III. Incommunicado

After Elena's rage had finally subsided (she had just begun to calm down when Reno made an impromptu comment on PMS, causing her to fly at him again with such ferocity that she had to be restrained by Rude) things had fallen considerably quiet in the elevator. Elena stood in one corner, crossly smoothing out her report, glaring every so often at Reno, who was on the opposite side, nursing an apparently bruised forearm.

"You sure do pack a punch," he commented.

Elena seethed. "Don't…talk to me. I've had enough."

"Its only gum, you could just scrape it off, if you're that desperate…"

"Reno," she said, firmly. "Just…shut…up."

Reno shrugged. "Only making a suggestion."

Elena seemed to decide that ignoring her red-headed colleague was her best bet, and she turned her attention to Tseng, who had gotten to his feet. "How are you feeling, Sir?"

"Well," he said, still holding his head. "Despite the circumstances…a little better. When I get out of here, I'm going to be making a strongly worded complaint to the head of security. That alarm is a health hazard."

"You could talk to them now," said Rude, unexpectedly. "There's an intercom here,"

"An INTERCOM!" Elena cried, immediately dashing over to Rude. "We're saved!"

"Wait a sec," said Reno, warily, looking over Rude's shoulder to the control panel. "This isn't gonna turn out to be another epileptic-fit inducing alarm, is it?"

Tseng strode forward to examine the intercom further. "That's a risk I'm willing to take," he said.

He held down the button, leaned down towards the speaker and proceeded to say, in an authoritative voice: "This is Tseng , Head of the Turks, speaking. My three colleagues and I are trapped in an elevator, between the 49th and 50th floor. Could you please send assistance?"

The Turks waited with bated breath as Tseng released the button. Silence.

"Maybe you need to say 'over and out'?" Reno whispered.

Tseng gave him a withering look. "Reno, we're not playing around with walkie-talkies, this is serious,"

A sudden blast of noise from the intercom announced a response: the sound of loud, thumping party music, mingling voices and the merry chinking of, what were unmistakably, wine glasses, came floating out of the speaker.

"Heeeey, someone there?" called a slightly slurring voice.

Tseng glanced around at the others, confused. He pressed the button again to reply.

"Yes, this is Tseng speaking," he articulated. "Did you receive my message?"

The intercom came back on, and they heard the same voice calling out drunkenly to some of the partiers in the background "Guys! The stripper's here!" which resulted in a wave of whoops and excited shrieks. Tseng blinked down at the intercom, as the voice continued on. "Yeah, c'mon up! The boys are getting desperate!"

"Look," snapped Tseng, angrily. "Have I reached the security office or not?"

This time he received no reply, only a dull crackle.

Elena leaned in and pressed the button. "Hello?" she called. "Hello! This is NOT a joke! We're stuck in here, we need help!"

"Great," said Tseng, throwing his arms up in dismay. "We're trapped in an elevator, and the security office – possibly our only hope – is throwing a wild party. Just great,"

"Sounds like they got booze, too," said Reno, sounding a little put out. "Were we invited?"

"Be glad that we weren't," said Tseng. "If they're all that pissed that they thought I was some kind of hooker…"

Reno smirked. "Aw, boss…you mean to tell us you don't take any enjoyment in dancing around, scantily clad? Someone in this elevator is gonna be disappointed, yo,"

"I don't want to know what you mean by that," said Tseng flatly, while Elena made a few angry squeaking noises in the background. "Look's like we'll have to call someone. Maybe Reeve is still here,"

Tseng began searching his pockets for his mobile. After having no luck, he frowned, and tried his briefcase. A look of exasperation crossed his face and he cursed.

"What's wrong, Sir?" asked Elena.

"My phone…" said Tseng. "It's still up in my office, on my desk! Anyone else got theirs?"

Elena whipped hers out from her jacket pocket. "I have! But…" her face fell. "The…battery is flat,"

Tseng shut his eyes and sighed.

"I'm sorry," Elena mumbled, dejectedly slipping it back into her pocket. "Rude?"

"…Broken," said Rude, with a very deliberate glance at Reno.

"I've said I was sorry!" exclaimed Reno. "I didn't know you were gonna leave it next to the paper shredder, did I? Man, that thing's got some power!"

"Have you got yours?" Tseng asked, jadedly.

