Perversion's Many Forms
"Ah! G-Gojyo…!" Gonou's head tosses back, his hands searching blindly for a firm enough grip that doesn't involve his sensitive skin bursting into flame on the burners, which is proving much more difficult than he imagined it might be.
The youkai Gojyo has leaned far forward now and swiped out teasingly with his tongue at the head of his lover's increasingly hard length. He grins up at the flush building in Gonou's cheeks and repeats the action, causing a sudden hiss to release from already parted lips. Though Gojyo is thoroughly enjoying the pace he has chosen, Gonou looks down at him with something near a glare that suggests he is already aching for more.
The grin on the youkai Gojyo's face twitches deviously and he tosses his companion a challenging wink before slowly wrapping his lips around the head and swiping his tongue languidly over the slit several times. Gonou's hips give a sudden jerk before he can compose himself, finally finding a safe enough hold on the counter behind him.
A good minute or two passes with the youkai Gojyo's attentions remaining as they are, his lips barely parted to take so little of Gonou's into his mouth while his tongue lightly flits back and forth, and he watches with much humor in his eyes as Gonou becomes completely and irreversibly hard.
Hakkai has lost all feeling in his face. His mouth hangs dumbly open, his eyes perpetually wide and unblinking, his hands fisting the fabric just above his knees as he sits…and stares…and feels the blood rushing away from his face.
The redheaded Gojyo could almost be said to be painting the very same picture, but his mouth quickly closes after hanging open for a moment or two, because having it open in the form of a shocked 'o' is far too much a mirror of the other Gojyo's currently parted--and occupied--lips.
Both watchers seem to have forgotten the other, too intensely drawn in to something so terribly sordid and wrong for them to be watching. And yet…neither seems to have the power to look away.
"You damnable rogue…" Gonou hisses, teeth chattering as he tries to keep them from clenching.
The youkai Gojyo is still sucking and teasing at the poor man, giving no more than a few centimeters, let alone a pleasing inch or two. And the torture in it is beautiful. "Now, now…flattering won't get you anywhere," the black-haired youkai says with another lick, pulling his lips away completely again and leaning just close enough to breathe hot air on the wetness he has left behind.
Gonou gasps, his eyes positively pleading.
Gojyo gives a truly evil grin. "Begging, however…" And he gives another lick, this time trailing his tongue from tip to base, leaving a shimmering trail of wet that is not nearly as much as Gonou is in need of.
Pleading still cries out from emerald eyes, but Gonou says nothing.
Gojyo shrugs and begins to pull away. "Well, in that case--"
"Don't you dare!" Gonou growls, one hand freeing itself from the death-grip he had on the counter to grab the back of Gojyo's head and pull him back into place. The lust nearly drips from his voice now, sounding so strangely husky that the watching Gojyo and Hakkai might not have recognized it if they hadn't seen it leave its owner's lips. "You finish what you started or the cuffs are coming out again." he warns.
Hakkai swallows and is distinctly aware that the act sounds absolutely deafening.
The watching Gojyo almost reaches a hand up to check his own pulse and be sure he hasn't dropped dead.
The youkai Gojyo…does not at all fight the hand pulling him closer to the places in such desperate need for his attention, but he resists just enough to keep from touching skin and purposely breathes harder so that the heated air released as he speaks nearly causes Gonou to yelp.
"I can handle the cuffs. Can you handle this…" He breathes especially hard this time, and when Gonou's aroused voice speaks again, Gojyo is not at all surprised at the words he hears.
"Gojyo…please…"
Mission accomplished.
Inch after inch is taken in with such swiftness it can only be happening at the mercy of someone skilled. Someone practiced. The youkai Gojyo is surely that as he sucks Gonou in and swallows him down, dipping his head closer and away with every common movement while his hands reach up to grip Gonou's hips and hold the man in place, preventing those hips from moving even as they so desperately want to.
"Ahhh…Go…Gojyo…you…ngnnn…gods!"
Deep laughter rumbles up from between Gonou's legs and the currently being-serviced brunette lets out a loud cry at the vibrations that causes. When the youkai Gojyo switches from laughter to a slow hum, Gonou's cries become steady, with gasps and panted breaths surrounding every released syllable.
"You!" Gasp. "Ahhhh…" Breathe. Breathe. "Go…jyo…please…please…!" A shattered cry. "Oh, gods…yessss…"
Laughter again and Gojyo picks up the pace, his head moving to some impossible rhythm as he finally lets up his grip on Gonou's hips enough for the man to start moving them. Soon, the thrusting up of those hips nearly overpowers the bobbing down, until the synchronization they reach has the movements turning frantic.
