V. Temperature Trouble

Elena's distress had officially gone through the roof. Her sobs had turned to muffled wails as she cried helplessly into her boss' jacket.

"Elena," said Tseng imploringly, attempting to look comforting yet stern as he once again tried to pry her off. "Please, try to pull yourself together! This isn't a life threatening situation-"

"Ha!" said Reno suddenly, still clutching his cheek. "You'll have to eat your words there, boss, if I die of starvation in here,"

"No one is going to die!" said Tseng angrily, as Elena's wails intensified.

"How do you know?" asked Reno, "My hunger pains might get so intense that I have to eat Rude!"

"Reno, enough."

Tseng managed to detach Elena, who was gulping back tears and mopping her eyes with her sleeve. "Listen up, all of you. We've tried our best to send for help. We've had no luck, so all we can do is wait. We can either do this sensibly, or we can continue on arguing, crying, and getting upset – the latter isn't going to get us anywhere. So, we may as well begin to act with a little more decorum, and make this unpleasant experience slightly less so. Are we agreed?"

There was a general murmur of concurrence amongst the Turks, and a few shaky sniffles from Elena. Tseng thrust a handkerchief at her, which she took gratefully, smiling through her tears.

"So," repeated Tseng. "Decorum,"

"Say, Boss," said Reno, slowly. "Would there be a…reward…for good behaviour?"

"You aren't getting any peppermints, Reno. Give up,"

Reno scowled. Rude smirked as he reaffixed his sunglasses over a forming black-eye.

"I'm sorry," croaked Elena, dabbing at her tear-stained cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't mean to lose control…I must look so silly,"

Tseng gave a brisk, professional smile. "Don't worry yourself about it," he said.

Elena twisted the handkerchief in her hands, looking embarrassed. "You…probably think I'm too soft to be a Turk, now,"

"Nonsense,"

"Cheer up, Elena," said Reno, warmly. "He gave you his handkerchief as a love memento; I think that's something to be happy about!"

Elena chose to ignore Reno's last comment with a theatrical sniff, and busied herself by standing the potted plant back up again (which had been cruelly knocked over during the battle for the mints). She suddenly stopped, and gave an involuntary shiver.

"Is anybody else getting…cold?"

The other Turks paused to consider this.

"A bit," Rude confessed, "Supposed to be a cold night,"

"But we're inside!" Elena exclaimed. "In what is probably the most expensively insulated building in Midgar!"

"Buildings get cold at night," said Rude with a shrug, "If there's no heating on,"

"Well, where's the heating?"

Reno chuckled. "Rude probably killed it when he killed the alarm earlier on. Nice one, pal,"

Tseng looked up towards a vent near the security camera. He raised a hand in front of it, and his eyes widened.

"No wonder!" he cried, "The air conditioner's on!"

"I thought it was getting a bit too chilly in here!" said Elena, wrapping her arms around herself for warmth. "How do we turn it off?"

"Can't," said Rude bluntly. "Controls are in the control room."

"Oh, brilliant," said Elena, assuming a very moody expression.

No one spoke for a few moments, all now very much aware of the cool air blowing in from the vent above them.

"So," said Reno, as if his fate had been decided. "If starvation doesn't get us first, we'll freeze to death. And they'll find us in a few days time, all iced over like that man they dug up on the Great Glacier, and we'll be put on display in a museum somewhere, or sent to a lab to be poked and prodded and experimented on. Always knew I'd die in a truly unique sort of way…I can see my headstone now – 'Here Lies Reno: Tragically frozen to death in a heavily air-conditioned lift',"

"Look, did my little speech about behaving sensibly fall on deaf ears?" Tseng snapped. "This is not the end of the world, we'll…uh…"

He cast around for something to say.

"We'll just have to make our own warmth,"

A few moments of silence passed.

"Boss, I'm sorry, but that just sounds gross,"

"Reno -"

" – and decidedly kinky, yo,"

"Reno!"

"What?"

