Disclaimer: Mmph, we've gone through this multiple times before. I don't own Love Hina, and I probably never will. So stop badgering me over it! I'm sad enough already! (sniff) I want to own Love Hina! WAAAAAHHHHHH! (author is handed a rattle) Yay! Shaky!
Tainted Soul
By Yamiga'sLight
Prologue: His Greatest Sin
Sorrow.
Isolation.
Suffering.
I welcome these things and yet fear them at the same time. People call me strange, but I really can't help but feel this way. It is my penance for my crimes. Ironically enough, it was not my crime to begin with, but one that was forced upon me. Still, it is my crime because I have allowed it to go on without ever trying to stop it.
It's stupid. This crime saved my life, bringing me back from the brink of death...But what is my life worth if I only lose my soul in the process?
Nothing. Just a hunk of blood and flesh that doesn't live but simply exists, waiting for sweet oblivion to take it away and ease the world's pain, even if be only a tiny bit.
This is my sin.
My crime.
My story.
I find it funny. People have shunned me all my life. But did they know the reason, just why I was meant to be avoided? Maybe it came from the deep part of their sub-conscious, a primal facet of their being that could sniff the danger that permeated throughout me and saturated the surrounding air. Who knows? I can't blame them.
Could I?
No, no I can't. I can't find them at fault for fearing an abomination like me. Who could? Not even myself. I am alone, fearing my own heart that is wrapped in a dark, heavy cloak. It is weighed down, breaking under the pressure. Soon I will crack and I will cease to even be me.
But...what will I become?
I...I can't describe the feeling that answer entails...
Didn't they wonder how I survived? Didn't they wonder how I took attack after attack, beating after beating that would kill an ordinary human being? Didn't they wonder why I would take the pain, the humiliation, and come back with an apology and a smile on my face? Didn't they find it strange? Didn't they suspect something else was going on?
Didn't they?
...could they?
Could they even begin to comprehend what lies beneath the surface? What might be lurking just around the corner?
Death?
Misery?
I don't know...Sometimes I wish they did, sometimes I hope they don't ever do. I don't want to burden them with my problems...though it seems like it will eventually have to come to that.
How pathetic...
I'm surprised. Motoko should have been the first to notice. With all those evil-fighting techniques of her, I'd have thought she would have immediately sensed the dark aura that inhabited my own. But she didn't...and I continue to live a lie amongst these women, beautiful both inside and out.
I know I love them. Not in the romantic sense...well, maybe some more than others (I am still just human and can fall in love just as easily)...but I do love them; they have become my new family. My old family is dead, repulsed by me and the very being that they had made a pact with to allow me to live. They said they did it for my sake? Ha! Hypocrites! Every single one of them...
May they burn in hell for the atrocities they have committed. I know I will be joining them soon, though through my own means or this force that draws ever closer even I am not certain of.
But these women...these women have accepted me. Not willingly of course. I can't help but laugh at how I first met all of them. If this was a normal type of reality, I would have been quite worried about being sent to jail. Not that it matters...My reality is no more normal than a person suddenly finding themselves able to turn lead into gold. But through thick and thin I have been beside them, and they beside me. I couldn't ask for more. The fact that someone stayed with me and...cared for me. And somehow I had managed to get six! Not just one person but six of them!
I know they think I'm stupid. I'm not. I'm quite intelligent actually. But the idea of being with such a large group of people in a prestigious college like Tokyo University, to think of what danger and unknown horror I would inflict just by being near them...
I shudder at the thought.
That's why I've failed. Not because I'm dumb or don't know the answers. It's because the last human part of my soul holds me back, begging me not to ruin other peoples' lives by showing them my presence...
I'm really beginning to hate that voice.
In any case, I'm not that dense. I know Shinobu has a humongous crush on me. I'd have to be a fool not to notice. Her gestures, how she speaks, how she acts around me; it's all very clear. It's just...the age gap is far too big, and I don't want to think of what we happen if that bastard ever used me to get his depraved clutches on her. Heh, now I'm starting to sound like Motoko.
But...I also don't want to run the chance of letting her down. She's such a sweet and pure girl – the calming light to my darkened existence. I don't...I don't want to hurt her...I don't want her to cry because of me...
Naru likes me, too, but that damn wishy-washy personality prevents her from going any farther with me. It would be so nice if she could just be open for once and stop pushing me away. Unfortunately, it appears that day is but a long way off. Hmph, maybe I should just drop my childish crush on her and move on...
No.
I can't do that. I know that what I feel is much deeper than a childish crush.
But why can't she just stop punching me every time she gets the opportunity to!
