pairings kyo/yuki and shigure/hatori. i love them together! both pairings:::::grins and huggs self very, very tightly:

smartass thoughts that are always truthful, and ever deadly annoying

normal thoughts

•second person not pov person thoughts•

'normal talking'

phone conversations and lyrics

akito's gonna be a guy in this fic.

(author notes)

disclaimer: I DONT OWN THE BLOODY THING! (okay…been reading way too many hp fics. im starting to swear a little like a brit. creepy…)

DEATH TRAP

Don't fall too deep

Into the death trap

And everything to lose

You get attached

To people you don't know

Only to get hurt

For their stupid show

Your mind gets boggled

With thoughts that aren't there

Your heart gets crushed

Just so they can snicker

My enemies are my trap

Do not fall too deep

Into your death trap.

No Idea Who Its By

CHAPTER 5•VIOLIN•KYO-KUN'S POV

For some strange reason, depression filled me. It was like an oppressing blanket, filling in all the corners of my mind and weighing down my being; making me flail helplessly for anything to drag me to safety.

It might've been Yuki's fault, though I don't know what he had to do with it. I'm probably just bringing this upon myself. Wallowing in self pity that comes along with not knowing what's going on. Which is something that is happening to me at the moment. I don't know why he doesn't seem to hate me. Maybe I'm too open, giving Yuki access to my feelings and is toying around with them. He has everything he could ever want, so why the hell would he need me as a friend! He's probably just a manipulative little bastard who doesn't give a shit about what others feel, and just cares for himself.

I sighed and stood up, stretching my arms high above my head like the cat I am. I need the release from my emotions that only music can give me. I need to play… Like I used to.

I reached under my bed and pulled out a black case and the amps beside it. I plugged them in and unzipped the case. I lifted out a midnight green, almost black, electric violin. It was exactly as I remembered it, and I hadn't seen it in ages. The last time I had played was when I was still living with Shishou. He would make me drag it out, and he'd play his drums. I still laughed every time I saw that. He definitly doesn't look like the type of drummer person I know him as. Drummer slash fighting maniac. Sort of like me, except I play the violin. I fond chuckle escaped my lips as old memories came flooding back.

I made all the connections for my precious instrument and lifted the bow to the strings. It started slowly, matching perfectly my fingers darting across the fingerboard. I closed my eyes and let the music flow where it willed, as my soul knew the tune better than my mind.

•Yuki-kun's POV•

I groaned when my eyes fluttered open as I awoke to the harsh music running around the house. I never knew anyone here liked this stuff. Sure, Kyo probably likes the style, but…a violin? What the hell

My feet hit the floor and I was about to yell at the cat for waking me up at ungodly hours when I heard the music falter and then stop. Apparently it's a real person. A bark of laughter. Then the music started up again and this time it was slow and sad, conflicting the emotion that was just heard from the outburst of mirth and sound before it. Feeling poured forth from it, one that could not be captured into anything except for sound, and it sluggishly drifted, as if looking for a place to rest, but finding none.

I was entranced, to say the least.

I desperatly needed to know why Kyo had such a raging battle within him that he could play such opposites with out much seeming difficulty. That is, if it is him with the music, and if it's him playing it…

The neko's door was open a small bit and I peeked in, watching the red-head right as he changed tempo. Anger…

Kyo's back was arched as his lithe, clawlike fingers danced across the neck of the violin and the bow moved like fire, horsehairs snapping with the force used on the strings.

I guess it is him… Interesting.

The music rushed over me as water does to the shore. It left me breathless with the sheer intensity of it.

But I still needed to know why Kyo needed to chanel his energy through his violin. The question of what had happened that was so extreme that he couldn't break a door or wall instead. I definitly like it better. I sure as hell know that I don't want him taking out his anger on me. Sort of… depressing… He's an idiot to not notice that I absolutely hate our petty fights. Thickhead…

I leaned my head wearily against the frame and my body shook with unshead tears. I'm too emotional about this whole damn thing. Hell, I'm too emotional all the time! Well…when I'm by myself. I can't let Kyo know how weak I really am.

The bowing sped up even more than before and screamed of pent-up anger. The music throbbed with hate, but I would still always remember it because of all the emotions whirling around.