Hakaki realizes only too late where all the blood from his face has rushed to, and when the pooling of heat between his own legs finally catches up to him, there is nothing he can do to cool himself back down. Suddenly, much like the far too similar looking length of Gonou's, his own has grown almost painfully hard.
Biting back a groan when he shifts in his seat and his unstoppable erection presses against the teeth of his slack's zipper, Hakkai feels a surge of panic. He has to get out of the room before Gojyo notices. How can such a thing have even happened? He is absolutely mortified at his own weakness for reacting in such a lewd manner to something he…should not have been watching the way he had.
With his breath held and his teeth biting hard into his bottom lip, Hakkai gets to his feet, turning away from Gojyo to walk around the table and out the kitchen door.
"If you'll excuse me…" he forces out, and feels foolish for having said anything at all when his voice must surely betray his current state of shamed but very prominent arousal.
Once out in the living room, Hakkai's hand flies up to his chest over the rapid beating of his heart. His other hand twitches at his side, begging to be allowed to do something, anything to release some of the pressure built to such a high degree that no amount of internal collection will be enough to bring down. But how can he even entertain relieving the pressure in the way he must? Even if he excused himself out of the house or into one of the rooms, surely Gojyo would know what he was doing. How would he face his friend after that?
And what about now? Does Gojyo know why Hakkai left so suddenly. He must. The strain in his voice, the groan he didn't hold back nearly enough…every sign had been so clear, so obvious, Gojyo must be thinking him the worst kind of deviant now.
What kind of friend is he to be turned on by such a sight?
"Hakkai…?"
Oh no…
-----
Having trekked most of the journey from Goku and Koryuu's place in silence, Sanzo and the younger Goku are both relieved when their counterparts at last approach a small house. They are both a little anxious in regards to what they will find within the house, even though neither voices it, and Sanzo certainly never would anyway.
They hover just behind the other pair as Koryuu gives the front door a few knocks, and then they wait…until with a great flourish…the door opens.
"Well, it's about time, you two. Did I teach you nothing about being timely when there is a place for you to be?"
Sanzo feels every muscle in his body tense. That voice…it…he knows it, doesn't he? Something in it, despite its feminine pitch, sounds strangely like his own, but…more than that, he feels as if he remembers having heard it before.
"Give your mother a hug then." the woman continues, her pretty face holding a smile so much like the ones they have seen on Koryuu, and her drooping brown eyes holding enough light and love in them to make it impossible for them to look sad. She embraces Koryuu first, firm and secure, but when she turns to Goku the act is played out with even more vigor as she hugs him in a way not unlike Lirin.
"Ma…gimme a break, huh?" the assaulted monkey whines, face scrunched up as he tries to keep from suffocating in the hold the woman has on him.
"I can't help it." she laughs, playfully tousling his hair upon releasing him and leaning down to kiss him on the temple. "You're such a huggable little thing. My favorite plush toy by far."
Goku's face reddens in embarrassment. "Ma!"
Laughing heartily at the comment, Koryuu leans forward to kiss his mother on the cheek before moving past her to head inside. Goku, half-scowling, follows after, unable to think of a good comeback when both Koryuu and his mother are chuckling at his expense.
Entering behind the…family…Sanzo takes the opportunity to study the woman more closely, completely forgetting that the younger Goku is still with him, following at his heels. He watches her, her movements, the way she tilts her head when she laughs, and tries to place why it is that everything about her seems so familiar. Her features are like his own, yes, but the brown of her eyes, her brunette, almost auburn colored hair pulled up into a messy but attractive bun with a few strands allowed to frame her face, even her willowy frame…everything seems to echo a memory Sanzo long buried. She is tall for a woman, nearly as tall as Sanzo himself, and definitely taller than either Goku.
It is then that Sanzo remembers Goku, seeing that the monkey is right at his side, also looking the woman over with great care and attention. He seems especially interested in the attentions she enjoys bestowing upon the other Goku.
Sanzo is momentarily distracted as the woman passes just in front of him and her scent lingers in her wake. It is in that moment he is certain, without any lingering doubts, that he has been in this woman's presence before. Scent is the strongest tie to memory, and the air about the woman has Sanzo back in the past, seeing that woman's face looking down at him with the sad smile he had almost remembered earlier. There is no 'almost' about it now. He remembers. He remembers what must have been…
…the day his mother set him adrift in the river.
"Hurry along now. Koumyo and Kami are already waiting in the dining room."