"Yeah, I do, actually," said Reno, digging into his pocket and retrieving his flip phone. "And it should work, too, it's new,"

"The walls are thick, boss," said Rude. "We'll be lucky to get any reception."

"You're right," sighed Tseng, as Reno waved his phone around. "Shouldn't raise my hopes too high,"

"Come on, let's not give in just yet!" said Elena, urgently. "Think positively! I don't want to be stuck in here any longer! This could be it – if we can get through to someone on Reno's phone, we could be out of here in seconds!"

"That's very motivational of you, Elena," said Tseng. "But with the luck we've had so far…"

"Yo guys!" said Reno excitedly, poised at an unusual angle, half standing on the potted plant, holding his mobile up into the corner. "If you do this, you get one bar of signal! Look!"

He pressed a button on his phone, switching the speaker on. The sweet sound of a dial tone was music to their ears.

Both Tseng and Elena's eyes lit up, and even Rude raised his eyebrows hopefully.

"Excellent," said Tseng. "Now, who are you going to call? Perhaps try Heidegger, he's usually here late, if not-"

"Uh…" Reno looked momentarily uneasy. "I said it was new, right…"

Tseng glanced from side to side. "Yes…and?"

"I haven't had the time to transfer my old contacts list," Reno replied, still balancing on the potted plant in the corner, "so…I only have one number on my speed dial."

Tseng pointed at him in an almost threatening manner.

"This is our only chance, Reno," he said, eyes narrowed. "Whoever they are, just call them!"

Reno shrugged. "Right," he said, pressing another button. "Worth a try, I guess..."

The phone began dialling.

Elena gave a nervous whimper, and only looked even more anxious when Tseng placed a calming hand on her shoulder.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, someone who sounded like a teenage boy in the midst of puberty answered:

"Midgar Pizza Palace, now delivering pizza 24/7, to your doorstep, this is Larry speaking. How can I help you?"

The sound of Tseng's palm hitting his forehead interrupted Reno as he was about to reply.

"You called the Pizza Palace?" he hissed.

Reno placed his hand over the receiver, looking slightly affronted. "Hey, they're pretty reliable!" he said. "I told you I only had one contact!"

He uncovered the receiver and continued on. "Larry, hi! Listen, I was wondering if you could help me. You see, this is kinda urgent. There's a group of us here, trapped in an elevator in the Shinra buil-"

"Uhh…" came Larry's breaking voice through the speaker phone. "I think you might have the wrong number,"

"No, no, I've got it right! You're our only hope, man, the security guards are having a party, they're all smashed and don't-"

"Dude, you're breaking up…did you say you wanted extra pepperoni?"

"No, I'm not making an order, I'm making a desperate plea for help, yo!" said Reno hurriedly, almost falling off the potted plant. "Can you call someone to come get us out?

"Right, right, so, hold up on the mushroom?"

"Yes. I mean, no! I do NOT want a pizza! Well, I do, but – hello? Hello!"

A sudden rush of static told them that Larry the pizza delivery boy, their last hope, had been cut off.

Reno looked at his phone.

"The signal's gone," he said, wincing.

Elena's eyes filled with tears, and Tseng covered his face with his hands.

"Bad luck," said Rude.

"Yeah," said Reno, stepping down from the plant, sadly. "And now I'm hungry, too."

Just wanted to thank you guys SO MUCH for all your fantastic comments – feels so great to know that people are getting at least some enjoyment out of this silly little fic! I daresay the Turks stole the show in AC. Those of you who are yet to see it – you'll love it, its amazing.

Arsenic – Thankyou very much! I'm so glad you like it. And yep, when you've got characters like the Turks, its always fun to use a lot of dialogue…they pretty much write the story for you. Thanks again!

D-chi – lmao at the 'pot plant' comment…I didn't even consider what kind of plant is could be! XD Though there are limited things one can do in an elevator, getting high was something I hadn't planned for the Turks in this story! I think its just some kind of fern. Lol. Tah for commenting again!

Desha – I am not worthy! Been a fan of your Turks fanfics for a while now, thanks so very much for reviewing! Sheesh, the pressure is on to impress, now!

Ookami Aya – Thanks for that advice! Yikes, I guess my grammar has really gone downhill since being on holidays from uni. My English tutor would probably have a fit, I bet I make all sorts of mistakes. Must keep an eye on that!

Shiankra – ahh, yes! Saw your comic – absolutely brilliant! Thanks so much for reading and commenting.