Then Kyo did the thing I least expected of him. He let the violin drop, and was only holding onto it with the lightest of touches and the bow rested gently on the floor. And he laughed. His head was thrown back and it poured out of his mouth as a stream of sound. He paused to clutch his stomach, and then started up again. The laugher was the sound of someone who is really and truly happy for the first time in absolute ages, and then more joy comes just from hearing yourself.

I slumped down harder against the door, making a tiny thud. I froze, hoping Kyo wouldn't have heard it.

But he did.

The neko spun around with an agility only able to be used by the cat. 'What're you doing here!' he spat, all mirth gone from his face. 'What makes you think you're welcome?' Pain flashed through his eyes so quickly I wasn't sure if I had actually seen it.

'I heard your music. Why don't you ever play more?'

'I don't need to. It's sort of anger management in the extreme for me.' He tilted his head and wrinkled his nose in annoyance.

'It's beautiful, though.'

Kyo looked surprised at me complimenting him, but scoffed. 'All you're hearing is my emotions. I'm just showing the weak side of myself.'

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. 'There is nothing weak about hating someone, or feeling sad.'

'How would you know? You're always welcome. Everyone loves you. They look towards you, no matter what. They give a shit if you live or not. I'm just the stupid…worthless cat. No one looks towards me for things. I suppose because I was stupid enough to be tricked by you. I believed you. I once trusted you.'

'Baka Kyo. We aren't the actual spirits of the Zodiac. Why do you act as if you once liked me. That you once didn't hate me as much as you do now.'

'We aren't the actual spirits you say? Then why are we treated as them? Look at Haru! Everyone teased him because you rode on his back to the banquet! Everyone hates me for God knows what! There's too many things to count. Is it because of this? What I have to hide with my bracelet!' Kyo held up his left wrist, the one with the black and white beads circling them.

I admit it, I was speechless. Why are we treated like we're the actual spirits if we really aren't them? 'I…I don't know, Kyo…'

The orange neko turned his back to me again and played again, and this time the music that came streaming from within it was filled with a sense of longing and a deep despair. Tears slowly dripped from his face and fell like rain on the violin, but he kept playing on. The song wove around the room, indecisive about where to settle, not bothered by the effect it had upon the one creating it.

What's making him feel like that?

I decided I had to know, so I asked without much hope of an answer: 'What's making you play like that? It almost seems like…someone died, or something.'

'Nope. Not a death. A stupid thick headed idiot who doesn't seem to be able to tell hatred from love.'

'You're in love with someone?' I felt my eyebrows rise ever so slightly.

'No. A friendship sort of love. Just…never mind. The person, as I said, is too thick headed to notice anything. Forget it.' •I personally think it's a love love sort of thing.•

•If you keep talking, I'll make sure you die a long and painful death…•

'Who is it?' But I could have been talking to a brick wall as Kyo cut himself off from the living world once more.

Who the hell is he talking about?

I didn't notice that I had walked back to my room until pain from my cut on my back threw me into reality again when I laid down on my bed.

My musings continued until I was jolted to concioness by Kyo stopping playing his violin and putting it away.

KYO-KUN'S POV

Why did I tell him so much?

You wanted to see if he was really as 'thick headed' as you told him to be. You wanted to see if he could figure it out himself.

For once, I might agree with you. But never again say I'm in love with him, because I'm not! I almost banged my head against the wall, and I can't very well tell Yuki that I'm schitzophrenic. (sp.? spell check isn't working now… crashes my comp…)

The Voice chuckled softly. True.

Do you want a name? I don't like calling you 'The Voice' all the time.

How about…Chapeau Noir?

What does it mean? And…ah…in what language…?

Black Hat. French.

Okay… Whatever. Random, but…it'll do.

Chapeau Noir cheered loudly.

Eeep! Not that loud! You're in my head!

He sighed. Sir, yes ma'am!

Do you really want me to hurt you?

Do you really want me to answer that?

I definitly know I'm going completely insane when there's a voice in my head and he names himself…Chapeau Noir… I shuddered and the Voice retreated back into my mind to be called upon later if I needed something to talk to.

Hey! I resent that!

Yuki…The Idiot…The Thick Headed Idiot…The One Everybody Thinks I Hate But I Really Don't…I have many names for the rat.

