A Parody of Christmas Carols
An Outsiders Comedy
The 12 Days of Christmas
OPENS ON DARRY PUTTING UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE.
Darry: On the first day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, a T-Shirt without the sleeves.
ENTER SODASoda: I knew you liked showing off your muscles.
Darry: Soda! Where did you come from, and how long have you been here?
Soda: Long enough to hear you sing. As for where I came from, I thought mom told you about the birds and the bees?
Darry: Shut up, Soda.
Soda: Fine, fine. On the second day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, two chocolate cakes…
Darry: And a T-Shirt without the sleeves.
ENTER TWO BITTwo Bit: What's up ya'll?
Soda: TB, are you here to sing too?
Two Bit: Um…maybe. What are we singing?
Darry: The 12 Days of Christmas, and you can sing number 3.
Two Bit: Ok…On the third day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, three packs of beer…
Soda: Two chocolate cakes…
Darry: And a T-Shirt without the sleeves.
ENTER STEVESteve: Ooh, can I sing number 4? I've got the perfect one!
Darry: Go ahead.
Steve: Sweet! On the fourth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, four hot chicks…
Two Bit: Wow, this beer is good…
Soda: Better make that one chocolate cake…Darry: Man, do I need to work out more.
ENTER PONY
Pony: How's it coming guys?
Soda: Pony, just in time…you get to sing verse five.
Pony: Wait…what? How did I manage that honor?
Two Bit: Don't ask me kid, I just got here.
Pony: Well…ok…um…On the fifth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, five cheesy poems…
Steve: Hey girls…I'm single!Two Bit: Oh man, I need more than three packs.
Soda: Can I have more chocolate?
Darry: I think that the ladies go for guys with MUSCLES Steve.
ENTER DALLY
Dally: Hey guys, you gotta hide me, I knocked off a store.
Steve: Hey, Dally, just in time. You get number six.
Dally: What the crap are you talking about?
Steve: The sixth verse of the 12 Days of Christmas.
Dally: Screw of man, I don't wanna sing no song.
Pony: Sounds like someone has no Christmas spirit.
Dally: All right, fine…On the sixth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, six different hideouts…
Pony: Man, I love Robert Frost…
Steve: Yoo hoo, ladies, over here…
Two Bit: (drunk) How much alcohol is in this stuff?
Soda: (Bouncing) How much sugar is in this?
Darry: (Doing Reps) One…two…three…four…
ENTER JOHNNY
Johnny: Need any help guys?
Soda: Yeah, you can sing verse seven.
Johnny: Verse seven of what?
Pony: How many songs do you know with seven verses?
Johnny: OHHH, that one…ok…On the seventh day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, seven sharpened switchblades…
Dally: Hey, Johnnycake, can I have one of those switchblades?
Pony: Careful with that around my poem book…
Steve: I don't think girls go for knives…
Two Bit: Need…more…beer…
Soda: Need…more …chocolate…
Darry: These muscles will come in handy if I have to drag you both into the house because you've overdosed.
ENTER TIM
Tim: Dallas, I'm gonna kill you!
Pony: WAIT! Sing verse eight first.
Tim: Move it kid.
Pony: SING!
Tim: Ok, ok…On the eighth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, eight nights at Bucks…
Johnny: Ouch, I think I cut myself…
Dally: Bring it on Tim, I borrowed Johnny's blade…
Pony: You know, a lot of these poems are about love, not hate…
Steve: I like love, I also love those girls…
Two Bit: I love beer…does that count?
Soda: (Groans) I used to love chocolate, but after those two cakes, I'm not so sure…
Darry: Can't we all just be normal for once?
ENTER CHERRY
Cherry: Um…hey guys.
Steve: Ahh! It's a Soc! RUN AWAY!
Darry: Calm down moron, it's only Cherry.
Pony: Wow…Cherry…(notices everyone staring at him) um…I mean (blushes)…you can sing verse nine.
Cherry: Cool. On the ninth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, nine pretty sunsets…
Tim: Sunsets can't compare to parties…
Johnny: Um…Dal, can I have my blade back now?
Dally: Not yet…I'm on the lookout for the fuzz…
Pony: Hey Cherry, you wanna hear a love poem?
Steve: Hey Pony, can you hook me up with one of those man?
Two Bit: Sweet, a full six pack…
Soda: Two Bit, I think you've had enough…
Darry: The only six pack around here is going to be mine.
ENTER MARCIA
Marcia: Oh, Cherry, there you are. I was looking for you.
Cherry: Just in time, you get verse ten.
Marcia: Huh?
Cherry: It's a Greaser thing, go with it.
Marcia: Ook…On the tenth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, ten gorgeous guys…
Cherry: Marcia, you're taken…
Tim: Hey Marcia, I think Steve will go out with you…
Johnny: Dally! I want my blade…
Dally: Cool it man, the cops are after me…
Pony: This doesn't make sense…Nature's first green is gold…but…it just said it was green…how can it be gold…
Steve: Marcia, I will go out with you, you know…
Two Bit: Forget it Steve, she only goes out with good looking guys, remember…
Soda: Well, I guess I'm a possibility then…
Darry: Soda, I don't think that you should go out with any more girls for awhile.
ENTER RANDY
Steve: Oh no, not another one of you.
Randy: Cool it Greaseball, I'm just here to collect my woman.
Darry: Well, since you're here, you may as well sing verse eleven.
Randy: I don't think so.
Marcia: Oh come on Randy, it's not that bad.
Randy: Whatever…On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, eleven painful punches…
Marcia: But they WERE pretty cute…
Cherry: So were the sunsets…
Tim: You deserved every one of those punches…
Johnny: Good thing there were no blades allowed…
Dally: A SOC! GET HIM!
Pony: (rocking back and forth) In my happy place, in my happy place…
Steve: Run Dally Run!
Two Bit: I'll be there in a minute, I only have one beer left…
Soda: Woohoo! Fight, fight, fight…
Darry: Wait, let me put my shirt on.
ENTER BOB
Johnny: Wait! Didn't I kill you?
Bob: Uh…I am the ghost of Socs past…
Johnny: (thinks) Oh…ok.
Bob: On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Greasers gave to me, twelve crazy verses…
Randy: Hey, my verse was good…
Marcia: Randy, Dally's coming for you.
Cherry: Hey Pony, can I borrow that book when you're done?
Tim: I wonder if Buck is open past 2am?
Johnny: Quick, Dally, take all of the blades, I don't want them!
Dally: Sweet! Seven blades!
Pony: I don't like fights! I'm too young to die!
Steve: Girls…fight…girls…fight! This is a hard choice?
Two Bit: Okay, I'm ready…guys wait up!
Soda: Sugar is good for something…energy!
Darry: (sighs) And a T-Shirt without the sleeves…
Ends with people fighting, and Pony reading his book quietly in the middle of it all.
END