize at all. "Then I will differ to you, Goku." he replies, his smile honest and genuinely placed. "For you know Sanzo in a way none of us can ever truly grasp, and it is because of that…that I believe you can succeed in this. Though it will not be easy. As with all of us, Sanzo believes he should live his life for his own sake only."

"Yeah, like any of us are living only for ourselves." Goku laughs snidely. "If that wasn't a lie right when we all met, it sure is one now." The monkey stops, his eyes widening with perhaps the smallest traces of fear. "Right?" he questions softly.

The monocled man gives a simple nod, having already believed as much himself for quite some time now. "Indeed, Goku. Though I once swore to never allow love into my life again, I do believe I was a blind fool from the moment I thought that. Surely you, Sanzo, and Gojyo these years I have lived with him have proven me quite wrong."

A wicked little smirk graces Goku's features.

The intimacy of this conversation has blocked out everything happening in the living room, as if Hakkai and Goku are truly alone in the room. They pay no attention to the continued laughter and conversation happening so near them, and do not feel that they are missing out when what is passing between them is clearly more important.

Goku especially realizes that this moment holds some things that may be even more important than his own concerns, because at least with his problem, one half of that problem has some sense. "Speaking of Gojyo…" the monkey begins.

The tension that grips Hakkai's body is only too easy to detect.

"You've been giving him these weird looks for a while now. You finally wise-up to what I was talkin' about before?"

"Goku…"

"Coz this trip is bad enough with Sanzo being…well…Sanzo. But if you and Gojyo are gonna be idiots too--"

"Goku." Hakkai says more firmly this time, turning to address the smaller man more directly. The light in Hakkai's eyes remains, but it is dimmed, turning those emeralds into a deep shade of jade. "I understand your feelings for Sanzo, I admit that I have been rather foolish for not having noticed them earlier, and I am more than ready to offer you my support and blessings in the matter. However…with Gojyo and myself…it is a bit more complicated, and I will ask you not to do or say anything that might complicate things further."

Goku's eyes widen at first, shocked that Hakkai has turned on his 'so-serious-it's-scary' mode, but that expression melts quickly as he meets his friend's stare and gives it back ten fold. "First off, I'm not doing or saying anything. That's your own business. However," he says then, mocking Hakkai's usage of the word before. "Saying it's complicated is just a fancy way of saying you're too scared to do anything about it yourself."

Unable to speak in reply, Hakkai straightens, pulling back a little in response to Goku being so openly bold and challenging in such a harsh and…adult manner. Hakkai almost feels as if he is being scolded by someone his senior.

Well, in so many ways, Goku is just that.

"I really love you Hakkai." Goku says suddenly, his expression softening only the slightest bit as he says this, saying something that none of them ever say, under any context. "But you are being about as stupid as…well…as me and Gojyo on our worst days. And believe me, I know that's saying something. I mean, I've thought of you and Gojyo like a couple for a lot longer than I've wanted Sanzo for myself."

The air rushes out of Hakkai's lungs as if he has been punched hard in the gut. He couldn't possibly have heard Goku correctly.

"In all honesty, I thought you guys had been fucking for years til we started on this journey and I saw how clueless you both were."

Yes, Hakkai is definitely having hearing problems. That's the only explanation.

"I mean the way you two can talk forever, the way you watch each other's backs, the way you're always fussing over him more and scolding him more when he leaves a mess. You're like his…wife, or somethin'."

Hakkai has officially lost his mind. Again. That must be it.

"Half the time I'm wondering when Gojyo's finally gonna drop the whole lady's man act and just throw you up against a wall. And with as hot as Gonou and that other Gojyo look when they're doing things like that, I gotta say…I wouldn't really mind all that much to see him do that."

Hakkai can't breathe. These things are not being talked about so casually. And by Goku? Impossible.

