Ashley sat in her grandmother's guest room staring out the window she had grown up in this house. Deanna and Scott lived upstairs she used to come down here when things got too much to handle and she would just talk to her 'Nana' for hours at a time she would sit in this house laughing and sometimes crying. She couldn't believe the person who had raised her was dead. She couldn't bring herself to cry it was like she didn't know how. She could hear John in one of the other rooms talking to whoever Matt and Jeff were there too she refused to talk to them or anyone she kept herself barricaded in her room. The funeral was tomorrow she had her dress lying on the bed it was simple and black what else could be expected. Being back in this house was killing her. She heard the door being unlocked and turned to see who it was daring enough to try to enter the room. Cameron was standing there holding a butter knife.

"I used to do that all the time when we were younger" he said. She hadn't seen Cameron in a year. He was 16 now he had lost all the weight that he had when she last saw him he was also really tall but that was to be expected Scott was tall.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked

"I wanted to talk to you, she raised you too" Cameron said sitting down next to her on the window seat.

"I wished death upon her so many times it's hard to believe she is really gone" Ashley said

"Were you really that unhappy?" he asked

"Yes I was but even now I can't bring myself to hate them no matter how much I want to I never can convince myself to" she said

"They were always hard on you saying you would never amount to anything" he said sadly

"But I did Cameron I got accepted to one of the finest law schools in the country, I'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the world and we have our son who is the best thing in our lives"

"I know but it is too bad she never did" he said

"She could have if she really wanted to" Ashley replied bitterly

"No matter what she always loved you" Cameron said

"She loved me because she had to not because she wanted to" Ashley said

"HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE AND SAY THAT ABOUT OUR MOTHER" Cameron yelled near tears

"Cameron she was never my mother not really at least, she never cuddled me like she did you, she never rocked me when I was sick, she never did any of that" Ashley said

"She raised you she is the only mother you have ever known how can you say such cruel things about her?"

"Because it's the truth" Ashley replied softly.

"You always were a little selfish bitch" Cameron said.

Before Cameron could react Ashley had slapped him so hard in the face he swore he could taste blood. He broke down and started to cry. Ashley pulled him into her arms and rocked him.

"Why did she have to die?" he asked sobbing.

"I don't know Cameron" she said. She could feel his tears on the front of her shirt he was shaking pretty badly. Ashley just sat there rocking him she couldn't help but think that this was the little boy she had grown up hating because he got all the attention. Cameron eventually stopped crying because he had fallen asleep.

"Poor kid hasn't had a decent nights sleep in a long time" Ashley heard her grandmother say from the doorway.

"Nana how did she die?" Ashley asked

"Her heart just gave out" she replied

Ashley moved careful not to wake Cameron and went over to hug her grandmother.

"Nana I can't cry not matter how much I try I just can't" Ashley told her

"You will in your own time no matter how you feel about her she will always be a part of you"

"How do I forgive her?" Ashley asked

"That can only come in time sweetie you need to find peace and the only way to do that is to forgive yourself before you can forgive her"

She walked away leaving Ashley utterly confused. John came up from behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"How are you doing?" he asked

"I'm ok I guess" she replied

"I know this must be hard for you so if you want to talk I'll listen" he said

"I think I need to figure out what this is before I can talk to anyone about it but thank you for being so supportive" she replied turning to face him.

"Well just remember I'm here for you and you can tell me anything" he said

"I know" she said giving him a small kiss.

"Now Ash don't start something you can't finish" he said making her smile a little.

"See now that is a beautiful sight" he said

"So where is Talon?" she asked

"Jeff and Matt have him they thought it be best if we had some along time to talk" he told her.

"Ok come on I want to take you somewhere" she said taking his hand.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"You'll see" she said. They were driving somewhere it was about 10 minutes before Ashley stopped the car and got out. They were in the middle of the forest.

"Where are we?" he asked

"In the forest above Fellsmere Pond me and my friends used to come here and smoke when we were younger but I came here to think a lot too when it seemed like the world was out to get me I used to walk here and just sit there is nobody around and it's always quiet" she replied

"I thought the quiet made you nervous" he said

"Oh it does but sometimes it is nice" she replied

"You are a strange person Ashley Michelle Harris" he said

"But you love me that way" she said.

"God help me I do" he said

"Sometimes I feel like my life is one big soap opera and that there is never really anything good because something bad always seems to happen to me" she said

"Like what?" he asked

"Well I found out I actually have a parent who loves me, I try to kill myself, I get accepted to Stanford, Deanna dies"

"Ok I get it but baby look at how good you have it" he said "I love you so much and Talon well he is just amazing"

"That is the first loving thing I've heard you say I know you love him but you normally don't say things like that" she said

"Well I can't hurt my gangsta rep" he said scoffing

"You are too much sometimes" she said wrapping her arms around his neck.

They stayed there for a little longer enjoying the quiet and each other's company. They went back to the house and Ashley went to go get changed that is when she noticed a letter and a cd on the bed. The letter had her name on it she looked around and then opened it.

Dear Ashley,

If you are reading this then that must mean I am dead. I was sick for a while but I think we both had too much pride to ever make peace at least while I was alive. I know you probably hate me for what I did to you and I'm not going to apologize because it was for the best. I heard that you got into Stanford I always knew you could make something great of yourself if you really tried and that is why I pushed you so hard. Do me a favor put the cd that goes with this letter on and turn it to number 4 now I know you may have heard this song before but really listen to the words and then you can decide if you really hate me after. You can say what you want about me whether it be that I was an evil selfish bitch or whatever else but never say that I didn't love you because I did. By now you probably know the truth and what I did was wrong but I loved my sister very much and you were always a little reminder of her sometimes good and sometimes bad. I want you to have a great life and maybe one day you'll understand why I did what I did. You were always your own person and you never needed anyone else that is an amazing quality that few people have remember that. You are a special person Ashley Michelle Harris never forget that.

With all my love

Mom

Ashley did as she was told and put the cd on and yes she had heard the song Fancy by Reba McEntire.

The song is about a mother trying to do what is best for her daughter even if it isn't exactly what people would call right. Next chapter up soon deals with the funeral and things like that its going to get pretty emotional just to warn ya.