Chapter 9 - Who am I? (Part 1)
Harry absentmindedly waved and smiled at the crowd as they left the stage.
"Cool!" shouted the lady who has already downed more tequila than she could handle.
"More! More!" yelled the rowdy bunch of young men who applauded them enthusiastically.
A group of very pretty teenagers wearing tank tops made of some flimsy material, black miniskirts and leather boots rapturously blew them air kisses. Billy, ever gracious and the most outgoing of the group, bowed gracefully and made a show of catching the kisses much to the delight of the senders.
Harry grinned at the spectacle in spite of himself. Hermione would probably have a fit if she saw what those girls were wearing. He could only imagine what her reaction would be..."That's so undignified! How could they lower themselves so much!" But he could not help but think that she would look gorgeous and appealing in that outfit too....now where did that thought came from? Hermione was his best friend...It would simply not be right for him to have that sinfully obscene thought about her...
To distract himself, Harry mimicked Billy's action and was honestly astonished when the girls went wild with excitement.
Chuck watched as Harry attempted to secure their equipments. The boy had been staring in space for what seemed like forever and nothing was getting done.
"Dude, what's the matter with you? You're freaking me out!" asked Chuck suddenly after Harry failed to return an equipment to its proper compartment for the umpteenth time. "Does this have something to do with a certain bushy-haired lady who went here with a red-head bloke a while ago?"
Harry immediately stopped what he was doing and turned to face him with an incredulous expression. "You mean...you saw them too?"
Chuck nodded and eyed him warily. "Positive. Why don't you dump her, man? Sure, she's gorgeous and all but she's obviously a two-timing bitch..."
"No..." said Harry weakly, still too shocked to utter anything remotely enlightening.
"NO?!? I was watching them, buddy. They both paled when they saw you and then took off quickly." Chuck threw up his hands in exasperation. "She's not worth it, I'm telling you. Don't be as foolish as Billy when it comes to relationships."
Harry recovered and tried to explain. "No, I mean you don't understand...you've got it all wrong. They're my best friends!" Then he remembered the Honeydukes incident. "Wait! I've got to talk to them."
Chuck nodded grimly. "Yeah, you better. It's bad enough that she's two-timing you...but to do it with your other best friend - that's just too low..."
Harry rushed outside without bothering to set him straight. He could do it later. There were more pressing matters at hand. 'If they're here, then if must be because they were looking for him and if two teenagers could find him then it would not be long before the others find him too.' Then another frightening thought crossed his mind - 'Ginny and Neville were attacked by Death-Eaters! What if Ron and Hermione were followed?' With that thought, his determination to locate his bestfriends was reinforced. He walked faster with his senses heightened to detect any irregularity to the surroundings.
He was already getting frustrated when he heard them arguing heatedly. Well, at least they had the sense to conceal themselves though their loud voices were enough to alert anyone to their presence. He took out his wand cautiously and silently performed the counter curse. He was currently not in the mood to converse with people he could not see. With that done, he matched their pace and patiently waited for them to notice him.
"I told you…Harry seems happy and safe enough…I believe we should just let him be." said Hermione which surprised Harry a great deal. He assumed Hermione, of all people, would be the first to oppose his previous actions.
"Yes, but what kind of happiness? He's living a lie and you know it. He just can't run away from everything…and you also know very well that he's not safe. Hiding here just gave him a false sense of security." argued Ron vehemently.
Again, this reply caught him unaware. Never did it occur to him that Ron would be the voice of reason in this conversation. It was supposed to be Hermione's job. Since when did Ron grow up to be such a mature individual?
"I believe he'll come back when he's ready to face our world again but for now, why don't we let him enjoy life albeit temporarily?" countered Hermione once more.
"What if it's too late? Voldemort and his cronies won't wait for him to come to his senses. They'll attack when he's most vulnerable. Hermione, what's wrong with you? You're acting very odd!" Ron's hand flew to his head in annoyance. Her adamance was giving him a severe headache.
"Harry can take care of himself." declared Hermione passionately, ignoring his comment about her strange behaviour.
"Oh, yeah? So why are we here then? Can you please remind me why we went on this bloody trip - endangering our lives and risking expulsion?" a red-faced Ron retorted angrily.
"I…umm…" Hermione began weakly, at a loss for words for once.
