I feel Sick: Devi's Journal

by the Raven of Roses

this isnt really a journal, per se, but a series of oneshot things involving Devi, Johnny's rather unfortunate love interest. first chapter: the meeting, 2nd: uh....something. third? i dunno 6th ch up: poem

5. Devi's Journal: An Ending of Sorts

9-20-05

I can't believe I'm saying this. It sounds so foreign rolling off of my tongue. But despite everything I try to do, I can't deny what's right in front of me.

I love him.

Johnny died yesterday. It was Annie who found him. Poor kid. I'm not sure if she'll ever get over it. She said he was sitting in front of his easel, the paint on his final work slowly drying. He'd painted Annie's likeness. I think that's what hit her the hardest.

Annie said the gun was still in his hand. He'd gone peacefully, despite the violent means he chose. There was no sign of regret in the posture, and rigor mortis hadn't even set in. He'd leaned away from the painting to avoid letting any blood ruin his work.

Since there were no records of his birth anyway, we buried him in secret. Late at night, we took him on his last trip to the hill. We buried him there, overlooking the city. He so loved coming there while he was...alive.

Each of us said a few words, but there was really nothing to say. He was gone, and that was that. Annie couldn't watch us lower him into the grave. I can't say I blame her; I didn't want to look, either. There's a permanence in it. If you don't see them buried, you can believe they're still alive. But to watch that bloodstained bundle settle into its final resting place deadened my heart a little.

Shit. Why did he have to do it? Things were getting BETTER. The machines were rusting in that hell he called a basement. He was finally getting the hang of being a dad. We were-

Everything was so perfect.

He already died once.

Why did he have to do it again?

author's note: short, i know. but i just had to write it. maybe this will tide a few of you over until i can get the next chapter of my zimfic up. . damn me for beginning a story arc right before skool started! ah well. have fun, kiddies, and do drop a review if you have any comments.
(oh, and by the way, this is a one-shot and has nothing to do with the story arc of my jthm fics, except for the fact that some of the characters overlap. take it as such, people.)

-raven, your friendly neptunian psychopath