Disclaimer : The Harry Potter characters in this story belong to J.K. Rowling. Many thanks to her for letting them roam about in the world I created for a bit. The song lyrics in the story are from Michelle Branch's song "Goodbye to You." Song lyrics are in italics and in quotes.
Once I again want to thank everyone that reviewed. You're praise is very encouraging. Just one more chappie and the epilogue left and this little journey will end. It's been a fantastic ride!
Enjoy!
CHAPTER 11 – Goodbye To You
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have some sad news and for the regular patrons of the Randy Buffalo it's nearly down right devastatingOur lovely English rose has left us," Joe said into the microphone from behind his drum set, his voice filled with mocking grief. Hermione just looked at Mark sitting to her left and rolled her eyes. "Well, she hasn't really left us yet, but she turned her notice into Gary last night because she feels that it's her duty to move on to bigger and better things. But we've decided we're not going to let her go without one last song. So get your ass up here on this stage, Randi!"
Hermione heard Mark chuckle beside her as she smiled across the table at her raven-haired and redheaded friends. With the crowd screaming and applauding, she stood and made her way onto the stage. She glared at Joe for his use of that horrid nickname but then gave him a sad smile and a nod. She had already discussed with him earlier that evening which song she was going to sing.
She stepped up to speak into the microphone. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?" The room was filled with laughter from the crowd, which was filled with many of the Saturday night regulars.
"But seriously, you've all been really great and I'm going to miss this place. I've been working on the song that I've chosen to sing tonight for a few weeks now, and I thought it was more than appropriate for tonight. I hope you enjoy it."
The band started playing and she closed her eyes a moment to still the emotions that were welling up inside of her. She chanted a few seconds that she was not going to allow herself to cry. With a deep breath she began but even as she sang, her mind couldn't help but wander.
"Of all the things I believed in, I just wanna get it over with"
"Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry"
"Counting the days that pass me by"
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When Hermione had fallen into the black emptiness, she was sure that she had died. As she became aware of the growing brightness behind her eyelids, she was overjoyed to feel alive. Struggling into consciousness, it was as if her entire being was waking up from a long nap. She felt whole for the first time in years.
She slowly opened her eyes, only to close them again quickly when her vision was assaulted by bright sunlight filtering in through the window to her right. She groaned as searing pain shot from her temples to deep inside her head. She was startled by the sudden shifting of the mattress next to her.
" 'Mione?" Tears instantly filled her eyes as her heart filled with emotion and she slowly opened her eyes to find Ron, her Ron, sitting on the edge of the bed looking very nervous. When he gently ran his fingers down her cheek, she bolted up off the bed and into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oh, Ron. I remember. I remember." She squeezed her arms tighter around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
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"I've been searching deep down in my soul"
"Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old"
"Feels like I'm starting all over again"
"The last three years were just pretend"
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She didn't know how long she stayed in Ron's arms with both alternating between holding each other and crying and kissing passionately. When their emotions had calmed down, she told him that she was so scared that she had died. She explained how she had had flashes of events in her life and then suddenly it was dark and she felt emptiness wash over her. He explained that when she had experienced that particular sensation was when the memories had all been returned and Ginny had force-fed her some Dreamless Sleeping Draught.
They sat in silence for several moments just staring into one another's eyes before Ron spoke.
"Hermione, I am so sorry." She started to protest, but he placed a finger to her lips to quiet her. "I am so sorry that it took so long to find you, but I never gave up hope of finding you even when I had to give up the search. Harry and my family refused to let me spend my entire life looking for you. They told me that you wouldn't want me to throw everything away like that. But it hurt like hell…to give up the search. I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me!" With a muffled sob, Ron buried his face in her lap.
Hermione instantly started running her hand through his fiery locks attempting to calm him much in the same way she did with one of the twins when they were upset. "Ron, you have nothing to be sorry about. You did your best. You never gave up on me and that means more than I can put into words. You don't know how sorry I am about the twins." This time it was her turn to put a finger to his lips to shush him. "I'm not sorry I have the twins and I'm definitely not sorry that you gave them to me. I'm sorry that you had to find out about your son and daughter the way you did. I'm sorry that you've had to miss so much of their lives already."
Ron tightened his embrace of her waist as she leaned over to rest her head on his shoulders. The position wasn't all that comfortable, but as long as he stayed where he was, she wasn't moving. When he finally sat up, he said, "I think there are a few people downstairs who'd like to see you."
