Chapter Four

Joey

Tuesday

We're stuck in traffic. We were just leaving a desert (Wendy wanted to take pictures of cacti. Very weird.) When all of a sudden, an hour later, there's a huge traffic jam on the highway bumper-to-bumper. I think we're going to be a bit late arriving to the Grand Canyon. But something did happen to us, though while being stuck...

"This is not what I expected," I muttered to no one in particular. We were stuck in traffic for the last three hours. It seemed we were stuck in the same spot forever. It certainly didn't help that it was Jesse's turn to drive, which meant road rage. He was yelling at other drivers, honking the horn every five minutes and then moving the RV and then suddenly pressing down hard on the brakes the next second.

"HONNNNNNNNNNNK!" Went the horn as we all lurched forwards in our seats.

"Hey, you! Move your hunk of junk!" Jesse yelled to some guy who couldn't even see or hear him.

"He can't hear you, Uncle Jesse," Michelle said.

"Yeah? He must be deaf then. He isn't moving."

"Gee. I wonder why," Becky muttered.

We began to move again as the traffic began to move and then it stopped. I began to feel queasy with all this sudden moving and stopping.

"Jess, can we switch? I don't think I can handle it anymore," Becky replied.

"Please?" Wendy, Michelle, Denise, and I begged in unison.

"Give her the wheel, Jesse. Please," I said, grasping my stomach.

Jesse sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Let's just get out of here."

Becky and Jesse switched seats.

"You know, we haven't listened to the radio lately. Maybe I should turn it on..." Becky replied, pressing the radio on button. 'Imagine' by John Lennon filled the car.

It was a good song. Until Becky started singing. She was singing off-key and very loudly.

"Beck, please stop. It's-" Jesse began.

He never got to finish his sentence because we'd lurched forwards again, only this time, it felt like we'd hit something.

"Becky!" Jesse exclaimed.

Becky blushed. "Ooops."

"I heard a crash. Don't you think we should see if the person we hit is okay?" Michelle asked.

"I'm more worried about the RV. There's probably a huge dent in the bumper the size of California. What am I gonna tell the rent place?" Jesse said.

"Why don't you just go and check it out? I'll stay here with the others. Joey, go with him," Becky replied.

"Me? Why?" I asked.

"Just go."

"But I don't want to-"

"GO!" Wendy, Becky, and Jesse yelled.

With a push from Jesse, the two of us were outside in what had to be the biggest traffic jam in Arizona. Right in front of our RV, was a minivan full of people. A man was outside looking at all the damage.

There was a dent on the front bumper of the RV, but it didn't look all that bad.

"It doesn't look that bad," I said honestly.

Jesse glared at me. "Don't you understand? That little dent will cost a fortune to fix. It'll never-"

"But you didn't rent this RV. Danny did," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but you know him. He'll probably say-"

The man who was looking at the cars spoke up. "Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really have to get going. My wife made me come out here to see if there were any problems. But if everything's okay, then we'll be leaving."

"No, everything is not okay," Jesse replied. "That dent in the front bumper of this RV is about the same size of my wife's Aunt Ida's forehead. This is a rented RV!"

"Well, it's not really my fault about that. Maybe next time, you should watch where you're driving!"

"Well, it wasn't me who was driving. It was my wife. And you should-"

"Well, tell your pea brained wife to watch where she's driving!"

That did it with Jesse. He tried to jump at the man, but luckily, I grabbed his shirt collar.

"Jess, this is our vacation. We didn't come to start fights," I hissed, trying to reason with him.

Jesse calmed down. At that moment, Becky, Michelle, Wendy, Denise, and the twins joined us. On the other side, people who appeared to be the man's family joined, too.

"Jesse? Joey? What is going on?" Becky asked.

"Yeah. We all heard a ruckus," The man's wife (at least I thought it was his wife) added.

The man looked both a little upset and sheepish. "Well, this Elvis wannabe-"

"At least I don't look like some old middle-aged coot!" Jesse retorted.

