No, you cannot share Pippin. He is wholly and totally mine.

Legolas is mine! I call first dibs!

Whatever. On with the story.

DISCLAIMER: We own nothing.

PS This chapter? Not fiction. It ACTUALLY HAPPENED, give or take a few of the Fellowship. The bees part is true.

I hate bees.

The camp was packing up after a restful night's sleep. Pippin had eventually returned to the site at 3am, and tried to sleep, still occasionally muttering, "She doesn't like mushrooms!" under his breath.

Vee was applying foundation. Saz and Laura were on standby with tissues. The rest of the Fellowship were actually working.

Suddenly, Vee stopped dead on the middle of her nose.

"What. Is. It. Is. It. The. Wrong. Shade." Saz said like a robot.

"No, I can hear something…" Vee strained her ears as she became aware of a faint buzzing.

"Wait… what's that sound?" Saz asked.

"Sounds like bees," Laura remarked.

"Friendly bees?" Vee asked.

"No, a swarm of bees!" Frodo yelled.

"OK, just back away slowly so as not to…" Vee began.

"Run!" Saz shrieked.

"No, it doesn't sound like bees," Laura started, "it sounds more like a..."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPP!" Saz screamed, and proceeded to take cover beneath a blanket.

"I'll take care of this," Vee said, picked up a flaming log from the fire and started waving it and shouting in the general direction of the wasp, narrowly missing Gandalf's beard. Merry and Pippin decided this looked like fun and started chasing Vee, also brandishing fire.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Legolas shouted over the noise. "All you have to do is..." As the wasp flew past him, he flicked it. "OWIE! It stung me! What do I do now?" Legolas cried, cradling his sore finger.

"Run!" the blanket shouted.

"Huh!" Legolas looked at the blanket, then confusedly around the camp. Saz's face appeared.

"It's perfectly simple, just run!" She then disappeared back underneath the blanket.

Gandalf by this time was so fed up of the whole charade that he yelled something in Elvish and blew up the wasp. Everyone froze, looking vaguely embarrassed.

"Good, now I have some peace and quiet," he grumbled.

"With Vee around?" the blanket said. Everyone looked at the blanket suspiciously, and then began moving towards it carefully. Sam prodded the blanket experimentally. It prodded back viciously. Sam leaped back with a yelp.

Legolas lifted up the blanket. Saz's face looked up at him.

"Oh, that's where Saz went," Laura said.

There was a pause before Vee started and exclaimed, "Wait! Where's Saz?"

Everyone looked at her sarcastically. "So what, you thought we were actually talking to a blanket!" Boromir snapped.

"Has the wasp gone yet?" Saz whimpered. Laura smirked.

"Let's get this straight," Legolas waved the blanket corner at her. "You're not scared of Elrond, nor orcs, nor the Dark Lord, but you were scared of that?"

"This coming from the elf who went all sissy from a wasp sting," Merry shook a disapproving log at Legolas. Legolas' eyes focused on the flames centimetres from his nose, but did not look worried. Instead, he looked kind of confused.

"What is a skater boy?" he asked, but was interrupted by bloodcurdling screams from Aragorn, who was desperately trying to beat out the flames in his beard whilst sprinting towards the nearest water source.

"Aragorn, how many times have I told you not to play with fire?" Gandalf said wearily.

"It wasn't me!" Aragorn wailed. Steam was rising from the water bucket.

"Suddenly I'm not thirsty," Frodo said hastily.

"If it wasn't you, who was it?" Gandalf asked.

Everyone's heads swivelled towards Pippin, who was clutching his flaming log apologetically.

"I could have sworn I saw a wasp in his beard!" Pippin whimpered.

"Well, Valar knows there's everything else in there," Legolas grimaced. Aragorn surreptitiously removed a scrap of meat from his moustache, inspected it momentarily, then remarked, "Mmm, flame-grilled," and popped it in his mouth.

EWWW! Aragorn is smelly!

Hee hee, flame-grilled. How do we come up with these?

I have to go. I am late for rounders club.

Sigh. Rounders. That's the sport we were playing when this whole bee episode happened in the first place. Maybe that's why I hate rounders.

Anyway. REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWww