Disclaimer- my cat was stuck out on the roof last night; it was very sad; he was meowing his head off and he hasn't gone outside yet. Why he would want to is beyond me, after all the nutter chipmunk is out there and we all know about nutter chipmunks. Well if you don't, they are just like the nutter squires who think this is all original, but it isn't.
Chapter 14 In Which the Table Talks OrJumping Black, Madam Glamour, Fair Silvia, and Mr. W
They came to a picture of a fruit bowl, which made Harry smile, Ginny noticed this and said, "Well you can't expect me to have a deep and meaningful conversation without my chocolate sauce can you?"…
Ginny and Harry entered the kitchen to find Dobby with an extremely offensive pink elephant sweater on and a kilt.
He squalled and ran to Harry, "Dobby missed young master Potter! He wondered when he would come back!"
"Nice to see you to," Harry said trying to remove the elf from his waist and sending Ginny a look that said this clearly wasn't one of her brightest ideas.
"Dobby is smitten with joy! Just last night he found a new sock," Dobby continued pulling up his kilt to reveal a purple and yellow poke-a-doted sock. Before continuing, "And who is this? A Weasley no doubt."
"I am Ginny," she said. Dobby detached himself from Harry.
"Nice to meet you!" Dobby said shaking her hand furiously. "You two look Hungry, I will set a table for Master Potter and Madam Potter."
"We are not," Harry exclaimed caught of guard.
"Hush, Dobby knows all he wont tell a sole!" He said, dragging the two to a table with a checkered tablecloth. They seated themselves and Dobby scooted off.
"Well at least he didn't get out candle," Harry said as candles appeared at the table.
"Well at least they are not lit," Ginny said in amazement as the candles lit.
"Well at least the lights aren't dim," Harry said in slight amusement as the lights suddenly dimmed.
"Well at least… at least we are not snogging each others lips off?" Ginny said questionably. A magnetic force suddenly brought their heads together, but not at the point they were hoping, their foreheads collided.
"Bloody hell! I think I am going to have a bruise for about a month. Madam Pomfry is going to kill me for getting injured again," Ginny exclaimed as a crashing of pots and pans came from the other side of the room. Both were beat red because of their close encounter. Ginny's thoughts were along the lines of where the hell did that line come from honestly. While Harry's were more like wow getting her injured twice in one day that sure says undying love for you; you are definitely in the running for stupidest boy in the world.
"Yes… err… anyways… nice weather isn't it?" Harry said; he surely deserved a pat on the back for subtleness didn't he.
"A bit windy but great conditions," Ginny said still ribbing her forehead, apparently Harry's scare was good for more than one thing; he now no longer felt pain in his forehead, isn't that nifty!
'Smart one really, Harry,' Harry thought to himself, 'that bloody wind gets more of her than you.'
But He was saved the awkwardness of telling Ginny this when the table began to speak (or so they thought), "Anyways now that we have established that Miss. Weasley wants to snog Mr. Potters socks right off him what would you like to eat?"
"A cup of warm chocolate sauce, some marshmallows, cookies, an empty mug, a bag of ice, and some bloody privacy," Ginny shouted. After all, she would never want to snog Harry Potter after 6 years of agonizing Potter created hell, would she? What am I saying? Of course, but she wouldn't give in to temptation that easy.
"Er… I will have what she is having," Harry said uneasily.
A house elf came from under the table, whom had a beard twice as long as himself, and walked away saying, "Nice choice, nice choice indeed. Butter up to the girl, why don't you. On second thought I will just bring a plate of margarine; butter is just not as safe as it use to be in the old days."
"Anyways what are your troubles?" Ginny said, who would be very happy if she never saw a bloody house elf again in her life.
Harry looked down at the table trying to think where to begin, so he decided to start at the end, "Me and Ron had a bit of a row today… well it wasn't even a row really; He just blew up on me."
"How exactly did he blow up at you?" Ginny inquired like a shrink.
"I asked him why he was crying in the common room and-"
"Wait s-he was crying in the common room?"
