Chapter 7•It's all Coming Together Now

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I just like this poem. Has nothing to do with the story

THE LOCK GATE

Paul Celan

Above all this mourning Über aller dieser deiner

of yours: no Trauer: kein

second heaven. zweiter Himmel.

To a mouth An einen Mund,

for which it was one of a thousand dem es ein Tausendwort war,

I lost - verlor

I lost a word wordverlor ich ein Wort

that had remained with me: das mir verblieben war:

sister. Schwester.

To An

the worship of many gods die Vielgötterei verlor

I lost a word that was looking for me: ich ein Wort, das mich suchte:

Kaddish. Kaddisch

Through Durch

the lock gate I had to go die Schleuse mußt ich,

to save the word back das Wort in die Salzflut zurück -

to the salt waters and und hinaus -

out and across: und hinüberzuretten:

Yiskor. Jiskor

Yuki-kun's POV

I trudged back to the house through the woods, thinking on what I had seen. Kyo was just so happy with those two. Happier than I've ever seen him in my whole life! Could music really be that helpful to him? That he can forget everything except for the moment and having fun? He loves it. It's almost like his lifeline, or something. The only thing he can hold onto in his whole existence, a life of chaos and loneliness. But Honda-san always helps him and is his friend. That's better than I could wish for. I just…push people away, yet hoping and wishing that there's someone out there who will really care about me. There's just…there's just too much about me Honda-san doesn't know, and too much of my past that's too painful for me to reveal. I only feel remotely comfortable around the jyuunishi, no matter how much tension is in the room. With my brother, there's a certain amount of understanding that goes on. Even between Kyo and I, no matter how much he probably hates me. Its so strange, and I doubt he realizes how much we're alike. It's scary to think about sometimes. The person I was brought up supposed to hate is the one I'm closest to, the one who knows me the best, even though he hardly does at all. Though I do hope I can achieve that level of friendship with Honda-san sometime, once I'm not scared anymore. She's such a nice person.

The door slammed behind me when I walked in. I heard a humming coming from the kitchen and going to investigate, I found that Honda-san was back from her friend's house.

'Oh, welcome back, Yuki!' (I wanted her to not use an honorific for a reason. She's going to become different, and I want her like this. Let's just say she's always been like this, but never showed it in the manga…? Maybe just around her friends or something.)

I was slightly startled at the lack of a -kun or -san, but I didn't really notice. My thoughts were too much on Kyo (what type of thoughts? Wait…too early! End of chappie…hopefully!) and the jyuunishi. 'What's for lunch?'

'Oh! Soba.' (Can't for the life of me remember any other Japanese foods, and I'm way way way way too lazy to look up any of them…) She softly resumed humming as she cooked the meal.

I sat down (assuming that the table is in the kitchen. I know it isn't, but…get over yourself. And no western style table, either! Okkies?) at the table and rested my head in my arms. Gods, I was tired, and kind of sad, from watching the neko, oushi and their master playing all together like that.

A claw of jealousy wrenched my stomach as my thoughts went back to when Kyo was attempting to play the guitar, with Haru's arms around the cat from the behind, guiding his fingers to the frets on his instrument. (Look! No AN! Oh…oh shit. )

They're supposed to be at least somewhat enemies! Not…friends…like this I sighed, shaking my head lightly back and forth. This sucks. I'm not supposed to be jealous

Jealous of Haru, or of both?

Huh? What do you mean?

Are you jealous that Haru got to be so close to Kyo, and have enough of his trust that he's allowed there, or that they're happy enough that they can forget who they truly are. That they're part of the jyuunishi, and on Kyo's part, the fact that he has limited time left out of the cage?

Cage?

He's going to be locked up by Akito when he graduates. It happens to all cursed by the cat.

He's going to be locked up? I think maybe he mentioned it sometime. But… wouldn't someone stop it?

Kazuma-dono's doing all he can. There's not much you can do against Kyo's father and Akito. They both hate him.

I see what you mean.

Back to the original topic. Who're you jealous of?

…All of it, I guess. That somehow Haru won Kyo's trust, and that they were happy. Why?

Curious

And with that, the voice retreated into my head, and I briefely thought how weird it was to be talking to something in my mind…

'You alright Yuki?' Tohru looked questioningly down at me.

I looked up and made a face. 'Yeah. Just…tired. I don't feel all that good.'

'Ouch. Is there anything I can do?'

'Nope… I'll be fine. I just need to sleep and… Oh never mind. I'll probably feel better after lunch or something.' And seeing Kyo. Maybe some of his happiness will rub off on me…

'Hey, do you know where Kyo is?'

I fully intended to snap back with something like "Why the hell would I know where that baka neko is!", but instead I said: 'I think I saw him going to Kazuma-dono's.

'Thanks.' Her smile shone though even around my slightly depressed attitude. 'Haru's right,' she said after a pause. 'You two definitely are starting to get along.'

I started to chuckle, and she looked on curiously. "What?", her expression seemed to say. It just made me laugh harder.

'Is it that outrageous of a fact that you might not hate each other as much anymore?'