Harry chose that moment to intervene before matters get out of hand. Clearly they had not noticed him approaching or they won't be arguing to this level.
"A-hem!" The two stiffened but quickly relaxed when they saw him. "You really need to work on your senses…If I happened to be the enemy, I could have rendered you helpless within seconds and you wouldn't be able to do anything."
The two flushed in embarrassment.
"How long have you been there by the way?" asked Ron sheepishly.
"Oh, long enough." He replied nonchalantly before he turned to face Hermione. 'Merlin! Chuck's right. She's gorgeous! When did she get so voluptuous?' He dismissed his thoughts quickly. "Err.. Hermione, if you don't mind, I'd also like to hear your reply to Ron's question."
He was baffled when Hermione turned crimson once more and began to stammer.
"I…umm..err…" Hermione faltered as she struggled to find the appropriate words.
"How eloquent!" grunted Ron but Harry did not miss the pained expression that flickered in his eyes…
'Now what was that about?' wondered Harry.
"Dumbledore sent Snape to find you."
"I know."
"You knew?"
"Yeah, he called our apartment and we saw him on a phone with camera." He replied casually.
"Really? That's interesting…Snape said he just used an ordinary phone and you know fully well that that device won't work if one doesn't have a camera installed." said Hermione.
"Hmm…that's curious…" Harry murmured softly, not liking where the conversation was heading.
"Yes, and the Order members also deem it worthy of investigation. They have a suspicion that the people you're staying with are wizards too."
This information definitely piqued Harry's interest. "So, did they find out anything?"
"Unfortunately, no and that's what's making them even more suspicious than before." said Ron, glad that he could finally contribute something to the conversation.
"W-what?!?" Harry wasflabbergasted by the response. "But how can that be?"
"It is possible if they are very powerful wizards." supplied Ron helpfully.
"But you saw them. They are not that much older than me." argued Harry. He couldn't believe that young wizards could perform such a complicated spell to conceal themselves.
"They could also be under the Fidelius Charm, in that case, no one would be able to find them no matter how hard they try. The only question is why? What are they hiding? Do you know anything about them at all?" said Hermione who had finally regained her composure.
Harry decided to be honest. "Well, actually, we usually don't talk much about our past. I assume they talk about it sometimes but never in my presence. It's a pretty sensitive issue, I think." He tried to think of some other helpful details. "I haven't really seen them perform magic in or outside the house cause they're under the impression that I'm just a regular runaway muggle so I'm really not sure yet if they are wizards too but they have lots of highly advanced magical books in their mini-library. They also have a subscription to the Daily Prophet, speaking of which, what happened to Ginny and Neville?"
Ron and Hermione stared blankly at him.
"What do you mean?" ventured Ron anxiously.
"You mean they're not with you? They were attacked this morning at Honeydukes, bloody suspicious in everyone's opinion cause it leaked out that there's no scheduled Hogsmeade visit today."
The two looked stricken at the news.
"Bloody hell! We told them not to follow us!" exclaimed Ron torn between concern for their safety and irritation for their stubbornness.
"It's all our fault. We shouldn't have told them." cried Hermione guiltily.
"Did the paper mention anything about umm...you know, the level of injury?" asked Ron apprehensively as if he really didn't want to hear the answer.
"The paper mentioned that some random people were killed. Ginny and Neville were among those who were severely injured but they were immediately brought to the castle." replied Harry then with a downcast look, he continued. "I guess you better go back now. It's not safe for you to be around me."
"Not without you, mate." said Ron obstinately.
"No, I don't want to return there. Hermione's right. I'm happy now. Don't you think I've earned some peace and quiet after what I went through?"
"B-but..." Ron's resolve was gradually breaking down.
"No buts please...For once, just let me be..." said Harry almost pleadingly.
Hermione seemed to fight an inner battle before she stated her thoughts. "It's all right, Ron." Then she turned to Harry and stared directly at his confused eyes. "Just out of curiousity, if you're really so intent on forgetting the wizarding world, then how come you still have your wand with you? How come you're still practicing magic? Think about it."
"I...umm...well, as you've said Voldemort's still around and I want to be prepared just in case..."
Hermione smiled weakly. "It's okay, Harry, we understand. I know you need some space but you will come back....later perhaps, when you've already come to terms with yourself and when you do, we'll be there to welcome you with open arms."
