The Last Brownie

The plate had, initially, consisted of about 20. They had been delicious, and had been eaten down to this so quickly that not a thought was given to anyone else. There was now just one.

Each of them looked at it, and, simultaneously, they made a grab for the brownie.

"Ow!"

"Well, you all shouldn't have gone for it, it was mine!" Sirius said in a superior voice, and extended his hand once again to claim it.

"Oh no you don't!" James slapped his hand away; "who says that brownie's yours?"

"Yeah!" Peter agreed vigorously; "I want it!"

"Oh yes, well that has certainly convinced me, here you go," Sirius mocked giving the brownie to Peter. Peter frowned.

"I think," Remus started, taking the logical initiative; "We should all present a case. Obviously this is a precious brownie, and must only be eaten by the most deserving person."

They all nodded in agreement, "Yes, brilliant idea Moony! I'll go first," James exclaimed; "I asked Lily out again today, and she refused me." James wiped an invisible tear from his eye.

Sirius laughed, "You think that pitiful reason is enough to grant you the Holy Brownie? I am ashamed at you Prongs, surely the brownie means more to you than the feeble love of a woman?" he gestured eccentrically.

"Indeed, this is true. But then, what reason do you have for us, pray tell? Why do you deserve the Holy Brownie?" James smiled.

"Ah, well my tale is long and full of woe: I had detention will Snivillus." They all gave a fake gasp and cry of sympathy; "You can see, then how it is that I should be the-"

"I would still beg to disagree, Padfoot," Remus interrupted, "You have not yet heard the testimony of myself and Peter."

"Yes, we still need to speak, Sirius, do you want to go first, Remus, or will I?" Peter turned to Moony.

"Go ahead, Wormtail my friend!" Remus smiled.

"Ok, today, as I walked out towards my Care of Magical creatures class, I tripped and landed right into a pile of Hippogriff dung! And, it was in front of Slytherins!"

There was an uproar from Sirius and James; "That's no reason to disturb the quiet, holy life of the Brownie with your small mouth, that just so happens to contain sharp and pointy teeth!"

Peter hung his head.

"That's better! Now then, let's get Remus' say over and done with, so I can eat that brownie!" Sirius' eye gleamed at the waiting brown square.

"Well it was during Charms, when my day's disaster's first started." Remus cleared his throat; "I was sitting quietly, minding my own business, when someone tapped me on the head with their wand. My hair proceeded to turn to a bright orange colour, and emit certain different coloured geraniums," –Sirius and James exchanged smirking glances– "It was after my leave from the hospital wing for that matter, that I ran into Filch. He proceeded to accuse me of the following things:" –he pulled out a list– "Omitting various disruptive and non-pleasing gases, setting off 60 dung bombs in his office, making it rain, kidnapping Mrs. Noris –who I might add, was found a mere 2 minutes later under a desk– up-turning my entire shrinking potion onto the floor during class on purpose, disrupting his prowling, creating first-years, and 'because I said so'. He then told me I was to do detention with Dumbledore for the next 3 weeks, and you know how hard he is on us" Remus paused here for both effect and a breath of air. "Just when I thought my woe's to be over, I ran into McGonagall, who reminded me that our write-up of the book: How to Transform the common Jiplunk into a re-usable house elf, 5 easy steps, was due tomorrow, that she'd given it to us three weeks ago, and that she sincerely hoped I'd done it because my grade would depend completely upon it. As soon as she left I headed straight for the library to borrow such a book, only to find the last copy has been taken out by a second year, who, madam Pince was very eager to remind me of, most certainly didn't need it anyway." Again Remus paused; "And that, my friends, is why I deserve the last brownie!"

There was a pause, then:

"Ow!"

"I told you…!"

"Your story sucked!"

"Mine was heart-breaking, that brownie's rightfully mine!"

"Remus, your story was bull shit!"

"What's your point?"

"I deserve the Holy-"

"Oh come on, just for detention with Dumbledore?"

"I thought my face full of dung would surely-"

"Oh yeah? And getting turned down by Lily –again!- qualifies better how?"

"It's mine!"

"Because I said so!"

"Mine, mine, mine, mine…"

"This is futile,"

"MINE!"

"Oh! Brownie!" Lily smiled and reached over, taking the Holy Brownie and eating it in two bites. Then she left just as quickly as she had happened to pass by.

Ten minutes later the four boys realised it was gone.

-fin-

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