Title: A Moment When
Author: Milady Hawke
E-mail: juliebgood001(at)hotmail(dot)com
Journal: www(dot)livejournal(dot)com/users/elfrangerslash
Dedication: For Namarie120
Pairing: Aragorn/Legolas
Rating: soft R
Genres: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Angst
Archive: LoM, Mirrormere, LBES, Aniron, ALSlash, OEAM, CIB; others, just ask
Author's note: Part of the LegolasAragornSlash "30 Days of A/L" Ficathon.
Summary: What would we change if we could? In a few quiet moments of contemplation, the elf remembers chances when he could have changed everything, and imagines what he would have done differently, this time...
Beta: Elfscribe saves my ass yet again; this fic would have made no sense without her careful and gentle guidance. I couldn't have asked for better help. Oh yes, and there is a nod to her towards the end of this fic, if one is a fan of hers and is clever 'enough' to catch it ;-)
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am... colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am fine
A Moment When
Yes, there must have been a moment when, if he had changed one thing, he would have changed everything.
As Legolas takes the last few steps across the courtyard to Aragorn, time slows to the pace of shadows lengthening in evening, and his mind wheels around a thousand memories...
Legolas loves Estel on the banks of the Bruinen. They lie on cool moss under a canopy of leaves backlit by moonlight and pale stars, while slick flesh slides against flesh with a graceful sound like that of the Maia as they sang the world into being, before Arda knew of trouble and pain.
And when Estel asks Legolas to bind with him… Legolas imagines saying yes this time.
:
They meet again after many years estranged, alone but for the fire and the many eyes of the forest's creatures at night. Aragorn hunts the elusive Gollum, and the prince has tracked both the man and the monster through all the darkest recesses of Mirkwood, to watch that the man remains safe. At last Legolas has revealed himself after all these days of furtive following in the wild, finally choosing to sink down beside a startled Aragorn. And when later the elf shares the warmth of his body, and curls around the man's frame...
The elf imagines sharing all of himself this time.
Some months later they meet once more, in the House of Elrond for a council of great import, by fateful accident in the same place where so many years ago they had first made love. Arwen is Aragorn's lady; her love for him, and his for her, is as obvious as the caress of a knife. And although the lady is not by, the air is still and tense between the man and the prince. The cool moss on the banks of the Bruinen and the canopy of leaves backlit by moonlight and pale stars do not give comfort on this night.
This time, Legolas imagines himself cleaving desperately to Aragorn. He lies back upon the mossy bank and pulls the man down upon him.
The Golden Wood offers the bounty of its beauty by night, and man and elf walk the paths of their grief, through a forest that has seen many warriors fight and fall into shadow. It is an ancient forest, full of thick memory and the heavy weight of those yet dwelling amongst its boughs. Legolas pauses against the bole of an old Mallorn, older than he, and rests quietly under the dark of its leaves. The man's eyes flash with little pieces of starlight and fix Legolas immobile against the tree.
Only this time, the elf imagines pulling Aragorn to him and crushing the man against his chest, capturing the man's lower lip between his teeth.
After the darkest of nights, an unlooked for dawn shines again upon the Hornburg, and in a private corner the two sink against each other. A dank stone wall wet with blood and dew holds Legolas up, and Aragorn's head rests upon the elf's shoulder. Legolas knows nothing but the feel of the man's body pressed along his length, and when the man's begrimed face looks up into the elf's...
This time Legolas brushes their lips together.
A night in the Golden Hall of Meduseld, when all have gone to bed and only Legolas and Aragorn sit quietly by the fire, anxiously awaiting the coming storm. The man reaches into his tunic and withdraws a pouch of tobacco weed, pinching a bit into the bowl of his pipe and lighting it with a brand from the hearth.
As the man draws smoke into his lungs, this time Legolas imagines himself leaning across the table, sealing his mouth to the man's and breathing in as the man's exhales.
Last, a night before they rode back to Minas Tirith, miraculously victorious in battle before the Black Gate. As far as they know, Arwen has sailed, leaving Aragorn and Legolas alone together in a rough camp tent to await the dawn's march back to the city. The elf should have died by his love's side the day before, but he did not, and now it seems there is time enough for love, and it seems there is time to allow the man rest.
But as Legolas relives that night, this time he feels the urgency of the moment and lays himself down beside his love. He rolls over onto Aragorn's chest, rising up so that he straddles the man.
These and a thousand memories when, if he had changed one thing, perhaps the elf would have changed everything.
Aragorn approaches Legolas upon the great spur of Mount Mindolluin, crowned now as the monarch of Gondor. The man is king, and all Legolas's day-dreamings of unfulfilled moments, pictured within the space of a few short steps... have come to nothing. For it is now too late for 'what if's. Concealed behind Legolas, Arwen waits. And as the elf stands before Aragorn this time, he can only give a small, regretful smile, and step aside.