"T-thanks..." said Harry, feeling more confused than ever.
"Just don't let us wait too long or it might be too late." said Ron in a resigned tone.
"Don't worry, I won't..." replied Harry, not entirely realizing that what he'd said was an unintended confirmation that he would indeed come back.
The two nodded fervently then both struck their wands out and waited for the Knight Bus to arrive. Within seconds, the purple bus that was invisible to the muggle eye came rushing to their side. Ron went aboard immediately but Hermione lingered for a moment, her expression hard to comprehend as she struggled with herself once more.
"Hermione, come on, what are you waiting for?" Ron called out, perplexed by her hesitation.
Hermione ignored him and turned to Harry who also had the same unreadable expression. She faltered for a moment then, in a sudden burst of audacity, throwing all caution to the wind, she walked up to him and planted a tentative kiss on his lips.
Harry looked stunned and stared at Hermione's quivering lips with utter bewilderment. But then, his surprise was soon replaced with an unfathomable feeling as he lowered his lips to claim hers in a long and languorous kiss. His brain ceased to function as Hermione's arms shyly went up to encircle his neck. He held her tight, afraid to let go of the wonderful emotion that had just overtaken the both of them...only to be broken by the unromantic blow of the horn by an irate conductor.
"Lady, are you comin' or not? We don't have all day!"
But the two seemed reluctant to let of each other's embrace yet.
"What's that for?" asked Harry, still mesmerized by what happened.
"A reason for you to come back soon..." replied Hermione then she turned to the conductor. "I'm coming...I'm coming..."
Ron and Hermione waved at Harry before the bus disappeared from view but Ron noticed the wistful look that passed between his bestfriends.
When they were gone, Harry's hand unconciously went up to touch his still swollen lips, uncertain of what to make of what just occurred. It seemed so natural and it felt so great but....of course there's always the 'but' or 'what if he was reading too much of the situation?' or 'what if it was just a friendly kiss?' He shook his head slightly. 'Surely, it must mean something deep. Hermione's not the kind of girl who does it solely for pleasure.'
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Harry's sweat was trickling down his handsome face as he ran to escape the demons chasing him... It was dark and he cursed himself for forgetting his glasses at his bedside table. His predicament would have been bearable if he could at least see his surroundings. The heavy rain had already drenched him thoroughly and blinded him to the path. He glanced back and panicked when he saw the demons closing in. He looked around....there was no way out and his wand...where's his wand? It was missing! Desperation made him reckless and he stumbled upon a thick and stubborn root protruding on the ground.
He fell but he refused to give up. He turned to face his attackers and was horrified when he saw something he had not noticed a while ago. One of the demons was holding a bloodied Hermione carelessly. She was dangling like a rag doll and one would assume that she was dead if it was not for her weak screams.
"Harryyyyy! Go now...don't mind me...Go!"
Harry's eyes glazed with determination when he heard her. He would never allow Hermione to sacrifice her life in his behalf. He would save her no matter what it takes.
"I can't do that, Hermione."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! You can't take them all, Harry, and you don't have your wand. You're not yet ready..." yelled Hermione but her voice was weaker than before.
The demons were advancing slowly, taunting him with their ugly faces and malicious laughter.
"You deserve to die!" goaded one of the demons with large teeth and saliva pouring out his mouth.
"You're a coward!" yelled another one.
"You don't stand a chance!" leered another.
"Your fear inspires us!" and another.
Harry's rage began to falter as he listened to their taunts. They were telling the truth. 'Isn't running away another form of cowardice? And what was he worth without his wand?'
"You're a spineless being!" and another.
"Harry, don't listen to them...go ... now..." Hermione managed to blurt out before she went limp on her aggressor's arms.
"NOOOO!!! Hermione!!!" he shouted helplessly but he could not do anything. He stood up to fight but the demons only cackled merrily, amused by his defensive stance.
"You're not the hero anymore..."
"You're nothing....nothing..."
Harry suddenly woke up, feeling extremely disturbed by the dream. It was not the usual Voldemort-inspired nightmare that he had already grown accustomed to. This was worse! He did not need to be a psychologist to discern that this was a subliminal translation of his inner turmoil.
