A/N: Not sure what happened here just felt fluffy again I guess, I really need to work some angst in somewhere. Again: just a short one shot…
DISCLAIMER: I do not own CSI or anything to do with it, the song is by David Gray and is called: Please Forgive Me. I do not own him either or the song, I'm just borrowing the words to help set the story up.
Rating is for a swear word lol
Enjoy…
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Everytime I look at You
By LaydeeBear
"You don't get it do you?" He asked trying to talk over the music.
Sara shook her head and walked away ignoring his pleas; she couldn't do this right now. Crossing that line would ruin everything. She could feel tears stinging her eyes but she wasn't about to turn around.
Pity.
That's all it was. Pity. He didn't want her he wanted to make her feel better. No one ever wanted her.
The foster families.
The kids at school.
Her own father.
Hank.
Grissom.
She frowned as she heard his voice again.
"Sara…"
Now footsteps and he was at her side again, luckily she had blinked away the tears. "What Nick?" She asked.
"Look I'm sorry okay? I know I've been acting strange but…"
"Strange?" She let out a bitter laugh, "Nicky strange doesn't even cut it." She said now fuming. "Strange." She muttered again, shaking her head. She started walking again but he stopped her, "First you flirt then you ignore me then you shout at me and then you follow me to a club and you're asking me out?"
He grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "Sara…" He tried. The look in his eyes broke her heart but she fought it, it was just pity. It just looked like love.
Ha love.
She'd found out long ago that it didn't exist.
"I'm sorry…" He spoke up again.
Please forgive me
If I act a little strange
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
"It's you…"
She gave him a look, "Well that's great Nick, you're the one who's weird with me and it's my fault? Great just great." She had started to walk again and he took her arm gently again.
Always so gentle.
"That came out wrong."
"I'd like to go home Nick." She told him but not making an attempt to move.
"I want you." He said.
"Forget it Nick I don't need your pity"
He sighed and threw his arms out to the side, "Is that what you think this is? Pity? Fuck Sar, you… you're what I want… I think about you every waking moment, I dream about you, every single thought, every fantasy I have it's you…" She stared at him for a second and then walked a few more steps.
"Well good to know I'm a fantasy that needs to be played out." She said, why she was trying to hurt him she had no idea, she wanted him plain and simple but he didn't really want her. It was all an act she'd seen it a million times and now wasn't any different.
Her stomach lurched; maybe she was wrong. She cursed herself for being so easily swayed, what just because it was Nick it was different? Just because it was Nick she wouldn't get hurt?
He shook his head exasperated; not knowing what to say, it was all coming out so wrong. As he stood in front of her she looked up at him, her eyes wide, hurt, sad, lonely. But there was something else there, he knew it, maybe a flicker of hope, maybe love, the way she looked at him seemed to pierce through him and hit him right on his heart.
Help me out here
All my words are falling short
And there's so much I want to say
Want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way
When you look at me that way
He shook his head again; his hands on her arms, the music in the club continuing around them, the room was packed full of people and yet they were the only ones there. A small frown on her features and he lifted one hand to her face cupping her cheek, "It's not pity…"
"Don't Nick…"
"When you look at me…" He began. "It's like I…" She shook her head and pushed away from him walking quickly towards the door. Watching her go he felt the lump in his throat growing before digging his hands into his pockets and walking out of the building.
He walked slowly out onto the small dock around the back of the club; there was usually a small boat here that took 10 or so people out at a time but it was night time and he assumed it was in another dock or boat house.
Nick sat down on the edge of it, dangling his legs and staring down into the water.
What was he supposed to do? Say even? He reached over for a stone that was sat in one of the corners, just a small pebble and as the music continued on inside he threw it out into the middle of the water, watched the ripples arc out as the stone disturbed it's surface.
"Nick?"
The voice was like silk, soft and smooth yet it made the tears in his eyes fall. He grabbed another small stone and threw it into the water.
Then her presence was beside him, her heels sounding on the wood. She sat down next to him looking down at her hands; "I'm sorry I should have let you speak."
Anther stone and more ripples.
"S'fine, I should never have…" He shrugged. "S'fine."
"What… what were you going to say?" She asked.
He turned to her and she looked up at him; those eyes again. He frowned and turned back to the water and picked up the last pebble, bigger than the others and threw it harder, it skipped a few times before plunging into the water, creating stronger ripples than before. He watched them resonate out before he felt her hands pulling his face round to look at her.
Those eyes.
He was falling and he couldn't put his hands out and stop hiself. Falling like the stones he'd thrown, drowning, plunging deep into a haze of chocolate brown. He was lost in those orbs and he could easily stay lost forever.
Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow
Moving out across the bay
Like a stone I fall into your eyes
Deep into some mystery
Deep into that mystery
Nick shook his head and looked down again and he looked back out onto the water. "I can't…" She hesitated before nodding and moving to stand and he once more heard her footsteps on the wooden planks.
"I love you."
The footsteps halted faster than they'd started.
His breath hitched in his throat; "I love you and I don't know what to do about it." He said finally. The weight seemed to disappear off his chest but it did nothing to slow his heart down or dissolve the lump in his throat that was making it harder and harder to swallow.
"I can't lie anymore, it's killing me." He continued. "And everytime I look at you I feel like I lose myself, everytime you stare back at me…" he shook his head, "Maybe I'm going crazy."
I got half a mind to scream out loud
I got half a mind to die
So I won't ever have to lose you girl
Won't ever have to say goodbye
I won't ever have to lie
Won't ever have to say goodbye
"Don't say that." She told him her voice barely audible over the music still sounding from the club and the shouts and laughter coming from a few people leaving, going home to food, wine… beds.
"It's not pity Sara." He said again.
"I…"
The simple word was all she could say, Nick pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and stood up, "I'm sorry." He had to get out of here, leave, go home, anything just get out.
But she was there.
She was there and she stopped him.
A barrier that was half his size and he couldn't move it and now she was staring again.
"Don't be mad at me." He asked, his eyes pleading. I'm sorry for how I acted, I'm sorry for it all." His head tilted to one side and his hand was touching her face again, "I just can't think straight when I'm around you. I feel like I can't function."
"Me either." She whispered.
Surprise registered in his eyes and she suddenly felt bad for ever doubting him.
Seconds went by as they locked eyes neither moving nor speaking. The song was ending inside the club and she moved to be closer to him raising her hand to his chest.
She didn't know what she was doing, couldn't stop herself and couldn't care less. The only thing she could do was feel.
Feel as Nick's heart sped up.
Feel as his lips touched hers.
Maybe love did exist after all.
Please forgive me
If I act a little strange
For I know not what I do
It's like my head is filled with lightning girl
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
Everytime I look at you
-
David Gray – Please Forgive Me
A/N: Well? What you think? Just random really lol Please review you know how much I love them!
Jen