Tseng pinched the bridge of his nose frustration, looking suspiciously like his headache was making a comeback. "I only meant that maybe we should move around or something, keep active!"

Reno gazed around the elevator.

"There's uh…not much room," he said. "To run laps, or anything,"

Tseng sighed impatiently. "Well, I'm fresh out of ideas, then! Someone else think of something. But I'd like to state that no matter how cold I get, I am not huddling up with any of you,"

Elena – who had been about to suggest something along those lines – shut her mouth, looking a little deflated.

Rude reached into his pocket and withdrew a lighter.

"This might work," he said, flicking it on.

The little golden flame of hope issuing from its tip instantly drew everyone's attention.

"Nice thinking, Rude!" said Reno, mesmerized. "We can BURN something!"

"We're not burning anything," Tseng countered. He looked at the lighter thoughtfully. "However, if we keep that alight, it might just be enough to take the chill off the air,"

"Oh, excellent!" cried Elena, her teeth chattering. Within seconds she was kneeling next to Rude, desperately trying to warm her hands by the lighter. Tseng and Reno didn't wait long either before flocking to the newly discovered source of heat.

There was a slight awkwardness that followed, as all four Turks realised how utterly ridiculous they must have looked, huddled around a cigarette lighter with such eagerness that anyone who didn't know any better could have assumed they were trapped in the depths of an icy chasm somewhere.

Tseng cleared his throat, still trying to maintain a commanding air despite the stupidity of the situation.

"Right. Rude: you're under orders to, under no circumstances, let go, of the lighter switch. Understand?"

Rude paused.

"…what if the fluid runs out?"

"Well…we'll cross that bridge when we come to it," said Tseng. "And hopefully we won't."

"Hey," said Reno, with a grin. "Wouldn't it be funny if the security camera really could see us, like this? Around our little campfire!"

"God forbid," muttered Tseng. "This isn't exactly a defining moment in my career with Shinra."

Elena shivered. "At least it's warm, Sir," she said. Glancing around at her colleagues, she gave a slightly sentimental smile. "This is quite nice actually, isn't it? It feels like we're at the Cosmo Candle,"

"Apart from the glaringly obvious fact," said Tseng, blandly, "that we're not in Cosmo Canyon…rather, an elevator, in Midgar-"

"-with a lighter," Reno chipped in.

"I know that," Elena replied, looking fondly at the little flickering flame before them. "But – how we're all together like this – I know I've been complaining, but really, it is kind of nice to have some time together. To be stuck in here with friends, at least, makes it-"

"Touching, Elena, but I'll have to stop you there before I throw up," said Reno, turning up his collar to keep his neck warm, "because in a small space like this, it wouldn't be pretty, yo,"

"Oh, that's nice!" said Elena, hotly. "I was only trying to say something to lighten the mood!"

A miserable silence fell over the group, as they gazed into the lighter flame, trying to think warm thoughts, which wasn't really working – if there is anything worse than being uncomfortably cold, it is noticing that one is uncomfortably cold, and knowing there is not a lot one can do about it.

Reno shifted slightly. "Think I'm sitting in dirt," he said, offhandedly.

"Spilled out of the plant, when you knocked it over," sighed Tseng. "Surprised you haven't caused any more damage, actually, after the time we've been in here…if the mess in your office is anything to go by. Your desk, for example-"

"I like to maintain a natural, healthy atmosphere!" Reno blurted out, defensively.

"Healthy is clean, fresh…not the beginnings of mould growing on the masking tape dispenser,"

"It has 'character'," argued Reno. "Don't you think so, Rude?"

Rude thought for a moment, looking at the lighter, then said "…my thumb is getting sore,"

"Don't you even think about letting go," said Tseng, the reflection of the light in his dark eyes gave them a slightly manic glint. "I don't know about anyone else, but I'm only getting colder. We need more heat,"

Reno narrowed his eyes. "So you were snooping around in my office, eh Boss?"

Tseng rolled his eyes.

