Title: Love Apart

Disclaimer: Slash. Angst.

POV: Danny

Chapter Nine: A Surprise Confession

Back at my apartment we discuss our problem.

"Why is Speed in New York?" Horatio asks absentmindedly.

He sits on the floor Indian-style. Nick sits on the sofa and I sit on the floor between his legs, leaning against the sofa.

"He's been here a few times to see me. But I have no idea why he's here now," I think aloud.

"Maybe he went for a drive and got lost," Nick suggests.

"Nah, that's not like him," Horatio counters.

"This is all my fault," I mutter.

Nick leans forward and wraps his arms around my shoulders. He kisses my cheek. "Don't say that. Don't even think it. You did what you thought was best. You didn't know it would turn out this way."

Horatio is watching us. He doesn't seem bothered by Nick's affection toward me. In fact, there is something in his eyes. It looks like longing. But for what?

"He said he was going to talk to someone. Why didn't he?" Nick asks.

Horatio shrugs. "He told me that he was talking to the department psychologist. He wasn't though and I didn't think forcing him would help. We all want him to talk but maybe he can't bring him self to do it."

"You know, until you told me about the stray bullet I thought it was his getting shot that bugged him," Nick mentions.

"I don't blame him for his depression," I remark.

"Neither do I," Horatio and Nick say together.

We all sit quietly. Nick hasn't moved from hugging my shoulders. I know we are all thinking of the same thing.

The day Speed got shot.

He and Horatio had been working on a case. They had entered a jewelry store for questioning. But things didn't go smoothly. Guns were drawn. The problem, Speed's gun jammed. He wasn't wearing a bullet-proof vest and took a nasty wound in the chest. Everyone feared that he would die. When his gun hit the floor it discharged. The stray bullet hit a girl outside. They still haven't figured out how it happened.

The girl was nine-years-old. She died.

Speed didn't.

The guilt is eating away at him. I know it is. So do Nick and Horatio. But any attempt to get him to talk is pointless. He just won't do it. Perhaps not talking about it kept it from being real to him.

Nick kisses me again. The sun finally passes the horizon. Darkness sweeps in on ebon wings.

"We should get some sleep. It's been a trying day. Tomorrow could be better. Or just as bad," Horatio says. "We should be prepared for anything."

With our goodnights said we go off to bed; Horatio in my guest room and Nick with me. Nick takes me into his loving embrace. His lips are warm on mine. He kisses my neck. Slowly he removes my glasses and places them on the nightstand. He kisses me again, parting my lips with his tongue. Effortlessly he removes my shirt.

"Nick…"

He puts a finger to my lips. "Danny, shush. You need to release your tension. If you don't you won't sleep well." He smiles. "I know from experience."

Without saying anything I fall into his arms.

Later that night I lay in bed wide awake. Nick sleeps soundly beside me. He is the strong one. Even with his past. Speed is the funny one. Funny with hidden troubles. He is usually quiet too. I am the worrier. The one who, time to time, would defy his boss.

A clank comes from my kitchen. Curious, I climb out of bed. I don't take my gun; which is in the top drawer of my nightstand. What would be the purpose? I have guests. One of which is sleeping like a baby. And if there is trouble, a yell will be all I need.

I pad down the hall in nothing but my boxers. In the kitchen I find Horatio leaning against the counter. His back is to me.

"Looking for something?"

He jumps. "Oh, man, you scared me."

I smile just a little. "Speed made it sound like you were unshakeable."

"Usually, I would say I am. But in this current situation…"

I walk into the kitchen and pull a glass out of the cabinet. Horatio gives me a weird look as I fill the cup in the sink.

"Did I interrupt something?"

For a minute I am confused by what he says. When it dawns on me I blush. "No, no. Nothing like that. In fact, I wasn't even sleeping. I can't get to sleep. Unlike Nick. Not with Timmy out there. Somewhere."

"I hear you. Speed-" He doesn't finish.

I lean back against the counter, mimicking him. "Speed what?"

He sighs. "Speed has taught me something. To re-think a few things. To look at something differently; closer."

The passion he says it with sets off warning bells. "You love Speed, don't you? The same way that Nick and I do."

For a minute or two he says nothing. I think to myself that I have surprised him. But then he opens his mouth and surprises me.

"Not Speed. Eric."