Ashley's time was running out, she had less than a month and still no improvement. John had taken the girls home two weeks before and hadn't been to visit Ashley as of late. He busied himself with the babies to try to take the pain away.
Having Ashley not with him almost killed him and most people knew it. Even Eric Bischoff was being nice to him and that is something John didn't want or need. All the kids have been extremely quiet Gracie and Talon know what is happening and Christian, Frankie and the twins sense something is wrong. Both girls look so much like Ashley it hurts for John to look at them. But then again he felt so lucky to have them, not just the twins but all the children they were all part of the life he had made with his beloved Ashley. It got so bad the other day Randy and Trish walked in to find him balling watching Pirates of the Caribbean. He had simply explained that it was once Ashley's favorite movie and she knew all the lines to that movie and don't even get him started on The Phantom of the Opera. Ashley had taught Gracie how to play the theme to that on a guitar. Gracie practiced that song all the time so when Ashley woke up she could show her how good she had become.
"God damn Gerard Butler" John said in a pained voice "she always did love you more than me".
He put the DVD case that he had been looking at down on the TV stand. There really was nothing for him to do, Randy and Trish had Gracie and the boys. The twins were sound asleep upstairs. John was so very much alone.
In the distance John could hear a radio going off. He was lying on the couch and this haunting music seemed to be calling him.
Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared beneath the stars above. For a moment all the world was right. How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye.
John got up from the couch and followed the sound. It wasn't easy to find he had to go through every room in the house. Finally he got to his office.
And that I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance . I could have missed the pain but I'd a had to miss the dance.
He looked perplexed at his computer it wasn't on but the music from coming from the speakers. He was annoyed and frightened at the same time. He was supposed to be brooding over his lost love and he couldn't even do that. Whatever force above was having a good laugh at the hell John's life had become.
Holding you I held everything for a moment wasn't I the king. If I only known how the king would fall, hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all.
If John could have changed it all he would have, at this moment all the pain he had suffered over the past few years seemed to out weigh the good. Of course he knew this was just his mind speaking for his heart. He just didn't want to hurt anymore. He had never asked for the perfect life or the perfect love, he just didn't want to hurt.
It's my life it's better left to chance. I could have missed the pain but I'd a had to miss the dance.
Why was he being put through all this? What was he supposed to learn? He couldn't take it anymore with tears in his eyes and hammer in his hands that he had grabbed in the kitchen, he smashed the computer. When he was done he heard Avery's wails coming from the nursery. He bandaged his hand and ran to comfort his daughter.
"Shh baby it's ok" John said "daddy is sorry"
John's depression finally set in, he sank to the floor Avery still crying in his arms. Isabella began to whimper but John was paralyzed by pain he couldn't move if he wanted to.
"I'm so sorry" John cried.
So there he was 32 years old sitting on the floor crying his eyes out along with his twin daughters who by the way were newborns.
John forced himself to move, he got both girls back to sleep and went into his room.
He dialed the first phone number he could think of.
"Hello" Carol Cena said.
"Mom, I need your help" John pleaded.
"John sweetie what's the matter/" she asked her voice full of concern.
"The girls, I'm not in the right state of mind to be taking care of them right now" he said.
"I'll be right over" she said.
John hung up and waited for his mother to get there. When he heard the front door open he left his bedroom. He passed his mother on his way out of the house but he couldn't look at her.
Carol watched her second born son leave his house and get into his car. Although she was glad he had called her, she still couldn't help being afraid of the state of mind he was in.
John was driving in his car when he heard that song again.
"Folks that was Garth Brook's The Dance" the DJ said.
John should have known Ashley had always said they lived their lives to a Garth Brooks cd. Maybe she was right.
A/N: Please no flames and no reporting me I swear I won't use lyrics anymore but they fit so well with this chapter.