Sanzo's head snaps up, his attention on the woman again instead of inside his own thoughts. Of course, Goku had reminded him earlier. Koumyo is here. Kami too, though Sanzo is certain he cares significantly less about that.
Walking swift enough to move him far ahead of Goku and nearly ahead of Koryuu, the older Goku, and the woman, Sanzo enters the dining room just behind those he has followed and stops in the doorway. He watches in fascination at a scene that almost seems to move half-speed as Koumyo stands from where he had been sitting to offer Koryuu a caring half-hug and then moves to wrap the older Goku ever tightly in his arms with a joy on his face that causes Sanzo's heart to ache.
"Hey, Sanzo, don't block the door. I wanna see too."
Normally, the annoying tone of voice Goku has used would force a curse or cruel word from Sanzo, but he is too stunned at seeing the interaction between the monkey's likeness and Koumyo to do anything more than move, just as Goku has asked. Walking further into the dining room, with Goku pushing past him to get a better look at everything, Sanzo sees that Kami is indeed present as well. The other blonde is all wide smiles as he hugs Koryuu just as tightly as he had the day before, and then turns to hug Goku with equal zeal.
It is some parody of a family--no doubt about that--with mother, father, and three loved sons. No matter that Koumyo is a monk and that the only blood son is Koryuu; the ties of a family are wrapped around each of them as noticeably as if the ties were visible.
"That looks really good, huh? I bet your mom's a great cook, just like Kami said."
It takes Sanzo a minute to realize Goku is speaking to him and that several minutes have now passed with the group all seated at the table, the woman having left more than once to bring in what food she had yet to set out. The table is full to bursting now, even for the small group gathered, and dishes are being passed as they talk, easily and amiably about so many little things. Even the simplest thing seems important, and Sanzo honestly wishes--the first wish he would admit to in this place--that he could talk about nothing with such ease.
Suddenly, Sanzo remembers himself, and he also remembers that Goku is awaiting an answer to a question the monkey still does not realize he hasvoiced incorrectly.
"Not my mother, idiot." Sanzo growls, bopping Goku on the head with a closed fist. Despite his continued annoyance, even he recognizes that his tone and the force of his blow had been less hostile than usual. That realization nearly has his anger renewed.
Goku rubs his head, but since it isn't really that sore--and did he ever notice how Sanzo's cruelties have lessened--he almost breaks into a grin. "Right. Sorry." he says, not sounding sorry at all, and not caring if Sanzo catches the mocking in his voice.
Sanzo doesn't, because he has once again focused his attention on the table as he moves around it to stand closer to Koumyo's chair.
Feeling a little ignored, but understanding of it, Goku chooses to stand near the woman, her seat being opposite Koumyo's, almost as if they really are the heads of the table, though the table is round. Kami sits on Koumyo's right, then the woman, Koryuu, Goku, and back to Koumyo.
"Kami mentioned to me your plans of escape for him, Koryuu." Koumyo says, his smile ever wide and glowing as he takes his first bite of the prepared meal.
Though Kami looks a little embarrassed, Koryuu smiles. "I'm serious this time, master. Now couldn't be more perfect since you'll be naming Dougan your successor soon. You don't really need the extra help all year round, and Kami has to get out of there. We just…need to find the right place for him to stay at first."
"What's this?" the woman speaks up, her tone almost suggesting she is a little offended at being left out of the loop on this matter. She turns to look at Kami next to her. "Kami, sweetheart, you're finally planning to move out on your own? I hope you consider staying here then, if that is the case. You know you are always welcome. I would have had you living in this house long ago if Koumyo hadn't been so adamant about keeping you to himself." She laughs then, and it takes no time at all for Koumyo's laughter to join hers.
"I already had to suffer Koryuu's loss." the monk says, and though the words seem the type to be spoken pained or pouting, Koumyo is not being entirely serious. "I couldn't very well allow you take yet another charge from me, Meiyuu. The temple would have been so boring all these years, I don't know what I would have done with myself."
The few words and continued laughter that follow fade out as Sanzo focuses on one word his master spoke. A name. Meiyuu. His mother's name is Meiyuu.
No. Koryuu's mother. Koryuu's…
"It's settled then." Meiyuu says cheerily, reaching over to brush her hand along Kami's cheek in a loving show of affection. He smiles at the touch. "You can stay with me until you're ready to have your own place, and Koryuu will help you look for work. We can even start moving you in this week if you want, dear."
Sanzo realizes he has missed part of the conversation, but tries to focus again, noting that somehow Kami seems to be about to move into his mother's home.
Sanzo clenches his fists. Not his, damn it, Koryuu's.
