WARNING: This chapter had me crying, and I was the one writing it!
Chapter 10
It was nearly 10 P.M., but no one at Hacienda de la Vega had retired for the night. As he stood by the window of the sala, staring into the darkness, Don Alejandro saw groups of vaqueros scattered about the grounds talking, smoking, still in shock at the tragedy that had overtaken their patron's family.
Alejandro turned away from the window with a sigh, and forced his thoughts to the people in the room. He had to make himself think about something other than the fact that Diego was dead, or he was going to go crazy.
He had insisted that Victoria spend the night in one of their guest rooms. Victoria has always seemed like family to me, ever since her parents were killed and she was left on her own to run the tavern at such a young age. What was she, fifteen at the time? She's been like the daughter I never had. Now, knowing that Diego loved her and would have liked nothing more than to actually make her my daughter by marriage…I just pray she'll always be willing to stay a part of our family. He peeked from the corner of his eye at the young woman slumped in Diego's favorite chair, staring at nothing.
And Felipe! He turned his sorrowful gaze toward his grandson. Felipe was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. His knees were drawn up in front of him, his arms curled around them, and his face was hidden in his arms. His shoulders were shaking, and Alejandro knew he was crying again, as he had done on and off all evening.
He's shut us all out. He's withdrawing into himself like he did when he first came here. Dios mio, he's gone through so much in his short life, and he's come so far. Por favor, Dios, don't let this undo all of the progress he's made.
But he spoke! I heard him! There was no mistaking that. If anything good can come out of this nightmare, Dear God, please let Felipe have his voice back.
Alejandro hesitantly walked over to where Felipe sat huddled in his corner, and stiffly lowered himself onto the floor beside the boy. I shouldn't think of him as a boy any more. He's eighteen, almost a man. Despite everything, I have to remember that he's not that frightened little boy Diego found alone on the battlefield with his parents dead beside him. I've got to make him remember that he's not alone this time.
Felipe slowly raised his head when he felt Don Alejandro's hand on his shoulder. He glanced at his grandfather, then turned his head away. Alejandro reached out gently and turned Felipe's face back toward him, so the boy could read his lips as he spoke to him.
"Felipe, look at me, hijo. I need to talk to you."
Felipe looked away again. He took a deep breath, still looking toward the wall on the other side of the room.
"I…I don' need to look. I…."
He took another deep breath before continuing. His voice was hesitant, scratchy, barely more than a whisper, but he was speaking! "I can hear you jus' fine." He squirmed as he changed position, turning his head back to face his grandfather. He stared nervously at Alejandro for a moment before his eyes fell. "I…I…been able to hear for…for…a long time now."
Don Alejandro's mouth fell open. He can hear! Felipe can hear! Gloria a Dios! He can hear again! And he's talking, too!
Wait a minute. "What do you mean you've been able to hear 'for a long time'? How long? Why didn't you tell us?"
Felipe looked down at the floor again. His reply was so soft Alejandro could barely make it out. "I've been able to hear since befo' Father got home fro' Spain. Diego…my father knew. It was our…our se-secret."
Alejandro hadn't believed he could feel any more hurt than he already felt that day, but he was wrong. "WHY? Felipe, why would either of you want to keep this from me?" Once again, tears were streaming down his face.
Felipe fidgeted some more, then sighed. "At firs'…I was afraid. I was afrai' you wouldn' want me to stay here if you knew I c…could hear." He finally met Don Alejandro's eyes again, blushing a little through his own tears. "I…I'm sor…sorry. Diego made me see I was wrong abou' that. I was jus'…jus' scared."
Alejandro thought back to the time right after Diego had brought Felipe home with him. The nearly catatonic seven-year-old hadn't let anyone but Diego near him for days. Even months after his arrival, he would still run and hide when strangers came to the hacienda, especially soldiers. He had been so terrified they might be coming to drag him away from the only security he now had.
Alejandro drew Felipe into his arms as if he were still that young child. His voice was shaking as he tried to pull his thoughts together. "I can't believe you thought we would do that to you, Felipe. Yet, I think I understand. At least, about that.