"Okay, maybe Gojyo wouldn't do that, coz he's even more in the dark than you, but if one of you doesn't wise up soon you'll end up in worse shape than me and Sanzo right now. And that's not something you want, believe me. Sanzo's the toughest nut to crack in all history of nut cracking, and I know this without even really trying for anything yet. But you…you get to see your other selves being cute and hot and all couply, and you gotta know on some level that you and Gojyo are just wishing--"

"Goku, please."

Whether he was done with his ranting or not, the desperation in Hakkai's voice would have been enough to stop Goku instantly. And it is. Looking back at the older man, really looking at him since going off like that, Goku sees how much he has shaken Hakkai because his friend looks about as pale as Sanzo does when it is raining AND the monk has a temperature.

"I know you mean well, but…please…stop." Hakkai's voice is breathy and strained, his muscles tight throughout his entire body. Goku knows to let the man finish speaking. "I have already said that I love you all, Gojyo included, but…the relationship our likenesses have is…more than I would ever ask for myself. More than I would ever ask from Gojyo. Even if I do…feel…some of what you are implying…I…know Gojyo couldn't possibly feel the same. And it is foolish for me to think in such a way myself when I…am not fit…to hold another in that way again."

Though Hakkai's demeanor and discomfort leave little room for argument, Goku cannot imagine leaving things this way. Not when getting Hakkai and Gojyo to see things more clearly is supposed to be the easy part.

If he can't get them together, how the hell is he supposed to get Sanzo?

"I'll shut up, Hakkai. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna change my mind." Goku says, his boldness firm as ever as it stares up into Hakkai's emeralds, aflame with golden resolve. "You and Gojyo…you belong together. I believe that. And I hope, before it's too late…you believe it too."

-----

Gojyo and Sanzo have been standing out on the porch together for some time now, neither of them speaking. Sanzo had been over in the far left corner, staring out at the night sky when Gojyo first came outside, but he hadn't even turned to look at the kappa, ignoring him completely.

Wanting to wait things out then, if only to piss Sanzo off a little by keeping the monk guessing at his intentions, Gojyo refuses to speak first, leaning back casually against the porch railing. A yard perhaps separates them, Gojyo in the middle of the porch while Sanzo stays in his corner. If each had a cigarette to puff on, the air wouldn't be quite so electrified, but since they are merely standing, straining in each other's company, soon something is going to have to give.

Gojyo holds back a smirk when it isn't him.

"Say whatever it is you've come to say…or get the fuck off my porch."

Really, Gojyo has to laugh a little. "So sorry, Sanzo-sama…but if this is anyone's porch, since it does belong to someone who looks a helluva lot like me…it's mine."

Sanzo huffs, still looking out at the night rather than at his companion. "Then get the fuck off your porch…and leave me alone."

"Can't do that, blondie." Gojyo answers back, his tone portraying his usual ease and confidence only too well. "See, I've gotta live with you yahoos for gods know how long til the end of this journey, and things are tense enough, thank you, without all this repressed shit coming into play. So why don't you play nice, fess up, go fuck your monkey, and maybe whoever put us here will be satisfied enough to let us out."

Gojyo doesn't have to see it, he can hear the creak of the wood beneath Sanzo's hands as the blonde's grip increases where it is clutching the railing. He knows he has struck a nerve--he did it on purpose--and it is not the only one he plans to strike, dangerous as it may be.

"What, no witty comeback? No swinging fan or bullet in my ass? Oh, wait. That's right. No fan. No gun. Period. Still, no comeback is pretty telling. You must have it for the monkey bad."

The space between them is cut in half with a single stride and if it wasn't for Gojyo's youkai blood to increase his reflexes just enough, he never would have been fast enough to stop Sanzo's fist. Luckily for him, youkai blood DOES flow in his veins, if only half of it.

"Too slow." he says mockingly, and another movement has Sanzo twisted by the very arm he had meant to use as a weapon, suddenly pulled back against Gojyo's chest with his pinned arm pressed between them. Gojyo brings his lips right up to the monk's ear. "This place is making you weak, Sanzo-sama. Must be all the monkey-sex playing out in your head."