The Rat That's Screwing Around With My Feelings and Making Me Think He Might Actually Care, But Doesn't.

I wish the world wasn't so complicated.

Tears slowly dripped down my face. Hell knows I tried to stop them, but they just kept coming. I could do nothing to stop them.

My body shook in uncontrolable sobs that broke through my voice. If I'm forced to cry, then it should at least not be so loud…

I hadn't cried this hard for years. Not since I was a little kid. I didn't want to start again now, because I knew from experience that it became a habit.

Emotions. I hadn't really know any besides hate, self pity and annoyance almost as long as I had been tearless. Which was most of my life.

I wish playing the violin didn't bring out the ghost of emotion that I felt inside. Well…now it isn't as much of a ghost. More of a monster than anything. Like me, I suppose.

I fell down to the floor, with my back to the wall. My legs were pulled up to my chest with my arms wrapped around them and my head flopping into them.

A sigh escaped my mouth when tears came streaming down all the harder.

What is with stupid people and rats that can't tell hate from almost the exact opposite!

'You're so stupid!' I half screeched. My head thumped against the wall. 'Ow…'

I could almost hear Chapeau Noir laughing in the background.

•YUKI-KUN'S POV•

My feet carried me outside the baka neko's door for reasons unknown to me. I just…walked there.

I gently laid my ear against the hard wood keeping me out of Kyo's room. What I heard made me step back in astonishment.

Weeping.

Kyo…was crying? Kyo was crying. Kyo was crying!

Has the world as we know it come to an end!

Sure, I've seen him crying before, but only a couple tears at a time.

The sobbing increased, and unable to stop myself, I slowly creaked open the door and looked inside. Kyo was laying against the wall and his head was thrown back, tears cascading down his face. He hardly made a sound, but you could tell from his face that he was breaking inside.

I slipped into my so-called enemies room. I've never been good at comforting people, much less people I only know from constant fist fights. I suppose there's always been a sort of bond between us, but it's only one that can come from two people who are opposites in nearly every way. I guess…

Kyo didn't even look up when I sat down and wrapped my arms around him. Why the hell am I doing this? It's just going to make the rift between us broader, no matter how I wish that could be reversed. Maybe…what Hatori said could be true? He doesn't hate me? But…I can't really trust the tatsu.

And…he did help me back after Akito…tried to kill me. My blood started to boil when I thought of that idiot.

I slowly massaged Kyo's back and tucked his head under my chin. He clutched my shirt with trembling fingers, crying helplessly onto my shoulder.

I pulled back just long enough to look at his face. His eyes were blank and unseeing, though his features expressed all that was needed. What the hell has made his so…unstable? And why is he breaking down all of a sudden? Why now?

I don't think he really saw me, though he might've known someone was there. Someone to keep him from ultimate despair, maybe?

I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts.

My arms tightened around the red-head. For some reason I had suddenly become protective of him, even though I had no idea what the hell I wanted to save him from.

It took about half an hour for Kyo to calm down and his breathing return to normal. His fingers stopped clutching and his sobbing decreased. He didn't seem as tired and angry as sad and depressed.

What the hell is with that, Kyo? I have never seen you so helpless. You have no defences. A small kitten.

Tears slowly dripped down my face in almost a sorrow for the cat's suffering. And who the hell was he talking about when he mentioned a 'stupid thick headed person who can't tell hatred from love'? I seriously thought he meant he meant he was in love with someone. But…why the hell would he tell me? We're…just the cat and the rat. Forever opposite and forever enemies. Always bound by our curse to hate each other everlasting. Gods, whoever made up that rule was a stupid jerk!

I cried for Kyo and me, selfish as that might sound. How we could've been friends without Akito or a different stupid head of family, and how they we were forced to eternally fight. Us and the ones that had come before and would come after cursed with the spirits of the cat and the rat.

I whispered 'It's alright, it's alright,' over and over in Kyo's ear while softly stroking circles on his back. It was almost as if I were his mother, the one who was never truly there for him. In mind, but not in heart.

When Kyo's breathing returned to normal and he himself was as well off as he could get, I stood up, brushing invisible dirt off my pants. I turned to go, but a quiet voice whispering caught my attention.

'Arigato, Yuki-kun. Even if you didn't mean it, arigato.'