"Oh, Koumyo, dear, I haven't offered you any wine. I still have some of that batch I save just for you. I'll go get it."
Really, Sanzo is trying to focus, but when Meiyuu is already coming back into the room with a bottle of wine, he realizes that he keeps fading out, preoccupied more than he wants to admit with this woman, this family, their interactions, and how now…now…Koryuu is about to share a drink with his master as Sanzo was never able.
Meiyuu is going around the table, pouring wine into each person's glass, even Goku's, though he is older in this place, and the younger Goku is technically old enough by modern standards as well.
While Meiyuu is moving to fill Koumyo's glass, the older Goku takes a quick sip. "Hey…I've never had this before, Ma. You say you keep it around? For what?"
"For Koumyo's visits, of course. I bring it to the temple on my visits, as well."
Koryuu seems to take special interest in these details. "How often do you two see each other? I didn't know you got together that often."
Koumyo and Meiyuu both laugh, exchanging a look that speaks of many secrets and confidences between them. Meiyuu is still standing by Koumyo's chair, and places her hand on his shoulder, leaning down to bring her face closer to his. "How else do you think we manage to keep such close tabs on you three?" she says with a broad grin. "Besides," she adds, "didn't you know…Koumyo and I have been having a steamy love affair for ages." She kisses the monk on the cheek then before breaking into giggles. His only reply is an even more amused laugh than he has yet released, and the three young men at the table are left wondering just how much is truth and how much is jest.
Sanzo feels sick to his stomach. It isn't that the banter between his mother and Koumyo upsets him, nor their closeness, but that…he so enjoys it, and he knows he enjoys it, to a point where he cannot dismiss it as he has been dismissing so much else. His defenses are weakened, he realizes, perhaps from the failure of the previous night, and because of that all the truths he refuses to see are starting to peck their way forward in his mind.
For the first time, even he cannot deny…that he would gladly spend a day in this Koryuu's shoes if it meant he could be a part of the family sitting at the dining table in front of him.
When violet eyes fall on gold ones and see that Goku too is looking at the table with so much fondness, it is the last straw. If Sanzo admits to his desires it will be the beginning of admitting more than he is ready for, and the knowledge of that, still somewhat hanging back in his subconscious, has him feeling suddenly furious.
"Stop that!" he shouts across the table, making Goku jump at the sudden bite to his tone when the table is still, with everyone in their seats again, enjoying their food and drink.
Goku frowns, not understanding what Sanzo means.
"Just stop it!" Sanzo shouts again, fists tightening at his sides and eyes set in a hard glare. "Stop looking at them like that! Stop acting as though you want what they have! If you really want this Goku's life so badly than you can fucking stay here for all I care!"
Startled, Goku does not at first know what to do or how he should react, but his own anger bubbles up easily, his own fists tightening, and the table is now ignored as he too yells across it. "Damn it, Sanzo, are you really going to keep being this stupid!" he shouts, not caring that his readiness to give as good as he is getting has Sanzo looking even more incensed. "Yeah, stupid! You're the stupid one, not me! You're the one blaming me for wanting what they have when you know damn well you're thinking the same thing! You want it too! You're just wishing you could be that happy! I know you are!"
"Shut up! Shut up!" Sanzo cries, eyes closed tight as he yells even louder, his mind still so unfocused, more so now with the increase of his anger. "You don't know…anything, you…worthless monkey! You…don't…" His voice trails, his eyes opening to show that the same angry fire is still in them, even though his voice is not cooperating as he wishes it would. He hardens his glare, knowing it is the only way he can look at Goku--who is looking back with frightening resolve--without flinching. "Maybe you want this…but I…don't."
For a moment, the anger fades from Goku's face to leave behind only grief, the type of grief borne by disappointment, which echoes the look Hakkai gave Sanzo right before slapping him the night before. True to that echo, Goku grasps again for his anger, rekindling it easily, and his resolve is even more frightening now, as if to say…he has finally made up his mind. "I don't think so, Sanzo." he says evenly, eyes easily focused on violet and unwilling to let them go. "I know better. I know you. I know, just like me, you want some of what they have here, even if it's impossible for us to have everything. You want…" Goku pauses…and then suddenly…smirks. "Just like you were wanting last night."
-----
Hakai closes his eyes, the hand at his chest climbing up to clutch his throat as he forces the other into a fist to still his trembling. Please, Gojyo, don't…
"Hakkai…you okay?"
Please…just don't…
"You ran out of there pretty fast, and…I…I hope it's not coz 'a me. That was stupid, the way I…let myself watch them. Don't be freaked out with me coz 'a that. I didn't mean it the way you think."
