Chapter 10. Infiltration.
"What do I do what do I do what do I do?" Link chanted in a panic. "Oh this is bad, this is so so bad!"
Link?
"Zeld?"
You feel close, are you near the portal?
"Oh Goddess I'm glad to hear from you Zeld! You will not believe what I think I just found!"
Ah crap, it's a piece of the Triforce isn't it?
"Well, yes, but how did you know? And why is it in pieces?"
Look, I know I didn't mention this before, but...I was the bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom.
"You- Wait, 'was?'"
Yeah. I'm not anymore. See, the Triforce, and all of its parts, cannot be removed from Hyrule. Ever. It's happened before, you know the story. When the Hero of Time left Hyrule the Triforce of Courage that he bore broke into pieces and scattered across the land. The same thing has just happened with the Triforce of Wisdom, but it wasn't by choice.
"So what are you going to do?"
What can I do? I'm actually kind of glad it happened. Now that bastard Vaaltos can't get it from me, and I honestly don't know where it is so I can't tell him.
"Why would you tell him anything?"
I hate to say it...but it's been pretty hard not to.
"What do you mean? Why would you want to tell that bastard anything?"
Link... He stopped. No, never mind. Talk to you later.
"Wait! Zeld?"
But he was already gone.
zzz
Zeld was back in that stupid black wind cage. He had his clothes back, and his crown, probably thanks to Tor, but was once again alone. Except for the ReDeads beneath him.
This sucked. This beyond sucked. As if the torture wasn't bad enough, Vaaltos had to leave him alone with those creepy walking corpses for hours.
But somehow all the stuff he did to the other people seemed worse. Terrifying the townspeople, setting ReDeads loose, forcing Tor to do things he clearly didn't want to do, even asking him to rape someone just because he was gay... It wasn't right.
Although, why would it be? Vaaltos was evil, his wardrobe made that clear, of course he would do crazy things like torment his own servants. Of course...
Someone had to do something.
But Zeld didn't know if he had the strength.
He leaned back and closed his eyes...
zzz
It was getting on toward evening, so Link decided the smart thing to do would be to head for a tavern. Not only did she need a place to sleep, but if there was a bar she could get some information. A bath and a hairbrush and she could get a lot of information.
Not only that, but she wanted to get away from the graveyard and indoors fast. She didn't know what caused the moon to look like a terrifying glaring face, but she didn't want to look at it anymore.
The town was quite large, but there didn't seem to be many people outside. The reason for that, of course, was obvious. There was a giant building in the middle of town that was almost completely covered in black wind, swirling around it like a giant tornado.
Just like the whirlwind that had taken Zeld.
Link gritted her teeth and tried to look normal as she asked for directions to the nearest inn.
zzz
"Now, I'm not going to do this for you," Link said, smiling, "but I will explain it just once more. For every number with a three in it or multiple of three, you say 'zooboo.' For every number with a seven in it or multiple of seven, you say 'squirvice.' Now you try."
"One," the first guy said.
"Two," the second guy said.
"Zooboo?" the third guy said.
"Very good!" Link congratulated them. "Now everyone takes a shot." There were five men, all in their early twenties, sitting at the table with her. Dutifully, they all took a gulp of their ale. Link quickly went around the table and topped off their mugs.
None of the men had yet noticed that the girl they knew only as "hot blonde" was not drinking.
When they'd gotten up into the hundreds every one of the men was drunk off his ass. And more than willing to talk.
By the time Link got to her room that night, she knew more about Vaaltos' grip on the town than even Tor.
That was very cool.
Link blinked. "Zeld? You sound so close."
Naturally. That's because I am. How did you do that?
"Do what?"
That thing with those guys in the tavern! How did you get them to do all that? The drinking and the talking and everything?
"Are you kidding?" she laughed. "I'm a girl, duh." She struck a pose, though she knew he couldn't see it. "Guys will do almost anything for a nice ass and a pair of C-cups."
Ooh, you have C-cups?
"None of your business," she said primly.
Zeld laughed mentally.
"Were you listening the whole time?"
Not the whole time, no. I left somewhere in the thirties, and came back just as that big guy finished going on about somebody named "Jenn."
"Heh, yeah, you should have heard that story. It was priceless."
So I understand the point of getting them drunk, but why did you make them say those funny words?
"Because I could!" Link sounded decidedly bubbly.
Wha?
"When I can make a guy say 'sqirvice' I know he is completely under my control."
You're kind of evil, you know that?
"You know it turns you on," Link grinned.
I'm going to choose not to answer that.
"Good man."
So, uh, any good info? Zeld asked after a moment.