"Ya right before lunch, it was really bad; his broom didn't even have a positive effect. Anyways at first he said he was PMSing and then he said his hormones were acting up. And I could tell he wasn't telling the truth, ya know. But when I told him that he just yelled at me that I shouldn't pry into personal matters. I have never seen him like this."
"Ahhhhhhh," Ginny sighed loudly as if she had just made a realization.
"What?"
"Well I think my brother is going through a hard time right now, after his row with Hermione, and is therefore more unstable than usually, frankly that is a scary thought in itself. But any who, he may be trying to overcompensate for the fact that Hermione basically said he was vain and heartless. Perhaps without his realization he is trying to prove that what Hermione said was false, and when people ask what is wrong he tries to pretend nothing is happening; hence the hormones."
"But what about the whole PMS thing?"
"Hence the instability, he was probably thinking about why Hermione was so mean when you asked him what's wrong and the words just flopped out," Ginny said decidedly. Ron and Hermione owed her big for taking Harry off their tracks.
"I guess that might be true," Harry considered, "Well what do you recon I do?"
"I would treat him as if he were a sensitive person… like… like Hermione," Ginny said giving herself a mental round of applause; she was just to smart for her own good.
"Your meal," said the elf with the long beard. He produced a tray with a pitcher of chocolate sauce, ice, larger pink and white marshmallows, and some of those ridiculously pink cookies that they sell around Valentines Day. Harry eyed the cookies questionably, hoping that the elves hadn't got it into their head to add lust potion to the cookies, or he knew that he wouldn't be able to not snog Ginny.
Harry looked at Ginny, who was trying to cram as many marshmallows as possible into her mug, and his face began to take on the color of the cookies. It wasn't fair that she could just walk into the room and his brain would go to mush. He was seriously lucky he didn't have any classes with her or surely he would have failed them. Why did she have to look so beautiful with the candlelight flickering on her face making, her eyes dance, and the hair look like a hallow of fire? And why did this have to be is best mates sister anyways? Ron wasn't half as fit as Ginny, blood hell why was Harry thinking about Ron?
As Ginny shoved the marshmallows into the mug and covered them with chocolate sauce her two voices inside her head started up again.
'Ginny-poo I am back to haunt you. Now were did that bloody muffin go?'
'There were never any muffins to begin with and don't call me Ginny-poo!'
'You must have hit your head hard if you don't remember the muffin! Speaking of which why did you try and get that force to make you snog him. He doesn't deserve you, Snookums.'
'I can't help that his hair is just too sexy to resist and don't call me Snookums either.'
'Picky Picky, do you mind if I go throw up. This is the boy who has been mentally torturing you, not to mention your brothers best friend, and his hair looks like the boy didn't pick up a comb in his entire life.'
'For once you might be right; what am I doing with my brothers best friend in a romantic situation? There is no chance that he even likes me.'
'Now you're catching on. Lets give this Potter boy hell, why don't we?'
'That's a bit mean.'
'Fine ruin all the fun, you rabid chipmunk.'
"I am not a rabid chipmunk," Ginny exclaimed out loud.
"I never said you were," Harry said. 'But if you were you would be the hottest rabid chipmunk in the world' he added to himself. Ginny looked down afraid that Harry would think she was a nutter and never talk to her again and noticed that her wrist watch said 1:34.
She jumped up, "I totally lost track of time! Harry the prefect meeting is in a few minute and Hermione and Terry said they would start handing out detentions for people who are late."
"Bye Dobby," Ginny yelled as she levitated the plate of food in front of her.
"I will bring the plate back when I am done," was the last thing Ginny said as she barreled down the hall.
(A/N if you were wondering I was feeling really random when I wrote this!)
Meanwhile in the girls dormitory…
"Lavender have you seen any of my pink inked quills; you know it is the only color I can write important things down with," Parvati said searching under the bed.
"No, but I do have some pink lipstick you can use, it is a bit outdated anyways," Lavender said from the floor where she was giving herself a manicure. Parvati took the lipstick and grabbed some parchment.
