Chapter 12. Ridiculum Sum, Ergo Sum

"Sit here," Tor ordered, pushing her down into the seat at the card table. "Don't move, I'll be right back."

Link watched him go, a bemused expression on her face, and as soon as he was gone she turned to Zeld. "Who is that guy?" she asked.

"His name is Tor, he's under oath to work for that bastard Vaaltos."

"He's cute."

"He's gay."

"He's too old for me."

"Damn straight."

Link grinned up at him.

"You're completely hammered aren't you?" Zeld frowned.

"Please," she sniffed. "A lady does not get hammered. I am just a little tipsy."

"Uh-huh."

"Anyway, you're jealous."

"I...shut up."

Link looked back at the doorway. "That guy...I feel like there's something about him I should remember..."

"Tor? Like what?"

"I don't know, but I should. I think." She looked back up at Zeld. "You're in a birdcage," she grinned.

"How did you manage to talk to Vaaltos like this?"

She shrugged and made a noise that sounded like saying "I don't know" without opening her mouth.

"I bet he thinks you're a total airhead now."

"Yeah, probably."

"Don't you care?"

"Maybe later."

Zeld groaned just as Tor walked back through the door, a large mug in each hand. He set one down in front of Link and kept the other, sitting kitty-corner from her.

"Drink up," he ordered.

Link looked dubiously at the mug's contents. "What is it?"

"Coffee. Strong stuff. Drink all of it."

"But I don't like coffee."

"Too bad. We need to sober you up."

"But-"

"Drink!"

Link picked up the mug and took a large swallow. "Bleagh!"

"I told you it was strong." Tor sipped his coffee calmly. "Of course, if you hadn't gone and gotten drunk you could have had cream and sugar."

"I'm not drunk, I'm tipsy."

"Don't argue semantics with me girlie, especially not while under the influence."

Link giggled. "Under the influence."

"Drink!"

Link drank.

Fifteen minutes later Link had a headache, but was thinking more clearly.

"Okay, maybe that wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done," she sighed.

"Ya think!" Zeld shouted.

"But at least nothing bad came of it. If that bastard Vaaltos thinks I'm a ditz, more's the better."

"Crazy bimbo!"

Both Link and Tor had been ignoring Zeld for a good five minutes now.

"So why don't you say what you said before, slower this time?" Tor suggested.

"Spaces dammit! Spaces between words!"

"Oh, right," Link thought back. "I think it was something like: I just found out that bastard Vaaltos has an inner sanctum thing and he said he'd kill me if I went in there so it must be important. That sound right?"

"Yeah! With spaces!"

"About right," Tor said. "I know what you're talking about though. Downstairs, right below this room actually. It seems pretty big, from how much space it takes up, but I get much worse than death if I ever go in there."

"That bastard Vaaltos!"

"Yikes," Link said. "I'm glad I'm only working for him to gather information."

"Which brings me to the question I've been putting off." Tor leaned on the table and looked at her seriously. "Who are you, and what are you doing here?"

"She's the crazy bimbo who's trying to rescue me!"

"My name is Link. I'm the crazy bimbo who's trying to rescue Zeld."

"Ah." Tor drained the dregs of his coffee and set the mug down. "WHAT?"

"You heard me!"

"You heard me too." Link folded her hands and stared down at them. "I couldn't stop that bastard Vaaltos from kidnapping Zeld, so I've got to save him."

Tor took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "So you're telling me...that just because you couldn't stop black wind...you're going to risk your life to save this idiot?"

"Hey!"

"Essentially, yes," Link agreed.

"You are a crazy bimbo."

"So I've been told."

Tor put his glasses back on and started to say something, but was interrupted by another one of the human guards. He was young, probably in his mid-twenties, and reasonably good-looking. He wore the same black-on-black livery as Tor, but had a bag strapped across his back with something large and bulky inside it.

"Did you make that insanity coffee of yours again?" he asked.

"It's not insanity coffee," Tor rolled his eyes. "And yes, yes I did."

"Well warn a guy next time. I won't be able to sleep for a week."

"It'll do that to ya."

The guy sat down across from Link and grinned at her. "He didn't trick you into drinking it, did he?"

"Not...tricked...exactly..."

He cocked his head. "Aren't you the seamstress?"

"Embroiderer, actually."

"The boss needs more embroidery?"

"A lot of it's for you...I'm pretty sure he told you that."

"He did," Tor said. "Denko here just has the same strategy for dealing with Lord Vaaltos as you do."

Link looked at Denko.Denko looked back. "Are you drunk?" she asked.

"Not after Tor's insanity coffee."

"Ah."

Denko pulled the bag off his back, and it was revealed to be nothing more than a large square of black fabric. He pulled a knife from his boot, and unwrapped the fabric. Inside was a what looked like a huge mask.