"But why later? When Diego got home, and found out, why didn't you tell me then?" Is this the lie Diego was apologizing for? Why wouldn't he have wanted me to know Felipe could hear?
Suddenly he felt Victoria's hand on his knee, as she came and knelt in front of them. "I think I may know the answer to that, Don Alejandro." She let go of Alejandro's knee and gently put her hand on Felipe's shoulder.
"You were helping him, weren't you Felipe? You were helping him the whole time, from the very beginning."
Alejandro felt his grandson stiffen in surprise, and heard his swift intake of breath. Felipe's eyes were huge. He's staring at Victoria like she just grew an extra head! Of course Felipe helped Diego…with anything and everything. They were inseparable.
Alejandro watched Felipe's eyes dart back and forth between Victoria and himself. He's afraid. That's the same look Diego was giving me when he thought he had said something he didn't want me to know while he was delirious.
Alejandro's attention was drawn back to Victoria as she continued speaking. Tears were rolling down her face again, too. Dios, I don't think any of us will ever be able to cry again after all of this is over!
"It's ok, Felipe. I know."
Know WHAT!
"Diego was delirious last night. He kept mumbling about leaving roses on my pillow. It didn't take so much to finally put two and two together."
The pathetic smile Victoria gave Felipe as she spoke was bad enough. The regret and anguish in her voice was so strong it left Alejandro speechless. What is it about those damned roses?
Felipe's reaction to Victoria's puzzling statement, and the conversation that followed, left his head spinning. Felipe all but dove into Victoria's arms, his sobs suddenly so uncontrolled they were hysterical. His whole body was trembling as he finally gave in to the full grief he'd been trying to hold in all evening. He was saying something to Victoria, but it was several minutes before Alejandro could make sense out of any part of their conversation.
"It's not fair! Not now! Not like this! He…he's waited…so long. Both of you have. He…."
Both of them?
"Shhh. There's nothing we can do to change this, Felipe. We…we always knew this could happen. I'm sure you and…Diego…talked about the possibility, too, didn't you?"
"We…he…always knew he could die any time. He…made sure I realized that he was…was ok with that, if it happened. But…this is different. It…wasn't supposed to….He never even had a…a chance to fight."
Diego thought about dying? Why? Alejandro opened his mouth to interrupt Felipe's torrent of words, then just as suddenly, closed it again. Maybe this will start to make more sense if I just shut up and let them talk. They both seem to know something I don't. If they won't tell me, maybe they'll tell each other!
Felipe choked back another sob. His face, when he looked up, brought more memories back to Alejandro of the traumatized child of so many years before. "He…he didn't even get to hear me talk, Victoria! Well…one word…one time, but...I…" His face crumpled as Victoria hugged him more tightly. "He…he gave so much of his life…to ev'ryone…else, and he had no…nothing for himself. Next month would ha' been his birth…day. I was…prac…ticing. I…I wanted to…to sur…prise…him."
By now, all three of them were crying again. Alejandro ruffled Felipe's hair, then just let his hand rest against the boy's cheek.
"He can hear you right now, Felipe. I'm certain of it."
The three of them clung together for a few minutes, then Victoria stood up. She stretched a hand down to Felipe and pulled him up, then they both assisted Don Alejandro to his feet.
I'm still confused. And more than a little scared. I'm beginning to think that whatever this big secret of Diego's was, I might be better off if I never find out about it. If I didn't know better, I'd think…no, that's ridiculous. Isn't it?
Once again, Victoria's voice caught Don Alejandro's attention.
"Felipe, before he died, Diego told me he'd left some letters…one for me and one for his father, to be given to us in case of his death. He said you would know when to give them to us." Alejandro saw both Felipe and Victoria glance over toward him, then back at each other.
"I think it's time. Don't you? I think Don Alejandro needs to know just how special Diego was…to all of us, whether we knew it or not."
Felipe nodded, shuddered slightly, and excused himself. Within just a couple of minutes he was back. Alejandro could see two slightly yellowed envelopes in his hand. Felipe knelt in front of his grandfather, who was now seated on the sofa beside Victoria.
