"Talents"
By: Princes Sassafras
Notes: What is Duo's charm when it comes to the opposite sex? Wufei can't figure it out.
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"I don't get it, Maxwell! How in the name of whatever god there is do you do it? Look at you! You have hair like a woman, but not nearly as fine, you're skinny, white and have crooked teeth! You dress strangely, granted none of us are fashionable, but YOU…you're the worst. A priest's collar of all things…is that your ploy, to entice women with feigned godliness? And they flock around you like moths! Disgusting. Absolutely repellant!"
Realizing what he had said, Wufei turned quite red and leapt away from Duo's doorframe like a large escaping cat. Surprisingly, the man he had just finished attacking had remained amusedly silent.
Duo sat there, seemingly nonplussed. He had been in the middle of packing—he was moving to the Oriole base in the morning to do some recon—and he resumed stuffing socks into his duffel. Toothpaste, hairbrush…
Hair like a girl's. I've heard that before. Actually, I've heard most of it before. And really, he's right. I don't even know why they come to me. It's as if they see me and it's all they can do to keep from jumping in my lap. Why?
Duo turned to the bedside mirror. He took in his pale countenance, teeth that never met braces, wild wiry hair that he somehow fought into a braid, and scarred arms. What on earth is it?
The phone rang. He reached to pick it up. "Oh, hey Shelly baby…how's my favorite girl?" And he meant it; she really was his favorite of over a year. Ever since he and Hilde had called it quits, Shelly had been there. First a phenomenal friend, and then one heck of a lover.
"I miss you too, baby. And there's gonna be a lot more missing going on since they've called me in to Oriole…not in the least, you must be crazy! Breaks are for couples that don't have the kind of wild monkey love we got. We'll just call it a pause. Yeah huh! I might could spare an hour or two for lovin' you. Yeah… You better be ready, cause since I'm not gonna be seeing your gorgeous self for a few weeks I might need to stock up on some memories. You bet! I'll call you when I'm a block away. Love you, baby."
Duo hung up the phone, and was about to resume packing, when he looked up at the mirror and into his own eyes. Holy cow!
Maybe it was magic. His eyes had come alive with something while he was talking to her. Something hot.
He stared for a long time, waiting for it to fade, but it didn't. This is it? This is what they want? This something staring out at them…this is ME! I'm fucking hott! I'm…
Duo leapt off the edge of the bed and swung himself outside his doorway.
"HEY WUFEI, YOU FUCKER, I'LL TELL YOU WHY! 'CAUSE WHEN I LOOK AT A WOMAN I WANT A WOMAN! THEY SEE IT IN ME—I WAS MADE FOR IT! I'M SO HOTT, YOU PROBABLY WANT ME! AND YOU'RE FUCKING JEALOUS!"
He heard an intake of breath from down the hall, and then, "Maxwell, I'M GOING TO KILL—"
Duo ran right over him, "OH, AND I GIVE GREAT CUNNILINGUS!"
There was no reply.
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WOO-HOO! THAT'S MY MAN! Please review for his sake.
Princess S.