"Woah," Link leaned forward and looked at it. "That's cool. Did you carve it?"

"Yup," Denko grinned, picking it up and starting to shave off little slivers of wood. "Been a hobby of mine for years. My family has a carpentry business, but I always liked the little details better than putting the wood together. And working for Lord Vaaltos gives me a lot of time to kill." He shrugged. "There's a bright side even to slavery."

Tor hissed at him. "Keep it down! Are you crazy?"

"I blame your coffee."

Link leaned over to get a better view of the mask. "It's really good, but it's enormous!"

"Yeah, it's more decorative than wearable. I can be more creative if I don't have to worry about confining my work to human proportions." He laughed. "I think the only thing that could wear this mask would be a giant bird!"

Link laughed too. "It'd have to be one friggin' huge bird."

"If there was a bird big enough to wear it, it'd take a special kind of nut job to try to put a mask on it," Tor said, smiling.

The other two laughed.

"Don't you both have things you're supposed to be doing?" Tor asked.

They stopped laughing.

"Oh yeah," Link said. "Oops."

"I think I'm supposed be patrolling...somewhere..." Denko grabbed his mask and got up. "See ya Tor, Embroidery girl."

"Bye."

"It's Linkalla."

"See ya Linkalla."

"Your real name is Linkalla?" Zeld asked as soon as Denko was gone.

"Yes, why?"

"I didn't know." He smiled down at her. "It's pretty."

Link smiled back and fluttered her eyelashes. "Your highness is too kind."

Tor cleared his throat.

"But I must get back to my duties. Good day gentlemen." She bobbed a little curtsy and swept from the room.

"Quite the little vixen," Tor commented.

"Yeah..." Zeld sighed. "Isn't she something?"

"You're both doomed."

zzz

It was dark in Clock Town. There was silence everywhere, no one on the streets, no lights in the windows. Vaaltos didn't impose a curfew, but the people were too afraid to be outside at night.

Link, under normal circumstances, would have been decidedly creeped out by the empty streets, but she was on a mission, not to mention still buzzing from Tor's insanity coffee. She crept through town, dressed once again in green tunic and tan trousers, trying to make as little noise as possible. Her boots were not cooperating.

As she drew close to the tower she realized that moving quietly was not going to be a problem. In the dead silence of the night, the black wind that Vaaltos had redecorated with made a distinctive, and quite loud, whooshing sound.

Vaaltos didn't seem to feel the need to lock doors, and the Wolfos already recognized Link's scent, so she had no trouble getting in.

The halls weren't quite as empty as the streets had been, but that wasn't a good thing. There were ReDeads standing around at random intervals, and one or two Wolfos curled up in corners. As she made her way downstairs, more and more Stalfos showed up as well. Vaaltos hadn't been kidding when he said he had a lot of them.

It was pretty clear which rooms were the torture chambers and which was the inner sanctum. There were two doors with small barred windows, and one that was...different. It was solid black, no windows, no knobs, not even the swirly symbol that was on all the guards' chests. But there was nothing else it could be.

Link put a hand against the door and pushed.

zzz

Zeld looked up in surprise. The ReDeads were filing from the room, slowly, moaning, but still leaving.

He gulped. It was unlikely this was a good thing.

Then, much to his surprise, Tor pushed open the door and entered, carrying a folding chair over his shoulder.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Zeld replied, blinking. "What's going on?"

"Couldn't sleep. Figured you couldn't either." Tor set up the folding chair not far from Zeld's cage and sat.

"Is something wrong?"

Tor just looked at him.

"Something in particular I mean."

Tor sighed and slumped forward. "It just gets to be too much sometimes, you know? I took everything for granted while I was there, but now...after I've been gone for so long...I miss every part of it.It's bad enough that I've been separated from the one I love this whole time...but there is so much else. I miss the sound of half a dozen chickens crowing in unison, I miss the windmill clacking at all hours of the day and night, I miss the ever-present ring of clouds over Death Mountain, I miss people not being afraid to walk the streets at night, I miss a moon that doesn't look like it wants to eat me, I miss sunrise over Lake Hylia and sunset over the mountains, I miss my home!"

Zeld was staring at him, gripping the bars of his cage, mouth hanging open. It couldn't be... All this time... "Are you saying..." he said, trying his best to steady his voice, "that you're from Hyrule?"

But before Tor could answer, all hell broke lose.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Notes from the Author

Sorry for the lateness, and I'm not sure how long the next one will take. I do have a couple of notes though. 1) The fact that Tor is from Hyrule is significant. 2) Link and Zeld have made a sort ofunconcious pact to never say Vaaltos' name without prefacing it with "that bastard." 3)Add a U to the end of Denko and look it up in a Japanese dictionary. Bit of a hint of things to come.

Also, check out my FictionPress account, TheNinjitsuSister. I only have one chapter up so far, but I'd like some commentary.