Title: Just Breathe…
Author: Lisa
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this story. It is purely for my own enjoyment.
Distribution: Let me know.
Email: you know what it feels like to literally not be able to breathe? Air yearning to escape your inflated lungs-No, air begging to be let out of lungs about to burst. It is not comfortable. It's not even due to a sickness, a disease, a punctured lung, no, none of those. Shock, maybe? Not even that. Fright? Yes, that is the word. Sudden fright.
It's funny because it happens for literally a second, perhaps, a millisecond, yet so much is covered in that time. Visions or memories, thoughts, feelings, unspoken words needing to be said, stuff you maybe thought you might want to say but are not even sure of yet. All this while I imagine a hand delicately covering the hole at the top of my lungs where the air would be set free. The same hand that perhaps is threatening to take away something you might consider the most important thing in your life.
This is how it feels to not be able to breathe. Lungs feeling as if they were about to burst while your whole life explodes in front of you. I realize everything I am, I have, I feel, is a big jumbled mess and I can't find anything in it. I know what I'm looking for, I've always known and I know it's somewhere in this mess, but sometimes I think it's been too long now. Maybe now it is lost for good.
And suddenly I'm back and the air is set free but I am not relieved. Instead, I must push it to the side, force it to stay there, or terrible things could happen. Or something terrible has already happened.
Rewind to 5 days earlier….
"I didn't say thank you." Neela said quietly as she looked out the window of the car and watched the snowy streets of Chicago go by.
Ray looked away from the road to give her a glance and then focused again. "For what?"
Neela straightened in her seat and looked over at Ray. From the corner of his eye, he could see her and observed her expression as one of softness. He'd always liked to think that deep down she was probably some sexy exotic Indian girl who belly dances a man into seduction. He snorted at the thought of the cliché then sighed. No, at that moment she looked like the innocent and good girl that she really is. "For driving me to the airport," she answered.
He almost laughed. He had, for a moment, forgotten what the question was due to his moment of fantasizing. "Oh, well, as a matter of fact, you didn't."
She gave him a one-sided smile. "Well, I am."
"Are what?"
"You know," she said, nodding.
"Uh…No, I don't." Ray smirked.
She playfully hit him in the shoulder. "Ray!"
"What! You didn't actually, say it. How am I supposed to know?" He asked.
"Because…"
"Because…." he urged.
She shrugged, then with a smile she answered, "We're roomies."
He frowned at her. "Roomies? What is that?"
She laughed. "It means I can eat your Apple Jacks."
"You make it sound like we're sorority sisters," he continued. "And no, you can't eat my Apple Jacks, but you do anyway."
She laughed more.
"It really isn't that funny." He said and watched her laugh out of the corner of her eye. After a moment, he laughed with her. Once they both calmed down, there was a moment of silence.
Then Neela said, "Thank you."
He raised an eyebrow, "Your welcome."
Neela looked away again and became uncomfortably silent.
"Neela?"
She turned to him. "Yeah?"
"It's not going to be so bad, you know." Ray told her.
She sighed, "You don't know my parents, Ray."
"I guess I don't."
"You don't. I'm in constant collision with them. I just…" She couldn't finish.
"What?"
"I don't believe the way they do, you know? I know that it's OK to…have a man as a roommate, for example. But I wish I could live my life without feeling like it were all some big betrayal to all that is good," she explained.
"They don't like me?" Ray asked
"Did you hear a word I said?" She asked, annoyed
"Yes, I did. Can't you explain to them that you and I are just roommates and nothing else…and never will be?" Ray asked
"If only it were that simple. They don't believe a man and a woman can just be friends. But it's not just that. It's other things. I've finished medical school, I'm a doctor now. So now my hobby should be finding a husband and planning children," Neela told him.
"Uh huh…so your parents don't like me?"
"RAY!"
"What is it? I mean, I always thought I was likeable," Ray said.
She eyed him and said, "Oh yeah, your tattoos and black nail polish are just so appealing to a traditional Indian family."
"Hey, it's the reason I got them damn it," he replied.
She rolled her eyes then sighed, "God, I have to spend two weeks up there."
"Neela, come on, Its Christmas time OK. Be cheery," he ordered as they pulled up to the airport and got out.
He helped her with her bags as they walked up to the terminal. "I will be cheery. I mean, I still love them."
"Of course you do, they are your parents," he said a matter-a-fact.
"Not everyone loves their parents," she replied while checking in.
He looked away as he said, "Trust me they do, no matter how much shit their parents put them through."
Neela glanced at him curiously, wondering if he meant something deeper by that but it left her mind as quickly as it came.
"Hope you don't mind, Monica might come over while you're gone," He smirked and added, "A little Christmas celebration for me, you know?"
She rolled her eyes and sighed at his demeanor, "Fine. But I don't want her eating my Special K Red Berries."
"Relax, she may be skinny, but she's not into that health food crap. I've seen this girl chug a half liter of beer and chow down on half a pizza-everything on it," he told her.
"Such charming qualities," she said sarcastically.
"Boarding for Flight 815 to India has now begun," they heard over the loudspeaker.
"God, I can't believe we're spending Christmas in India. It's not bad enough I have to see my parents but my whole family?" Neela whined.
Ray turned her around and put her carry on bag over her shoulder, "You'll be fine. Relax, take in a deep breathe, and Rock and Roll baby." He gently pushed her forward.
She walked forward towards the gate while waving goodbye.
Ray waved back and yelled "Have a Merry Christmas!"
Neela mumbled, "you too."
Six days later…
Ray practically bolted into the ER. Yesterday was the worst of his life. He hadn't been able to sleep and he couldn't stop sweating because he was so frantic. He couldn't unglue his eyes from the phone and hung up within 3 seconds on anyone who wasn't the person he was waiting for to talk to.
"Lockhart!" He called out and ran towards Abby.
She turned around and looked up at him from her chart, "What is it Ray? I got patients."
"Anything?" He asked, hoping against all hope.
When Abby noticed the still worried look in Ray's eyes that she'd seen the night before, her voice softened, "No."
Ray lowered his head. After a moment, when nothing was said, Abby walked away.
Night before….
"Yeah, but we can't do anything till the INR results. They've got her on 8 mg of Coumadin a day." Ray explained.
"So?" Morris asked.
"So, she could bleed to death during surgery," Ray explained.
"Oh." Morris looked behind Ray at the TV in the waiting area.
"You did put those results in for stat right?" Ray asked, while he jotted things down on the clipboard.
"Hey?"
Ray looked up, Morris wasn't even paying attention.
"Is that where Neela went for Christmas?" Morris nodded towards the TV. "Oh man…look at that!"
Ray rolled his eyes but looked out of habit. What he saw made him freeze. Everything around him was tuned out yet the TV reporter seemed to get louder.
"It is said the Tsunami came without warning. There is complete devastation, thousands are feared dead."
Suddenly, Ray couldn't breathe.
To be continued...