Motoko...Honestly, I don't know what the hell Motoko's thinking half the time. I don't think I want to know what she's thinking. Heh...She still calls me a "vile demon that tries to corrupt innocent maidens so as to achieve his perverted goals" every once in a while. These accusations amuse me so much.
If only she knew how close to the truth she really was...
But she can be sweet...when she wants to be. I know that if I just wasn't a guy we could have become friends...Maybe not; the others tell me that the way she is now is because I am a guy. I can hardly believe that though. It sounds too farfetched.
Kitsune...She's a good person. I know she is. She still uses me as an instant cash machine but I've gotten used to it after a while. It's kinda fun to guess how she'll try to extort and/or blackmail a couple thousand yen or some sake bottles from me next. I could have stopped her trickery a long time ago, but it's the only thing that still helps me feel like I'm living a normal life.
A woman who keeps trying to steal my money. How's that for a normal relationship? Not like ours is anything normal, that is. Oh, and I know that if I ever said something like that out loud, the only prize that I'd earn would be a quick slap to the face.
Su...makes me happy. Her erratic behavior is something I find oddly refreshing. I humor her when it comes to her testing her inventions on me. I don't think I could stop wanting to be her guinea pig if I tried. She's just too cute when she begs me to play with her. Like a little sister that was gone from my life. I enjoy my playtimes with her. It's one of the few times that I actually appreciate my immortality, my accursed side-effect.
Hmm, I'll have to play with her a bit more now. I have to make sure she gets as much time as she can with me before it's too late. I want her to stay happy, to keep smiling, to never lose that cheerful attitude. I truly want that.
And Sarah? Well, Sarah's a brat, no denying that. But I sort of understand what she's going through. Her papa left her here so that she'd be better off. My parents did the same. I just hope that Seta won't abandon Sarah like my parents did to me. No one deserves that kind of torment...not even the girl who has named me dork.
And yet, when she smiles...I can only see a nine-year-old girl that is trying to go through all of life's steps to the best of her abilities – traps, head-kicks, pottery bashings and all.
And that is what makes me want to strangle myself at this very moment. I love them...and yet I've brought what could very well be the apocalypse upon them.
I know he's coming. I can feel it. He used to be locked away, trapped in the farthest corners of my soul. At least my parents did one thing right in their fear of me. They made sure, or at least thought they made sure, that he could never run free again. However, things have changed, things that have given him the strength to rip the shackles that bind him to me.
I know what they are, the things that empower him. But I can't stop producing them for him to take in. It's either give him what he wants, or allow him to escape and hurt my friends and family in ways I don't want to imagine. The latter definitely isn't an option.
So I'll bleed...I'll bleed for them all...As long as it keeps him at bay and them safe, I'll bleed...
He'll feed on me, sucking the very essence from my body. Ironic that he's the only reason I still have an essence to speak of. How's that for symbiosis? The parasite keeps me alive just so that it can live. I think I've been watching too many nature shows lately...
But when the time comes I will be the one to end it. I will stop the monstrosity born from my darkened heart with my own two hands. If I survive, then so be it. If I don't...actually, I don't want to know what'll happen if I don't. But still, I'll die for these women; I won't forsake them. It'll be my last chance at atonement, my last chance to pay them back for all the joy they heaped on worthless me.
My life with them...is cherished. The happy times...and the sad times, I will savor every moment I spend. I can do nothing else until that appointed time when I will stand before him...and fight.
And when that time comes and passes...
May God have pity on this wretched soul.
A/N: Ha! Looks like the beginning to a "killer" of a story, huh? (author is whacked in the back of the head) What! It wasn't that bad of a pun, was it? (author is whacked again, lighter this time) Owww! Okay, okay! I get the point! Jeez, you use one bad bit of humor and they despise you for it...Anyway...This is the first LH story I've written directly onto the computer, so you might notice a change somewhere...Don't know exactly where but...Eh! It doesn't matter! Not sure when the next one will come up, may be soon, may be never. It all depends if you want me to continue this story or not. Who knows? Maybe I'm not meant for stories other than romance, eh? In any case, please review, and remember, no flames!
Preview!
Next Chapter: Dark Awakening
Keitaro lay in bed, rubbing at the bruise given to him by Naru. Another meal for him, another meal that kept him satisfied. How long could he continue to live like this? To just keep being hurt so that they wouldn't be put in danger? Maybe he should just leave. That way, they would be safe and he would no longer have to bare this burden – this terrible, awful burden. Everyone would be happy, wouldn't they? He did not know, and, hopefully, he would never have to find out...