Chapter 2

Nick sat hunched over with his face buried in his hands. He didn't want anyone else in the hospital waiting room to see his tears. He tried not to shake as he sobbed.

He had already called Grissom and Catherine to let them know what had happened. He couldn't, didn't want to, call anyone else. He couldn't bear saying the word 'suicide' one more time.

The weight of the situation bore down on his shoulders. He knew he could've prevented this. He'd known she had been depressed, but never realized it was that bad. He should have known it when she withdrew from him. But he thought maybe some alone time was what she needed.

He shook his head in self-disappointment. He could relate to what she was going through. He'd experienced the same emotions: despair, loneliness, and hopelessness. He had held the gun to his own head while trapped in his coffin. He should have noticed the signs in her.

Grissom also wondered how he missed the signs as he sat with his elbows on his desk and his head in his hands. He'd seen her at least once a week for the last few months; how could he not notice her despair? He hadn't taken it well when he thought she'd been murdered, but now that he almost lost her to her own hand, it was almost too hard to comprehend.

While he was lost in thought, Sara knocked on his door.

"Hey Gris, I needed to ask you about…" she stopped when she noticed he wasn't paying attention. "Grissom," she repeated with still no answer.

She started to walk towards him. "Earth to Grissom, come in Grissom."

At the last repetition of his name, Grissom looked up at Sara, a little startled. "Sara, can I help you?"

She paused, noticing something was wrong, but didn't ask; she didn't know how. "Yeah, I needed to ask you about—"

He broke in, oblivious that she had started talking, "Can I ask you a question?"

Now it was her turn to be startled. "S-sure," she replied.

"What would…why would…" he couldn't think of the proper phrasing. He frowned. "Alex attempted suicide."

Sara's mouth dropped open, but she understood the question. "Sometimes people hurt so bad they just don't know any other way out. They don't think they have anyone to help, that they aren't important to anyone."

"But I've seen her every week, we have dinner all the time," Grissom tried to explain.

"And out of all those dinners, how many did you leave early due to work?" Sara questioned.

Grissom thought for a moment and he didn't like the answer. The frown on his face deepened. "She was important to me. She understood."

"Obviously not," Sara retorted, not trying to be mean.

Outside the office Greg had been walking by and had stopped at the edge of the door. He had a question he wanted to ask Grissom, but heard Sara's voice and so stopped just outside.

He heard Grissom's statement and his heart stopped. Maybe he and Alex hadn't seen each other in two months, but he still had feelings for her. He couldn't believe she'd done something so desperate.

Suddenly the question he had wasn't so important. He turned and started to walk away, wiping the tears from his eyes. He wanted to go to the hospital, but knew he shouldn't. He was probably the reason she did it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

She heard the beeping and immediately knew the sound; it was a heart monitor. She swore silently as she clenched her fist. She was alive and she didn't want to be.

She raised her fist and hit her bed, startling Nick who was sitting near by. He had thought she was still asleep and so her swift movement was unexpected. He let out a quick breath.

The noise caught Alex's attention and she opened her eyes. She looked towards the direction of the noise and scowled when she saw it was Nick.

"Alex," he said, moving to her side.

"Get out," she replied through clenched teeth.

He didn't move. He wasn't sure he had heard her properly. "Excuse me?"

"I said get the fuck out," she repeated angrily.

"But—" he started.

She turned her head and pointed her finger towards the door. "Out!"

He hung his head and knew he wasn't going to win this argument. He begrudgingly obliged her order and left the room.

As he reached the door, he looked back at her. "If you ever need a friend, you know where to find me." Then he left.

As he walked out, he couldn't believe she would treat him so harshly after he saved her life. He realized, however, that that was probably the reason she was mad at him; he had saved her life.

Shortly after Nick left, Grissom arrived at the hospital. At first, Alex didn't notice him. She was lying on her side, facing away from the door. Her breathing was so uniform Grissom thought she was sleeping.

As he walked towards her, he started thinking out loud. "Alex, I'm so sorry. It's so hard to come in after 27 years and be a parent."

At the word 'parent' Alex turned over and faced Grissom. "You…you've done what you could," she told him.

He furrowed his brow. "Obviously it wasn't enough," he responded, sitting on the edge of her bed.

She took his hand and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I've been nothing but a source of embarrassment." Tears started to form.

"Alex," he replied softly, stroking her hand. "I'm very proud of you."

She was touched, but withdrew her hand from his. "How can you be? I'm—" her tears broke free and she couldn't finish. She turned back over so that her back was once again facing Grissom.

He put his hand on her arm. "Alex, you're my daughter. You've come through so much. How could I not be?"

She sat up and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry," she repeatedly cried into his shoulder.

He echoed her hug and held her close to him. "Shhh," he said softly, trying to soothe her. "It's ok, it's alright."

They sat in their embrace for a long while. Alex, for the first time, truly felt like a daughter and Grissom truly felt like a father. She only wished it hadn't taken this for her to feel this way. And Grissom was ashamed that after all they'd been through it had taken this for him to realize how special Alex actually was.