"What shall we call are plan?"
"The Get Parvati Her Hottie Plottie," Lavender squealed.
"I like the ring already!" Parvati said jotting down the name on top.
"Now what shall our plan be?" Lavender asked.
"First I think we will need to dig up some dirt on Ron and Hermione. Find out who they have dated, why they broke up, and so forth."
"I don't think either of them have much of a dating record."
"Well there is the Yule ball for starters."
"True…"
"Perhaps we should go and talk to Krum and my sister."
"Very good idea, but your sister is on a date with that Ravenclaw bloke, and I think Krum may be out of the castle because he wasn't around for the last two meals."
"Which leaves Harry!"
"Harry? Did he date Hermione?"
"Remember that whole article Rita Skidder wrote; he has got to at least know something."
A smile spread over Parvati's face, "Lavender wasn't it just the other day that you said you thought that Harry was looking a little more fit than usual?"
"Well yes, he is fit, but I don't fancy him."
"What if you pretended to date him for a while; I am sure he has got loads of dirt. If nothing else, he is their best mate."
"I think I see where you are coming from…" Lavender said with a smirk to match Parvati, "and if nothing else he looks like a good snog."
"Where has that boy gone?" Parvati panted.
"Now lets see, if I were a world famous black haired boy where would I go?" Lavender said thoughtfully.
"Back to sleep, cause you would be dreaming," Parvati said a bit annoyed because she didn't like physical activity unless it was snogging.
"I know the Quidditch pitch!"
"Hun we already checked there twice."
"It's useless; I think we might as well go to the infirmary and get hot packs for all my muscles."
"That's it!" Parvati realized.
"He is hiding in the hot packs?"
"No silly, the infirmary. Hermione is in the infirmary, we can investigate her!"
"Won't that be a bit obvious if we just go up and start asking her questions?" Lavender wondered.
"I know! We can get disguises and pretend to be reporter!"
"Now where will we find them?" she said in thought, before they both yelled, "The Trunk!"
The two girls raced through the castle back to their rooms and began moving boxes from under the bed until they pulled out a pink trunk. The two girls opened it with giggles. And began pulling things out.
"I think we need code names!" Lavender exclaimed, trying on a pair of sunglasses and hat.
"You can be… Madam Glamour and I shall be the fair Silvia," Parvati said.
"Ok, but I am married to a world know Quidditch player who is very fit," Lavender said.
" In that case I live on an expensive estate with my boyfriend, who likes to walk around in the buff, and is named Ronald Weasley."
"Very nice, but we better just call him Mr. W or she might catch on."
"Right you are!"
"Which glasses should I wear? These red ones to complement my lips or the blue ones, those go with the scarf?"
"The blue ones defiantly," Parvati pronounced. The girls continued to alter their look until they came out with the final results. Lavender now had bright blue hair, sunglasses, a scarf and a whole lot of blue make up. They were acuminated by ridicules platform shoes, which raised her a whole foot in the air, a goofy blue robe and a ridicules pleather, blue handbag. Parvati on the other hand had managed to curl her hair and dye it red. In fact Parvati so much resembled Miss. Weasley you might think that she was her younger sister.
"Now why should we be asking Hermione these questions?" Lavender asked.
"She should have won something."
"Oh I know a date with a hot Quidditch player!"
"I don't know if she would go for this, how about a hot writer."
"It's just not as appealing," Lavender sighed.
"You're quite right, but lets think who is a hot writer?"
"Gildoroy Lockhart!" (A/N – I hope I spelled that right)
"I don't think she goes for the mentally challenged ones."
"We should just make up his name!"
"Your right she will never know!" Parvati agreed as they came to the door. The girls did a bit of preparation coughing, to clear their voices like actors do before acting, and than rushed in.
"Miss. Granger? Is there a Miss, Granger here?" lavender said, wielding her blue handbag like a crazy women.
Madam Pomfry ran to the commotion yelling, "Out, out, your distracting my patients!"
"Are you Miss, Granger? I thought she was younger," Lavender said, leaning over Pomfry, which was made possible due to her plat form shoes.