Slowly, Hakkai begins to realize that Gojyo is trying to…apologize, though he doesn't at first understand why. When it hits him, the truth has Hakkai's stomach even further in knots. Gojyo believes Hakkai left because he is mad at Gojyo for watching the show. Gojyo thinks Hakkai is going to be disgusted with him. Gojyo thinks wrong.
But the irony is just too cruel.
Does Gojyo not realize that Hakkai had been watching all that time too? "Gojyo…please, I…I am not angry with you. Please, just…just leave me be a moment, will you?"
"No way." Gojyo says. "How can I believe you're not mad at me when you won't even look at me."
But how can Hakkai turn to look at Gojyo when doing so would reveal his sin, the sin he craves, though he knows he should not.
The brunette just shakes his head, fist still clenched and throat still being clutched as he futilely tries to will his arousal away, something that is somehow even more difficult when he knows that Gojyo is standing just behind him.
"Believe me, Gojyo, I am not…angry with you. I am not at all thinking poorly of…you. So, please…please, will you just…leave."
Hakkai hears Gojyo grunt his disapproval, and with an even greater insult to injury, something in the sound sends a little shock down to his groin and he nearly moans aloud. If he could bury himself in the ground this moment he would do it without looking back.
Since Hakkai refuses to turn around, and with Gojyo growing more and more agitated with his friend's avoidance, words are abandoned for the kappa's more favored choice: action.
"Hakkai." he starts, reaching out to grip the other man's shoulder and forcefully turn him around, which for some reason unknown to the redhead causes Hakkai to yelp in a very odd sounding voice. "You may be able to swindle most people, but not me. Now what in hell could be wrong that would make you not…want…to…" Gojyo's words quickly trail off into nothing as his intense gaze takes in not just the look of sheer horror on Hakkai's face, but the sight of something quite unmistakable pushing through the man's long tunic, right below the waistline. "Well…shit."
If Hakkai wasn't currently humiliated beyond recognition, he might have laughed at how perfectly Gojyo just summed things up. Seeing as how he is in state of embarrassed panic, he can't find the words to say anything, though he--rather unsuccessfully--tries anyway. "Oh…Gojyo…please, don't…think…I…oh, gods, I…can't even…imagine…what you must…think, and…goodness…what…what must you…think…"
"Geez, man, calm down." Gojyo breaks in, once again swooping to his friend's rescue, while whatever else his mind had been playing around with suddenly becomes less important than bringing Hakkai back to his senses. Gojyo tries to take a step closer to Hakkai, but the brunette flinches away. "Whoa…hey…don't look so spooked. You're scaring me here. And not coz 'a…that, either." Gojyo says, making a point to not look directly at that as he speaks. "Gotta say though, nice to know you're not wondering over how much of a pervert I am, for a change."
"Gojyo…"
"Kidding! Kidding…just…listen…it's no big deal, huh?" Gojyo mends, trying to slowly advance on Hakkai again, though every step forward, slow or not, has Hakkai taking a step back. "Look…I'm not weirded out or thinking you're some perv suddenly, coz…shit, man, it's you. And…I mean…it is a perfectly--"
"Gojyo, I swear, if you say it is a perfectly natural reaction and that I have nothing to be ashamed of…I swear I will hit you."
Gojyo stops advancing, noting that Hakkai suddenly looks a little less panicked and a little more…like the Hakkai who could kill you in your sleep with a smile on his face. Not that Gojyo believes Hakkai would ever actually do that, but…sometimes he wonders.
At least the man can form a coherent sentence again.
"Right. Not saying that." Gojyo pauses, not sure what he should say then since Hakkai has backed away a good three or four feet from him and looks as if he is either about to run or summon up a ball of chi. Gojyo never imagined Hakkai could ever look so defensive against him. "Hakkai…I'm really not thinking whatever you think I'm thinking, okay? Those things you don't want me to say? They're true. I mean…hell…you just saw a you-look-a-like getting sucked off. Who wouldn't get a little hard."
Emerald eyes close tight and suddenly Hakkai doesn't look so much as if he means to run or attack, but as if he longs to implode. "Please, Gojyo…"
Half of Gojyo realizes he is not handling this nearly as elegantly as he could, but…if Hakkai thinks he is just going to leave things as they are and walk out of the room, there is no way that is happening. Even if Gojyo wasn't strangely…intrigued and…excited by how Hakkai has reacted to what they just saw, he would still feel the same way. This is not something that can just be dismissed, or things might get so awkward between them they will never be the same friends again.