They made their way down the stairs, hand in hand, and as they entered the kitchen Hermione was smiling ear-to-ear when she locked eyes with her other best friends. Ginny was quickly on her feet and embracing Hermione. She pulled away just as quickly and the older woman had to laugh at the way she was looking her over.
"Are you okay? How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine and other than a headache, I feel absolutely brilliant."
"So it worked?" Harry asked cautiously.
"Yes, it worked." She couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face until her eyes locked on Mark who was sitting on the far side of the kitchen, staring absently into his mug of coffee."
Hermione quickly pushed around the table and threw herself into his lap and her arms around his neck. "Oh, Mark. Thank you. Thank you so much for taking such good care of me and Danny and Emmy. You've helped me more than you could ever know. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."
Mark returned the hug she was giving him with equal enthusiasm. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he spoke. "Well, hold that thought. I've got some news for you, and I don't know if you are going to consider it good or bad."
Hermione leaned back to get a better look at her housemates face. She saw concern etched across his brow and she could see a battle waging behind his eyes. She quickly cast a nervous look toward Ron before focusing her attention on Mark once more. She smiled and hoped that he would take the hint to continue. Thankfully, he did.
"Well you know that call yesterday before Remus and Ginny locked us out of your room? Well it was Dr. Calcaveccia. You got the job…the paid internship."
Hermione's eyes went wide with shock and then with total awe. Once again she threw herself at Mark as she squealed with delight. She quickly jumped off of his lap and was jumping up and down. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I can't believe it. I thought my interview Monday was complete rubbish." She grabbed Mark's shoulders and shook him, still smiling like a fool and asked, "Do you know what this means?" She watched the frown slowly appear on his face and watched as his eyes traveled to something behind her right shoulder.
Suddenly dread filled her entire body. 'Do you know what this means?' she asked herself. Yes she knew exactly what it meant. She had some very difficult decisions to make and some even more difficult discussions to have. The smile quickly disappeared from her face and she turned to cast a sad look toward Ron.
She felt that her heart was going to break at the sight of the tears that were beginning to pool in his eyes. He bit his lower lip and nodded as if he too knew exactly what this little bit of news meant. Then her heart did break when he slowly turned and walked out of the room. She took a deep breath trying to keep her emotions in check but failed miserably as she sunk into the chair next to Mark's at the kitchen table, placing her face in her hands and sobbing once again.
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"And I said goodbye to you"
"Goodbye to everything that I knew"
"You were the one I loved"
"The one thing I tried to hold on to"
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Several hours later, Mark had returned from Salem with the twins and Ginny and Hermione had set to making dinner. There was still no sign of Ron. Even as the meal came and went, Ron still hadn't surfaced. Of course, no one had really made an effort to locate him. Years of experience had taught them that you had to let the man come to terms with what it was that was bothering him before he was willing to discuss anything.
It wasn't until after Ginny and Harry had returned to their hotel, and Hermione had bathed the twins, tucked them in and read them their bedtime stories that she found Ron. She had bid Mark good night stating that she would be sleeping in the guestroom. She had half expected him to protest, but she decided that he really did know her very well after all when he didn't
She was startled when she entered and found Ron standing in the darkened room in front of the moonlight illuminated window. The only acknowledgement he made to her presence was that he lowered his gaze to the floor as if hanging his head in defeat.
Hermione wordlessly walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her right cheek on his left shoulder blade. He quickly folded his arms over hers and let out a long, ragged breath.
"Hermione," he choked.
"Shh, love," Hermione whispered as she tightened her hold around his waist.
"Hermione, I…"
"No, Ronald!" she snapped as she stepped away from him effectively causing him to turn to face her.
Her heart ached when she saw the tears that were pooled in his eyes. She stepped closer to him, and she watched his arms twitch as if he wanted to reach for her and pull her close, but had second-guessed himself. She stood staring into his deep blue eyes. She gently ran the fingers of one hand from his temple down his cheek and across his jaw.
"I've always loved your eyes. Did you know?"
Hermione watched as Ron closed his eyes at her whispered words and the tears that had been sitting stationary made their journey down his cheeks. Using her thumbs, she wiped the tears from his cheeks then ran her fingers around his neck and pulled his lips to hers in a passionate kiss that left her gripping his shoulders for support.
When she pulled away to catch her breath, she buried her face into his neck and whispered into his ear, "Tonight, there is just you and me and nothing else. I want to get lost in you, Ronald."
Immediately his lips were once again crushing against hers, and she was being lifted off the ground by large hands firmly gripping her arse, and then she was being gently laid onto the bed. They made short work of their clothes and in mere moments they were one again.
