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Chapter 5: Through and hurting
She dried her tears as she drove into Sookie's driveway. She checked to see if any of her makeup had run and then walked up to the front door. She knocked on the front door calling Sookie's name.
"Oh Lorelai! Are you alright?" she asked knowing her friend now knew who was at the inn. Sookie didn't however know that she had run into Luke.
"Oh, it's ok Sookie. I'm fine. I am just here to get Jake." She said as she stood in the doorway trying to mask her emotions.
"So you are not mad at me for not telling you that Luke was staying at the inn for a night?" she asked.
"Oh, that little fact wasn't the worst that has happened to me today." She said passing Sookie and entering the house. "Hey Jackson!" she said seeing him sitting at the table feeding Martha.
"Hey Lorelai." He greeted not looking up and obviously not knowing what had just happened to Lorelai.
"What do you mean?" Sookie asked as she shut the door and followed Lorelai through the house.
"Oh, well, lets just say that I had a major daja vu today!" she answered picking Jake up out of the port-a-crib that had been placed in Sookie's bedroom for when Jake needed a nap.
"Hey Jakey!" Lorelai said in a baby voice. He giggled back at her as she blew raspberries on his cheek.
"What?" Sookie asked not understanding her friend.
"Well, the moment I looked up from Luke's name, I saw the actual Luke standing in front of me. I told him we needed to talk." She started. She then continued with, "We went into my office, he told me why he is in town and then I told him he has a 4 month old son." She said to her friend as she retrieved all of Jake's things.
"Uh oh." Sookie said. She knew that Luke would not have reacted well towards that fact.
"And then he pointed out that I must have known before he left town, we got into a fight, and he told me he needed more time. I said something about that not working out the last time and then I left. I am through." She said. She then picked up the toy that Jake had just dropped. "I am done waiting for him to come around. It is just too much and I can't take it anymore. At least now he knows he has a son and he can go brag about how he doesn't need to take care of him because, well I am doing such a good job already." She said with a tone of finality in her voice.
"Oh honey, don't say that. You know Luke loves you still." She said sympathetically.
"No. Don't even say it Sookie. I am sick and tired of people telling me that Luke still loves me. Yes, because god knows that Jackson would leave you for a year just to prove his love!" she said sarcastically.
"Deep down inside I know that Luke…" Sookie started.
"No. Sookie. He doesn't love me! He left! He yelled at me for not telling him he had a son! Which I only did because he left! He didn't even ask for his son's name!" Lorelai yelled out of anger. Her anger was for Luke but she felt as if she was taking it out on Sookie.
"Oh, I am sorry sook. I didn't mean to yell at you. I am mad at Luke and I need some time to clear my head. Ok? I have to get home and get some of that procrastination done!" she said trying to smooth things over with humor.
"Ok. Well you just drive safe!" Sookie yelled after her friend before she shut the front door.
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Lorelai strapped Jake into the backseat of the jeep while rambling on about things in a baby voice that her son wouldn't understand until he was 20. She knew that joking and constant laughter was just a tool she used to mask her feelings. It had always been. Even around her son she tried to act as if everything was fine. She was that way with Rory and she knew it made Rory feel like her mother always had things under control. No one had ever truly known this but Luke. Luke was the only one that she had ever let her guard down to. He was the only one she could remember crying to about what was hurting her inside. And now he was the one causing it. Damn Luke! She shouted in her head. Why couldn't he just have stayed where he was? She hoped that he would be gone by the end of the weekend and out of her life forever. Then she thought about town. She had to get some groceries maybe she would run into him then!
"Oh crap!" she yelled. Jake looked up at her with a shocked look on his face. He was stunned. Lorelai then, noticing the expression on his face, said "oh, honey, it's ok. Mummy was kidding!" she said in a baby laughing voice. The smile she was used to seeing took over his face again.
She then kissed her son on the forehead and walked over to her side of the vehicle. She watched her son place his hand on his head where she had kissed him, obviously confused about what had just happened. She turned around to face front and put the key in the ignition. She drove off towards her house hoping she would figure out about what to do for the next few days so that she wouldn't have to see Luke.
As she pulled up to her house she thought of how at least she had a night to think about before it she did run into him that was if she did. No such luck.
He was sitting there on her steps obviously waiting for her. She got out of her side of the jeep, ignoring him once again. She rounded the vehicle and grabbed the car seat her son was in. she snatched the bag from the floor of the jeep and closed the door. She then walked up to the front of her house and up the steps. Luke reached his hand out to help her with the things she was carrying. She brushed by his hand hoping he got the message that she didn't want him to be there; the message that he should just go.
"Lorelai, come on." He begged.
"Goodbye Luke." She said fumbling for her keys in her purse.
"Lorelai please! Just…" he started.
"Goodbye Luke!" she said clenching her teeth at him. She hated him. Could he not take a hint? Of course not! It had taken him 8 years to finally ask her out and then he couldn't see how much she loved him! Had loved him. How much she had loved him. She told herself.
"Is this him?" he asked eying the Jake in the car seat.
"No, I just picked him up to add to my collection of kids with fathers who don't want them." She said. She hoped it hurt him to hear that. She knew it hurt him.
"What's his name?" he said trying not to show how hurt he was by her comment.
"Oh, well, Luke this is Jacob," she said pointing at her son, "and Jakey," she said in a baby voice, "This is LUKE." She said emphasizing his name.
"Lorelai! You know I would have come back for the sake of our son if you had told me anything about him!" he snapped back.
"Luke, I am not having this conversation with you. You left. Not me. How was I supposed to tell you? I didn't know where you were, and I knew you left to get away from me. Now just go. Leave." She said fitting the key into the lock.
"Why?" he asked sincerely. He grabbed her arm before she could get inside the house. When she didn't answer he asked her again.
"Why?" he asked looking straight into her eyes. She couldn't help but to answer truthfully.
"Because it hurts too much." She said as a single tear streamed down her face. She them walked into her house and slammed the door in his face. He had done it again. He had broken down her shield, only this time by force and with a whole army of emotions. She put the car seat down by the door and leaned against the door. She fell to a sitting position as tears streamed down her face. She let out sobs that she hoped Luke couldn't hear. Little did she know that he did.
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