"Yes, actually. I think I have the beginnings of a plan now."
Think? Beginnings?
"I'll admit it's not perfect, but by tomorrow I should have all the details hammered out."
Should?
"Have faith."
Sometimes I think it's all we've got.
"I've got you and you've got me. What more do we need?"
Thanks Link... Listen, I- I want you to know how much...I...
"You can tel me later Zeld."
But what if-
"There is no what if! I will rescue you, you will be fine, and you will tell me later!"
You're right. Of course, you're right. Failure is not an option.
"It's not even a possibility!"
Right!
"Now shoo so I can think."
Yes dear.
zzz
"Now put the eight on that nine," Zeld said.
"This one?" Tor's hand hovered over a card.
"No, the other one."
"Kay."
"Now go through the deck. Stop! Put that seven on the eight."
Playing solitaire this way was a little slow, but better than nothing. Neither of the two men knew if there was any such thing as team solitaire, it seemed like a contradiction in terms, but they did their best.
It was late morning, a full two days after Zeld's conversation with Link. He'd tried to contact her once since then, and she'd told him to stop. She said she had a plan.
She'd been only telling half the truth.
A man popped his head into the hall.He was wearing black livery identical to Tor's and had the look of someone who hadn't slept much in the last of couple years. "Better stash the evidence Tor," he said. "The Master wants you."
Tor winced. Neither he nor Zeld had been bothered much by Vaaltos the last couple days, but Tor suspected, and Zeld feared, that it was because the Wizard of the Black Wind was trying to come up with a new, more horrible, torture for the prince.
"I'll take over," the man said.
"Kay." Reluctantly, Tor got up and left the room.
The new man settled down at the little table and looked at the cards. "So were you playing or was Tor?"
Zeld said nothing.
"Whatever." The man started playing the game.
"Excuse me?" a soft female voice said from just outside the room. The man looked up. Zeld couldn't see who was speaking from his cage, but the man looked up and seemed pleasantly surprised.
"Well hello there," he said. "Are you new around here?"
"Yes. Lord Vaaltos has hired me to do some embroidery. He wants to go over some of my designs with those of you who will have to wear them."
"So he wants me?" the man asked. The girl outside the room must have nodded. "But...I'm on guard duty."
"I know I'm new here, but I don't think Lord Vaaltos is the kind of guy you should argue with."
"Good point," the man grimaced. "Does he need you for this meeting?"
"No."
"Then...damn I hate to ask, but can you keep an eye on the prisoner?"
"I- I suppose."
"Thanks doll." The man got up and left, and as soon as he was gone an extremely pretty girl in a black dress entered.
Zeld grabbed the bars of his cage and stared down at the most wonderful thing he'd seen in longer than he could remember.
"Hi Zeld," Link smiled up at him. "Is black my color or is black my color?"
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Notes from theAuthor
How to Play BatNeko's Drinking Game (Yes, I made this up myself)
The rules are simple. You need more than three people to play, otherwise the counting doesn't work so good. Basically, you sit in a cricle and count off, saying your choice of funny word for every number that's a multiple of three or has a three in it, and another funny word for every number that has a seven in it, or is a multiple of seven. You can use other numbers of course, but those are good because three is easy to keep track of, and seven isn't. Every time someone says one of the funny words, you take a shot. Every time someone messes up, says a word when they shouldn't or says a number when they should say a funny word, you take a shot and the person who got it wrong chugs the whole bottle (or takes three shots if you don't have a bottle or something). This WILL get you drunk very quickly, especially since you mess up more and more as it goes on. The thirties are a killer.
Like all drinking games though, this gets about ten times more fun when you replace the alcohol with energy drinks (I recommend Bawls because then you can make Bawls jokes. Bawls jokes get funnier and funnier the more Bawls you drink.) or with anything caffeinated, like my personal favorite soft drink, Jolt Cola! ("Two times the sugar and twice the caffeine!" Seriously. That's their slogan. Sing it with me.)
By now you're probaly thinking "Oh, so that's how she thinks this crazy shit up," and nodding knowingly at each other. Well it's not true. I don't drink or use drugs or anything. I choose not to. My memory is bad enough as it is.
Speaking of my crap memory, I made a mistake in the author's notes last time. I haven't played Wind Waker in a while and for some reason I thought Ganondorf had the other pieces of the Triforce of Wisdom. D'oh! I really don't know why I got that so mixed up. The King had them, duh. Sorry.
Er, one last thing. I'm starting my sophomore year of college on Monday (and my birthday is tomorrow. Review the birthday girl!) and I don't know how it'll effect updates. Cross your fingers!