Disclaimer: see previous chapters.

Checkmate

Chapter 15

Milliardo stood in the doorway looking at the bed. I can't do this. I can't sleep in that bed without him. He turned away from the bed that had remained empty since the day Wufei left. Every night he stood in the doorway and gazed at the bed before leaving and going to sleep on the sofa in his office.

Not that he was getting much sleep anyway. He kept having dreams of Wufei. Dreams of their life before he had lost his mind and attacked the man he loved. He always woke up moaning, calling out to Wufei, or reaching out for the body that wasn't there. He absently reached up and played with the golden dragon hanging from his neck. He'd had the charm repaired and wore it as a way to keep his dragon near.

As he made his way to his office for another restless night's sleep, the smell of food caught his senses and his stomach begged loudly to be fed. He didn't bother eating much because every time he thought of what he did to Wufei, he got sick.

He entered the dark office and closed the door, walked over to the sofa and lay down with a sigh as he draped an arm over his eyes. I have to see you, Wufei. I don't care what Lady Une says. I will find you and beg for your forgiveness. I love you and I can't lose you. I won't lose you.

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His eyes flew open and he lay there, panting, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. Echoes of the nightmare still surrounded him like ghosts. He saw Milliardo hovering over him, pale pink lips in a loving smile, soft platinum hair caressing his cheeks. He could feel Milliardo's body against him, covering him, inside him. An intense pleasure washed over him. Suddenly Milliardo's face became twisted with hate and his fist came crashing down to Wufei's face. That was the moment he chose to wake up every time, his body trembling from the intense pleasure and sudden shock.

Once Wufei got his breathing under control, he slowly sat up and ran his hands through his damp hair. It was the same nightmare he'd been having since he woke up over a week ago. It was because of this stupid nightmare that he would be enduring extended treatment and possibly physical therapy once his ribs were healed. One afternoon he'd had the nightmare while sleeping on the sofa. When he woke up, he fell off the sofa and landed hard on his back, causing him great pain. The fall hadn't helped his still-healing ribs either. So now he was forced to take painkillers to alleviate the sometimes excruciating pain in his back.

Milliardo….will I ever be free of you?

Wufei got out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. As he stood hunched over the sink, water droplets falling from his face and hair, he stared blankly at the pale blue porcelain sink.

Pale blue….like those eyes that would see right into me.

Wufei clamped his eyes shut and sank down to his knees, his head hanging down, hands still resting on the countertop. He'd tried so hard to hate the man he loved. Day in and day out he reminded himself that Zechs was the cause for his injuries. That Zechs had attacked him and beat him into a coma. And he would get angry. But it never lasted. As soon as the reason for Zechs' attack would come forth he could only feel guilt and shame.

"Oh gods, help me."

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Duo heard Wufei cry out but he remained on the sofa. He knew better than to go make sure he was ok. The last time he'd done that, they'd gotten into an argument because Wufei refused to tell Duo about the nightmare he kept having. He wasn't stupid, he knew it had to do with Zechs, but it hurt that Wufei wasn't willing to confide in his best friend.

"'Fei, I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I'll deal with this on my own, Maxwell. I'm responsible for this mess and I'll deal with it."

"You still don't think this is your fault, do you!"

"Not entirely, no. But if I had told him---"

"You idiot!"

Duo had been so mad and frustrated with his best friend and he was so afraid of what he might say that he'd left the apartment to cool off. When he'd gotten back, Wufei had fallen back asleep and the two hadn't spoken of it again. Duo had memories of being truly afraid. There weren't many, but he definitely knew the cold dread of true, pure fear and he could feel it building within. Slowly. Everyday that he watched Wufei blame himself and pull further and further away. He felt like he was losing his best friend and he was scared. I won't lose you, 'Fei.

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Wufei cursed the entire length of the walk from the sofa to the door. Who the hell is knocking on my door! He leaned against the wall next to the door and took a deep breath. His body was still soft and sluggish from the painkillers. It's still better than being locked up in that damn hospital.

He opened the door and came face to face with the cerulean eyes that had been haunting his dreams ever since he woke up eight days ago. Only these eyes weren't glinting and full of rage. They were tired looking and instead of rage, he saw fear.

"M-Milliardo?"

Wufei barely whispered the word but it sounded like a battle cry in the silence of the moment.

"May I come in please?" He saw the wide onyx eyes staring at him in fear and confusion and so he tried to assuage the man before him. "I promise…" Milliardo looked away, his stomach churning once again. "I won't hurt you." He looked back at his lover, his voice quiet and pleading. "Please, Wufei. Let me in."

Wufei just stepped aside, his mind not yet working fast enough to comprehend his actions. Milliardo gave a slight bow and entered the apartment. He looked around, admiring the décor. Yes, this is Wufei. It is understated and elegant just like him.

"It's just as I imagined."

"What?"

Milliardo turned around at the sound of Wufei's voice and saw the man standing a few feet from him. He could tell Wufei was using his last bit of strength to stand on his own, but he knew better than to offer any assistance.

"Your home. It is just as I imagined it."

Wufei just nodded and sat back down on the sofa with a grateful sigh. He was back in his right mind now and already cursing himself for his stupidity in allowing Milliardo into his home.

"Why are you here, Milliardo?"

"I'm here for you, Wufei." He saw the man visibly stiffen at the words and Milliardo's stomach heaved once again. He took a few steps toward the sofa and went down on his knees in front of Wufei. He slowly removed a dagger from his belt and handed it to Wufei, the point aimed at his own chest. "Do what you will. Just please hear me out first."

Wufei wrapped his hand around the hilt, keeping it aimed at Milliardo's heart. "So talk."