I shook my head no. 'I guess…I'll tell you,' I attempted to say. When my laughter was finally under controll, I continued. 'I never hated the baka neko. I might've tried to convince myself so once or twice in the past, but I never hated him. Annoying, yes. Confusing, yes. Hate? Never.' I wrinkled my nose. 'I was laughing because I think it was Hatori that made me become more…I don't know…open? I have no idea. Well…he just told me Kyo didn't hate me, and he was happier around me, and that somehow I made him sad or something. Well, I also realized it because of when he brought me home after…you know. You were there.'

She nodded her head, a sad expression flitting across her eyes. 'I'm sorry I didn't do anything.'

'There was nothing you could do. Akito would just force Hatori to erase your memories of all of it somehow. Of us, too. Though I'm quite suprised how Kyo…brought down that idiot. Interesting…in a fashion… Well, no you've heard my whole confession! I don't hate the idiot! Never did!'

Tohru laughed along with me. Gods, it feels good to be laughing again. I deserve it after so long. 'How can you do this?' she asked softly.

'Do what?'

'You've just been hurt badly by Akito and it seems like it doesn't effect you whatsoever.'

'I guess…I'm just used to it. He's hurt me before. Hurt me badly. It's…a touchy subject. But…to sum it up, I had my own special room where he would torment me in. I was degraded, made to feel worthless, and…he used the…the same whip on me. Like the one he just used. It…I've seen it too many times. It's…it's been burned into my memory. Engraved! I can't stand it… And now I've told you more than I probably should've.'

Honda-san smiled lightly. 'It makes me feel happy. That you trust me enough to tell me that. I don't know why, but…it make me feel special.' The smile grew just a little bit.

I shook my head. Then my eyes flew open wide. Honda-san…she's… different! What the hell happened? She doesn't seem…as ditzy or clumsy or… apologetic…! Huh? 'Ah…Honda-san…? Why aren't you…well…'

'Clumsy? Idiotic?'

'Yeah…' I scratched my head.

'I was wondering when you'd notice. This is…well…kind of me. I guess it really is, I just never show it to anyone. Saki and Arisa've seen it, but that's it. Different side, you could call it. I'm not like Haru or anything. I can choose. I rather like this one more, but…something about you being hurt like you were made me…become more myself, I suppose. Oh, and…please, call me Tohru. We're friends, I don't mind being called by my first name, and without honorifics.'

I nodded my head.

Hond-Tohru started as someone walked into the room. I looked up and my eyes collided with a pair of crimson ones. I looked down to the table, avoiding the gaze of my cousin.

Kyo sat down across from me, asking when lunch was.

'About five minutes!' was Tohru's cheerful reply.

I flopped back onto the floor, taking in a deep breath. 'J'ai fatigue. Tres fatigue.' (AN. For those who don't know French. 'I'm tired. Very tired.')

'Good for you,' mumbled the cat.

I propped myself up on an elbow, scowling at him, then at Tohru. 'Do I have permission to kill him, oh Mighty Tohru, Who-Makes-Everyone-Bow-Down-To-Her?'

The girl chuckled and shook her head. 'You two…'

The neko's eyes clashed with mine, except this time, they didn't separate. My brow furrowed for no reason besides not knowing why I couldn't tear my gaze from his.

Mixed emotions flitted over Kyo's face. Untrust, confusion, surprise and a little bit of happiness. Neither of us noticed Tohru sliding out of the room, chuckling.

Tohru-kun's POV

I'm glad I told them what I'm really like. It's no fun hiding all the time, and the act gets a little boring. Sure, I'm still caring, but…I don't get worked up over the smallest stuff at all!

I walked into the living room to see Hatori with Shigure in his lap, arms around his waist, and Aaya watching them, smiling happily.

I stopped, raised my eyebrows, then broke out laughing. The two broke apart quickly, making me laugh even harder.

'Really, you two. I don't mind that you're together. I think it's rather cute.' Hatori and Shigure blushed. 'Oh, and by the way, don't go getting Yuki and Kyo drunk quite yet. I was talking to them earilier, and irght before I left, they couldn't take their eyes off each other. Don't use it unless it's an extreme…'

'H-how'd you know…about our plan?' stuttered Hatori from where he'd fallen on the ground.

'It's not that hard to figure out, you idiot. And, it's not all that hard to figure out the two of them like each other. They're just…idiots, you know? Both of them.'

The Mabudachi Trio looked at me like I was crazy. 'What?' I asked. 'If you were against their relationship, then it's be…sort of…strange to try to set them up.'

'I-It's not that. Aren't you…well…?'

'Ah yes! Yuki asked me the same thing earlier. I…well---What you guys are used to…is…well…you could call it a mask. It's been there since mom died. You can hear a lot of crap if every one thinks you're a klutz and a ditz!'

The three were speechless.

'Okaaaay. I'll be leaving now…' I scurried out of the room, the leaned heavily against the wall, laughing. 'Their faces were…priceless!' I choked out to myself.

'Honda-san? Are you alright? I heard you talking to yourself.;

I looked up to see Yuki looking at me with concern in his eyes.

'It's Tohru.'

'Oh…gomen, Tohru.'

'Arigato. Oh yeah! I was talking to myself, I guess. Just saying that Hatori, Shigure, and Aaya's faces were absolutely hilarious! I told them who I really was. And…Hatori and Shigure finally got together. They thought nobody would notice.'

Yuki's eyes widened. 'They're together!'

'Mmhm!' I nodded happily, grinning. 'They're perfect for each other.'

'Whatever you say.' The nezumi was looking more and more scared by the moment.