Sanzo growls. "Shut the fuck up, you half-blood bastard!" he cries, struggling wildly to free himself of Gojyo's hold. "Get your hands off me!"

"Not this time, droopy-eyes. See…much as I still can't understand how that brat even likes your sorry ass let alone loves it, lives for it, and can't survive two seconds without it…he does. You know he does. Why else would all this piss you off so much. You see how happy it makes him, how much he wishes you liked it too, and that makes your fucked up head even more messed."

"Shut up!"

"Maybe it's the guilt of wanting a kid," Gojyo presses on, ignoring Sanzo's wild thrashing, "since I'm pretty sure he's been giving you hard-ons way longer than he's been legal."

"You--!"

"Maybe you really are as asexual as I think, and the thought of being this close to someone…" Gojyo tugs Sanzo just a bit tighter to his body to drive home his point and hears the angry hiss the contact forces from Sanzo's lips. "…maybe that thought scares the shit out of you. Or…maybe…this all has something to do with that dead master of yours--"

Gojyo grunts as he stumbles back, clutching his stomach where Sanzo just elbowed him--hard. He had thought he had a pretty good grip on the arm that wasn't pinned between them, but apparently he was wrong.

Finally free of that wholly unwelcome hold, Sanzo pierces Gojyo with violet fire, his anger boiled up again, only this time he has no desire to use himself as an outlet. Not when a very pleasing target is standing right in front of him.

If Gojyo's eyes widened in fear as Sanzo rushed him, he doesn't remember, all the kappa remembers is how relieved he was--for the first time--to feel that old nausea kick in, a nausea that has nothing to do with Sanzo's brutal strike. No, Sanzo crumbles to the porch before he can even reach Gojyo again, but as violet eyes dim, they never once lose the fury and fire within them, making Gojyo wonder just what he can expect to wake up to.

-----

When Gojyo does awake, finding himself sprawled out in Koryuu and Goku's living room, he is more than pleased to see Hakkai hovering over him rather than an angry, homicidal monk. Maybe he had taken things too far with Sanzo…?

A friendly hand offered to bring him to his feet and a few seconds later and Gojyo is looking across the room into a warning glare, as if Sanzo is just daring him to bring those things up again. Now, being given such a challenge, Gojyo no longer cares whether or not he pushed too hard, because now…he has to win this little game they have started. At any cost.

Damn the gambler in him.

"Gojyo…?"

It is Hakkai speaking his name so gently, so questioningly, that pulls Gojyo's attention away from glaring back at the monk to meet kind emerald. "Crashed and burned." he admits, speaking softly so that his words are for himself and Hakkai only. "But I'm not giving up yet. His reactions…they scream denial. We can get him."

The expression on Hakkai's face betrays how surprised he is with Gojyo's attitude. Hakkai is happy to discover his friend's enthusiasm for aiding Goku's cause, something the brunette hopes will turn out for the better for Goku and Sanzo both, but it is still a little odd. "Gojyo…" he tries, searching for the right words to explain his worry over this. "…why…exactly…are you…"

Gojyo breaks into a smile, recognizing the trouble Hakkai is having, and gladly swoops in to the rescue. "I get to piss the monk off on a whole new level." he says, casting his gaze quickly over at the scowling monk who seems to have decided he is going to stay over by the bedroom door since it is as far from Gojyo as he can get. Then, Gojyo turns to look over at the couch, a little closer to where he and Hakkai are standing, and sees Goku who looks deep in thought. That alone is an upsetting imagine; the monkey should never think that hard. "Plus…the kid deserves a little happiness, right? Even if it is with his holiness over there."

Hakkai smiles. "I couldn't agree more."

Gojyo turns back…and winks. "Don't we all deserve that kind of happiness?"

And Hakkai's smile falls.

Gojyo is suddenly moving over to the couch to sit next to Goku, perhaps to fill the monkey in on what happened on the porch. But Hakkai isn't trying to overhear them and probably wouldn't remember what he heard even if he was. Gojyo couldn't possibly have meant what he said the way it sounded.

