IV. Minty Madness
It was time for the Turks to face facts: no one was coming.
Tseng let out a cold laugh, penetrating the silence that had fallen after Reno's failed phone call to a would-be rescuer.
"I really don't need this right now," he said, massaging his temples. "I really, really don't."
Reno shrugged. "If the signal comes back on my phone, I could try Larry again…"
"What, and order a side of garlic bread with our extra pepperoni pizza? I don't think so."
"Boss, I gotta insist you stop talking about food," said Reno, looking pained. "I'm starving over here!"
Rude looked at his watch, frowning. "Gone midnight," he commented.
This seemed to reignite Elena's panic. She flung herself suddenly against the doors, banging violently on them with her fists.
"Help! Please, someone! Can anyone hear me?" she shrieked. "We're STUCK in here!"
"Save your voice," said Tseng, softly.
"But Sir-!"
"Its no use, Elena, we've tried everything we can. We might as well just sit and wait patiently,"
Elena looked on the verge of tears, slamming her back against the doors. "Wait? For how long?"
"Who knows…" said Tseng, gazing up at the ceiling. "An hour, 5 hours…perhaps all night?"
His words fell heavily. Spending the night in an elevator seemed incomprehensible, particularly to Elena, who slid down to the floor with a horrified expression on her face.
Rude gave an agitated sigh, folding his arms.
"Is your mother going to be all right?" Tseng asked him. "She'll still be waiting at the station…"
Rude shook his head. "Don't know," he said. "Midgar's not safe at night."
"Ahh, come on Rude, chin up," said Reno, nudging him playfully. "Sure, the train station's a haven for muggers and thieves, but I'm sure she can fend for herself! You must have inherited those muscles of yours from someone, eh?"
"…not her," said Rude. "She's old, and frail,"
"Oh…" Reno thought for a moment. "But I bet she's a fighter deep down, right?"
"She's got a weak heart,"
"Well…I'm sure she could still manage a roundhouse kick if the occasion called?"
"She's in a wheelchair,"
"Ah," said Reno weakly. "Then…guess you're right to worry. Carry on,"
"Thanks alot, pal,"
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No one spoke for a few moments. Tseng glared menacingly up at the unmoving number 49 above the doors. Elena – still looking horror-struck – now had her knees tucked under her chin and was rocking slightly. Rude stood with his head bowed, while Reno sidled over to the control panel, and began pressing buttons at random out of boredom.
A low rumbling sound broke the silence.
Elena's head snapped up. "Did anybody else hear that?" she asked, eyes wildly darting around the elevator.
"Yeah," laughed Reno, clearly finding it amusing. "That was my stomach,"
Elena slumped in disappointment. "Well, can you get it to shut up? I'm on edge enough as it is!"
"Hey, I told you I was hungry, yo!"
"So eat something," Elena spat.
Reno sighed. "Don't have anything." He turned out his pockets. "All I've got is 27 gil, a pharmacy coupon and…this…"
He mournfully produced a crumpled chocolate bar wrapper.
"Well don't look at me," Elena grumbled. "Even if I had anything, I wouldn't give it to you,"
Reno turned his attention to Tseng, pleadingly.
"Boss?"
Tseng patted his pockets, then shook his head. Reno leaned back against the wall with a sigh.
"I knew I should have bought something from the cafeteria, I just knew it. I'm gonna starve to death in here…"
So caught up in his own sorrow, he didn't notice Rude beginning to sort through his own pockets.
" – unless, of course, the plant over there is edible - "
"I have some mints," interjected Rude quietly.
" – or maybe I'll just have to go with my inner cannibal and – hang on, what did you say?"
Rude held up a small, empty looking packet of peppermints. "There's a few left," he said.
Reno's eyes glazed over happily, as they locked onto the packet Rude held.
"Y…you…you have…mints…?"
Rude looked at the packet, then back at Reno.
"Yes."
"Can…can I have one?"
Rude said nothing.
"Come on Rude, don't be a tease – give me one of your mints!"
Tseng, who had been watching the situation unfold, spoke up.
"Now, wait a minute," he said, eyes flickering towards the peppermints. "We don't know how long we're going to be in here. It could be all weekend for all we know-" (Elena let out a tiny whimper) "- how many are left, Rude?"
Rude peered inside the packet.
"…5," he replied.
"Right," said Tseng. "So to be fair, we should save them."
"What!" Reno exploded. "Look boss, I'm not kidding, I've gotta have one, and that means now – if I don't, I could faint or something!"
Tseng rolled his dark eyes.
"Reno, don't be ridiculous. I'd like for us all to approach this situation maturely, and like Turks. We're saving them for an emergency, and that's my final word."
"This IS an emergency!" Reno cried. "Rude, please, tell me you don't agree with him!"