"For six years…ever since he first wrote them, I've gone to bed every night with a prayer that I'd never have to give these letters to the two of you. I think I've had more nightmares about this than I did about my parents' deaths. The first part of my childhood ended when my parents were killed. The rest ended when this charade began. But I want you to know that I mean this with all of my heart. I will never in my life be prouder of anything than I am of what Diego has accomplished here; and I will never be prouder of anything I ever do than having been able to help him with it.
"None of my nightmares, though, ever centered around the possibility of something happening to Diego himself. I…I don't think he really considered that possibility when he wrote the letters, either. We always expected…well…here, just read. I know you'll have questions. I…I think Diego and I discussed the answers to most of them at one time or another."
Felipe handed them the letters, then went to the table and poured two glasses of wine from the decanter that was sitting there. When he came back to the sofa, Victoria was already reading her letter, wiping the tears from her eyes as she read. Felipe handed the first glass to her.
Alejandro was still sitting there, staring at his unopened envelope. Diego wrote me a letter only to be delivered in case of his death? My quiet, book-loving son has spent the last six years of his life expecting to die? He let Felipe spend six years having nightmares about ways that could happen? Yet Felipe obviously doesn't resent him for this!
He felt Felipe shove a glass of wine into his hand. He sat the wine down on the end table beside the sofa, sat up straighter, and opened the letter. He blinked back more tears as Diego's unmistakably precise, exquisite handwriting came into view.
"Dear Father,
If you are reading this letter, then something has happened that has taken me from you. Either I am dead, or missing, and Felipe has reason to presume I am dead, or Zorro has been captured and unmasked, in which case you are understandably confused and in shock, and more than likely very angry at me. I am so sorry you have to find out my secret this way, Father.
O Dios! NO!
I am Zorro.
The paper slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor. He felt rather than saw Felipe place the wine glass back in his hand and guide it to his mouth.
This is impossible! It can't be happening! Diego couldn't possibly….
Memories, both recent and long-forgotten, cascaded through Alejandro de la Vega's mind in a jumble.
Diego, lying in bed with a bad concussion, explaining that he'd fallen from Alejandro's 20-year-old mare.
Zorro, at the same time, believed to be dead after falling into Canyon del Diablo when a ricocheting bullet spooked his stallion.
Diego, as a child, along with Victoria's brothers, Francisco and Ramon, being chewed out by both fathers for reckless horseback riding. They'd been caught jumping Canyon del Diablo on half-broken colts.
Diego, who took to his bed at the slightest sign of a headache or fever.
Zorro's legendary battles with lancers and banditos, bound to have left him with a plethora of bruises, scrapes, cracked ribs, even an occasional bullet wound or saber cut.
Various scars he'd noticed on Diego's body while he and Victoria were caring for him in that cabin…scars that didn't fit with Diego's supposedly retiring, peaceful lifestyle.
A snakebite scar that had no explanation, but had to have made Diego ill enough to keep him legitimately in bed for a day or two.
Zorro's all too frequent rides against injustice, usually into the wee hours of the morning.
Diego, babbling about books and experiments keeping him occupied until dawn, rarely out of bed before noon unless prodded by his father.
Diego, hiding his love for Victoria for all those years.
Zorro and Victoria, whose relationship was the most legendary romance in all of California.
"You…you saw what…what I…let you see…, Father."
"That one is about as weak and flabby as a blade of Toledo steel!...I can't think of one who ever withstood the type of beating your son received without at least once begging us to stop…."
"So…tired…too much fighting…too long…."
"Don't…like…to fight. Never…wanted…."
"Sick of Zorro….Wish I'd never heard of Zorro."
Don Alejandro de la Vega stared blankly at Felipe, as Felipe reached down and picked the letter up off of the floor, placing it gently back into his grandfather's hand. Alejandro slowly focused onto Felipe, searching the boy's face for something that would tell him this was not real, but knowing in his heart that it was the truth.
"It's true, Grandfather." The grief and the pride mingled on Felipe's face. "He wanted so badly for you to know, but it was just too dangerous…for you, and for him, too."
"Go ahead and read the rest. When you're done, I'll be waiting to answer your questions. But for now, just read. Please."
Alejandro had to wipe eyes that were blurred from his tears before he could continue the letter. He had to read that same line at least five times before he could get past it.
"I am Zorro."