Chapter 10-

The next two weeks were pretty good for me. I was really focusing on making myself move on from what happened to Crystal. Some days, like today, though, were really hard. I'd feell ike everything I'd been working towards (normalcy. My sanity back.) was useless. Like the pain and agony would never end. Sometimes i just felt like giving up. That's when I would go to Ezra. It had becom common knowledge around Mount Horizon High that Ezra and I were becoming good friends. I was really growing attached to him.

But this day . . . not even Ezra could help me. I was just a mess. I would go from angry, to crying, to sarcastic in a matter of seconds. It was bad and everyone around me was feeling it. All my friends could tell something was up. Kat sat down with me during lunch, where I was sitting alone in a corner, and started talking to me. "What's up with you today?" she asked after a bit of small talk.

I shrugged, "Nothing."

"Yeah right." Kat rolled her eyes and cocked her head to the side, "You've been acting really out of it today."

"Yeah, I know." I mumbled back suddenly feeling incredibly depressed. "There's just a lot of things making me feel bad. That's all." Kat nodded and stood up. "Kat wait." I said, "Remember a couple weeks ago. I was up late . . . crying. And all of you guys were talking to me and everything?" Kat nodded again, "Well," I stopped, embarassed.

Kat sat down again, "Go on."

"Well," I repeated, "It's just- I've been working hard on trying to let go of Crystal but I can't do it anymore. I just want the pain to . . . swallow me up." More quietly I added, "To drown me."

Kat put her hand on my shoulder, "You can't let that feeling take over you. That's the feeling Jules and I were talking about. You have to fight it as much as you can."

Out of no where Peter was behind Kat, "Liv, you're appointment to get your ankle checked out is in an hour. We should leave soon."

I nodded, "Okay. I'll be there in a second."

Kat and I stood up and I walked around the table to leave. Kat hugged me and said, "You can beat that feeling. I know you can." I gave her a weak smile and followed Peter out the door.

When we got back I was walking without my air cast or crutches and I felt good. In a few weeks I would have my cast off and then I'd be in perfect health again. Physically, that is. I wasn't so sure about my mental health at the moment. What was worse was when we got back I had to go right to group. I sat on the couch with Kat on one side and Ezra on the other. The last few kids entered the room and sat down on the floor. We were having a double group session today. Cliffhangers and Trackers since Peter was away for the Trackers group session.

Peter was in his regular spot at the front of the room and started talking about graduation. It was almost June! I was pretty bummed that Kat was leaving but we acted girly and linked arms while he was talking. I felt like I had found a good friend in Kat. She knew exactly what I was going through and wanted to help me. And I needed a friend so bad.

"Since a few of you guys are leaving in a couple weeks I wanted to start group today by talking about how you feel about leaving. Anyone want to start us off?" Kat raised her hand, "Kat?"

"Well, I'm pretty scared as most of you can imagine. I've been here for two years so leaving is going to be hard. But I'm really looking forward to it. Peter, you've taught me so much about myself and how I can control myself." She looked at me as shespoke next, "How I can overcome things." I felt Ezra on my right side reach out and hold my plaster covered hand. I smiled at the feeling. Kat continued to speak, now addressing Peter, "I'm really grateful for that."

Peter smiled and said, "I'm glad you've been able to overcome things. All of you can. Who has something they've overcome that they'd like to share?" Shelby raised her hand and Peter nodded his head in acknowledgment.

Shelby looked at her hands as she started to talk, "When I first came here I was really . . . I had a lot of barriers. I didn't want to let anybody into my life because I thought once they did they'd leave me." She looked up at us, "That's something I've overcome."

"Yes, you did." He was quiet for a moment or two then said, "Why don't we go around the room and say one thing we've overcome. Shelby, since you started why don't you go next, Scott." Scott was sitting right next to her.

"Okay, yeah. I think I've overcome my stepmom and how she used to control everything I thought, and did, and felt."

It went around the room that way, just like Peter said. When it was Ezra's turn I started to feel pressure in my ears and I could hear my heart beating. I was really nervous about my turn because I didn't know what I had overcome. Ezra was finishing up his little speech and then it hit me. I knew what I had overcome. "Accepting things." I said when it was my turn, "Especially Crystal's death." I had previously told everyone about Crystal, and that night, and everything. Through the cast I felt Ezra squeeze my hand. He was so sweet. As soon as he squeezed my hand I knew I was falling for him . . . hard.

After group we were all wandering around the room talking and having fun. I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water and Ezra walked in. "Hey Ezra." I said.

"Hi." he walked over by me and took the water from me. I nudged him because I wasn't finished pouring the water and he nudged back. I chuckled at the small act of companionship and drank some water. "Group was good today, huh?"

"Yeah," I said, "No emotional breakdowns." I giggled a little.

Ezra took a sip of water and looked down at me. I liked that he was taller then me. It was cool. "I'm glad you realized you've accepted Crystal's death. I know it wasn't easy for you."

I nodded pursing my lips together, "I don't want to think about any of that right now. It's too upsetting. I want to have fun." Before I could finish the word "fun" Ezra was kissing me. Just like that. I hadn't even realized it until it was actually happening. At first I thought, "Wow. Ezra is kissing me." my second thought was "kiss back you moron."

It was a perect first kiss. The kind of kiss every girl dreams of. I was with a guy I truly, genuinly cared about and who cared about me. Someone with whom I'd been friends with for a while. Even though we weren't friends for a really long time it was as if we were. As if we'd known each other our whole lives.