A/N: Sorry it's been awhile. The story kinda ran away from me. Shouldn't be too long now till the end, I hope.

Cold, it was so very cold. Teyla shifted out of Aiden's sleeping arms. She felt like her body was frozen. She remembered why. She needed energy. She needed the strength to forget. It all hurt so much.

She ran silently away from Aiden and Rodney, away from everyone. She ducked into the transporter and took it to her room. She quickly downed a pair of stimulants. She forced herself to take several calming breaths as the energy flowed once again unchecked through her system.

She stepped silently out onto the balcony, letting her slow footfalls control the beating of her heart. She wished she didn't have one. Every day since John had died had burned the pain into her soul. Every day was like living a nightmare.

She turned to find a rather menacing Sergeant Bates standing in her doorway. He held a wraith stunner in his hands. "What were those pills you took?" He asked her.

Teyla was caught aback. "Get out." She spat.

"Or what?" Bates glared at her, raising his stunner slightly.

Teyla surged forward, taking Bates completely by surprise. She knocked his stunner out of his hands then landed her fist into his face. Bates rolled back, trying to get away from her.

Teyla stepped out into the hallway, and was instantly shot by a pair of marines. The stunner blasts caused her to lose all control and wither into a heap on the floor.

XXX

Aiden jogged into the infirmary. "What the hell happened?" He yelled at Bates, who was standing in a guard position just beyond Teyla's bed.

"She attacked me." Bates spat out in reply.

"Get the hell out of here." Aiden didn't wait to see if Bates actually obeyed his order or not. He walked straight up to Carson, who was conversing quietly with Elizabeth.

"Aww good you're here Lieutenant." Carson glanced at his datapad. "I think it was a mistake to put her back on active duty."

"Why?" Aiden asked, completely in the dark.

"No Carson, it was my decision. I thought it would help her cope." Elizabeth replied.

"What's going on?" Aiden said, slightly more forceful.

"Teyla being taking stimulants." Carson shook his head. "I think she was trying to forget."

"Is she dependent on them?"
"I've got her sedated, and she hasn't been on them long enough to form a physical dependency, but mentally..." He shook his head. "... I just don't know what to do."

"Is there anything I can do?" Aiden said, realizing just how much he wasn't ready for this.

"Aside from being there for her when she wakes up, not much. I'm hoping the drugs'll clear from her system quickly." Carson walked back into his office.

Aiden pulled up a chair next to Teyla's bed. He would wait, he owed her his life and more. As he sat there he began to try and understand exactly what Teyla was going through, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn't understand. She had just lost someone she cared for more than anyone in the world.

He'd only been sitting for a few minutes when Kate Heightmeyer walked in. The blond doctor pulled up a chair next to him. "How is she?" Kate asked.

"Not good." Aiden replied.

"When I first met Teyla, it was because Colonel Sheppard had told me that I should talk to her. I don't think Teyla liked me."
"It wasn't against you personally."

"I've come to realize that. Teyla felt betrayed by Colonel Sheppard because she'd confided in him."

"Maybe, that's the past. Right now, Teyla would kill if it would bring him back. How can it get this bad? You're the shrink."

Kate glanced down and placed her hands in her lap. "I can't really do it justice. Teyla is suffering from the kind of grief you just don't forget. She loved Colonel Sheppard. I think she took the pills to give her the strength to go on."

"Teyla can't see herself as weak, she's always been strong." Aiden said distantly.

"I don't think Teyla's slept at all in the last few days. I'm not sure she can."

"I just thought she'd cry herself to sleep."

Kate glanced at Teyla. "With as much pain as she's carrying around, I don't think even that remedy would work. She's afraid to sleep because she doesn't want the pain of realizing Colonel Sheppard isn't there." Kate paused. "That's all I can really help you with. If you need anything, I'll be in my office." Kate stood to leave.

"Thanks doc." Aiden replied, shifting his gaze to watch the doctor leave, then turning back to Teyla. Kate was right about one thing, Teyla was in pain. That much Aiden knew.