"No! Now out with you before I call the Headmaster!" she wailed.
"Nonsense we are hear to interview Miss. Granger on her winning of a date with the one and only Jumping Black," Parvati said barging past Pomfry.
"Jumping Black?" Pomfry said and was echoed by 'Hermione' saying, "What bloke am I dating now!"
"Jumping Black, you know, famous writer of Middleville biology. Wrote Swimming in Muggle Motes and How Not to Get Eaten by a Dragon if You Are a Fit Bloke. Second cousin of Serious Black five times removed. He is very hot, nice body, exquisite hair…" Parvati said counting off Ron's hot qualities.
"Oh that second one sounds interesting!" Pomfry said caught up in a moment of giddy girlishness.
"I am sure you can check it out in your library; it is a best seller," Lavender said.
Pomfry seemed quite startled by the prospect of leaving the Hospital wing, "Maybe I will order it," She concluded.
"Anyways we really must get this interview started; we only have two hours," Lavender said with a flurry of her pocket book.
"Just keep it down," Pomfry concluded. The two girls came close to Ron's bed as he crouched there in horror, unable to move.
"So does this new date remind you of any other past experiences," Parvati said.
"Any former flames?" Lavender said.
"Does this date bring a conflict with a current flame," Parvati exclaimed.
"Stay away I don't want any of this blasphemy. You have got the wrong person!" Ron said, backing up, his fingers held in a cross as if it would protect him.
"No, you must be Miss. Granger," Lavender said and as an afterthought she added in a quite voice, "You're not in the hospital wing for going mental are you?"
"I AM NOT MENTAL! I just had a bit of an accident!"
"No brain damage?" Parvati said starting to check 'her' head for bumps.
"I AM IN MY RIGHT MIND!" Ron nearly shouted; he did not like people he didn't know telling him he had brain issues.
"Look lady, if you are not interested in this writer hottie, then there is something seriously wrong with you," Parvati informed him.
"Not necessarily, I bet she has got it in for some one else," Lavender said with a squeal.
"Leave me along I want nothing to do with their kind!" Ron said, obviously referring to the male gender.
"He broke your heart didn't he," Parvati said trying to comprehend Ron's babble from a female point of view.
"No body broke my heart for Christ's sake!" Ron said. Geez, women were so confusing sometimes; it's like they are speaking their own bloody language! First Hermione told him in not so many words that she thought he looked dashing and now this lot of idiots.
"Feisty, is someone about to have their monthlies?" Lavender tutted. What the bloody hell was this rubbish? It wasn't as though he was a werewolf or something. But maybe Hermione was, maybe that's why she knew that Lupin was a werewolf. Had he been a friend with a werewolf all along? She always had seemed a bit …off around certain times of the month…. But then how would theses blubbering idiots know that? Maybe they were part of some werewolf clan. He would have to confront her about this problem, even though it would be hard to do. But then maybe these women were werewolves too; he had to escape. Perhaps he could fake faint… that probably wouldn't be the smartest… how about fake seizure. No that would be too hard with the bandages.
"Monthlies all right," Parvati confirmed, remembering that Hermione had been very bitchy around this time last month.
"Well we will leave you be. We will be back in a week to finish the interview. If you feel obliged to talk before then you can owl Madam Glamour at the national Quidditch association or Fair Silvia in the big estate with Mr. W," Lavender informed him.
"Good day," Parvati said before turning and grinding her teath. When they were in the hallway she whispered, "What were you thinking what if she writes to us?"
"That will be great then it will give us information, after all she is not a lot of help right now; she was just bitching about how she is perfectly sane when we all know that when monthlies come around Hermione is like a bloody cavewomen," Lavender said.
"Very bloody," Parvati agreed, "But if she writes, then the letters won't go to us!"
"I didn't realize that; oh how could I be so stupid?" Lavender said.
"Well I guess the only possible thing to do is intercept her mail," Parvati said.