Could he?

A few minutes pass in silence, Hakkai having found his way to one of the chairs, Goku and Gojyo on the couch still, and Sanzo against his wall, not looking at any of them. Suddenly, a very vocal yawn escapes Goku, which is almost instantly echoed by his companions. They are contagious, after all.

Goku blushes. "Sorry, guys. I just feel really tired. It's kinda late, and…I feel like this has been one of the longest days of my life."

Grinning in agreement, Gojyo suddenly startles himself with that realization and turns to Hakkai. "Hey, what's the deal? Why are we tired? I mean…no cigs, no food, no bathroom breaks, but…we still wanna hit the sack? That don't make no sense."

Hakkai thinks this over. "Well…it is still mentally tiring. Perhaps metaphysically as well. And…" he purposefully trails off, his sensei-mode smile slipping into place. "…we technically have no real idea who or what brought us here, or what this place really is, so…any and all rules are quite void in the end. We may just be responding to whatever it is our captors wish from us."

A moment of quiet passes to register this and then the boys on the couch give like-groans, thoroughly annoyed with the whole thing and what a mess it is when they really have no idea what is going on. They would be more worried about that point if they thought there was anything they could do about it.

After a small length of silence has once again passed, and Goku--who is internally cheering that it was once again a rather painless shift for him--is just about to ask why they shifted at all if there is nothing here to watch…

"I still wish we didn't have to leave the party early." the older Goku's voice sounds through the room as he and Koryuu come in through the front door. "I know we gotta get a good night sleep so we're not all hung-over and tired for Ma's brunch tomorrow, but we were having so much fun."

Looking a little more in need of the night's promised rest than his monkey does, Koryuu rubs at his eyes a little and shakes his head. "If I'm feeling this fuzzy now, I can't even imagine what another hour or two would do to me. I don't even realize how much we're drinking when we're all just sitting around talking. Then we stand up to leave and I'm thinking I'm going to collapse on your shoulder walking home."

The older Goku laughs, taking the hint and grabbing hold of Koryuu's arm to haul it over his slightly smaller shoulders and walk Koryuu over to the couch.

The younger Goku and Gojyo scamper away quickly, and look on as a seemingly sober but still pretty tired Goku lugs Koryuu across the floor and helps him down onto the couch. Thinking back, the watchers can't remember that the group had been drinking all that much either, but if they think of every drink throughout the night it's no wonder Koryuu is a little tipsy. Sanzo, in the same state, would never admit to feeling that way, but Koryuu is only too happy to have Goku help him sit down.

He is so pleased, in fact, by being led to the couch that he decides to make better use of it. Grabbing hold of Goku around the waist, he falls back onto the cushions, bringing his companion with him. He settles comfortably, lying back with Goku snuggled half on top of him and half tucked between him and the back of the couch.

"Mmm…not moving." the blonde mumbles sleepily, eyes already closed as he pushes his nose into Goku's hair and breathes in--content.

Seeing that there is probably no way out of this situation, the older Goku laughs a little, peering up into Koryuu's face before finally settling in right where he is. "Fine by me, but if you complain in the morning, it's your own damn fault."

Koryuu doesn't reply, but his echoing smile says more than enough for those watching.

Sanzo, still by his wall, merely turns away, having no desire to watch the couple cuddle like that. As he is moving his gaze over the room, to rest anywhere other than the couch, his eyes meet Gojyo's for a moment and he sees that the kappa is grinning at him. Sanzo has to hold himself back from rushing across the room and strangling the redhead.

Hakkai, watching Gojyo watch Sanzo, takes a little comfort in how Gojyo now seems so preoccupied with the blonde that he has forgotten about the small bit of tension that had arisen between them earlier. A look to Goku though and seeing how the boy is watching the couple on the couch with unchecked longing, has Hakkai wondering…if perhaps he really is being as much of a fool as the boy seems to think.