Nothing in this world or any other could ever be reason enough for Gojyo to allow that.
A few quick strides have Gojyo right in front of Hakkai, and with those emeralds still closed, the brunette does not know to back away until it is too late. "Hakkai…look at me."
With Gojyo's voice sounding so near suddenly, Hakkai's eyes spring open. When he tries to take a step back, strong hands suddenly have a grip on his upper arms, holding him in place. Hakkai's arousal has grown painful at this point, and he can't even properly focus on Gojyo's face with the way it is pulsing between his legs.
But Gojyo isn't looking at the bulge in Hakkai's tunic, now hidden between them with the redhead so close. Gojyo is looking into his eyes. "This is me…not freaking out." he says softly, his voice a whisper as if to keep his words secret, even though they are the only two in the room. "Nothing could make me think less of you, which I know is what you're thinking right now. You saw what very much looked like your own body being…pleasured. That can't sit too well with a guy without resulting in…something. It'll only be a big deal if you make it one."
The look on Hakkai's face is one of shame now, not for how his body has reacted, but for how he has reacted to his body. He closes his eyes again and shakes his head in silent appeal.
Gojyo does not need an apology, but the part of him still somewhat excited by the prospect of Hakkai's arousal being due to more than just Gonou getting attention, but because of who gave that attention…has Gojyo wondering. "Listen…if…if you wanna excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes, I won't hold it against you."
Emeralds spring open yet again and Hakkai pulls at Gojyo's hold on him. "Gojyo…please do not suggest such a thing. I could never…not with you standing out here…knowing what I was…I…I just couldn't."
Gojyo sighs, not yet willing to relinquish his hold. "Fair enough. But you're gonna have one sore case 'a blue balls if you leave it alone."
"Gojyo."
"I'm serious. That's gotta be hurtin' like hell right now, and…if you're not willing to do something about it…then…" Gojyo feels his pulse quicken, his mind still wondering…wondering…how much he can get away with, how much…he is willing to try to get away with. "…if you won't do it yourself…then…maybe I can help you out."
Disbelieving shock grips Hakkai's face before Gojyo's words have even finished.
So much for working things out first and taking it slow, Gojyo muses. But seeing as how there isn't much choice in the matter as far as he sees it, the butterflies in his stomach and the little voice yelling at him for being a complete idiot, are all successfully stilled.
"Just think of it as…a friend helping a friend…" Gojyo says, his voice back to a whisper as he uses his hold on Hakkai to his advantage and pulls the other man in close so that their bodies meet with Hakkai's erection pressing into his thigh. The contact causes Hakkai to cry out, his eyes wide with a renewal of panic that Gojyo only wants to soothe. "Just a friend…helping a friend," he whispers again, increasing the grip of one hand while the other pulls away to reach between their bodies until it finds a satisfactory hold.
Hakkai cries out again. "G-Gojyo…please…don't…"
"You need this." Gojyo replies, testing his new grip with an exploratory squeeze that has little gasps coming from Hakkai's throat just like the ones they heard from Gonou. Gojyo decides…he could get drunk off that sound.
"Gojyo…no…not…like this…" Hakkai pleads, despite how his attempts to pull from Gojyo's now single-handed grip on his shoulder are barely even enough to take notice of anymore.
"Yeah…just like this." Gojyo breathes back, his own voice taking on the huskiness filling Hakkai's as he moves his hand more deliberately through the fabric of Hakkai's tunic and khakis. He releases his hold just long enough to slip up underneath the tunic and grab through slacks only, forcing out yet another cry since the pressure is near unbearable now. "See…you need it, 'Kai. You want it…"
"Gojyo…" Hakkai speaks breathlessly, his eyes watering from pain and unwanted pleasure, and he falls forward suddenly, his forehead taking rest on the kappa's shoulder as his hips give their first answering thrust into the hand between his legs. "Ah! Gojyo…this…this is…wrong…"
Then why are you letting me, Gojyo almost says aloud, the feel of Hakkai's body this way so foreign to him but…not at all unwelcome. The hard length in his grip could be his own, and he knows just how to work it, pulling, pressing. Hakkai's hands fisted in his shirt now as the smaller man leans into him, could be an embrace of comfort, and in so many ways that is exactly what it is, because Hakkai does need this, Gojyo thinks. He is certain of it.
Why then…is he starting to wonder if Hakkai is right? Why does this feel…so wrong?
When Hakkai comes it is sudden and violent, his cry strangled back this time from sheer sensation. He could not possibly have lasted any longer with how wound up he had been, and with so much time having passed since he last took any such base comfort.
