Three days later I was packing up my stuff getting ready to leave that lonely tent. It was bright and sunny day, "The kind of day Crystal would have loved." I thought to myself. I had been thinking about her a lot during the long boring hours I spent by myself. But, like all the other times, I stopped right away. I wondered why Crystal was, in a sense, haunting me. Everything I did reminded me of her and those last few days we spent together. Maybe there was a reason . . . something that would make me feel complete again. "Okay Crystal. Have at it." I sat down in the dirt and grabbed the photo album from my backpack. I flipped to where I had left off the first night I was there.
There were tons of pictures of Crystal and I having fun. There were pictures of her last birthday and pictures of us at the amusement park. My leg had fallen asleep so I shifted position and something fell out of the back of the book. Something I recognized all too well. I half gasped half caught my breathe and picked it up. It was the card they give out at funerals that tells a little about the person and has a Scripture verse on it. I read the back and flipped t over to see the picture of Crystal. She looked beautiful. She was dressed in her prom dress. It was only her but I could tell it was one of the pictures of both of us. "Oh, Crystal." I murmerd. A tear rolled down my cheek as I finally allowed myself to think back to that night.
I was going to be spending the weekend with Crystal and her family at their house by the lake. Since it was Christmas break it was freezing outside. Crystal wanted to talk to me about something but I wouldn't listen. I wanted to go ice skating but Crystal wouldn't go with me. The ice wasn't frozen all the way in the middle and hse didn't want to take a risk. She wanted to talk. Not to her mom, not to her dad but to me. She wasn't the type of person to push to hard and when she did I should have listened. I don't know why I didn't. The mere fact that she wanted to talk to me so bad should have been an indication that something was wrong.
That night I was laying in my bed in the room Crystal and I were sharing. She got up really quietly and left the room. I figured she was going to the bathroom or to get a drink or something. Then I heard the front door open and close. I contemplated what she was doing for a moment then left the room and followed and her. She was standing by the lake staring at it. She didn't know I was there so I just watched her.
I watched her put her foot on the ice, I watched her walk towards the middle. I called to her. I watched her spin around and I watched as the ice gave way and she fell in. I screamed and screamed but I couldn't run to her. I couldn't run to save my best friends life. I just watched her die.
I was pulled back to reality when I heard footsteps coming towards me. I felt tears coming in torrents down my cheeks but I didn't care. Because of me my best friend was dead. I killed my best friend.
"Olivia? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Peter walked over to me and sat down.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and whispered, "I killed her. It's my fault."
"No, Olivia. No, it's not. Crystal killed herself. It's not your fault." He told me.
Suddenly I found a voice inside me. One that had been silent for months. I stood up and screamed, "How would you know? You weren't there! I saw her go out there. I saw her fall . . . but I stood there. I stood there and I watched my best friend die and I didn't go to help her! So, yes, it is my fault!" I was consumed in tears now .Not just sad tears, though. Angry, hate filled tears. Anger at me, anger at Peter, and anger at Crystal. I fell to the ground, "Why didn't I help her?" I whispered to Peter.
"I don't know." He whispered, hugging me, "I don't know." Sophie came over and hugged me, too. I was so angry, and sad that I didn't even care that it was this terribly corny, pathetic moment. I even felt tears falling on my head. Either Peter or Sophie, or maybe both of them, I don't know, were crying right along with me. Eventually the crying slowed down and Peter said, "We should go get the other kids." Sophie nodded and we all got up. They helped me get my stuff and we started walking down the path to David's campsite.
When we got back to the school I headed up to my cabin to take a shower before dinner but Peter held me back, "Olivia, I just want to tell you that . . . to move on from something like this you're going to have to stop thinking about what happened to Crystal. You're going to have to start thinking about what happened to you and how you can make yourself feel better and move on." I nodded even though I thought what he was saying was a load of crap. I gave him a weak smile and walked uo the stairs to my cabin.