Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of the characters I borrow to fulfil the need to inflict my sick and twisted imagination on other people - I promise to put them back when I'm done, but I can't be held accountable for any damage they sustain in the meantime...
The Bunnies made me do it.
A mad Bunny jumped me with this following a conversation I had with Wanna Be Abby (along the lines that, despite Abby's comment that she'd "do him" and Tony's attraction to her, nothing would ever happen between them because Tony's too scared of what Abby would do to him should she ever actually get her hands on him) and a subsequent re-run of 'Marine Down'. I apologise if this seems a little out of character, but I guess being dead can do that to ya.
Oh, and I also apologise if some things get mentioned that hadn't actually happened in prior episodes - I'm working from a Swiss-cheese memory here, and I don't always remember what happened when.
Hussive thanks to my 'Big Sis' and Wanna Be Abby for beta-ing.
Kate: "Confidential? What'd you do, kill someone in high school?"
Tony: "Ha! That's funny Kate. No, they screwed up my paperwork with another agent's"
Gibbs: "Agent Tony DiNozzo died in a car accident last month. Very tragic."
Dead Marine
Abby's Lab…
"Dead?"
"Yep. Until he takes a physical to prove otherwise." Kate smiled as she remembered the look on Tony's face when he'd told her.
"Wow, he must've really pissed off someone in personnel!"
"Abby! It's just an administrative mix-up, could've happened to anyone." Kate reprimanded. "People do make mistakes you know," she added in response to Abby's raised eyebrow. Abby just smiled knowingly and nodded. "Or… Tony could have annoyed someone in Personnel." Kate conceded. The man had, after all, once inspired one of his numerous dating disasters to break into his apartment and fill his closet with dog crap.
"Dead" Abby repeated thoughtfully "hmm, I wonder what it's like."
Kate frowned "What?"
"Being dead." Abby's tone indicated that she thought Kate was a complete idiot for not being able to follow the conversation.
"Abby, Tony's not really dead."
"Not physically, maybe. But officially…" The raven-haired lab tech rubbed her hands together gleefully, then added in a dreamy voice "I mean, think about it…"
Kate just stared at her, completely lost.
"Look" Abby explained, "as far as the top brass are concerned, Tony's dead. They have procedures for that kind of thing. Not only will they have yanked his clearance, but they'll have stopped his pay and…" she trailed off looking intently at her friend to see if she'd finally got the big picture.
"And…?" Kate prompted before her eyes widened with sudden realisation, "OH!"
Abby grinned, bouncing slightly on the spot "Yep, next of kin will have been informed about our boy's tragic and untimely demise, so to all intents and purposes Tony no longer exists in the land of the living." She cocked her head to one side thoughtfully. "You know, that's kinda kinky."
To Be Continued...