"I…I have no excuse…no reason…..for what I did to you. When I found out you were the one that killed Treize….something snapped. I know you probably want to kill me and you have every right. But I would do anything for you to forgive me. I love you, Wufei. I know it sounds crazy and a little contrived under the circumstances, but…" Milliardo hung his head, fighting the tears and the rising bile. "I do love you and I'm here begging for your forgiveness."

Wufei couldn't keep his body from shaking. He was grasping the hilt so tight his knuckles were white. "You know I could never…..kill you." He let his hand drop impotently to his lap, the dagger still clutched within his fingers. As he looked into the pale blue eyes, his emotions fought for dominance within his heart. Kneeling before him was the man he gave his heart to, the man whose love he betrayed and the man who in return betrayed his love. Neither one of them was innocent in this matter. But…. "It's too early for forgiveness. For you…or for me."

"You? What blame do you possibly carry in this?"

Wufei stared at him, wide-eyed and stunned. How could he ask such a ridiculous question?

"I should have told you. I betrayed---"

"Stop it! Don't make excuses for me! I…I betrayed you, Wufei. I betrayed us, our love and….Treize."

Milliardo reached out for Wufei and the injured man flinched away and brought the dagger up again, only now it was pressed against Milliardo's shoulder. It broke his heart to see what he had done to the man he loved. He looked so tired, scared, angry…..broken. He suddenly felt a familiar sensation in his stomach and he sat back on his knees, trying to control the sickness.

"Wufei…..where….I feel…." Milliardo placed a hand on his stomach and started to look around. "I'm sick….where's your bathroom?"

Confused, Wufei pointed behind him to the hallway, not thinking to elaborate. Milliardo was on his feet and he found the bathroom just in time. Wufei struggled to stand and he slowly followed Milliardo where he found him kneeling once again. This time, he was leaning on the toilet, his breathing a bit ragged.

Wufei pushed off the doorframe and shuffled into the bathroom and reached a shaking hand out, his emotions fighting for control. His heart said to comfort the man kneeling before him. The man was obviously in pain and in need of comforting. But his mind was raging that this same man deserved his pain and suffering for what he'd done.

"Don't worry yourself. I'm fine."

Milliardo stood up, deciding for Wufei. Wufei backed up out of the room and leaned against the doorframe as Milliardo rinsed his mouth and splashed some water on his face. When he turned to face Wufei once again, the barest of smiles graced his lips.

"Thank you for your concern."

"If you're sick, you should be resting."

"I'm fine, Wufei."

Milliardo gestured for Wufei to make his way back to the sofa and the pair slowly made their way back, Milliardo keeping a very keen eye on the injured man as he stubbornly walked on without assistance. He's so proud. Will he ever allow himself to accept me back after what I've done?

Wufei's face was burning with shame as he trailed a supporting hand along the wall. He knew he shouldn't be doing this much moving around without help but he just couldn't bring himself to ask or allow Milliardo, of all people, to assist him. Finally he made it to the sofa and sat down, grateful and tired. He watched as Milliardo resumed his position of kneeling in front of him and his anger at himself disappeared, to be replaced by the confusion of loving a man that had hurt him so much.

"Get off your knees. You look pathetic."

"No. I came here to beg you to take me back and---"

"Leave."

"Wufei, please…."

The normally soft timbre that Wufei knew could at once be strong and the next seductive, had nothing but desperation behind it now. Milliardo leaned in and Wufei, not knowing where he got the energy from, quickly spied the dagger next to him on the sofa and brought it up again, but it did not deter Milliardo. He continued towards Wufei, pushing the dagger into his shoulder. He saw the burning onyx eyes, the trembling lips. He wanted to hold his lover against him and kiss those lips, and bury his face in the silky ebony hair.

"….let me…." He winced as the dagger was now buried half way into his shoulder. "….hold you…."

"No." Wufei pushed the dagger in up to its hilt and still Milliardo persisted in leaning forward until he was finally brushing against Wufei's lips.

"….kiss you…."

"Milliardo don't…"

Wufei's command was barely a whimper as Milliardo pressed his lips against Wufei's trembling ones. He let his hands slide up Wufei's thighs and around his waist. He ran his tongue along Wufei's lips, coaxing them open so he could delve into the familiar home of his lover's mouth.

Wufei tried to push Milliardo away, to turn his face away from the demanding lips, but he was powerless. His body was too weak to fight him off and his heart too weak to turn away. He felt himself slipping into the tender embrace and he moaned into the deep kiss as he clenched fistfuls of Milliardo's shirt.

Milliardo eventually broke the kiss and let his forehead rest on Wufei's shoulder, muttering 'I'm sorry' over and over again. Wufei sat there, his hands falling limply at his sides. He could smell the familiar scent of sandalwood and it hurt his heart even as it beat wildly within his chest.

"You….should leave."

Milliardo slowly leaned back onto his heels, his head still lowered. He stared at his hands that were resting on his thighs, and he wondered if they would ever hold his love again. No, I mustn't think like that. I won't give up on us, Wufei.

"I want you to leave right now and……get medical attention."

Milliardo let out a bitter laugh. He's telling me to go get medical treatment for a small knife wound after I nearly beat him to death. He nodded his head and looked up at Wufei, a small, ironic smile on his face.

"Ok. I'll go. But I'm not giving up on us, Wufei. I will make this right, one way or another. Like I said, I don't care what I have to do."

Milliardo stood and walked for the front door, pausing only to pull out the dagger and place it on the side table next to the door. It wasn't until he heard the front door latch close that Wufei let himself fall into the sofa and cry.

To be continued….