When we finally stopped, I found the nearest fallen log and planted my ass firmly down upon it. Taking a deep breath of a breeze that had found it's way through the trees, I glanced down at my surroundings. We stopped at a cliff that pointed away from the mountain like a ship plank. Above me was the clear purplish black night sky with little dots of white stars blinking back at me. In the distance, I could see the small dance of our campfire causing moving shadows. Directly below us was the lake, its mirror surface mocking the night sky. All around the lake and through the meadow, lighting bugs flicked their own light to match the sky. With them below us, the stars above us, it was as if we were caught in a jar, floating nowhere yet seeing everywhere.

"Your dream is to become a hermit?" I asked, leaning against the falling log's thick branches. "You are going about it all wrong. You should never become famous."

"I want to be there," Matt said from behind me.

"We just came from there!" I looked down at the campfire, "I'd like to be there now. I bet they ate all the marshmallows. A good hotdog would be nice right about now also."

"Tai," Matt said softly, making me look his way. "I want to be there." He was pointing up; my head followed his outstretched arm.

"The moon?" I asked. "Why? Nothing is up there…"

"Exactly why I want to be there."

"But…it would be so lonely. No TV or music! You love your music!" I turned to him.

"I make music here, I can do it there." Matt shrugged but continued to look upwards. He had done that a lot now that I noticed. All through our camping experience, he would be laying on his back looking up at the stars.

"It's far away Matt," I said softly, I said it more to myself.

"Can you imagine being up there? No houses, no cars, no people. A complete silence and to be able to look back at the earth. To see the true size of the world. To see the reality which we really live in. It's unbelievable Tai." Matt's blue eyes were wide, and looking into those eyes, the moon's reflection shined back at me. "It's not just the moon either Tai. It's the universe. I want to see what is beyond our own eyes."

"Then take a ride on a plane, travel around the world, and glide through the air in a hot air balloon. You'll see more, you would see beyond what you are seeing now and still remain on earth!" I stood up brushing at any dirt that may have lingered on my ass.

"It wouldn't be the same," Matt shrugged.

"Besides, astronauts are smart Matt. They get good grades; they go through training courses…"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Matt's voice was barely a whisper.

"NO!" Shit, I shouldn't have said that. "You are smart it's just that astronauts are…Izzy smart." I backed away from the edge of the cliff; this was not a good place to start a fight with Matt.

"You don't think I am smart enough to be an astronaut?"

"I don't know what I'm saying…" I paused, trying to find the right words. No, I don't think he is smart enough. Matt is known for some of his own blonde moments! "You are a rock star Matt. You sing for a band, you play back up guitar. You are great doing that and I think your music is your calling card."

"Because I can sing…"

"Right."

"And play musical instruments."

"You got it!"

"And I have the looks for the 'star' quality."

"You will go far with those looks man. Girls drop when they spot you!"

"But I don't have the brains to be an astronaut."

"Ugh, why does this have to be so hard?" I screamed up at the sky.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to but words together? How hard it is to find the right melody for those words?" Matt asked me.

"I'm not a rock star, no I don't know how hard it is and I'm sure it is hard but you do it. You do a wonderful job at it" Folded my arms, "and if anything should happen, you have body guards, you have police to help you. You have help. You go up there," I pointed above my head, "Who's going to help you? You would be gone for months! If something goes wrong up there, that's it! It's over!"

"That could happen anywhere I go! I could be going to school and be in a car accident! I could die by choking on something!" Matt shook his head.

"Why can't you understand…" I asked.

"Me understand? I brought you up here to share this with you. To share what I want to do with my life and all you can do is cut it down. Why can't you understand?" He turned his back on me as he always does. I suppose its better then hitting me.

"Matt," I started off, trying to find the right words.

"Leave it be," Matt mumbled.

"I.."

"Go back down to the camp, Tai."

"But…"

"Just go. Leave me alone."

"Matt…"

"Go away Tai!"

What else could I do? Here I am, having my 'senior year' crisis, which everyone seems to be oblivious to, and he brings this on me? I know that after school, our course will change and my friends will go in different directions then I will, but I still will see them. We can meet up for coffee, talk on the phone, show up at parties. If he goes into space, that's it. It isn't just a week that would go by but months and months with out him there. Whom am I going to talk to when I am in need for guidance? Okay, so he really doesn't say anything back at me, but he listens to me. What if something happens while he's up there, who would help him? How hard would it be to look up at those stars knowing that he is in need of help and I cannot do anything to help him?

"Tai!" Kari called out my name but I ignored her. I wasn't in the mood for her or anyone else. At this moment, it feels as I lost my only friend.