All of a sudden, there was chaos again. People in other cars were egging Jesse and the man on.

The woman who I thought was the man's wife shouted, "SHUT UP!"

The noise stopped. The woman grabbed the guy and whispered something to him. Becky grabbed Jesse and whispered something to him. They both looked reluctant, but with some persuasion from both, they walked towards each other and shook hands.

"Uh, Jesse Katsopolis," Jesse muttered to the man.

"Frank Lambert. Um...nice set of wheels you got there."

"Yeah, why couldn't you rent an RV like that one instead of trying to drive this Heap O' Junk?" One boy asked.

"That's probably the real reason the car stopped working. Frank was too bravo to admit it," A girl remarked.

The woman glared at the two. "J.T.! Dana! That's rude!" she hissed at them.

"But it's-"

"Not another word."

Frank motioned towards his family. "My wife, Carol, will probably kill me if we're not properly introduced. These are my children and stepchildren and nephew. My sons J.T. and Brendan; my daughters Alicia and Lily; my stepdaughters Dana and Karen; my stepson Mark and my nephew Cody. The Foster-Lamberts."

I chuckled in my best Popeye impression. "I'm Joey Gladstone. You might have seen me on TV. I was on Comedy Showcase. It's a nationwide show. I was-"

"Thank you, Joey. But I don't think they need to hear your lifetime achievements," Jesse cut in. "Anyway, let me introduce you to my wife, Rebecca; my niece Michelle; my brother-in-law's sister Wendy; Michelle's best friend, Denise and my twin boys Alex and Nicky. Our dog Comet is inside. And you've already met Joey."

"So? Where are all you dudes and dudedetts headin'?" The guy named Cody asked.

"We're on a road trip. We're going to Maine to see my father's cousin," Michelle informed him.

"Yeah, we were on our way to the Grand Canyon, but I don't think we'll get out of here anytime soon," I added with disappointment.

"Well. That's a coincidence. We were on our way there, too. We just left L.A. We can go together, maybe?" Frank replied.

"And drive what? Dad, why won't you admit that the car is a piece of junk? It, like, breaks down every twenty minutes or something," Alicia replied.

The girl named Karen scoffed. "I hate the idea of going to the Grand Canyon. It's dirty. At least when we went to Hollywood and Beverly Hills, it was full of shops and movie stars and had nice hotels... And I agree with Al. That car won't make it back to Port Washington."

"Then you can stay with us in the RV," I blurted out.

Jesse glared at me. "Don't be stupid, Joey. There isn't enough room for eighteen people plus a dog. Are you out of your mind?"

"It will only be until this traffic blows over. When it does, someone can call a tow truck and the Foster-Lamberts can drive with us until their car gets fixed or until they can rent a car," I said, proud of my idea.

"I think it's a good idea. But if we're going to be in that RV with you, we might as well go to the Grand Canyon with you. Frank knows of a campground near there. Don't you, Frank?" Carol said.

"Yep. Mather Campground. It's a really neat place. Anyway, let's get this show on the road. Cody, call a tow truck from your cell phone. Everyone else, grab as much of your luggage as you can and try and fit in there in that RV."

"Are we all gonna fit in there?" Brendan asked, looking skeptically at the RV.

"We'll manage...somehow," Becky replied.

Somehow, we did. J.T., Dana, Karen, Brendan and Al were together way in the back. Michelle, Lily, Mark, Denise, and the twins were in the middle of the RV with Comet on the floor and Jesse, Becky, Wendy, Frank, Carol, Cody, and I were by the driver's side while I was driving. The traffic had slowed down by then almost an hour and a half ago. It was almost noon when we started moving again. Cody had called a tow truck and it came to pick it up to the nearest mechanic.

It was awfully noisy in the RV, but for some reason, I was enjoying it. The noise reminded me of past vacations I used to take as a boy when my mom sent me on my way to summer camp. I loved hearing all the chatter of the kids on the bus as we were whisked away off to Camp Daleswood.