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"I still get lost in your eyes, and it seems that I can't live a day without you"
"Closing my eyes and you'll chase my thoughts away"
"To a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right"
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The morning came all too quickly, and with the morning came the harsh reality that Hermione had not wanted to face the evening before. As she lay with her head resting on Ron's bare chest with him lazily running his fingers through her locks, she breached the subject.
"Ron, we need to talk."
"I know."
She didn't know if she was comforted or not by the way he continued his gentle, soothing touches. She closed her eyes and took in her three deep breaths, and decided that if he was going to continue his loving caresses she wasn't going to move from the position that she was in. This conversation would be much easier, probably on both of them, if they weren't looking directly at one another.
"I'm taking the internship."
Hermione felt nauseated when his hand stopped moving, but she knew that she needed to continue. "I've worked so hard to get to this place Ron, and even though it wasn't where I ever expected myself to be when we were at Hogwarts, I feel like this is what I need to be doing right now. Can you understand that?"
Ron's voice was barely more than a whisper when he answered, "More than I think you know."
"It's not that I don't want to go back with you. You're all that I've ever wanted Ron. Even when I couldn't remember, there was always a piece of me that knew that there was only one person out there for me and there was somewhere else that I needed to call home. I just hadn't found either yet."
"You're all I've ever wanted, too, Hermione. Even when people poked and prodded me to move on with my life, I couldn't betray you. I knew someday we'd be back together and I could give you the life that you deserve."
"Ron, I don't want to lose you again. I want you to be a part of the twins life…of my life. So I was thinking that maybe we could look for a house, together, you know. Maybe in one of the wizarding communities near Salem."
"Hermione, I understand you don't want to leave behind what you've created here. I really do. I don't like it and it hurts like hell, but I understand. I guess that's part of growing up. You learn to understand situations that you may not necessarily agree with or take much of a liking to. But, you've got to understand that I've worked really hard to get to where I am too, 'Mione, and I'm actually really good at what I do, some even say the best. I've never been the best at anything; I can't just give that up. And there's this promotion of sorts that they want to give me. Loads more money…more than I've ever seen before, but it comes at a cost. I'd have to be away a lot and work a lot of long hours, but this is something I have to do."
Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. She was working very hard not to break out into an uncontrollable sob, but it was taking more effort than she really thought she had in her. She quickly sat up to look him in the eyes. "Ron, I need you. I can't do this without you…not now…not knowing that you could be here." She was pleading with him with her eyes. "I don't care about the money."
"Hermione, it's not about the money, love. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, or ever will for that matter, but I need to get the rest of the bastards that tore my family apart. I'm not asking you to give up on what you feel you need to do, and I hope that you won't ask me to do the same."
"This is it, then. Isn't it?" she asked in a choked voice.
With tears that were refusing to fall filling her eyes, she watched him get out of the bed, get dressed and head for the door. "I want you, Hermione. I want to be with you, forever. But I can't leave my family and I can't leave behind what we both know I need to do."
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"Goodbye to you"
"Goodbye to everything that I knew"
"You were the one that I loved"
"The one thing that I tried to hold on to"
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Ron had spent all of the remainder of Friday playing with the twins. He explained to Hermione that until he could be a permanent part of their lives, he was fine with just being Ron to them, even though she had protested at great lengths. That night when he left with Harry and Ginny, he'd only given her a chaste kiss and told her that he'd write soon. She wondered if she'd ever see him again.
Now as the song was coming to its end and she was fighting the inner battle to concentrate on her pitch and her tone and the words themselves and not their meaning, she was able to muster a smile toward Harry and Ginny and Mark sitting together to the left of the stage. As she began to once again scan the crowd, her eyes settled on the shock of red hair that she had been so drawn to from on stage only a week ago.
Ron stood at the far end of the bar, just inside the door watching her last performance at the Randy Buffalo with a mournful look on his face. She took in a sharp breath when the music allowed then sang…
"And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time"
"I want what's yours and I want what's mine"
"I want you but I'm not givin' in this time"
Hermione's fight to hold back the tears became a losing battle as they escaped from eyes that were locked on her best friend, her lover. Her voice began to waver and she closed her eyes to calm as the song took her back into the chorus.
"Goodbye to you"
"Goodbye to everything that I knew"
"You were the one that I loved"
"The one thing that I tried to hold on to"
"The one thing that I tried to hold on to"
And when she opened them, Ron was gone.
"And when the stars fall I will lie awake. You're my shooting star."
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