"Ashley you remember Father Bob right?" her grandmother asked. They were standing outside the church where her mother's funeral was going to take place.
"Yeah I remember Nana" Ashley said
"Well it is nice to see you again" Father Bob said shaking her hand. "your grandmother tells me great things"
"Well if they are great then they must be true" Ashley said with a small smile. John shifted uncomfortably in his spot next to Ashley.
"Oh Father where are my manners this is my fiancée John Cena" she said "Johnny this is Father Bob he is a family friend"
"You are a lucky man I've known Ashley since she was a little girl and there is nobody better than her" he said
"Don't worry Father I know how special she is and I have no intentions of hurting her" John said
"That's nice to hear" Father Bob said
Then Ashley pulled John into the church he could tell she didn't want to be there but she had obligations and he was there for her. Ashley noted that John had shed his jerseys, hat and jean shorts and put on a suit, that more than anything brought tears to her eyes.
"Baby are you alright?" John asked concerned.
"It's just that you put on a suit for me I am so touched" Ashley said wiping the tears away.
"Only you would find that to cry about at a funeral" John commented
"Keep it up and I'll tell everyone that you watch Sesame Street with Talon" she said crossing her arms.
"I thought we agreed never to bring that up" John said looking around making sure nobody heard her "Elmo is the man"
Before she sat down she spotted Chris and went over and gave him a big hug.
"I'm glad you came" she said
"She was your mother's only sister I may not have liked her too much over the past couple of years but you needed me to be here and Lily would have wanted me here" Chris replied.
Ashley took her seat between Chris and John she figured she would need them both at this time. The service was nice that was all Ashley could really say. The casket was open and she saw the person she had called 'mom' for 16 years and yet she still couldn't shed a tear and that bothered her she felt like she had to cry but she couldn't. After the funeral and most people had left the graveyard Ashley stayed behind to say goodbye she had told John who was waiting in his truck to take her home when she was ready.
"Hey mom yeah it's me, why didn't you call I know we weren't on eachother's favorites list but I would have come out to see you if I knew you were sick" Ashley took a deep breathe and continued "I got your letter very touching too bad you had to wait till your were dead to tell me how you really felt, I hated you so much, why, why did you have to make me hate you I didn't want to" Ashley was shaking now. She walked away without saying goodbye. She climbed into the passenger seat and shifted herself so she could look out the window for the whole ride which she did there was silence. Talon was sleeping and John was respecting Ashley thoughts by not talking. They were home fairly soon John picked up Talon and brought him inside. Ashley got out of the truck and walked into her and John's house.
John was putting Talon to bed when he heard a loud noise coming from his and Ashley's bedroom so he ran in there to make sure everything was ok what he found really disturbed him. Ashley had thrown a wicker chair that was in the bedroom at the mirror that was connected to one of the dressers.
"What the hell" John said walking into the room
Ashley just looked at him and blinked as if nothing was wrong.
"Baby I think you might need some help" he said
"I don't need help" she replied " I can't cry as much as I want to I can't"
John went to put his arms around her for a hug but she pushed him away.
"I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER" she yelled each time a little louder and then she slid down the side of the wall. "I hate her so much John" finally tears were allowed to fall. John sat next to her and cradled her against him.
"Shh it's ok baby let it out" he said rubbing her back
"Why did she have to die I can't even count the times I wished death upon her but I never meant it she was my mom for God's sake, I hate myself for not being there when she needed me"
"She understands" John said
Ashley continued to cry until she didn't have anymore tears left and then she just sat there staring at the mirror she had broken. For the next few days she would fade in and out sometimes talking and having fun other times she was to depressed to get out of bed. John knew something was wrong and urged her to see a doctor. She insisted there was nothing wrong and he practically had to drag her to see a therapist. She was examined and now they were waiting in the guy's office for results.
"Ok guys I have the results" Dr. Richardson said walking back into the room.
"Miss Harris did you know you were manic depressive?" he asked
"I was diagnosed as a kid but they said it wasn't that bad and that I would grow out of it" she replied.
"Wait what do you mean she is manic depressive?" John asked
"Manic depression is also know as bipolar disorder it is characterized by cycling mood changes: severe highs (mania) and lows (depression). Sometimes the mood switches are dramatic and rapid, but most often they are gradual. When in the depressed cycle, an individual can have any or all of the symptoms of a depressive disorder. When in the manic cycle, the individual may be overactive, over talkative, and have a great deal of energy. Mania often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, the individual in a manic phase may feel elated, full of grand schemes that might range from unwise business decisions to romantic sprees. Mania, left untreated, may worsen to a psychotic state. This doesn't mean your fiancée has anything wrong with her she just needs to get the right medication" Dr. Richardson explained
"But what would trigger this?" John asked
"When Ashley and I were talking she mentioned trying to kill herself I believe that is when the depression started up again and then the death of the person she thought was her mother might have pushed her to the edge" he explained
"Is there anyway she can beat this?" John asked
"Treatment choice will depend on the outcome of the evaluation. There are a variety of antidepressant medications and psychotherapies that can be used to treat depressive disorders. Some people with milder forms may do well with psychotherapy alone. People with moderate to severe depression most often benefit from antidepressants."
"What does that mean exactly?" John asked
"Well we are going to put her on medication and some treatment sessions and if her case is mild enough it will go away on it's own but there is no promise she could have this for the rest of her life but that doesn't mean that she can't live a normal happy life she just needs to take the medication and she'll be fine" Dr Richardson answered.
"Great so now I'm crazy!" Ashley exclaimed as they were walking out.
"You are not crazy he said there was a chance that you can beat this and you will" John said
"John I'm scared what if I'm like this for the rest of my life?" Ashley asked
"Then we'll deal with it together" he said
A/N: Ok I know what you are thinking but it's not as bad as it seems my mother is really manic depressive and I have found that not many people know about or understand what that means. Manic depressives are not crazy it is an illness. If anyone wants to know more email meor for those of you who have Aol instant messenger im me mobsterprincess1. Or even if you don't want to know more about the illness and just want to talk write me or whatever people tell me I'm a lot of fun to talk to.