Even with so many questions up in the air and far too much heartache spreading throughout the group for one another's problems and their own, they eventually decide that following the couple's example is the smartest thing to do at the moment. Soon, Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo have claimed spots on the floor, and Sanzo is in the comfiest of the chairs, not wanting to be any closer to his companions tonight than he has to be.

With much on their minds, warring heatedly in their heads, everyone is eventually fast asleep.

-----

Violets spring open and Sanzo gasps from the force of waking so suddenly. He cannot remember what he dreamed, but whatever it had been it has his heart thudding loudly, almost painfully. A hand immediately goes to his chest, as if he can still the organ inside with that meager touch, and he sits up more fully in his chair, blinking away the remaining traces of sleep.

It is still dark, darker perhaps than it had been when he drifted off. He doesn't have to look at the clock to know it is still a few hours before sunrise. The house is quiet around him, save the breaths of his companions asleep on the floor, and the slightly more haggard breaths of the pair on the couch.

Sanzo's eyes dart up. Why is the breathing from the couch haggard?

When the monk's eyes reach the couch and adjust enough to the darkness to make out the pair lying there, he understands. Koryuu and the older Goku are no longer sleeping, though both still look dazed and dreary as if only half awake. They are staring into each other's eyes, eyes that are inches apart only with Goku still half on top of the older man, and though Koryuu's expression is somewhat blank and questioning, Goku has the beginnings of a lazy grin.

Sanzo feels his still rapidly beating heart flutter when he realizes the older monkey's hand is slowly caressing its way down Koryuu's chest, their eyes never once looking away from one another. But Sanzo is not watching the couple's faces, and could care less if their eyes are locked. He is watching the movement of that hand in the dark, and how it seems to know just how much pressure to apply as it works open the buttons of Koryuu's shirt and slides ever slowly down the now exposed chest of pale skin.

The whole thing seems so surreal, dim and unfocused with such sparse light, with the mantra of his group's breathing on the floor creating such a perfect white noise to contrast how Koryuu, Goku, and yes, his own breathing is sounding more and more erratic. This could be a dream itself. Perhaps…it is.

Sanzo absently licks at his lips, vaguely wondering why they are so dry, why his entire mouth feels so dry, as he watches that smaller hand undo the buttons to Koryuu's pants and begin to pull the zipper down. The movements are so slow and purposeful, they are entrancing, and Sanzo finds himself so hypnotized in watching them, so much believing that this too must be a dream, that when his own hand begins to stray towards the clasps of his pants, he hardly notices.

Koryuu gasps, the sound only the slightest bit louder than his irregular breaths, as that hand parts the opening of his jeans to reveal cotton and runs its palm against the half-hard bulge so prominent. Only when Sanzo repeats the action on himself does he jump to his senses, looking down to find his own pants undone and parted to display the growing erection there.

He nearly curses aloud. What is he doing? There is nothing gratifying about seeing…

But as Sanzo angrily lifts his head to glare at what he is sure will reveal itself to be a revolting sight, his breath catches instead as his eyes land on the exposed flesh of what--in so many ways--is his length of heated flesh, clasped now in the older Goku's hand. The sight unravels all of Sanzo's recently sentient thoughts and he is back in the surreal, lost in the idea of sensations he has never felt himself. Not by another's hand, not by that hand.

When Sanzo reaches down this time, his eyes locked on the slow pumps and loving pulls, his ears tuned to the breathy gasps and moans sounding in his own voice, the feel of skin against skin as he pulls his length free and strokes…has all sense completely abandoned. Soon, his own hand begins to echo what he is seeing.

Goku runs the tips of his fingers up and down Koryuu's full length. Sanzo repeats it. Goku swirls his fingers lightly over the slit, gathering the forming wetness there and spreading it up and out in a deep caress. Sanzo gasps, repeated that as well. If Sanzo closed his eyes, he could almost feel the older Goku's hand on him. He could almost be Koryuu. But if he closed his eyes it would break contact with the sight, it would break the spell, and rational thought having evaded him completely, Sanzo cannot even begin to imagine looking away.