Jesse's voice broke me out of my reverie. "Joey, can you please watch the road? Are you trying to kill us?"

"Well, sorry. But isn't this great? We're all going to the Grand Canyon together!"

"I guess it is. I never once thought we'd share our vacation with strangers. But nice strangers, nonetheless. It must be fate, I guess," Carol replied.

"Yeah. Man, that's awesome. That sounds like something I saw on TV, dude. Where this man met this woman. They fell in love and got married..." Cody trailed off.

"Anyway, I'm sorry about what happened to us earlier, Mr. Katsopolis. I was-" Frank began.

"First of all, call me Jesse. Secondly, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Becky. No apologizing. You're alright, I guess. So we'll just leave at that."

Frank nodded. Then he turned to Carol and said, "I wish I could talk to you like that," he muttered.

From the back somewhere, Lily shouted, "WE'RE HERE!"

"The Grand Canyon? Finally," J.T. and Dana both said.

Several minutes later, we pulled up to the Mather Campground. When we got signed in, we quickly found a place to set the RV. I parked it gently and shut it off.

"Wow. It's a beauty. Just like I pictured it," I remarked.

The kids came out of the RV one at a time.

"This is cool! Let's hit the white-water rapids!" J.T. exclaimed.

"Me, too!" Brendan exclaimed.

"Me, three!" Al replied.

"I wanna ride the donkeys!" Michelle, Denise, and Lily chorused.

"I want to see the view and just look around," Dana said.

"I want to check out the rock and dirt samples for my personal science project," Mark said.

Karen was reading a map. "This map says there's a little town near here. Maybe I'll find some cuties..."

"Can we go with Michelle, Denise, and the other girl, Mommy?" Nicky and Alex begged Becky.

"Sure. Who else wants to come?" Becky asked.

"I will," Wendy replied.

"I guess I will, too. I need something to do," Carol replied.

"I'll just walk around and look. There's so many cool things here," Cody said.

"Okay, since everyone wants to split up, let's be back here in three hours, alright? Camp will be set up soon, okay?" Frank replied.

"Does everyone know where they're going?" Carol asked.

"We can use Karen's map, Carol. Let's go!" J.T. yelled.

When everyone had split up, I split up away from everyone else to explore the scenery. And when I saw it, I was enthralled. It was amazing. I'd never seen anything like it. I sat on an old, flat rock and stared at the view. I must have been there for hours because then Jesse found me.

"There you are. What've you been doing?" he asked.

"Jess, isn't this the best?" I asked, indicating the view in front of us.

"Yeah, I guess. If you like rocks and all that stuff. Now, let's go. Camp's all set up and dinner's ready."

As Jesse and I left, I took one last look at the canyon and then quickly turned around to catch up with Jesse.

It was really amazing, those two days with the Foster-Lamberts. I never knew how much fun we could have, but we did. Our last day was spent hiking the Grand Canyon. Today, We were all going our separate ways. Their old car was in the shop, so Frank was driving a rented one reluctantly. We, of course, had to finish the rest of the trip.

The Foster-Lamberts were on their way back to Wisconsin.

"Bye! See you soon!" We yelled to them as they were leaving.

"We'll keep in touch. It's been a pleasure," Carol said.

"Hey, Michelle. I want to meet that older sister you've told me about!" J.T. replied.

"Sorry! D.J. already has a boyfriend! Bye!" Michelle said.

We continued waving as the family finally drove away.

"What a family," I said.

"Yeah. They were nice. A little rambunctious and loud, but they are a loving family deep down," Wendy remarked.

"We can be the same way," Jesse put in.

Becky sighed. "Well, we should be leaving, too," she replied.

"Yeah. Let's hit it. More driving ahead of us," Jesse added.

"We'll be on our way to our next stop before we know it," Wendy said.

"Four Corners! Woohoo!" Michelle cheered.

We packed up and hit the road again.

On the highway, I looked back at the marvelous Grand Canyon. Sitting back in my seat, I flipped back my Archie comic. What a two days it's been, I thought.