Feeling the dampness through Hakkai's slacks now, Gojyo knows his hand is shaking when he starts to pull it away, and as Hakkai recovers enough to start pulling himself away, Gojyo knows…without a doubt…that he just made a mistake he can never take back. He half expects the next thing he feels to be an explosion of chi as Hakkai puts him out of his misery. But the reality…is far worse.
"A friend…helping a friend…" Hakkai says under his breath, not looking at Gojyo as he pulls away completely and takes a few stumbling steps back. "Gojyo…can we…please…not speak of this."
And Gojyo is not looking at Hakkai either, his mind a haze to the point where he does not even recognize he is answering. "Yeah…" he breathes out, his mouth so dry suddenly, the word sounded…cracked.
"Thank you…"
It takes a few moments for Gojyo to realize Hakkai is gone. The bathroom door is closed when he looks over at it, and he knows Hakkai is in there now, cleaning himself off. Gojyo wishes there was a way for him to do the same, because he has never felt as…dirty…as he feels now.
That was not at all how he wanted things to go. He still is so unsure of how he feels, though it is no longer a question of whether or not he finds Hakkai attractive and desirable, just whether or not…he is willing to risk their friendship to seek something more. Well, he has just risked their friendship anyway…and even if they vow not to speak of what has just happened, how can either of them ever forget…
"Shit." Gojyo curses, fists clenched while his eyes remain trained on the bathroom door. Really, he would take Sanzo's gun and shoot himself right now if he could. "You…idiot."
-----
Last night? Like he was…wanting…last night?
All emotion drains from Sanzo's face, leaving him looking pale, distraught, and very much trapped. Before now he could pretend that Goku knew nothing. He could pretend that his secret was safe between him and that damn kappa, so long as the kappa knew enough to keep his mouth shut. But with Goku's words now…and that knowing, taunting look…Sanzo begins to doubt.
"Did you really think I didn't know, Sanzo?" the adamant brunette says across the table, his tone softer now, and the need for closeness due to his hushed voice making him move from his place behind Meiyuu to begin approaching Sanzo. His grin hangs slightly crooked, but he keeps it in place. "How could I not know? I could smell it all over you."
Sanzo nearly trips over his own feet in a surge to move backwards, away from the intently approaching figure. He tries to remember his anger, to not give in to the fear slowly building and holding his entire body in a suffocating embrace. "Sh-Shut up…" he croaks, his voice catching in his tight throat.
"Why should I?" Goku bites back, not only the determination in his eyes unsettling, but also the age in them. This is no little boy pushing boundaries. Not this time. "Why should I listen to you, Sanzo? So it can be easier for you? So you can feel better? So you can keep lying to yourself that you don't want what they have? Why? Give me a reason."
Sanzo shakes his head, not in answer to that, but in the face of how unfamiliar Goku is to him suddenly. His Goku would not dare talk back in this manner. His Goku would never call him out like this. His Goku would never so eagerly break the rules into such unrecognizable fragments.
His Goku…has never been given the chance, he realizes.
No, this is not his Goku, because Goku is not his. Not his. And he doesn't…want him to be. "You're just…a stupid…monkey. What do you know? I don't want what they have. You're talking…nonsense."
Goku snorts, never once halting his steps as he comes even closer to Sanzo, who is backing up steadily until he suddenly finds a wall at his back. Goku feels a thrill of power rush through him; Sanzo is backing away from him. Sanzo is afraid of him and of what he is bringing out into the open.
Well Sanzo can be afraid then, because Goku has no intention of stopping.
"Still avoiding." Goku chides, absolutely loving the rush of power he has over his keeper when he has never before felt this way. For the first time, he does not care if Sanzo's wrath returns. "What you did last night proves it almost as much as how you're watching the table now. You weren't just getting off last night Sanzo." Saying it at last has Goku's grin becoming even more firmly set and stable. "Nope, you weren't just getting off. You were getting off…to me."
All sense of rules are crushed, defiled, and hung in crucifixion.
Sanzo is as close to living death as he has ever been. But if he allows himself to be trapped by this, then Goku will have won, and for all of Sanzo's weaknesses, this is one he is not yet willing to give up.
"Don't be presumptuous, monkey." he says, forcing his eyes to narrow and his tone to be dark. He stands as tall as is in his power and steps forward with enough intent to have Goku backing up this time. He feels a rush of triumph. He is still in control, and damn the brat for trying to steal it. "You think you know me so well. I'm not that weak. I don't have to think of some annoying brat to get myself off. The very thought churns my stomach." Good, that'll shut the monkey up.