And what about the demons' mockery of his being wandless? It made sense...he was vulnerable without a wand...therefore, he must learn how to survive without one. He had read that wandless magic was difficult to master but manageable as long as he had the determination to do so. However, as long as he had his wand with him, he would still be dependent on it. It must be somewhere far away for him to feel the urgency of perfecting the art ... somewhere like Hogwarts?
And what about Hermione? What did her presence in his dream mean? How come he was unable to save her? Was it because he was ? He figured that he had to see her again, if only to assure himself that she was safe. He could make it to Hogwarts and back within an hour if he was careful.
He glanced at his watch. It was only 11:15 pm. That meant he had only slept for an hour before the nightmare began. He looked around and noticed that his bandmates were still up and chatting animatedly.
"Hey, can I go out for a while? There's just something that I have to do. I'll be back within an hour." he called out as he prepared the Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map and placed them in an inconspicous plastic container.
"Sure. Just be careful, okay? Don't do something I wouldn't do." said Billy with a mischievous wink, something that reminded him of the Sirius he had seen at Dumbledore's pensieve.
Harry smiled back and took off hastily.
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The journey to Hogwarts was quite uneventful. Donning the invisibility cloak, he made his way towards the Shrieking Shack and from there, he ventured carefully into the castle. He then consulted the Marauder's Map, half afraid that someone had been alerted to his presence, especially the Headmaster who seemed to know anything and everything that went on in the schoo. Then walking briskly towards the Gryffindor common room, he wondered why it was so easy for him to enter the premises of the supposedly widely protected school.
Since, he couldn't possibly go to the girls' dormitory without the stairs collapsing underneath his feet, he contented himself by checking the map if Hermione was in her room -- she was. Then he went to Ron's room, carefully placed his wand, invisibility cloak and the Marauder's Map inside the plastic bag and left a note for the both of them. Then he stealthily made his way out of the common room hastily, afraid to look back.
In doing so, he missed the shadow that watched and followed his every move as he exited castle and waited for the Knight Bus to arrive on the time he had arranged previously with Stan Shunpike, the conductor. It was a miracle what fame and a few galleons could do. Fortunately, he did not wait long for the bus came on earlier than expected and as he boarded it, he was surprised to hear a faintly whispered.."Good luck, Harry Potter...be safe."
Harry brood over about the voice he heard. It sounded suspiciously like Dumbledore's but why did he not make a move to prevent him from going? How strange! Then before he could come up with any logical explanation for that, the bus ride was over.
He thanked the driver and the conductor and went on his way. The band's apartment was not very far from where he stood but nevertheless, he picked a fast pace. One could never be too sure in that village and without the wand, he was quite unprotected.
As he walked, he again attempted to make some sense out of his jumbled thoughts but the night cold was distracting him from thinking clearly. He covered another block and was mystified. It seemed that as he got nearer to their house, the temperature became colder than ever.
'This is not a good sign.' he thought, remembering the incident with Dudley a few years back. He quickly ran to their house as fast as he could to make sure that his friends were all right but he stiffened instantly as a horrifying sight greeted him.
Matt, Chuck and Billy were all kneeling on the ground, vainly fighting five dementors with their feeble attempts at a patronus. None of them succeeded and the dementors advanced some more. Harry saw the stricken faces of his friends and realized that he could help them...if only he had his wand with him...How cruel could this life be? Just when he needed his wand most...but he had to try..for their sake...he had to try....
The dementors were gliding towards his friends...
...NOW!...
Summoning his happiest memory, he held out his hand, pretending that it was a wand and yelled to the top of his voice. "Expecto Patronum!"
Harry smiled. It worked. It was just a tiny stag and it was not enough to chase away the dementors but it put them off for a little while. He held his hand again, thought about the memory of Hermione's kiss and focused on producing a real patronus in order to save his friends.
...The dementors recovered and were preparing to administer the kiss...
Harry was recoiled at the sight but he did not let the image disrupt his concentration.
"EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!"
Harry felt drained of energy as he conjured the powerful patronus that galloped around the dementors to frighten them away. It only took a few seconds but he felt extremely worn out. Slowly, his knees buckled and the last thing he saw before he collapsed to the ground was the astonished faces of his friends before Matt raised his wand at him and yelled..."Obliviate" in a desperate voice.
Then....Harry passed out.