"Believe me; I'm not interested in 'snooping around' in your office. I did, in fact, go in there to see if you'd finished with your report,"

Reno didn't seem to like the direction the conversation was travelling in.

"Ah. Right," he said. "Knew I was gonna get the lecture sooner or later, yo,"

"Reno, I'm not lecturing you, I'd just like to know when I can finally see it!"

"Soon!" Reno retaliated, with a confident grin. "I'd do it now, only my hands are too cold to hold a pen,"

Tseng picked up Elena's report (which still had the word 'Help' scribbled on the back page) and handed it over to him.

"You might as well take a look," he instructed, "While there's nothing else for us to do. Who knows, it might inspire you. Elena certainly knows how to write a decent paper,"

As Elena tried to hide the coy smile that had crept onto her deeply blushing face upon being once again complimented by Tseng, Reno carelessly thumbed through her report, looking a little disgruntled.

"Yeah, yeah…" he mumbled. "It's good, right? Must be, all I've heard since we've been in here is you raving about 'Elena's Brilliant Report'…sheesh…"

What Reno failed to realise was that the corner of 'Elena's Brilliant Report' was now dangling into the flame of Rude's lighter, and had in fact, ignited. The soft crackle of burning paper caught Elena's attention first. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and she could only mouth wordlessly and gesture wildly for a moment or two, before she found her voice.

"Reno! My papers!" she screeched.

"Huh?"

"They're BURNING!"

Noticing this with an expression of horror, Reno flung the burning report onto the ground, which was not the wisest idea: the flames that had been gently licking at the corners of the paper suddenly engulfed the whole lot as well a section of the elevator carpet, with a swift 'whoom'.

"Ohh, SHIT!"

Needless to say, utter pandemonium broke out. All four Turks leapt to their feet in alarm, Elena screaming and Reno letting out a string of curse words that didn't seem to end.

"Don't panic, just DON'T panic!" Tseng shouted, staring wild eyed at the fire burning quite cheerfully in front of him on the elevator floor.

"Call the fire brigade!"

"We're in a LIFT, Reno! We can't even call Pizza Delivery, let alone the fire brigade!"

"Someone get some water!"

"Water? From where?"

"I dunno!"

The flames were surely growing higher.

"Oh my God, what do we do?"

"Is there a fire extinguisher anywhere?"

"Are you kidding? Even if there was it wouldn't work!"

"Has anyone looked? Properly?"

"There ISN'T one, Elena!"

"There's got to be one!"

"There's NOT!"

"We've got to smother it with something!"

Rude (who had felt it was time to disobey his orders and put out his lighter) hastily removed his jacket and, in one swift movement, threw it over the fire. The other Turks sprung into action, leaping onto the jacket, jumping and stamping on it in hope of extinguishing the blaze – thick, grey smoke billowing out from under it told them their work was done.

Reno, Rude, Tseng and Elena were left coughing and spluttering.

"Rude," Tseng croaked, leaning against the wall. "I swear: when we get out of here, you're getting a promotion,"

"I...can't...breathe!" Elena choked out, clutching at her chest and coughing. "We're all going to suffocate!"

Reno gasped for breath. "Don't worry," he wheezed. "It'll go out through the vent, or…"

He trailed off, squinting up through the haze of the smoke. "Hang on…"

The other Turks followed his gaze.

Above them was something they hadn't noticed before. It was a square white hatch, with hinges, and a lock.

However, the most striking thing about it was that it had two, very beautiful words printed on it:

'Emergency Exit'…

Dearest readers/reviewers: You all rock so much! Thanks a tonne for all your great reviews, it puts the biggest smile on my face to get such lovely feedback. I wish I had the time to thank you all personally, but this chapter's been long enough, so I'll give your precious eyes a rest. But I will add a super special thankyou to you folks from ACF – tah very much for making the long trek from the forums just to see my silly fanfic!

Will be an update in the next few weeks, once my exams are out of the way. Til then, thanks again guys, please review.