Terry boot was leading the prefect meeting on account of 'Hermione' injuries. Hermione sat next to Ginny, who had rushed in, in the nick of time, with a large plate of sweets. She had shared a few of the cookies and was now content drinking her hot chocolate; on second thought it was more like eating because it was really just marshmallows with chocolate filed in the cracks.
Lets see on the agenda we have left… changes to the no snogging in closets rule… Hey who put that up!" Terry said.
"Well it is really quite ridiculous; why should people not be able to snog in the closets?" said a pretty sixth year prefect.
"Look we don't have the power to change school rules," Terry said trying to calm the group.
"I wouldn't mind snogging in a closet with him," commented a girl to Hermione's right.
Hermione tuned the voices out; this had to have been about the least productive meeting in Hogwarts history. She began picking at Ron's nails for lack of something better to do.
"Ron, Ron," Ginny said shaking Her, "The meetings over."
"Er… yes…" Hermione said. She got up to go back to the common Room; she still had hordes of work to finish and there was still the last bit of her plan to finish.
A/N be proud of me this is probably the fastest I will ever produce a chapter. I Promise next chapter there will be more Hermione and Ron, but I had to clear up a few things with other characters and all. I am debating whether the whole werewolf thing was a bit of overkill, but I think I shall keep it in just so I can have a bit of fun with it. I hope people like the chapter I have feeling this story is starting to get bad cause I haven't written a great chap since the whole blah with the pirate. On a happier note I got 9 reviews; it is an all time high, from now on I promise to write a really long chapter, if we break the current record. Also we have reached the 100-page mark (if you count review thanks and the spaces in-between)!
Reviewers-
Bhekie- don't worry you're not the only one who wants muffins…. The two chicks are at it again. I think I may have fun with it. Anyways I hope this chapter is better, although I don't really think it is but hey!
sballLuvr5- oh yay positive comments I feed off them. I agree Pirates rock! Johnny Depp is awesome and Steve the pirate from dodgeball. I stole the character in this story from a character my sister and me and up. It wasn't even stealing so much as borrowing for a long time and not giving it back. Anyways cheerio!
b2bbrules3326- Yay you liked it. I always like it when Hermione gets mad; it adds flavor! I hope you like this Parvati and lavender thing. They are just such idiots in my story sometimes that I make myself laugh. (And yay your back!)
b2bbrules3326- Ok you reviewed on two chapters so you get two replies (yay party!). I know how it is when it is hard to get on fan fiction, with school and all (Ger nash nah!). Anyways glad you thought it was funny. Half drunk Hermione is not as fun as I thought, but hey she is still drunk for a bit longer! Off to write the next chapter….
LilyTheBlonde- I am glad you like this story. I hope the last 8 chapters don't disappoint you. (But then how could the Pirate disappoint someone?) Have fun reading and hopefully reviewing again!Phillyactress- People say strange things when they are drunk, but I may have gone a little overboard. Then there are those times where people say strange things for no reason at all (aka me and muffins). Ok I am babbling when I should be writing! Glad for the positive reviews they make me all shiny inside! (wow that is a strange thought)
Greenrock- Yay comp; you got to review. I am sitting here in the Dark gloating about the fact that people like my plot. Hopefully this chapter is up to your expectations. Also I am flattered that you think I write it well! Please review again, if el comp will let you. (It really is sad how I got an A in Spanish last year and couldn't speak a work of it!) And el comp reminds me of this funny thing, but we wont go into that.
Mental357- hoot hoot! One of those rare good critics that aren't just telling me that I need to learn grammar. I really need to start writing the mirrors back in, but nobody needs too much counseling right now, well Ron does but he is stuck in the hospital wing so he can't go get it. Harry and Ginny… I think I may leave that be for a little while and kind of forget about them until Ron and Hermione switch back… which now that I think about it is a very long time… on another note raging hormones are hilarious! Well first of all, my sister has an entire set of them the size of México! But that doesn't have to do with the story. Anyways on Monday in the story I have very big plans for these hormones involving a certain Slitherin, but we won't get into that.P.S that makes two of us
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