Rude remained silent. He tightened his grip on the bag slightly.
Reno's eyes narrowed defiantly. "Well," he said. "Looks like I'll have to take them by force,"
None of the other Turks seemed to think Reno meant business by this statement, and didn't move. Reno, however, did mean business:
Without much warning, he swiped at the packet. Rude – whose reflexes were rather good – instantly whipped it out of range. Reno casually paused a moment, feigning a look of disinterest, then made a grab for the packet again: much to Reno's annoyance, Rude this time held it high above his head. The shorter Turk tried desperately to reach it, leaping upwards and stretching as far as he could – alas, Rude was too tall, and the peppermints were far out of his reach.
Reno heaved an angry sigh, and seemed, at that moment, to decide that resorting to foul play was his only other option.
"Right, that's it!"
In one violent move, Reno had thrust his fist into Rude's stomach – Rude doubled over with a grunt, and Reno took this chance to hurl himself onto his back, knocking him to the floor, and bowling over the potted plant in the process.
"What in the name- !" was all Tseng could cry, backing away in fear of injury as an all-out brawl between Reno and Rude began on the floor in front of him, fists flying. Elena shrieked in alarm and scrambled over next to him, just in time, too, as Rude had accidentally lashed out in her direction, as he avoided another of Reno's blows. Reno pinned him to the ground with difficulty, and a triumphant grin spread across his face as he got his colleague into a headlock.
"Hand over the peppermints, Rude!" he panted, "And I promise I won't hurt you anymore!"
Reno's dominance was short lived as Rude's fist connected with his jaw in a swift uppercut. Reno gained his balance, looking a little dazed, and furiously struck back – Rude copped a punch square in the nose which knocked his sunglasses clean off his face, and while he was still reeling from it, Reno made another desperate attempt to seize the packet of peppermints with a crazed, predatory gleam in his eyes. Both Elena and Tseng tried to flatten themselves against the wall, looking on in horror while Reno went for Rude's throat in an effort to strangle him into submission.
"Stop it!" howled Elena, clinging to Tseng's arm. "Just stop it right now!"
"Boss, catch!" Rude instructed, holding Reno back by a handful of his fiery red hair (despite his cries of "Ow! JEEZ, Rude – not the hair!"). He blindly hurled the packet to Tseng, who caught it deftly.
The chaos instantly subsided – Rude's grasp on Reno's hair slackened, and the two Turks fell back against opposite walls of the elevator, looking defeated.
"Absolutely unbelievable," Tseng breathed. "I've seen my share of bickering over the years from you two, but this really does take the cake,"
"Cake?" Reno groaned feebly, gingerly touching his now rather swollen looking jaw.
"These have caused enough trouble," said Tseng, tucking the packet of peppermints inside his jacket. "I will have full control over them, as of now."
Rude looked slightly offended that he hadn't been consulted about what was to become of his mints, but he went unnoticed.
Reno stared longingly at Tseng's jacket, into which the mints had disappeared. "B-but Boss-"
"No," said Tseng firmly. "You're not having any, Reno; I don't like what they've done to you."
"Can- can I just have one to look at?"
"NO!"
Reno clenched his teeth, looking sulky. After a few moments, he offered his hand to Rude.
"Yo…uh…no hard feelings, pal," he said, wincing in pain.
"…Likewise," Rude muttered, shaking his hand while at the same time, trying to keep his head tilted back in order to stop his nose bleeding.
"Honestly," said Tseng, half laughing in utter disbelief at what he's just witnessed. He turned to Elena, hoping to find solace. "It's like being trapped in a lift with a bunch of children!"
Elena, however, wasn't really any exception – unable to take any more of the current situation, she suddenly and unashamedly burst into tears, crying heartily into Tseng's shoulder.
Tseng glanced down at Reno and Rude, sporting various injuries, then at Elena, bawling her eyes out, and looked quite like he might cry himself.
Guys…I cannot thank you all enough for your reviews. You're the best, all of you!
Ardwynna Morrigu: Haha, yeah, I think I must have subconsciously been thinking of him when I invented the pizza boy. Thanks for reviewing!
Tabby: orgy! Oh, trust you to immediately think of that XD thanks for reviewing, darling!
Desha: I'm concerned for their sanity too. Its all downhill from here, I'm afraid! The peppermint fight has gotten the ball rolling. Thanks for reviewing, much appreciated!
Nando: Thanks for the kind words, love hearing from you (I've read your work...very, very good!)
D-chi: LOL...you know, I've been trying to find an official way to spell 'pot plant'/'potted plant'/whatever you want to call it, and there isn't one! Now I'm using a hyphen...the plant plays quite a big role, I'd hate to think I was spelling it wrongly! Thanks for reviewing, as always.
I do warn you all, this fics only going to get sillier…think you can handle it? Stay tuned!