But then…why does Goku still look confident. "Sure, Sanzo." he scoffs. "But I'm not buying your shit anymore. Not when I know better. I want what they have…and so do you."
"Why!" Sanzo erupts, his feet carrying him forward with even more intent than Goku had, though unlike Sanzo, the monkey does not shy away from the advance; he holds his ground. "Tell me! Why do you want that!" he shouts, pointing an accusing finger at the table, still filled with friendly chatter and laughter. "I know why." he seethes, too angry, too caught up in Goku's insolence to think better on what he is saying. "So you can have me on my back. Submissive. Domesticated, trained. Is that what you want!"
Finally, Goku's smirk falls away but not because he is ready to admit defeat. He sees now that Sanzo is too proud to be bullied and too stubborn to be swayed. But Goku has not forgotten the real reason he wants what he wants. "I just want to love you, Sanzo." he says, before his mind can really think about the resonance in those words. He almost regrets having said them, but Sanzo does not react with horror or fiercer anger, only…dark denial.
"Don't confuse that perversion for love." the monk snarls, not having to point this time for his accusers to be known.
Goku shakes his head. "No, Sanzo. I don't confuse this one for it. But I still love you."
Sanzo is not granted the chance to reply because Goku is gone from the room before he has even the chance to imagine speaking again. He doesn't know where the monkey means to retreat to, and…alone with his thoughts, even while the table erupts into laughter that seems to scorn him, he feels all anger in him fall away like layers, leaving behind an empty shell that is too hollow to know what it wants.
What does he want…?
tbc...
A/N: (cough) ummm...that didn't turn out how I expected. :-) Bad Gojyo, and whoa...Goku, you go, boy. (shakes head at Sanzo and Hakkai) So, I was wrong I think. Hakkai is not the most embarassed after this chapter. But then...who is?
RedEyedRavenWolf: Picture? Don't tease me now. :-)
Zierra: How was that for Goku pushing? ;-)
Avenged Suffering: Welcome. You are too sweet and flatter too much. Even with how much I love 'Don't Speak' I still look back now and think...I could have done so much better. Alas, the life of a writer. I'm so glad you enjoy Kanan, because I do too, for the first time really. I began my Saiyuki love totally an 85/58 shipper before even coming close to understanding the wonder of 93/39, so I can relate. I do hope you weren't too disappointed with how...I'm not making it easy for them. Gaia? What is that?
Sakurazukamori6: A natural flow is always what I go for, because I find that it is the most important thing to a good read. It has to just move of its own, like a film. I often think my writing is like a screenplay, especially since I use present tense. Must be why I plan to be a screenwriter. :-) Still waiting for Homura to make some nice comments about Goku in a dress. Let the devious flirting begin, oh please!
Hakari Tsuki Chi: I want to comment, but...fear giving things away.
Diva Urd: Damn quick edit for eating my spaces! Well...seems Gojyo and Hakkai are indeed moving faster...in the wrong direction now. Do bear with me.
Whisper Reilman: "Falling pants" Lol! Yes, indeedy. Hope you enjoyed getting that torture over with. Things seem to not be so tender with them right now, but...give it time.
Nyx: That's quite the combustability you have there, hun. Bet you doubled that this time. :-) Glad to provide the sexiness, though the boys are quite the help in that respect.
Well...this is the first time I cannot give a teaser, because...I don't know what happens next. Heh. Still waiting for the boys to reveal that to me. Hopefully this will not keep me from updating quickly, and I of course know where things will eventually lead, but...things have become quite difficult now. More than likely, the next part will have them all back together again. Hopefully, with the whole group, some things can be worked out.(Save them, Goku!) Love!
Crim
IMPORTANT P.S: Get this. So,I went and made myself a member of deviantart finally (I'm CrimsonDomingo) and with the new ability to use the search engine, I started looking for 58 and 39 pics, coz...duh. Low and behold, what do I soon discover...but my own fanfic staring back at me. Two chapters of "Don't Speak" is posted under someone calling themselves Crimson1 and claiming the story as hers. Unfortunately, her email address sends things back, so it must not be in use anymore, and her website has not been used for some time too. I don't want to yell at her, but I would like to know why she has done this to me. I have filed a complaint with DeviantArt, but still...to have my hard work stolen really hurts, especially from someone that must be a fan if she wanted to pass the fic off as her own. Please, minna, though I would never think poorly of any of you, never do this to a writer. Our stories are our babies, and...I am deeply hurt. Shocked. I can only hope it never happens again.