By the time Goku's strokes increase to a steady rhythm, pumping slow and familiar to meet every one of Koryuu's thrusts up, Sanzo is no longer Sanzo and it is no longer the monk's hand giving himself pleasure. It does not matter that his eyes are open. That fact only adds. He is Koryuu and Goku's skilled hand is working him, touching him, bringing him so close he feels he might burst from expectation. Burst from feeling. Too much. Not enough. Oh gods, he wants it, and so much more

He is not even aware how loud his panting breaths have become, or how the sound is so in sync with Koryuu, it only makes it sound louder rather than like two separate voices. Yes, in voice, in movement, in rapture, Sanzo and Koryuu are experiencing it all as one, feeling everything the other is feeling, and Sanzo does not even realize anymore that his hand is even moving, or that it somehow knows how to move just as Goku's is. But it does know, and it does move, and the rhythm, the friction, the feel of hot skin and wet heat, and…Sanzo needs more, more, just as Koryuu is silently mouthing the word, and Goku complies.

Sanzo and Koryuu pump their hips more urgently, desperate, so desperate to just grasp release and ride it through to the end that when release finally finds them it is a wonder neither cries out.

Collapsing bonelessly back into the chair, heart far more erratic than it had been upon waking, breaths far more unsteady, and body thoroughly shaking from the aftermath of that shared experience, the full weight of what Sanzo has just done slams into him with even more force than his orgasm.

Violets widen in horror and a sticky, filth covered hand rises up to Sanzo's face for him to look at in sheer disbelief. He pulls his gaze from the sight just along enough to catch Goku and Koryuu lazily kissing, not at all caring about the mess on both their skin as they slowly drift back to sleep, both satiated in their own ways.

But Sanzo does not see how they have fallen back to sleep, for his eyes are back on his hand, covered in his sin, for something he has never done, never like that, and never while imagining it is Goku who--

Sanzo is on his feet, sprinting for the bathroom as quickly and quietly as his feet can carry him, avoiding at all costs any contact with his sleeping companion's should one of them be roused. Making it inside and shutting the door behind him, Sanzo has the instant urge to wretch, but focuses first on washing the scent and feel of sex from his hand. He does not know how long he keeps it under scalding water, but only when the pain gets to be too much for him does he pull his hand away, satisfied.

Drying his hands on the towel on the sink, he grips either side of the vanity's counter and looks up, meeting his own weary and shamed gaze. Again, he has the urge to purge his stomach of all the sickness in his body--the sickness that must be there if he could fall to such things so easily--but refuses to give in to the urge. No. Hasn't he proven his weakness enough for one night?

With an angry growl at his reflection, Sanzo turns for the door and swing it open…but all color drains from his recently heated face at the sight of red eyes looking back at him.

"Tell me. Was it good for you…Sanzo-sama?"

tbc...

A/N: Oh yeah, I know how evil I'm being, but you're just going to have to suffer! HAHAHA! (cough) Sorry. Anyway...I absolutely loved this part, so I really want feedback on it to know if my readers are in agreement, or if I missed completely. I certainly hope Sanzo giving in to his desires was done well enough to not seem OOC, because I really want to keep the characters IC throughout. Personally, I can totally imagine him doing what he did, one because he was so tired, two because despite finding them naked in the beginning, we haven't really seen Goku and Koryuu in heated contact, and three because Sanzo's half-daze made him unsure whether or not he really was dreaming, and it was only too easy to pretend he was until completion brought him back to his senses. If you thought Gojyo and Sanzo's interaction was getting close to dangerous on the porch, just you wait. And don't worry, I have so much planned for Hakkai and Gojyo too.

Whisper Reilman: Always happy to brighten someone's day, and I hope this chapter does the same for you. Sorry, though, it doesn't look like Hakkai is quite at the point where he can grab Gojyo and kiss the life out of him, much as I would love that myself. Things with them...will move slightly differently.

Not much else to say other than a big THANK YOU to you all for riding out this journey with me. I will continue to post quickly, I promise. Love!

Crim